How to deal with the fact that men never want a relationship with me
I’m 27 and have been single/dating around for almost two years and I am honestly traumatized. My self esteem has gotten so low to the point I have spent thousands on filler/botox and laser treatments for my skin. I still look natural but I can feel myself getting addicted to these treatments. I’m not trying to brag at all but I know I have a good figure and I’m cute. Not a 10/10 or even close, but my looks should not be preventing me from finding someone. Yet every guy uses me for sex and some treat me so poorly that it seems like I’m subhuman to them. Last week I was at a guys place and he kicked me out after sex and didn’t even make sure I was home safe. I know that says more about him than it does me but it’s so hard not to take it personally when it happens multiple times.
I have been told by most guys I go out with that I’m awkward and one said I’m probably autistic. I know my personality kind of sucks and I freeze up a lot and don’t know what to say. The strangest part is that it seems like I’m getting worse with age. I have said so many awkward things to fill a silence and I often overshare. I also hate uncertainty and need reassurance all the time. I know it comes off desperate and drives people away. But even when I try to mask it they can still feel the desperate energy.
I just want someone to accept me but they always leave:( I just feel so ashamed and hopeless