r/autism

Like, can any other autistics lmk if you guys can sympathize or not? And what do you define personally as sympathy?

For me, I use sympathy instead of empathy to describe my emotions often because empathy requires the recognition/mirroring of the other's emotions and I really struggle with that, meanwhile to me, sympathy is "oh I've been through this before so I can use that as groundwork to how to assess your situation" like, the next best thing to empathy i guess? I have other forms of making do with my general lack of cognitive empathy and struggles with emotional empathy, but sympathy is a big one and it helps in a lot of basic social situations.

But yeah that comment (and other invalidating questions) kind of put me off. The guy is really nice otherwise, I think. But I dislike his approach to autism. He said I actually seem more ADHD LOL meanwhile my therapist has been saying I should look into AuDHD comorbidities...

She was poisoned, with alcohol

She’s limp in a tubwith a fan to keep the water moving because I’m a fucking SHIT owner who didn’t have a hospital tank. She was miraculously well all of a sudden but sadly got worse and there is no coming back.

I’ve had her since I was 11 through some of the shittest times of my life. She was killed and it wasn’t just this persons fault but mine because I wasn’t careful. I had a party for my 18th and if I didn’t she would still be alive but I’m so fucking stupid.

She was so beautiful, she’s barely breathing but I have to wait until tomorrow to get clove oil and I can’t bare it, I keep checking up on my baby and she’s still alive and wriggles. I’m just so sad

How could I let someone do this to her. I’ve never felt this way before ever

I’ve never been this devastated because it was my fault, I’ve seen people die or be on the verge of death but I’ve never felt this bad. I just want my baby to rest. I need her to go and I want to be there whilst she’s going and touch her one last time. See her one last time.

She’s sadly passed away now. I’ll miss her but she was in so much pain. Rest in peace

Mind blown. This is a game-changer.

I struggle a lot with my family. There seems to be a lot of misunderstanding what ASD is. My brother is a heavy drug addict. There's a lot of tension in the family. It's very hard for me to deal with this cuz he keeps comparing having a drug addiction to having autism. His argument is that some ppl are more sensitive to getting addicted, hence he's born into the addiction. He says they are both mental disorders. Although he keeps reminding me that you can get rid of addiction but I'll never get rid of autism. Constantly telling me that at least he isn't an 'autist' as he likes to use as a slur (to other ppl like friends he keeps referring me as 'the autist')

Even after telling him to quit making this comparison he keeps mentioning it. What do I do?

Anytime my parents tell him to leave the home he keeps mentioning I should be kicked out cuz I have autism. He keeps making me genuinely feel bad. He said my sister left the home due to my autism which isn't even true and makes up stuff to cause conflict w other relatives. I've a hard time even reading the room, let alone dealing with conflicts like this. It gives me a lot of stress and makes me feel insecure... how do I deal with this properly?

I feel like no one understands what i truly mean when I say this, and it makes me sound so "spoiled", but if I don't want to do something I won't do it. Even if i supposedly "have to" cause I don't. I don't have to do anything. And it sounds really bratty when I say it but I don't mean it like that because doing things people say I "have" to do gives me physical pain throughout my entire body and its PAINFUL and nobody understands what I mean. Like when I was younger and my parents would "make" me do chores and if I didn't they would take away stuff. And every-time I let them take away literally anything because I would rather sit there than do chores when they said too. And it's like I know I have to do it, but my brain is just like "no you don't"??? It is so hard to explain but I just want to know if anyone else experiences this.

Same thing with when I want to do something. If I actually truly want something or to do something there is NO stopping me from doing it.

I also want to say that I don't have trouble with this when I think the outcome is fair?? Like with school work I'll do it cause I get a grade for it and that can help my overall grade in the class. Or like I'm doing it to provide for myself (like working a job and doing what the job entails). I really have a problem with it when the outcome or "reward" is not pleasing or doesn't seem worth it. Like getting paid unfairly or having to do the same task again the next day and on and on and on with no end (like dishes, taking out the trash etc.) Like I hate doing them and it's not just a "ughh i don't want to" hate, it's like a burning passion of hatred for the task or job that I am "required" to do.

I don’t go nonverbal before anypony says that, It’s just really hard for me to speak. My throat gets hot and millions of thoughts run through my head and what happens is I shut down. I feel like crying but I hate crying and I hate feeling big emotions so I push it down. I go quiet and all I want to do is be alone and do something I like like watching my little pony or playing my video game.

Why does this happen?

Why does this happen

Last week on Friday I got a notification from my friend group chat late at night right after coming home from a flight.

One of my friends had taken a lot of stomach medicines because she was having a stomach ache. And they where worried about her potentially OD-ing since she took so many. Since she had 6 in under an hour with now water. And she hadn’t responded in a while.

I didn’t really feel very worried since it was just stomach medicines. So I tried to tell the others to calm down. And I asked my dad who’s a medical professional about his opinion. And he said that as long as she dosent take any more within the next 24 hours she’ll be completely fine.

So I told them that. But then they got really upset at me for not being worried. And then they told me that she had taken more for some reason. Then I started to get worried.

Then they got really upset at me and called me a hypocrite which I probably was Im not sure. Then I tried to deescalate the situation by just instantly admitting I was in the wrong trying to focus on the situation. But I phrased it poorly and they said I was making it all about myself.

Then I apologized again. And it turned out our friend was completely fine. She had just dozed off a little. Was completely afterwards.

So I apologized and I decided to give them a break from me so that I could properly reflect on my actions which I did for two days. And I wrote a lengthy apology to them. But they didn’t accept me and they don’t want to be my friends anymore.

And they’ve decided to kick me out of the group tomorow. But one of them wanted to keep contact. But now im really scared and nervous to mess up again.

Especially after I had been a hypocrite again today. When I said I was uncomfortable with a scissoring joke she made. Then she called me a hypocrite since I made a joke about scissoring some weeks prior, after asking for consent before making it.

So ive decided im gonna work on myself and stop being such a hypocrite. And I’m not to sure where to start. I would like advice if that’s ok. Im sorry if not.

Thank you for your time and im sorry

why do alot of people do that thing where they ask you how your day/weekend was, so you start to tell them in detail, and then they just immediately tune out and act like they couldn't give less of a shit lmao like girl do you wanna know or not- i don't get it

My boyfriend loves to make out, and to make it wet tongue everywhere and whatnot. I hate it. I don't like my face being touched, and I don't like germs. I've told him this, but agreed to try it. He didn't pressure me to. I tried it and hated it. I felt like I was covered in germs and needed to shower right away. This was I think two days ago and I still feel like my face isn't clean. It's kinda hard to breathe when I think about it, and I clench my mouth a lot. (stress thing). How can I explain all of this to him where it will sound normal to a non-autistic person?

I’ve just seen a comment on here “I care for an autistic person and they contribute nothing to society, so they don’t deserve to speak up” and I’m disgusted. I am an autistic person, who varies between level 1 & 2. I was pondering upon some things, as I am good at what I do, I am intelligent and I worked my ass to get my degrees & skills. And sometimes, it annoys me when people just see all autistic people as a monolith & don’t see me as the skilled person I am. I deserve my dues & respect as an individual, not a child. But that’s not the problem of level 3s, they are just existing and they deserve to. We should really take the problem up with people who see us all as one thing and refuse to acknowledge we’re all different - some very capable, some not very capable, but we all have the same worth. And I want to remind you that your worth is not dependent on your output. It is fixed at 100% and that cannot be changed. Whatever your capabilities, you deserve to be listened to and seen and loved. We need to all come together to understand that showing off all parts of our community is important. And tell the lazy bastards who stereotype or discriminate to pack it up.

Hey guys

I am suffering with severe depression and moderate autism. My therapist has told me to gradually re introduce things into my life again, like basic self care, but even the slightest activities overwhelm me , make me cry, and severely stress me out.

I have no idea how to manage this and im looking to see how others manage it

There has been quite a debate if a person is autistic with how wide the spectrum is and how different people are, well there is and its related to synaptic pruning, now for those that don’t know synaptic pruning is where your brain naturally prune’s synapses that occur between your brain when you get older, it helps us get in information and habits when we are young but when we get adulthood it prunes a lot as its no longer needed as we have taken in information and knowledge on a big scale, now for non autistic people they have pruning at 60 percent by the time they reach adulthood but with autistic people like us that can be a lot slower and can be as low as 15 percent or even lower, im really wanting stuff like the dsm to change sooner as this can literally be found with just a brain scan and a lot easier to find then struggling to tell if a behaviour is autistic or not

I'm 20(M) and have been playing a variety of shooters throught the years. (Team Fortress 2, Deadlock, Sea of Thieves just to name a few)

One thing I always come across is these people who always have the default setting of saying I suck when I win against them. (Especially in Sea of Thieves)

Then why did you lose if I suck so much? I genuinely do not understand these guys. Is there a reason why people get tilted and just start to take their anger at me and telling me that I'm apparently worse than them for winning against them? Why are they lying to themselves? Like what are they expecting me to say? I know I suck, but hey you can't win 'em all. 🙄

I'm not amazing or anything, average at best, and I lose just as often I come out victorious.

Although I try not giving it much thought, but it does get annoying because I tend to remember conversations I had with others and it can be frustrating because I cannot get over these easily.

Any advice is appreciated!

EDIT: I greatly appreciate all the answers! I now have a decent grasp at this topic. 😁

He was diagnosed at 3-5 years old. He has the classic "male" autistic representation/aspergers. He's several years younger. I'm neurodivergent myself. Apparently he has NO CLUE he is autistic. Despite going to an "academy" in early childhood. In part, because other ignorant doctors, knowing him as an adult, dismiss it as being spoiled and his mom decided that might be better for him. But I was told that every time she kind of explores, even vaguely, that possibility. He becomes aggressive.

I literally had no idea he didn't know. He is not high masking, hence he's visibly autistic and going through life one would assume one would suspect something. And he does, and he notices how everyone reacts. That being said, he also has had violent reactions in arguments, he gets agitated towards you when you communicate certain things, he's borderline abusive towards his mom (and maybe sisters). There's a certain entitlement, even if at the expanse of others.

Right now he was adamant on visiting me in a difference city than his, when it's completely a horrible time financially, physically, and mentally and there is no adequate space for him. Culturally, rejection hosting someone is nuanced. After realizing he's not getting it, I straight up said it's not comfortable for me. And mentioned the financial part, too, and the space. YET, he keeps saying it's fine on his part, he's okay with it. I got so fed up with how freaking selfish this actually is, what's the point of coming over if it's for a change of air for YOU but I can suck it, in my own home? It's not about spending time with me anymore.

He's been struggling mentally bc unemployed (it's a national criss, everyone is including me). And I felt so bad that I'm so outwardly rejecting him coming. But we agreed he got to at least book a ticket back home for in two days. I straight up said that's the only duration I'm comfortable with atm given the circumstance - which I would never say to someone straight up given my culture, but that's because they'd get the hint.

But he didn't. Because there aren't tickets available to begin with until five days later. Yet he decided to book a one way ticket KNOWING this. He hang saying he'd do it. His mom calls and says he's fine sleeping on the couch. So he ignored completely what we talked about and is on his way.

He's in his 20s and I think it's time he starts seeing things for how they are. He wasn't spoiled as a child, but at this point, he's getting away with things being male and pushy and reactive when he doesn't get his way.

I've wanted to tell him long ago because I felt for him and it's insane something so personal is hidden from him.

TL;DR: my cousin gets a little aggressive when things don't go his way or something he doesnt like is said, but I want to bring up the fact that he is autistic as it will open up the world for him. How do I approach it? Should I at all?

I am asking because I feel like there is something off in my life. And I wanna hear your experience on how you realized that you might be autistic or simliar?

Edit: In general I am refering to daily life experiences or tasks that might make it obvious.

I am asking mainly people out of school settings because I cannot relate to school experiences anymore but you are not forbidden to answer ofc.

i am an adult, looking for insight regarding a DAS interview with a neuropsychologist at disneyland. i spoke to 3 employees/managers regarding renewing a DAS pass and was then scheduled to meet with a neuropsychologist.

i had a severe meltdown when speaking with them and my caretaker came to assist me when they found me distressed on call. i should not have tried to call by myself but my caretaker was not available at the start of the call and am trying to get better about advocating for myself. they will be the one speaking with the specialist, as we have agreed i am not fit to continue the process (i will be present).

it was extremely degrading, humiliating, disorienting, and overwhelming trying to describe my limitations over and over again. my meltdown was so bad it triggered a severe migraine, flashbacks, and then a panic attack after melting down in front of staff, the unexpected changes, and discussing negative past experiences in queues at disneyland (+ other public spaces) where i got overwhelmed and could not regulate emotions/behaviors. resulting in pushing my way out of the queues/crowds, becoming lost/disoriented, visually/verbally impaired, unable to reach out for help, and process what was happening around me.

my normal caretaker is not taking me and i am going with a friend who has helped me navigate my disabilities in the past. i cannot be accommodated by having them wait in line for me because i cannot be alone in public spaces and am only going with one person.

i would not have agreed to go if i could not receive appropriate ADA assistance. i was not able to do a DAS interview prior to ticket purchase and it says it’s non-refundable/non-transferrable. i will not be able to go without necessary accommodations because it will be unsafe and negatively impact others. i will not be able to go in the future because i will still have the same disabilities and there is no medication or coping mechanism to assist me in these type of situations.

i receive every accommodation offered at my school due to my disabilities. i do not work, drive, grocery shop, or go to public spaces alone. i need assistance with most things in my daily life. i have always received accommodations in the past at disneyland.

i do not understand how this is ADA compliant and why i cannot provide medical documentation verifying my support needs. i do not understand how this neuropsychologist is more qualified to determine my needs than my own team of specialists.

**does anyone know what to anticipate for this appointment that could help alleviate my anxiety/and provide understanding on this?**

cognitive disabilities that impact my ability to wait in a queue/alone: level 2 autism, adhd, dissociative (c)ptsd, general and social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, language processing disorder, and sensory processing disorder.

i also have physical disabilities: rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, sensory/stress triggered chronic migraines, IBS, POTS, and hEDS.

note: i applied for DAS due to my cognitive limitations but they significantly impact my ability to function and flare my physical disabilities so i have included them here for additional context.

edit: i apologize because i feel like my post was unclear, we have not yet met with the neuropsychologist. i will update after!

how the fuck do i navigate this statement? you think i want to be autistic or something when im literally clinically diagnosed? its really frustrating getting through statements where theres no understanding, when i have my meltdowns why is it that im being “dramatic” ? or “over emotional” ? why is it always labeling and not just trying to talk to the person? especially if you love them? i understand that im an adult and socially you’re supposed to know what youre doing, but as an autistic i LITERALLY don’t! LITERALLY and it’s so hard and it’s so easy for people to just see me and say get over it since i have some accomplishments in my life, or my mask is there, but those WERE NOT EASY TO GET and i can only mask for so long as a recently diagnosed person there’s so much for me to still unpack. and don’t get me started on this trend of having “a bit of tism’” and it being cute but it’s not cute when the “dramatic” or “sensitive” or “over emotional” or “taking shit seriously” or “you don’t take jokes” part of autism shows up, when it’s literally, literally JUST ME BEING AUTISTIC! and that’s just 25% of it, i just feel so misunderstood all the time by the people around me that i honestly just don’t know if anybody would truly understand me.

genuinely how. and ho w many people actually do it

For context, my partner and I were visiting their parents, and their grandparents also came to eat dinner with us. Their granddad was cooking (boiling?) some asparagus me and my partner brought with us, and my MIL asked if he had a timer on them, because she thought they looked ready.

He explained to my MIL that asparagus need approximately 10-12 minutes for the best results. In my language asparagus is spelled "asparges" and can kind of sound like Aspergers depending on your pronunciation.

I thought I had a genius idea for a joke, so I said that I too had read somewhere "that boiling [persons with] Aspergers for 10-12 minutes should effectively cure autism".

Their granddad and grandma gave me two very nervous/mortified looks and I was so embarrassed I wanted to run away. My MIL didn't even hear the joke and the rest of the family was in a different room. I tried to lie and tell them that the pack of asparagus had a spelling mistake so it said Aspergers to do some damage control, and they seemed to relax a bit and went "ah". I ended up throwing the original pack out so they couldn't confirm the spelling.

I still cannot tell if I was genuinely just unfunny. My partner said it was a funny joke and didn't think their grandparents were offended, when I told them about it but they're also likely neurodivergent. I feel like stuff like this happens all the time to me

I also know Aspergers is an outdated diagnosis and autism can't be cured, but I thought it would add to the layers of the joke. My partner's family knows I have autism and their grandpa is a recently retired medical doctor too.

Is my sense of humor bad or was I being inappropriate?

(My partner uses they/them pronouns!)