r/datingadviceformen

It’s not that we’re hard to impress… it’s that you’re making it surprisingly easy not to be!

1. Do not post photos with other men—especially better-looking ones.There is no coming back from the moment we realize the hot one… isn’t you.

2. We do not care how you looked in high school or college.Unless you’re Benjamin Button, that man no longer exists.

3. If every photo includes a baseball hat, you’re bald. We know. The real question is: are you taking it off on the first date, or do we only go to places that serve nachos and beer cheese?

4. If every picture is a group photo, we’re not playing Where’s Waldo. I’m not going to figure out which one you are. And if we do… 90% of the time, we’re disappointed.

5. The fish photo has to go. No one has ever said, “Wow, look at that bass… I must meet this man.” Truthfully, we’re more interested in the size of other things.

6. If your bio says “just ask,” we will not. You’ve already demonstrated the exact level of effort we can expect.

7.. The Men’s Suit Store ‘first suit’ photo. If you’re trying to impress a woman with a suit (valid strategy) it’s not standing under fluorescent lighting, tags still on, like you’re waiting for your mom to approve.

What are some of the frequent photo mistakes you see women make?

Not necessarily something dramatic just a moment where everything felt right like you didn’t question anything, you just knew

Do you remember yours?

TL;DR

I (30F) had a very intense one-night encounter with a colleague (30–35M, in a relationship) during a work trip. Afterward, things became complicated and he later asked me to confirm “nothing happened” after his girlfriend may have seen our messages. He has since stopped replying after I asked how he was doing. I feel emotionally stuck and confused due to the lack of closure, and I’m trying to understand how people—especially men—process situations like this.

Hi everyone,

I’m (30F) and I’m trying to make sense of a situation that’s been emotionally difficult for me. I would really appreciate some perspective, especially from people who may have experienced something similar.

During a recent work trip, I met a colleague (around 30–35M) in person for the first time. We had not known each other before. He is in a relationship with his girlfriend.

One evening after work, we went to a company party with colleagues. We both drank quite a lot, danced together, and later that night, something unexpected and intimate happened between us.

It turned into a very intense and emotionally charged one-night encounter. The physical connection was also very strong. Afterward, he became physically unwell and started vomiting, saying this was not something that usually happens to him.

The next day, there was an awkward but also emotionally intense atmosphere between us. He told me that things were complicated because he has a girlfriend and that he didn’t want anyone to know what had happened. I apologized, and we initially still had plans to spend time together during the trip, but I had to leave earlier than expected due to a sudden schedule change.

In the following days, we had some very limited and restrained communication. At one point, he messaged me from another platform saying:

“Please reply on WhatsApp that nothing happened, otherwise I’m fucked.”

It seemed like his girlfriend may have seen part of our messages, even though they were not explicit.

After that, I didn’t contact him for about a week. Then I reached out once asking “How are you doing?”, but he read the message and did not reply.

Since then, I’ve been feeling emotionally unsettled and confused. I don’t want to disturb his life or relationship, and I’ve been very conscious of that. At the same time, I feel stuck because there was no clear closure or explanation, and the silence is making me overthink everything.

I’ve had casual relationships before, but I’ve never experienced something that left me feeling this emotionally preoccupied or “stuck.” I’m trying to understand why this feels so intense for me.

I’m also wondering how people—especially men—usually process situations like this. Do they detach quickly, or does it stay with them?

So I (M31) have been seeing this girl (F34) for almost a month and I’m trying to figure out if I’m reading this situation correctly or if I’m just getting in my own head.

We’ve been out 6 times, each time has been incredible, we slept together on the first date something that she says is uncommon for her.

We just had a really strong weekend together. Went out, had a great time, she stayed the night and spent basically the whole next day with me. During that time she told me she “loves me as a person,” which already felt kind of fast to me.

The part that’s bothering me is she also admitted she’s still talking to other guys. She didn’t really go into detail, kind of brushed past it, but it was enough to make me pause. I told her pretty clearly that if we’re going to keep building something, I’m not okay with her entertaining other guys long-term. She agreed she’d cut them off soon (said by the time she gets back from a trip she’s about to go on).

She also said something like “I don’t care about them like I do you,” which sounds nice on the surface, but combined with the “love” comment this early… it kind of feels off to me. Like the words don’t match the behavior.

Now she’s going to be gone traveling for a few weeks, so I won’t see her, and I’m stuck wondering:

• Is she being genuine and just hasn’t fully transitioned into focusing on one person yet?

• Or is this someone who likes the attention/backup options and is just telling me what I want to hear?

For context, I don’t have an issue with casual dating early on, but the intensity of what she’s saying doesn’t seem to line up with still talking to multiple guys.

I’m trying not to come off controlling, but I also don’t want to ignore obvious red flags.

Am I overthinking this, or does this seem like something I should be cautious about?

We started talking in August, been official since March. We had the “exclusive” talk in September but I was still acting bit wishy washy because I truly wasn’t ready for a relationship. We talked everyday but I was entertaining other girls around the time. She wanted things like my location, for me to call more, but ig I wasn’t ready for all that but overall we never really had any bad arguments or anything during that time.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago we were having a talk about wildest things we’ve done and she did shock me so I was a bit befuddled and quiet for the rest of the convo until I got home and we got on the phone and somehow started having a transparent conversation in which I told her that I slept with someone in Late November( I met that person around the same time I met my girl) then she told me she also slept with someone around October/November (she met them in October)

The thing is we’ve spoke about the person she slept with because she told she had a coworker who tried to hit on her but she shut it down because she had a man. I know I can’t be mad but I’m more so mad that she downplayed what the coworker really was, and how quick she gave it up to him. We’re supposed to go on vacation in 2 weeks for my bday and I was supposed to meet her mom but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this situation.

I’m pretty over dating apps and want to try something different. As a 30 year old, the whole swipe, small talk, and ghosting cycle just feels exhausting and kind of pointless at this stage.

Matchmaking seems like it could be a better fit since it’s more purpose driven and actually leads to real dates, but I’ve heard mixed things about whether it’s worth the cost.

For anyone in their 30s who’s tried it, did it feel like a better experience than apps, or is it just a different version of the same frustrations?

I’ve been dating a guy for about 3 months now, and I’m starting to feel really confused about the situation.

He was in a 9-year relationship before and is quite new to dating again. He told me that after going on many dates, I’m the first woman he’s actually dating seriously, and that he’s not seeing anyone else. We’re both a bit unsure in our own ways — he because he hasn’t dated in a long time and doesn’t want to be “too much,” and me because I come from a past relationship where I constantly had to seek reassurance and never really got it.

With him, things have actually felt really good so far. It’s been a bit slow, but in a nice way. He’s even made some plans with me for the summer (like festivals, etc.).

However, most of the time we just meet at his place or mine, hang out, have sex, and then go our separate ways. On weekends we sometimes go out, but usually after we spend time together, he leaves again. He only stayed over once, and even then he wanted to leave early in the morning.

I did mention to him at some point that I get a bit insecure when we don’t text, and since then he has been messaging me every day, which I appreciate.

But recently something happened that really triggered me. It was his birthday weekend, and he told me he didn’t have plans for the evening after a family barbecue. I told him to just let me know if he wanted to meet. I honestly thought we would see each other, I even baked muffins for him. But then he didn’t reach out and instead asked to meet the next day. I declined because I felt disappointed.

Since then, I’ve been questioning everything. I don’t know if he actually wants something serious or if he’s just keeping things casual. What really bothers me is that I feel like I have to take the lead in getting clarity, and I don’t want to come across as needy. At the same time, his very relaxed approach makes me feel insecure and sometimes like I’m not that important to him.

Now I feel stuck. I want to communicate how I feel, but I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or if my concerns are valid. And I don’t know how to bring this up without putting pressure on him or ruining what we have.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Am I overthinking this, or is this something I should address?

she doesn't ask me anything(nothing). should I step away? also it's been a week since we are chatting. but known each other from when we both were 6. I'm 25M

My buddy is using my account for the following post:

So I, a 29 year old M work a career job that I love and I really like a coworker who is a 23 F. She started the job a little bit over a month ago. The very first time I ever saw her, my first 3 thoughts were:

1: “Oh my, that’s the most beautiful human being I’ve ever seen.”

2: “Wait, she’s my coworker.”

3: “Oh s***, she looks at least five years younger than me.”

I understand that I don’t want to just be wearing my rose-colored glasses, because I realize she could be a totally different person outside of work, but she seems very kind and friendly (which is how one would expect to be at work.) We don’t get too personal, but everyone else at the office talks about their personal lives (relationships, friendships, kids, etc). Most people in the office have an age that starts with a 3 or above.

I have *another* coworker who started about the same time as me. She and I have been very close because the country she is from is part of my ethnic heritage. (We’ll call this platonic coworker “E.”) She is about 10 years older than me and says I’m like her little brother, which makes me super happy because the love that I have for her is purely platonic, (her American husband is 10 years older than her.)

E knows I have had my heart broken by many people my own age, and E said many months ago she thinks I will find someone a little bit younger than me (because she thinks women mature faster than men.) My jealousy from my past rejections of women my age choosing much older guys invaded my thoughts, and I was thinking “Why are older men more mature and stable and have more money? Because they’ve lived longer??” I truly don’t have a problem with age gaps in a relationship until my jealousy gets involved. I can admit that and that’s something I’m working on. I want marriage and children, and I know I’m still pretty young but at the rate I’m going on finding an organic relationship, I’m starting to think E was right.

Many months later brings us to now. This new coworker that I really like has worked at my job for a little over a month. I have made sure to be very polite to her and I will admit she seemed a little intimidated by me her first couple weeks (maybe because I’m a little older than her.) As I understand it, she is in the dating scene, but not in a serious relationship yet. After a few weeks of her working there she started talking to me more. I’ve made her laugh and smile on multiple occasions. At one point I finally had to tell E that I had a crush on someone in the office and she immediately knew who it was.

This new employee sits near us and she seems to enjoy talking to myself and E, which I understand it’s a customary to be kind at work, but E thinks I shouldn’t worry about the fact that this new person is my coworker or the fact that she is a little younger than me. E just thinks that if it happens, then I should let it happen naturally, just like it happened with her husband. (She also said “Look at the bright side, at least you’re not thinking about *previous crush.* and I made it clear that I don’t want to simply trade one heartbreak for another, so I would want to take things slow and make sure this person I like is on the same page as me.)

Very recently at work I was wearing a Rose Quartz necklace that I’ve had for a long time, but I just started wearing it again. She thought it was interesting and asked what it meant and I told her that Rose Quartz was the stone of unconditional love. She loved it and asked where I got it. I gave her a vague answer and just said “online” (I honestly couldn’t remember where online lol.) So I told E about that and got her approval to do something bold. I once overheard the new girl say she goes to church. I’m not very religious but I’m spiritual and I do believe in God. So, I bought this new person a rose quartz crystal necklace shaped like a Cross, and in a little over a week after it arrives, I was going to place it at her desk and leave her the following note:

*Name,*

I thought you might be intrigued to have your own rose quartz crystal. I also overheard you saying that you go to church, so I figured this rose quartz shaped like a Cross might appeal to you. I don’t ever want you to feel obligated to wear it if you don’t want to. If not, just keep it by your bedside or do whatever you want with it. I hope this stone of unconditional love brings you all the best luck, provides you protection and peace, and most importantly, makes you feel safe. It was very cheap and you don’t have to thank me or think anything of it. I just really hope you like it.

*Signed*

I understand that there is very much a possibility this new coworker will reject the idea. If she does, I will just take it as it is and be cool and mature about it and move on. I’m mostly just afraid of having that note being brought to HR and losing my job. I love this job and I plan to keep it, but I can’t stay single forever. Thoughts?

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I am trying to get back into the dating game after not being in it for a little bit.

anything helps

I feel like I’m getting some pretty strongly mixed signals. A year ago I asked this girl out and she turned me down. Hard. She told me she doesn’t talk to guys she’s not interested in so as not to lead them on and give them the wrong idea. Looking back, it was obvious that she didn’t like me.

A few months ago, she started initiating more with me. She would linger around me, ask me dumb questions, and would tease me. She invited me to an event with her and even walks out of work with me. She always remembers little details about me and something feels different now. She is always asking me questions about things I do, she signs up to do stuff at work together, and I’ve even caught her looking at me and smiling when I approach her.

I’m not quite sure what to do. I got over the initial rejection and it’s been almost a year now. But something about her reaching out a few months ago and being closer and more friendly has brought those feelings back. I want to ask for clarity from her, but I don’t want to be labeled as the guy who just can’t take a hint because she’s being friendly. At the same time, if it were someone else in my situation, I feel like everything I’ve noticed would tell me that she likes me back (my buddies girlfriend actually told me she 100% likes me but then got confused when she found out I asked her out a year ago). Anybody else been stuck in the same boat or have good advice on what to do now?

How do I bring up the fact they do something that upsets me and I dunno how or if I should mention it but it’s make me annoyed angry and agitated (spicy page) it’s like their not only my partner now

I’m a teenage guy, and I moved into my new house a few months ago. There’s this girl who lives like 3 houses away from me, and she goes to my school too we’re in the same grade and the same age. We have a few similarities, but we’ve never really talked much in person.

I’ve started to crush on her, but I don’t think she likes me, although, I can’t really tell. I’ve never really flirted becuase i don’t know how to over text and i think it’s too sudden but idk. Sometimes when we text, she replies really fast, but our conversations don’t really go anywhere and just kind of die out. I’m usually the one who texts first too she never starts conversations, which makes me feel like she might not be that interested, but I don’t know if I’m overthinking it because i over think everything

I don’t really know how to go about this. How can I get her to actually want to talk to me more, especially over text? How do i get her to text me first? I’ve tired checking up on her like how’s your day.

Also how do I start and keep conversations interesting so she enjoys talking to me and maybe thinks about me? It’s usually really simple but i’d do anything to get this girl. ANYTHING!! Please give me some advice on my situation and please someone tell me what steps i should take!

LITERALLY ANYTHING HELPS!

Also i should add. I have a pool and nice stuff at my house and i dont want to be used. Idk im going crazy getting zero sleep and i just really would do anything. PLEASE SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!

Thank you all for your time and consideration and support. Thank you for reading this. If you want any additional information tell me what and i’ll provide it

I've been seeing someone for about a month now. Prior to her, I was used to explosive and passionate dynamics early on that masked a lot of real incompatibility and created problems down the road.

This time, I've tried to do things differently. I'm four dates in with someone and I can't tell if what we're experiencing is genuine security, disinterest or maybe both? Our first two dates were great, conversation was amazing and flowed well. But the last two, conversation still feels good but maybe slightly lower energy and the spark I'm used to isn't there. We've made out a bit, but nothing beyond that. Last night we cuddled but didn't do anything beyond kissing. I'm trying to figure out if I'm being a douche here, if this is just a slow burn, or if we've gotten to the boring phase before this has even taken off.

Advice?

I am 6’0-6’1 and weigh about 100 lbs. I take care of myself very well and have good hairstyle, skincare, and I would say I am attractive overall however my body type is making me a little unsure on the romantic aspect. I love my body currently and am perfectly healthy but will any women date me or find me attractive because of how skinny I am ?

I don’t know if advice will help, maybe I am just venting, but any input is appreciated. My friend of two years (we can call him Austin) has started spending a lot of alone time with my ex. We were both acquaintances with her before her and me started seeing each other; I also found out after we started sleeping together that Austin had/has a crush on her.

Her and me were seeing eachother for about 5 months, all throughout of which Austin began constantly belittling me in front of her, making jokes at my expense in a way that became exhausting. He would justify it as “that’s just how I bond” and “I do it because she laughs” but at the end of that day I could read between the lines. They would also flirt pretty directly right in front of me on a regular basis, but again it was always justified by him as “respect yourself, she obviously doesn’t like you”. And “you knew I liked her but still got with her. You haven’t been fair to me either”. While at the same time she would say things like “I’m not flirting, he’s just a friend. Why are you so jealous?”

This wasn’t the only reason her and me broke things off, but I blame it heavily for why our dynamic turned so negative.

Now here we are, three weeks after the breakup and they are hanging out alone together, going out to the bars together, and late night drives at 3am. This whole time I’ve been communicating my uncomfortability with how Austin is acting only to be diminished with words of “I’m not gonna let her play me” and “nothing is happening”. It’s beyond exhausting but at the same time frustrating because I am made to feel like I’m the problem for constantly bringing it up. I believe he justifies this behavior in his mind because he thinks I knew he had a crush on her and didn’t care (even though I asked him multiple times if he wanted me to end things), and because he doesn’t think I ever really cared about her.

Ultimately, it’s out of my control now but I’m trying to grow as a man who won’t tolerate being disrespected. I’ve in no way been a perfect friend to Austin, but this situation exhausts me and has majorly damaged my mental health. I think I will probably go no contact with him but am unsure.

So my message to all the guys reading this is, respect yourself. And surround yourself with people you know would take a bullet for you & show them that same love in return. Friendship is more important than any girl.