r/feeld

And I am ready to die on this hill.

I have been on feeld for years now.

As a pansexual male in his 40s who have been poly and in kink atmosphere for most of his adult life, this is the worst I have seen Feeld crew.

It’s dumpster fire.

I am someone who takes the time to get to know people, negotiate consent and make sure everyone is safe before a scene.

A proper BDSM scene takes lot of energy and time to prepare, many people who are not experienced in these encounters have no idea.

And this is where it gets frustrating; seasoned kinksters understand this, even poly people who are not necessarily kinky understand it because they understand the importance of communication.

If you can’t communicate you can’t do poly, you just can’t. It doesn’t work.

BDSM is the same; if you can’t or don’t want to communicate, this is simply not the right environment for you.

I have to vet people to make sure they know what they are getting themselves into.

I get lot of attention because I have images of my dungeon setup on my profile, St Andrew’s cross, slave cage, whips, canes, sybian machines.

And I am someone who looks after his subs, are you experiencing intense sub drop? You can stay the night, I’ll cuddle you and cook breakfast and I’ll take you out for a nice walk at botanic gardens nearby.

Are you feeling emotional? I’ll acknowledge them, I am open to love.

I talk about all these when I connect with people.

True kinksters listen with great care and then express themselves and I listen then we agree on a date and time and meet for a coffee.

None of these encounters failed, until now.

I don’t know what happened to feeld.

When I express myself people take it as a sexting and I can tell they are doing things to themselves.

Then I get kink dumping.

People start talking about their wildest fantasies before they even introduce themselves.

Done even declare themselves a wife, sub or slave.

I am like, wait, what’s going on?

Then once postnut clarity kicks in, they disconnect.

These are all vanilla or monogamous people.

Every-single-time.

Now I never used to accept likes or pings from monos or vanillas.

My method of using feeld was to find a reliable submissive, form a BDSM dynamic and turn off feeld.

Some of my subs move interstate -I am from Australia, people like moving around here- be it for work or family.

So I’d come back every year or two.

And recently I realised it is taking me longer to find a reliable person.

Because I have to comb through literally hundreds of carbon copy profiles that all look the same; empty bio or has a cringe tinder one liner; “don’t be boring, I am funnier than you, here for a good time not a long time” etc.

And photos are all taken in same fashion; tongues are sticking out, there is a drink in hand, deep cleavage.

I am swiping through endless parade of empty biographies with naked torsos.

At this stage what do I care what anyone’s face look like really?

Then after swipe no:25 I come across an almost extinct kinkster.

Why?

Why are all these people here?

There is already a Tinder and bubble for this, why bring this crap to feeld?

This space is literally the only app we have that we can connect to other alternative folk like ourselves, why are you ruining it for us?

And it’s not only vanilla women, it’s all these dudebros from other apps that follow them here.

I had to separate my profile from constellation with my enm partner because I was getting overwhelmed with all the basic bros trying to get it on with my partner.

My partner paused her profile after she got 4000 likes and 200 pings.

She is a dominant female who dates submissive men outside our relationship, as we are both dominant it feels naturals for us to date other submissives, so Feeld was perfect, until now.

If you are not into kink or poly, please consider your options, not only you are not likely to find what you are looking for here, but you are just ruining the balance of this app.

Please go back to tinder and bumble.

I don’t try to push kink in those places, it’d look odd.

You pushing vanilla and mono on feeld looks odd.

And there is too many of you.

I'm just a random Internet stranger who's been using feeld for over a year with a fair amount of success but also a lot of complaints. I'm a white, cis, pan, poly, neurodivergent, kinky female. ("Kinky" here means I am deeply invested in practicing BDSM. It's not just a hobby, it's a need. "Kinky" =/= "she fucks, I should hit her up for easy sex". No. It is not that.)

Here's my utterly biased opinion on profiles I skip, no matter how "hot" you may be, in the event it helps people spruce up their profiles and increases their chances of matching with someone like me.

1. "Looking for like minded people". This literally says nothing about you or what you're looking for and all too often it's just a standalone sentence with an otherwise sparse profile. What do I do with this information? I can only extrapolate that you're boring and have nothing interesting to share.

2. Describing yourself as "fun" and saying you're looking for fun. Come on people. For one thing, you never define "fun" to you. For another, who doesn't want fun? "Yes I'm here looking for someone to have a terrible time with." Of course you're looking for fun! I've read this so many times on so many profiles that my eyes just glaze over and I instantly hit the minus sign.

3. Your profile has typos. This just makes me think you're lazy. You're trying to find a date and you can't even be bothered to read over your own profile to make sure it makes sense? At the very least get chatgpt to proofread it if you have no one else to turn to and can't do it yourself. It's 2026. We have countless free tools to help us. Use them.

4. "No drama." I read this as "if any part of your life happens and gets in the way of our fucking, I'm going to drop you." No thanks. I can't stop being a human. Sometimes my kid gets sick or my mom needs help or god forbid, you said something that hurt me and I'd like to talk about it so we can get back on the same page. Fml right?

5. "Discreet." Cheating. No thank you.

6. Profiles with no words. Just, why?

7. Profiles with no face pics. This has never ever worked out. I've matched with faceless profiles because the words describe what I'm looking for but once face pics are shared, I find out I'm not physically interested in the person. It's a shit situation for all. Never again.

8. "Ask me anything." The truth is, I WILL ask you anything. That's how I get to know people. I want to actually know you, your context, your perspective, your thoughts. But this reads as "I can't be bothered to write a proper profile and I definitely won't be bothered to put effort into learning about you. You can ask about me though." It's like a big banner that tells me you're lazy and I will be skipping.

Bonus rant:

A lot of these have been said time and time again but I can't stress this enough. Be a person first. Yes I'm submissive, yes I'm looking for a dominant partner (that's the D in BDSM, not just "I like to be in control during sex" - these are totally different things). But that doesn't mean I want to see your dick before I even meet you. Yes I like dicks! But I don't care what your dick looks like. If you have a horrible personality and treat me like shit but have "the most beautiful cock I've ever seen" I'm STILL not going to date you.

It also doesn't mean I want you to talk to me like I'm just a fucktoy before we even know each other's names. Being submissive doesn't mean I bow down to anyone. Its only fulfilling if I *want* to submit to you. Make yourself interesting. Make yourself date worthy. Don't get sexual with me in texts right off the bat. So many people do this that I'm literally bored of it. I'm a human and I need to feel safe.

Attraction is complex. It takes effort and strength and humility. If you're not up for that, maybe do something else with your time. If you read this far, here is your trophy 🏆 my friend.

UPDATE: JFC you guys are beyond obnoxious; 90% of you are telling me I'm too old, surely not that hot, to get off your precious kink app, to wise up to the reality that men aren't interested. OK, thanks so much for this fantastic info, point taken 🎯 Truly insightful stuff. Maybe take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourselves why you responded to a perfectly nicely-worded post with such venom ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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I have been on Feeld ~6 months, and, as a 30-Something straight woman living in New York City, I am not wanting for matches. But it is absolutely wild how many of the dudes I match with drop the conversation... I don't subscribe to the traditional gender dynamic thang and have nooooo problem initiating, following up, and asking a guy out, but, even with my assertive disposition and my ~200 (no joke... Not boasting -- I am the rare straight Vanilla female lurking on the app, and I live in a city of 8 million horny people) matches, I have a lot of trouble actually pinning down a first date... The guys either never respond or stop responding or flake out as we're finalizing meet-up plans. And I can't help but think that some of these dudes are the same ones on this sub saying how they can't get a date on Feeld...

Also wanted to add re: straight guys having low success rates on this app... You gotta put several face photos. The vast majority of us girls like a *face* -- i.e., a body and/or a dick are simply not gonna cut it. Write a little bio, and include your height (if you're short, the hottest thing you can do is to *own it*). Cliche traps nearly every straight guy on Feeld falls into: "Being dominant" and "Threeway"/"FFM" Desires, use of the term "casual and consistent," bragging about how good you are at Going Downtown 😛 Just FYI

I totally get that MeToo has made guys proceed with caution, that you're unclear on how assertive you should/shouldn't be, etc., but, really, put a little more into your profile and chatting and I promise Feeld will yield better results!

just wondering what the term means to you, psychologically, emotionally, aesthetically, sexually? there’s so much discussion here about lack of kinky people on feeld, too many ‘vanilla’ profiles etc that i’m wondering what/who you want to see?

I’m a woman using FEELD in a large US city and the men are fucked. On any given day, I’m getting 5-10 nonconsensual sexts from men on this app. And it’s especially tiresome because these nonconsensual sexts are not interested in what I want; it’s just men putting their horny before mine. So I put a disclaimer in my bio saying not to send me anything sexual until after we meet, and I’ll use my words and tell you when you can say sexual things to me. I mean, it’s more words than that, but that’s the gist.

So then I match with this man who’s “in the community,” we exchange a few texts, I suggest we talk on the phone AND… even having read my boundary in my bio, he immediately brings up phone sex, says he was sexting with two women the night before, it got him so horny, and he loves hearing the sound of someone cum. WHAT!!!

In 2026, year of Rape Academy, Epstein Island, and Eric Swalwell, for a man to hear a woman’s EXPLICIT BOUNDARY and then CROSS IT is so fucked.

Also, these “in the community” bros who can’t operate with consent are shit.

Women, how are you holding boundaries on FEELD or with men?

to the women that date men on Feeld: all things being equal do you find yourself more interested in dating a single guy or someone that has a partner already or is married? Is a single guy more available in your mind or are there any pros and cons to either group?

Getting spanked and tied up doesn’t make you a freak, Sarah.

The amount of people on this app who claim group relationship dynamics/play isn’t considered kinky/freaks is absurd. From my experience, there are far more people in the BDSM community than swing/poly/enm/group play community.

Freak determines the fringe of kink.

You like getting spanked, tied up, hair pulled?

Congratulations. You and every other woman on this app do.

But finding a bisexual woman who enjoys group play? They are called unicorns for a reason.

People on this app need a reality check.

I joined the app in the beginning of the year and when I just created my profile it was amazing - I would see a lot of hot guys and match with them. Dates were super fun and people were interesting. I met someone and I didn’t actively use the app for a few months now. I’d open it here and there to take a look but not as active as in the beginning. Now I’m looking again and it seems like it got a lot worse. People aren’t as hot, I keep seeing all the same guys. Did my algorithm just decline because I didn’t use the app that much? I’m thinking to delete my profile and start fresh to reset the algorithm. Did anyone try doing that and found it effective?
Or did I just ran out of hot guys?😅 not sure how that would be possible as I’m in NYC.

Straight male (I don’t think I’m bad looking). Live in London UK and active in the kink lifestyle for years.

Decided to try Feeld and have found that it’s like I don’t exist on the app. No likes from anyone at all in almost two months of active use.
Also despite sending out several likes a day, as well as the daily ping I get through majestic - not once has a single like or ping come back as a match.

Is this a normal experience for single males on the app? It seems bizarre, surely it can’t be this useless for men? I can’t think of anything on my profile that would be so off putting.

I’ve matched with someone great and we’re planning to meet up soon. Since Feeld is more upfront about [kink/ENM/desires], at what point do you usually move the conversation from 'casual chat' to 'specific boundaries and interests'? Do you prefer to do it over the app or in person? Thanks in advance!

I got the dreaded text from my buddy that he saw my girl on the dating site. According to the app, her location changed as she went from her spot to my spot and back home.

Screenshots show pics of her and her interests and location change.

She claims a friend set it up, used her photos and paid for a premium profile because she wanted to live through her.

She Says friend has her Apple location or something and that’s why it moved.

If possible, this seems like a lot of tech leg work for some house wives.

I know I’m being gaslight but if anyone able to shed some light besides the obvious, I’m all ears.

I’m a single 48F in a city and am having trouble connecting genuinely on Feeld. I have some kinks I love exploring but I’m not poly, nor into ONS. I’m looking to connect genuinely with somebody to explore those kinks instead of hopping from one date to another casually. The part I enjoy about feeld is that we can talk freely about sexual preferences compared to other apps. I’m pretty aware of my attachment style and enjoy connections over something casual and I truly believe that kink is more fun to explore with someone I feel safe with. When I voice that, majority of the men’s tones declines and being intuitive I don’t want to force the type of connections I’m seeking onto them because I’ve been questioned why I’m on feeld. Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too uptight? Part of the strong initial boundaries I communicate is because I don’t want to get hurt in the long run by hanging out with someone that has a different view towards the connection but I’m starting to feel like I’m declining any meetups because I get so turned off by the fact that the guys think it’s an easy bang because we met on this app but I’m also isolating myself from any potential anything to grow because I’m holding grounds to wanting something more meaningful than casual. Thoughts on this?

**35M straight**

To the women/femmes in this subreddit: how common or uncommon is this kink/fetish?

I used to think women rimming men was extremely niche, but I keep seeing it show up in porn more often now, sometimes even when it isn’t clearly labeled.

Male-to-female rimming seems pretty normalized these days, but what about the other way around?

I’m trying to separate porn reality from dating-app reality.

Would this be hard to find on Feeld, or is it uncommon but findable in kink/fetish circles?

Also, how would I go about signaling this interest in a profile?

A few partners I’ve had did it to me, but only after we knew each other well.

Most straight men seem uncomfortable talking about it or joke that it’s “gay,” but anatomically, it makes perfect sense that it feels good (plenty nerve endings in that area)

There have to be women who are into it or curious to try it, but it still seems very uncommon in mainstream culture, or at least something people don’t openly talk about.

What do you all think?

I'm UK based. I have been on Feeld about a month. I'm male, educated, ok job, some cool hooks (published author etc), but I'm running into the same thing - "you're lovely but I feel no chemistry". A few dates and always the same thing?

I'm polite by nature. I am always cautious as it's easy for a man to get labelled otherwise.

I'm not sure what to do? I thought polite and refined was the best way but apparently not?

Because, for the first time ever, I got a like with an intro message and I went to read it and it looks like I have to pay to read it.

Which means that anybody that I sent an intro message to in the past, they wouldn't be able to read it because they aren't paying. Because I'm a man dating women and lots of women don't have paid accounts.

This is really dumb.

You know how those family member you only see every couple of years seem to age super fast.While people you see often don't. Like a frog doesn't notice if you slowly boil the water. For me Feeld changes in the same way. The only thing that is constant is the buggy app.

In 2015 this app was a ghost town in the Netherlands. Especially outside of Amsterdam. Almost nobody showed their face. And somehow I managed to find a date with a woman 12 years older that lived 300 meters away from me. No other dates. There was no one.

One relationship and 2 years later. 2017-2018. This was the freakiest era for me. Still few faces on the app, slightly more people, but a lot of people from the BDSM and kink scene. Early adopters.

Another relationship later. 2020-2022 Corona. Way way more people, mostly open profiles. This for me was the most prolific hookup era. I'd meet at someone's house and 5 minutes later we'd be in bed. Some dates felt a bit transactional, but I also made friends and contacts in this time that I still see today. More regular people too, but enough people on the app that it wasn't too noticeable.

3 relationships later now. Where is everybody? I have always had majestic and would sort for subs and this is the first time I ran out of people in Amsterdam. Within a week! I see many faces I also see on Bumble. Matches of the few I have exchange one sentence and then don't respond. Is it because I have passed 30 in the meantime? The demographic on the app has certainly changed, but has culture in general maybe also changed?

Just some thoughts. I miss Feeld from a few years back:'(

Profiles should not be allowed to go live without sufficient info under biography.

For number of reasons:

-Anyone can upload a bunch of photos they downloaded from internet, without a written biography there is simply no human element to a profile

-Most empty profiles are just lazy attempts at trying out an app. Not one of my past experiences with an empty profile went anywhere. Whereas I had very successful interactions with people who went into great effort to express themselves.

-If you are joining a dating app you are an adult. You lived on this planet for at least 18, maybe 30-50 years, some much older. How come you got nothing to say about yourself? What have you learned from all these years of living? Or was it just…existing?

As a male in his late 40s, who has a profile with photos and carefully written biography to attract the right crowd, I get enough attention on Feeld, but much of that comes from profiles without biographys, and a lot of time they struggle to express themselves or they are like “what should we talk about?”

Seriously?

I have a pattern that I follow when it comes to dating; we talk until other party feels safe and comfortable enough to meet, and when we meet it’s during daytime in a public place with people around, my preference is no alcohol at first date but if other party prefers alcohol, I make sure it comes straight from bar and gets opened in front of us. I encourage all my female friends to follow this route to avoid getting spiked drinks at dates.

But before we even get to this stage, we need to have a chat, and how long this goes on is different for everyone.

Problem here is that lot of people just upload bunch of photos -usually sexual in nature with empty profiles- and they are like “yeah, bait is out and let someone bite”.

I get it, there are lot of people out there desperate to match someone, and let’s face it; it’s usually more men than women who overrun accounts and this kinda discourages any effort because why bother if men will swarm every account regardless of how little info is there?

But this is the thing; this toxic culture is killing dating apps for everyone involved.

Because some men have such low standards, it encourages some people to not make any effort and what happens is that other men who are genuine in connecting only to people they think they are compatible with, can’t find those who actually put in an afford.

I live in Australia and when I open Feeld, I have to comb through a dozen or more profiles without bio to find someone interesting, because they cared enough to talk about themselves.

To me, rest is just people posing in cleavage or kinky outfits, which there is nothing wrong with and under certain context would even be attractive but without any bio, it’s just an endless parade of body parts with no personalities.

This should stop.