I went NC with my mom after my grandfathers funeral. This is our first communication in 5 months.
For more context, my grandparents started going downhill 2 years ago. I alerted the family, all of whom were out of state, but was met with indifference. After pressing further I was able to convince my mom to at least take away my dementia grandmother's driver's license, which was made possible through my grandfather.
Last fall my grandfather got extremely sick. My grandmother, trying to help, was endangering him through hiding his meds, messing with his breathing tube, and taking him out of the hospital against doctors wishes.
I gave my mom 3 options, either she moves in with them, I move in with them, or we use their massive wealth to hire caretakers. She refused everything. I put a bandaid on their care by hiring a caretaker I could afford to stop by once a week, but she made it very clear that they needed more care. I pressured my mom to either move in or let me get them actual care and she moved in.
Despite being there she was not involved at all. She let my grandmother handle all his care and hid in her room. When I visited in mid December the place was covered in actual shit. She refused to clean up after him or acknowledge that there was a problem.
After I left I sent her a nice email stating how much I appreciated her being there and how I wanted to make her life easier by hiring a maid service to stop by once a week so she could focus on their care, as well as a few other things we could do to support them better. She deleted the email without reading it and yelled at me for interfering.
A few days later I caught wind that my grandma was still driving so I called the non-emergency line to ask about next steps. A cop stopped by the house to inform them that she cant be driving and if they find her doing so she will get a ticket. In retaliation, my grandma drove to the police station to complain. My grandfather died a few days later from something that I had outlined in my email as an issue.
After the funeral my mom reinstated my grandmother's license. I dont know how. But that was the straw that broke the camels back. I told her to cancel her trip to visit me and that I didn't want to see her. That was 5 months ago.
I guess its been enough time for her and she is starting to reach out. I don't know if I will ever be able to look at her the same way. I dont miss the chaos she brings to my life, but I do miss her in some weird way. Anyways, this was her response to the only contact I have had with her.