r/daddyissuesclub

I’ve been craving attention from older men due to my daddy issues my entire life (i’m 16 now), but every single time men have proved they want nothing more than to use me. I’m scared i’m never going to be able to fill the void my dad left me with. I can’t really talk to anyone about this because it sounds kind of insane when i try to explain that i want both a father and a lover in a partner. Honestly feeling really lost rn.

Does it get better?

My daughter was paired with a college roommate freshman year (daughter is 23-her roommate is 22) and she was the more shy, youngest of 8 or 9 kids, etc. our family lives local to the school so my daughter had college friends over for dinners, holidays, etc. often. However, her roommate who is shy, very unsure of herself and awkward as well around others (though very bright intellectually) over-time would sit right next to me on the sofa-like up against me. Stop by our house doing errands while my wife and daughter were out as I was doing yard work and want to ask my advice on our patio about something’s. She gave me extended hugs when leaving. She stayed at the college over the summers to work there and we would have her over for meals, etc., take her to our family Lake home on weekends. Senior year, she began to start placing her hand on my thighe when she sat against me on the sofa. I also noticed her jeans would not always be worn but more sweet dresses with blouses.
A couple of things have happened these past several months which, to be honest, triggered me sexually. Is she hitting on me?

Literally everyything- when i (18F) get a good grade, took good notes, studied alot, i tell my male TAs in hopes of some sort of validation or gratification.
When i hit a really good workout, i go to the gym floor coach and tell him about it, show him progress pics etc, in hopes of that same thing.
When i cook good food, i take pics and post it on random threads
Etc etc i can go on. Everything now has turned into where can an older guy tell me im doing good. I always care about the age first than everything. Idk man i cant explain it but maybe one of u gets it.

I wish i could have a geunine irl father figure, without it being sexual or weird at all.

I've never had one or been close to having one irl tho, only had fucked up attachments to ppl i view as father figures and they dont give a single shit abt me.

Even online, which isn't the same ofc but still its all sexual like wtf. And even if I somehow get lucky and meet someone I think isn't a p3rv they either eventually are or just ghost me which is even worse.

And even though I want a father figure irl, i kinda know it would never really work out as they're still not my real dad so idek atp.

My father issues has left me waiting for the right guy to show up and prove to me that I am worth staying with and proves to me that it’s not all men. I’ve had problems trusting men, especially men that would take advantage of the fact I used to crave male validation like crack. I’m very cautious on who I talk to or share things with. I don’t even tell people my parents got divorced before I was born because they’ll put the pieces together and see through me. I don’t know where my other half is, but I know he won’t solve my father issues. I’m solving them myself. But, I just hope he understands why I am the way I am and k hope it doesn’t scare him away.

I think my daddy issues really fucked me up.

Any time I do anything, I have that want of wanting a fatherly figure to talk to and cry to, but, I don’t have that.

I’ve tried to seek older guys to fill that position due to being desperate, but, I have no luck.

I hate that this happens to so many people and we honestly have no clue on what to do.

Yeah so like the title says. I absolutely crave attention from men (mainly older men) and I think it all dwindles down to how my father treats me. I love when men tell how pretty and nice I am. I love when they are funny and try to make me laugh. I love when they look me up and down. Or when they try to make me feel better about myself. I just feel more comfortable and relieved talking with them instead of people my age or ig other women. Idk

I 18f hated (but loved) my ex for almost a year he never did anything bad just irritated the living hell out of me, we were not compatible he was too sensitive for me and I was so blunt for him. We argued constantly. Well we broke up in January and I suddenly can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve been stalking his insta, Tik tok, dreaming about him, reminiscing on better times I even miss his family like crazy. Worst thing is I got a boyfriend month ago before all this started, I really like this guy he seems WAY more my type (physically and emotionally) and we get along much better only thing is he is bipolar and causes him to have some anger issues resulting in some crazy arguments, the only thing is even when they are crazy they don’t last even half as long as the silent treatment I got with my ex. Yet I still miss him? Or is it just bittersweet?
I feel it’s important to mention that my exs family was very big loving family and VERY functional, as my current boyfriend is Muslim and I definitely can’t meet his family until we get WAY more serious. And even when I do meet them my bf almost garrentees that they won’t approve of me. While as my exs family mostly really liked me and included me in everything. I didn’t have much of a family growing up, and have been assaulted countless times in my life, but can’t tell if this is some trauma based attachment issue or if I’m jealous of his family?
PLEASE HELP

@better-parsnip/freya idk why I upset you, but I’m sorry. I really just wanted to know you and am glad I did for the time I did

i’m so tired of getting overly attached to any man who gives me a scrap of attention. they’ll ask me how my weekend was and suddenly i’m wistfully thinking about a future where we develop a father-daughter like relationship. this happens with almost every man. like damn can my brain just cool it for five fucking seconds????

If my own father couldn't love me, then how can anyone else? He died recently without leaving me any money, I'm alone completely. I still have the scars and bruises to remind me of everything. Why did he leave without loving me? Am I so awful?

I’m 24 and I’ve been trying to heal my childhood neglect for years on end but it seems that old habits continue to plague me. About 9 months ago I started a new job and over the course of that time I got closer to a coworker in his 40’s. At first I felt admiration towards him. Then I wanted to be his friend and be like a younger sister to him. Then the nerves and daydreams and sexual fantasies started. Then I admitted to myself I wanted him to be my father figure. It’s insane how the rabbit hole just got deeper and deeper.

It sucks because I thought I was doing better. After I left my relationship last year in this exact same month, I swore off of men completely and became 4B. I was happy and content with my new life, but then the crush on the coworker got louder and louder until I fell back into the habit of obsessing over someone. I keep going back and forth between actually wanting to pursue a sexual relationship (no commitment) or just LETTING IT GO and actually moving on.

After a lot of thinking I’ve come to the conclusion that indulging in my father figure fantasies and desire for that taboo dynamic wouldn’t be healthy for me at all. For one this guy is definitely avoidant, aloof, and uninterested in others so clearly I’d be running straight into the classic avoidant-anxious trap, even if I tell myself I don’t want commitment. Two, doing this would just be me trying to overcompensate for an old wound, and I’d be basically neglecting my own mental health if I were to do it. Seeking out sex with older colleagues just isn’t a healthy way to deal with your abandonment wound.

But it’s hard and I struggle with it. I can’t help but want to be close to him and have him hug me or comfort me or pleasure me. I cant help but enjoy his company at work.

Anyone else struggle with this?

I often wish my dad had killed himself. It's fucked up, I know, but if he just did it when he was threatening my life would have been so much better. My family wouldn't be broken, I'd still have contact with my grandparents, and I wouldn't have been abused for years. I also wouldn't have gotten to know how truly horrible a person he is during my parents' divorce. His actions were so atrocious that his friends were disgusted with him; they testified against him in court. I just feel so guilty for having these thoughts, and wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience?