u/Soft__Cherrylipx

I don’t go nonverbal before anypony says that, It’s just really hard for me to speak. My throat gets hot and millions of thoughts run through my head and what happens is I shut down. I feel like crying but I hate crying and I hate feeling big emotions so I push it down. I go quiet and all I want to do is be alone and do something I like like watching my little pony or playing my video game.

Why does this happen?

Why does this happen

I’m so lazy, and IDK if it’s bc of my disabilities or because I just am. But I just can’t stand up right now and study for my exam and pack my things up, I feel like it’s impossible to move even when it’s not. I feel so guilty because I had so much time today to do everything but I just stayed on my bed. I feel horrible, how do I fix this

To start off I just want to add that my parents are the best parents I could ever ask for, and I love them.

I’ve been lying to my parents about everything, I’m quite literally the child they wished they never had. I’m a agnostic pansexual left leaning feminist and cherry ontop: autistic. Everything my parents would never want and I feel horrible. They aren’t conservative but they aren’t exactly liberal but they do lean more to the right. They’re missionaries which means we are known by many people and are respected by a lot of christians world wide so I always have an act I need to keep up. I recently became agnostic and it’s just really hard for me to pretend to be a christian, it’s weighing me down having to be someone I’m not every day and present this false version to my parents and everyone we work with.

It hurts me to hear how my parents talk about queer people and liberals/leftists because thats me. They’re indirectly insulting me and sometimes I slip and show who I really am then shut myself up before they can question me any further.

My parents aren’t upset because im autsitic but I can tell at times they wish I was normal (or least thats how I interpret it) I suck at socialization and every church or house we go to I dread it because of the process. I come off as rude on accident and embarrass my parents, I just wish I could be normal.

Theres so much I want to say but I wont. I just imagine the dread of coming out to them one day and telling them who I really am, I cant even imagine how disappointed they will be that all their time spent on me was in vain. I can’t imagine how all the people who my parents work with will look down on them when they see their daughter is a agnostic freak who likes woman. I’m going to disapoint so many people beyond my parents, my grandparents my cousins my aunts my uncles my christian friends…I have a cousin who is exactly like me and our family hates her. I don’t want to end up like that and I’m so scared

I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna have to keep this act up, I’m being forced to go to a Bible school for 6 months then go to a Christian university. I can’t escape the pressure I feel everyday and my mask is falling off. At some point I won’t be able to pretend anymore.

I know my parents seem bad but they really are lovely they just have their moments.

To start off I just want to add that my parents are the best parents I could ever ask for, and I love them.

I’ve been lying to my parents about everything, I’m quite literally the child they wished they never had. I’m a agnostic pansexual left leaning feminist and cherry ontop: autistic. Everything my parents would never want and I feel horrible. They aren’t conservative but they aren’t exactly liberal but they do lean more to the right. They’re missionaries which means we are known by many people and are respected by a lot of christians world wide so I always have an act I need to keep up. I recently became agnostic and it’s just really hard for me to pretend to be a christian, it’s weighing me down having to be someone I’m not every day and present this false version to my parents and everyone we work with.

It hurts me to hear how my parents talk about queer people and liberals/leftists because thats me. They’re indirectly insulting me and sometimes I slip and show who I really am then shut myself up before they can question me any further.

My parents aren’t upset because im autsitic but I can tell at times they wish I was normal (or least thats how I interpret it) I suck at socialization and every church or house we go to I dread it because of the process. I come off as rude on accident and embarrass my parents, I just wish I could be normal.

Theres so much I want to say but I wont. I just imagine the dread of coming out to them one day and telling them who I really am, I cant even imagine how disappointed they will be that all their time spent on me was in vain. I can’t imagine how all the people who my parents work with will look down on them when they see their daughter is a agnostic freak who likes woman. I’m going to disapoint so many people beyond my parents, my grandparents my cousins my aunts my uncles my christian friends…I have a cousin who is exactly like me and our family hates her. I don’t want to end up like that and I’m so scared

I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna have to keep this act up, I’m being forced to go to a Bible school for 6 months then go to a Christian university. I can’t escape the pressure I feel everyday and my mask is falling off. At some point I won’t be able to pretend anymore.

I know my parents seem bad but they really are lovely they just have their moments.

Im asking this bc I’m agnostic but my parents don’t know that and they’re forcing me to go to a Christian uni but I’m also bisexual and where I live it’s illegal to be queer so I have no experiences w woman and I really want some in university but of course that would be hard to find in a Christian university.

The university doesn’t necessarily have to be liberal just very loose with its rule and if anyone knows anything ab a secret queer or lesbian club or some shit idfk.

I’m sort of desperate here lol but any help is appreciated

I can’t help it, I’ve always been this way and there are just some foods that I can’t eat and I don’t know why it bothers them so much, I don’t complain about it or ask them to make specific meals for me and when we go out to eat I always pick the simple options. But my family are so incredibly bothered by it and I don’t see how this can affect them- if anything it’s hard for me way more then them. They’re not the ones who have trouble eating certain foods or gets triggered by a specific texture. I’m just tired of having to hear them constantly complain about it

Anyways if anyone else is going thru this lmk,