u/Unlucky_Prior8786

So I 20(M) had my first date with 23(F) recently after about 25 days of good conversation, it was near a lake at 3 in the afternoon, I bought a bouquet along with a chocolate, diet coke, a meal cooked by me(I am good at cooking food) and one more small gift based on her interest along with s paper bag so she can carry it and also a few napkins. So we met though she was 20 minutes late but I was cool with it.

We had a small hug initially then I handed her flowers, we were having good talks while walking then we decided to have a seat, I presented her with everything I bought for her and she got happy, she was so impressed of my thoughtfulness, but gradually the conversation started to slow down, I ran out of topics and she wasn’t trying much to talk, but somehow we kept on talking about the view and the dogs having a walk, then we decided to again start walking and this time that awkward silence started taking its place, we were just walking without anything much to talk about which was kinda annoying me, but we just kept walking, and finally the date came to an end as she wanted to drive to her parents home thst night which was a 4 hour drive, I transferred everything I bought for her in a paper bag she again complimented me on my thoughtfulness and kindness, and she also mentioned that she was sorry because of as she was frustrated of her college schedule and how the week wasn’t in her favour, so she couldn’t engage in the date much, I consoled her for that. While returning I we had the same train so we were just standing and I saw in her eyes that she was frustrated and uninterested which really made me anxious.

I reached home, I kinda got very anxious about everything, that how I prepared for everything and it still didn’t went as I planned, to be honest my body just started shivering and getting cold, it was just a pure crash for me as I invested so much in the date , and I got really vulnerable. I texted her about how lovely it was meeting her but I just couldn’t get things right and how bad I am feeling and all this. And she replied very warmly that she really enjoyed the meet and how she considers me as a very wonderful guy who is rare to meet to which she really values, and she doesn’t minds silence and isn’t a talkative kind of person, and how I shouldn’t take much pressure over myself, and it made me calm down.

But after that night her responses started getting pretty slow, we only had 1 text in a day, I thought she js busy as she was at her parents house, text was only limited to how our day went, till yesterday when I didn’t asked a follow up question in my response, and now its been about 36 hours since I have listened from her, I know she is back from her parents home but she hasn’t initiated a text, which is kinda haunting me, and I am wondering “why”. The efforts form the staring were not balanced it were always like 80-20 because I used to think someday it might change from her side, and this time I really wanted her to initiate, but she didn’t, and now I don’t know whats happening, is she just done with me or is she busy with her life, I am just so unsure about it.

Please let me know what do you think about this, will I ever hear back from her or is it a silent exit from her side?

So I 20(M) had my first date with 23(F) recently after about 25 days of good conversation, it was near a lake at 3 in the afternoon, I bought a bouquet along with a chocolate, diet coke, a meal cooked by me(I am good at cooking food) and one more small gift based on her interest along with s paper bag so she can carry it and also a few napkins. So we met though she was 20 minutes late but I was cool with it.

We had a small hug initially then I handed her flowers, we were having good talks while walking then we decided to have a seat, I presented her with everything I bought for her and she got happy, she was so impressed of my thoughtfulness, but gradually the conversation started to slow down, I ran out of topics and she wasn’t trying much to talk, but somehow we kept on talking about the view and the dogs having a walk, then we decided to again start walking and this time that awkward silence started taking its place, we were just walking without anything much to talk about which was kinda annoying me, but we just kept walking, and finally the date came to an end as she wanted to drive to her parents home thst night which was a 4 hour drive, I transferred everything I bought for her in a paper bag she again complimented me on my thoughtfulness and kindness, and she also mentioned that she was sorry because of as she was frustrated of her college schedule and how the week wasn’t in her favour, so she couldn’t engage in the date much, I consoled her for that. While returning I we had the same train so we were just standing and I saw in her eyes that she was frustrated and uninterested which really made me anxious.

I reached home, I kinda got very anxious about everything, that how I prepared for everything and it still didn’t went as I planned, to be honest my body just started shivering and getting cold, it was just a pure crash for me as I invested so much in the date , and I got really vulnerable. I texted her about how lovely it was meeting her but I just couldn’t get things right and how bad I am feeling and all this. And she replied very warmly that she really enjoyed the meet and how she considers me as a very wonderful guy who is rare to meet to which she really values, and she doesn’t minds silence and isn’t a talkative kind of person, and how I shouldn’t take much pressure over myself, and it made me calm down.

But after that night her responses started getting pretty slow, we only had 1 text in a day, I thought she js busy as she was at her parents house, text was only limited to how our day went, till yesterday when I didn’t asked a follow up question in my response, and now its been about 36 hours since I have listened from her, I know she is back from her parents home but she hasn’t initiated a text, which is kinda haunting me, and I am wondering “why”. The efforts form the staring were not balanced it were always like 80-20 because I used to think someday it might change from her side, and this time I really wanted her to initiate, but she didn’t, and now I don’t know whats happening, is she just done with me or is she busy with her life, I am just so unsure about it.

Please let me know what do you think about this, will I ever hear back from her or is it a silent exit from her side?

So I 20(M) had my first date with 23(F) recently after about 25 days of good conversation, it was near a lake at 3 in the afternoon, I bought a bouquet along with a chocolate, diet coke, a meal cooked by me(I am good at cooking food) and one more small gift based on her interest along with s paper bag so she can carry it and also a few napkins. So we met though she was 20 minutes late but I was cool with it.

We had a small hug initially then I handed her flowers, we were having good talks while walking then we decided to have a seat, I presented her with everything I bought for her and she got happy, she was so impressed of my thoughtfulness, but gradually the conversation started to slow down, I ran out of topics and she wasn’t trying much to talk, but somehow we kept on talking about the view and the dogs having a walk, then we decided to again start walking and this time that awkward silence started taking its place, we were just walking without anything much to talk about which was kinda annoying me, but we just kept walking, and finally the date came to an end as she wanted to drive to her parents home thst night which was a 4 hour drive, I transferred everything I bought for her in a paper bag she again complimented me on my thoughtfulness and kindness, and she also mentioned that she was sorry because of as she was frustrated of her college schedule and how the week wasn’t in her favour, so she couldn’t engage in the date much, I consoled her for that. While returning I we had the same train so we were just standing and I saw in her eyes that she was frustrated and uninterested which really made me anxious.

I reached home, I kinda got very anxious about everything, that how I prepared for everything and it still didn’t went as I planned, to be honest my body just started shivering and getting cold, it was just a pure crash for me as I invested so much in the date , and I got really vulnerable. I texted her about how lovely it was meeting her but I just couldn’t get things right and how bad I am feeling and all this. And she replied very warmly that she really enjoyed the meet and how she considers me as a very wonderful guy who is rare to meet to which she really values, and she doesn’t minds silence and isn’t a talkative kind of person, and how I shouldn’t take much pressure over myself, and it made me calm down.

But after that night her responses started getting pretty slow, we only had 1 text in a day, I thought she js busy as she was at her parents house, text was only limited to how our day went, till yesterday when I didn’t asked a follow up question in my response, and now its been about 36 hours since I have listened from her, I know she is back from her parents home but she hasn’t initiated a text, which is kinda haunting me, and I am wondering “why”. The efforts form the staring were not balanced it were always like 80-20 because I used to think someday it might change from her side, and this time I really wanted her to initiate, but she didn’t, and now I don’t know whats happening, is she just done with me or is she busy with her life, I am just so unsure about it.

Please let me know what do you think about this, will I ever hear back from her or is it a silent exit from her side?

Hey everyone! I 20(M) matched with 20(F) in Germany about 18 days back, Conversation started with with a compliment I gave her, and the conversation went on gradually, initially she too gave me compliments like “charming” and “cute” though since the first day I dont find her much invested, I try to include depth in the conversation but she refrains from it, that could be her personality and I respect that. We have about 2-3 text exchanges on average in a single day, because she says she’s really busy, so I just try to stay consistent and ask her as much I can in those 2-3 exchanges

On the 8th or 9th day of talking, after getting to know a lot about her life, pets, preferences and family I asked her for a coffee on the weekend, to which she replied “I would love to, but unfortunately I have a test on next Wednesday, how about next weekend?” I agreed to it. After a few days her consistency and that lack of depth started bothering me a lot, because it was feeling like I am struck, her replies took 6-8 hours on average and I felt she’s not trying to form a bond and I was too much invested into it and my energy was not at all being mirrored.

So then I tried to mirror her energy, so that she could notice the shift, because I was being very sweet and consistent with the efforts. So I shortened my text, stopped complimenting her and didn’t made my words sound too sweet, hoping she would notice and ask if anything is wrong, and sadly it didn’t happened. One day I was feeling very overwhelmed and anxious by this, so I told her I am not feeling well today, and she didn’t even bothered to ask why she just ignored it as if it was not even there, which just made me more anxious

Then, I tried to tell her whats going wrong and what I am feeling, I wrote a long but polite text to her explaining myself, to which she replied with “At this point of life my studies matter the most to me, I cannot offer more to my social life, I like to keep things slow and step by step because It takes me a lot of time to build trust, I think I am not a good choice for you, I am not big with words and actions I like to keep it subtle”. And then I asked if it was an exit statement?, to which she said “I am not sure about it, I will think and let you know after the test”

So after her test, she told me “she still isn’t sure about it, she thinks I am a great guy and she really likes talking to me, but isn’t sure about the compatibility”, so she asked about keeping it slow and like friends and see where things go, and I agreed to it because I didn’t wanted all my efforts to go in vain.

So its now been 18 days, we are not added up on any other platform so we talk on hinge, and the coffee next weekend never came although she goes out with her friends everyday, and I too didn’t asked about it again, and I think we are just struck in a loop, we just talk about how the day went and all and I also wrote her a very sweet poem which she liked, she still misses the depth and I dont know what is going on, and that inconsistency just hits me like a slap.

Please let me know what to do in this situation, or the modern day dating just works like this?, I am just so confused, please let me know your opinions?

Hey everybody, I 20(M) matched up with a 23(F) in germany about 2.5 weeks back , the conversation started with a compliment I sent her, in initial days she also complimented me about being charming and cute a couple of times, the talks continued, I got to know her better gradually, but from the first day she was not so invested and I respect that, everyone has a different style to deal with things, gradually I started sharing about my life and asking about hers and she too used to ask me the same questions and sometimes other questions too, but still I was feeling she was not putting in the same depth as me, which I again understand everyone has a different way of conversation, we kept on talking everyday I was get to know her better and better, there used to be 2 to 3 text exchanges everyday as she was busy to reply frequently so I made sure that I get to know about her as much as possible, till this time I got a little pissed off due to her lack of consistency and depth in her replies, but I respected her way of communication, I kept on getting to know her more and more in a very sincere and respectful way, didn’t tried to include anything sexual or related stuff (just letting you guys know) and it was not even my goal, I wanted something long term and one day after talking for 8-9 days I asked her about going on a coffee, to which she said she would love to go but has an exam on Wednesday next week so she has to study, she asked about having it on next weekend, to which I agreed, but she used to go out with her friends every evening even before and after that day, not that I have a problem with it, its just something I have noticed, but its her life so I was cool with it, but after that her replies, way of interaction and replying speed really went off, which really bothered me, till that stage I was being a very consistent guy but then I decided to mirror her energy for a few days and in a conversation I mentioned I am not feeling well today, to which she ignored and pretended like it even didn’t existed, but as a normal human being I expected that she would try to know what not right, but she didn’t, I started typing shorter replies and changed my replying speed and decreased the depth in conversation, in a hope that she might notice the shift, but 2/3 days passed like this and she didn’t noticed anything which even pissed me more, so I asked her dont you feel something is wrong, she replied I feel like something is not well, but its life every day is not the same exciting. Then I let her know it is not about excitement and just politely said out what was inside me, it was a long paragraph, and she replied with I cannot offer more to my social life than this, I have a busy life, I prefer to let things happen gradually, I think I am not the one for you, you should find someone else who can reassure you and match your depth, I am more of a silent person not the one with big action or words. And I told her that I was not forcing for it I just wanted to tell you whats inside me and what I am feeling, I didn’t knew much about how she wanted things to happen, because it was never discussed before, and then I asked her if it is an exit statement from her? Then she said she is not sure about it, she has a test in few days, she will think about it and let me know about it after the test, to which I agreed and let her think about it, till the time I was just asking her about her day and all, and the day of her test came and that evening she told me about how she has trust issues, she cannot proceed with things fast she needs a lot of time to build trust and be comfortable, so if I can manage that the things could go on, to which I agreed because I gave it a lot of time and efforts, like I knew about half of her life so far so I didn’t wanted that to go in vain, its been around 18 days since we are talking, just asking about how did the day went and stuff like that some questions about her life and family and thats it, also to include I wrote her a very cute poem and I often compliment her a lot because thats my love language, we haven’t been added on any other platform so we just talk on hinge, and that coffee date next weekend, that never came, the daily text exchanges are still 2-3 because she stays very busy yet she still manages to go out with her friends everyday, again not to complain but I just notice that.

So I wanted to ask, is this moving in the right direction? I think we are struck at a place, or thats how dating works these days? Please let me know what do you think as I am so confused.