r/hingeapp

i (21 F) started using this app at the beginning of the year, and so far it has resulted in 3 situationships, no actual relationships, and lots of heartbreak. with each of the 3 guys, we started talking, agreed with what we wanted out of this (a serious relationship), spent time together, but then when things got sexual the dynamics changed. 2 of them ghosted me after a few weeks, and one said he “got too attached and has to cut me off for his mental health”. its been so draining and it feels like all the men i meet on hinge just want to use me for my body, while i become invested and try so hard to start a meaningful relationship with them. has anyone else had a similar experience, and how do you avoid these emotionally draining situationships?

Hi I'm 25M in a major metro area.

I go on a lot of first dates, was averaging 1-2 a week for a while but it has recently gone up since I've optimized my profile (have been using hinge more seriously since Jan).

The main problem I've had is that I'm not really getting anywhere past first date. I've been on a few the past week and I feel like I'll try to flirt and it'll get touchy, but it never gets to anything substantial.

For example, I went on this one date last week where we chatted and walked a lot and I was a bit touchy with her and she was receptive to everything I did and ended with a pretty big hug between us, but she's been very confusing with her responses lately and I can't tell if she's interested or not. I'm going to assume probably not since she texts me less now and it is shorter, but Idk.

I also go on other dates where we have a good chat, but it never gets past that.

I wouldn't normally complain, but I really want like a long term girlfriend/partner and I don't want to keep going on first dates forever. I meet people outside of the app and through and friends too, so hopefully I have more success there.

However, I'm wondering if it's just that I present myself well on the apps but in person, I'm too nerdy/ADHDy? I don't want to change who I am, but maybe I have accept I'll probably be alone forever lol.

I’m F(25) met a M(34) for a first date. It was pure electric, our morals, values & most importantly sense of humour were aligned. We both spent most of the date giggling. We agreed emotionally & physically we were attracted to each other. He appeared to be quite honest about his dating and history and was complimenting of me and my personality which didn’t seem to be in a love bombing way. I’m usually quite awkward and dislike physical affection but I felt so comfortable I was able to be my authentic self without masking (diagnosed ADHD). There was hand holding, linking arms, a kiss.

Since then we have been speaking back-and-forth, he lives quite far away. We did have a 2nd date planned, but due to our commitments we had to postpone.

Overtime he has got more inconsistent with his replies - although when he does reply, he shows warmth, affection, genuine responses and an interest in what we are discussing. He’s flirty, complimenting and checks in. He does have quite a time consuming job and a lot of training in between so I have found patience for his replies after all we have only had one date.

I feel like my heart is saying if he wanted a second date he would’ve rescheduled it but I can’t accept that what we both felt was not genuine. I do have a tendency to hyper-focus on people and become a bit consumed by the notion of what could be rather than the reality of it. although on the flipside, I’m accepting that he is likely dating other people and logistically it may not work out due to the distance. Do I try and detach?

Throwaway account for anonymity.

Hey guys, just wanna get some general people's opinion on this whole situation. I wanna preface this by saying that I'm relatively new to dating, and am also an incredibly timid person that struggles to be flirtatious in person, even when I'm attracted to someone.

PRE-DATE

I (25M) Matched with her (26F) [let's call her Amy] and within 5 days I moved the conversation with Amy over to Instagram. We had come up to go on a drink date at this nice bar within a week of matching and I was super nervous but also looking forward to it!

DATE ONE

Meet at the this bar, I'm honestly kinda flabbergasted and very attracted to Amy. We had talked up to that point quite a bit on DM's and atleast to me, she was everything I expected her to be. This date lasts for about 2 hours and we order a few drinks over that time. I send her a message saying that I really enjoyed it and would love to catch up again and she reciprocates the same feeling.

PRE DATE TWO

I noticed based on conversations that Amy really loves markets and I saw that there was this market happening over the weekend. I asked if she wanted to come with me and she agreed to and within 2 days of the first date we were seeing each other again.

DATE TWO

Once again caught up at the markets and greeted each other with a hug once again. Got ourselves a coffee and conversation was flowing so well, I felt way more comfortable and myself because I think we had gotten past the initial Meetup/awkwardness. There was so much laughter and jokes being made and I absolutely loved every second of it. This stroll lasted about an hour and a half and I walked her to her car to finish off the date. That's when she broke to me "for the record, I don't see anything romantically between us." Honestly I was kinda just like stunned for a second, I just kinda said ok and she followed it up "but I would still love to hang out with you, maybe we could do [this activity I mentioned in the first date] at some point, and would love to keep in touch". I said yeah that's cool and gave her a hug and we parted ways.

POST DATE TWO

I sent her a follow up message a few hours later being completely honest with her and essentially saying that I really do appreciate her honesty about how she's feeling and I really did have a good time (which is true). I do honestly see a friendship happening maybe later down the line but at the time I just felt so in the dumps about it all. She responded saying she was sorry that it came out of nowhere and she genuinely really enjoys my company and keeping in touch would be great if I was down for that and she does actually want to hang out in the future. I told her I honestly need a bit of time to reset (that's how I truly felt at the time) and she said she's happy to leave me to do that.

One day later and after getting some sleep on it I honestly feel significantly better and I did send her a follow up essentially reaffirming the fact that yes, I do think I want to hang out or talk to her again and I've kinda left it in her court.

Sorry about the rant but I guess the question is, has anyone had any similar experiences like this and have just gotten some good friends from failed dates?

Do people really feel something "Romantic" after two dates? I honestly feel like sometimes it's a slower burn then that 😌

So I 20(M) had my first date with 23(F) recently after about 25 days of good conversation, it was near a lake at 3 in the afternoon, I bought a bouquet along with a chocolate, diet coke, a meal cooked by me(I am good at cooking food) and one more small gift based on her interest along with s paper bag so she can carry it and also a few napkins. So we met though she was 20 minutes late but I was cool with it.

We had a small hug initially then I handed her flowers, we were having good talks while walking then we decided to have a seat, I presented her with everything I bought for her and she got happy, she was so impressed of my thoughtfulness, but gradually the conversation started to slow down, I ran out of topics and she wasn’t trying much to talk, but somehow we kept on talking about the view and the dogs having a walk, then we decided to again start walking and this time that awkward silence started taking its place, we were just walking without anything much to talk about which was kinda annoying me, but we just kept walking, and finally the date came to an end as she wanted to drive to her parents home thst night which was a 4 hour drive, I transferred everything I bought for her in a paper bag she again complimented me on my thoughtfulness and kindness, and she also mentioned that she was sorry because of as she was frustrated of her college schedule and how the week wasn’t in her favour, so she couldn’t engage in the date much, I consoled her for that. While returning I we had the same train so we were just standing and I saw in her eyes that she was frustrated and uninterested which really made me anxious.

I reached home, I kinda got very anxious about everything, that how I prepared for everything and it still didn’t went as I planned, to be honest my body just started shivering and getting cold, it was just a pure crash for me as I invested so much in the date , and I got really vulnerable. I texted her about how lovely it was meeting her but I just couldn’t get things right and how bad I am feeling and all this. And she replied very warmly that she really enjoyed the meet and how she considers me as a very wonderful guy who is rare to meet to which she really values, and she doesn’t minds silence and isn’t a talkative kind of person, and how I shouldn’t take much pressure over myself, and it made me calm down.

But after that night her responses started getting pretty slow, we only had 1 text in a day, I thought she js busy as she was at her parents house, text was only limited to how our day went, till yesterday when I didn’t asked a follow up question in my response, and now its been about 36 hours since I have listened from her, I know she is back from her parents home but she hasn’t initiated a text, which is kinda haunting me, and I am wondering “why”. The efforts form the staring were not balanced it were always like 80-20 because I used to think someday it might change from her side, and this time I really wanted her to initiate, but she didn’t, and now I don’t know whats happening, is she just done with me or is she busy with her life, I am just so unsure about it.

Please let me know what do you think about this, will I ever hear back from her or is it a silent exit from her side?

I (F24) have been messaging and calling a guy (M26) a lot for two weeks and were planning on going on a date when I’m back from my trip.

He got really drunk one night and sent me some voice messages saying how pretty and smart I am and how he really likes talking to me. He also told me how when I call and text him around his friends he smiles and gets made fun of by them. And also talking about how he is my car guy now and will do everything for it. We were only really talking for like two weeks but I was getting a little overwhelmed and felt kinda love bombed.

He talked about how he values his privacy but I immediately found his public Instagram and browsed to make sure he was like real and safe if I wanted to continue talking.

Like two days after that he didn’t reply all day when normally he messages and calls a lot so I went to look at his Instagram and now it’s private.

I’m assuming I probably liked something or whatever but I feel like it’s normal to look up someone you haven’t met in person online especially if your account is public?

I guess I just wanna know if I was overstepping boundaries by looking at his social media and if I should message him to see if he is all good

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I (27f) should have taken the hint when he (29m) rain checked our third date without proposing a new time but I hoped he was telling the truth about being busy. He’s in the medical field so I believed him and gave him benefit of the doubt when I normally wouldn’t. It’s just weird how he showed so much interest on our first two dates only to fade out. In person he would say I like you, when can I see you again, are you free this specific day etc. But after the second date he seemed different and more busy and still wasn’t asking me on another date. I even told him it’s totally fine if he doesn’t want to hang out again and that I wouldn’t be offended at all but he continually reassured me he definitely wanted to make plans again. Yet his replies got more and more dry and boring. At one point I just said cool story bro and he asked if I was mad. I told him I’d like to meet up again but that I’m leaving it up to him because I don’t know his schedule and he said that’s totally fair. Then he asked if I was free next Monday or Tuesday and I said Tuesday would probably work better for me. I never heard from him again and my last text went green so guessing he blocked me.

Lesson learned if someone tries to reschedule without proposing a new specific day 99% chance they aren’t interested no matter how good the dates were and even if they literally told you they like you. I just can’t wrap my head around stringing someone along for weeks and not just ending it when I gave him multiple chances to? Why not just rip the bandaid off instead of giving the other person false hope? Seems like more effort to drag out a situation you aren’t feeling anymore.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had what felt like a good connection from hinge go nowhere. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result so maybe it’s time for me to quit hinge and try something new