r/asktransgender

i’ve been getting to know a woman who i’m definitely attracted to, she’s witty, incredible politics, deeply caring, and has fantastic style, and obviously is gorgeous. i suspected a bit, and she recently confirmed that she’s trans. i have no issue with this, but i have never intimately been with a trans woman, and my sexual experiences are incredibly limited. obviously i know: “just ask her preferences” and i will, but i’d like to have a baseline idea of what intimacy with a trans woman is like. is penetrative sex off the table completely off the table? will she be uncomfortable with using her penis at all, or will she not mind? does she want me to be submissive or dominant? what exactly should i do? oral? or do i use a strap? obviously there are some things i will ask her, but i don’t want to bombard her with questions, or make her feel like her differences make sex less enjoyable or more like a chore. anything and everything would be helpful! thanks! ☺️

Im a cis dude and I have a trans (ftm) bestfriend who the other day I believe I have offended because i found a transgender flag and showed it to him and pointed it out saying “look, it’s you.” he seemed pretty hurt and i didn’t mean it at all like that, but i want to be a better friend.

Is it rude i did that? honest answers only please because im not too knowledgeble aboit the trans community.

(Marked as NSFW as I will be discussing things involving genitalia and such) For context I'm 20 years old and started HRT 2 months ago on the 14th of March with a dose of 5mg of estradiol cypionate every 7 days. It's a high dose yeah but since I'm doing monotherapy I do need my levels to be on the higher side since I am not taking any anti androgens.

Now I knew what to expect in the first couple of months, I did my research for many years and refrained from starting my treatment due to living in a transphobic household even though I would've loved to start E as a teenager. My plan was to just start 3-4 months before moving out after finishing college and whatnot. Here's the thing though, my body is feminizing crazy fast.

3 days after my first injection I had already felt my chest hurt and developed breast buds before the 2 week mark. Fast forward to where I am right now and my skin has gotten much softer and sensitive (anything hurts now lol), my body hair grows much slower after shaving, my breasts are a quite big A cup, even my senses like taste and smell have heightened a lot more and I was already sensitive with both. I also have some form of sexual dysfunction, my testes have considerably shrunk, takes a while more for me to gain an erection and whenever I orgasm only a few drops of a clear slick fluid comes out. And since last month I've been experiencing mild pseudo cramps, despite not being on progesterone yet. Hell some people in public have referred to me as ma'am now.

This has been nothing short of surprising, makes me wonder if I gotta do any adjustments but my endocrinologist told me to wait until the 3 month mark after an upcoming blood test to check my levels and whatnot. Mostly since I'm not experiencing any undesirable side effects like mood swings.

Even before HRT I already had some feminine features, always had a big butt and thighs and my chest was squishy yet I didn't have moobs. My hair and skin have also always been smooth which made me have an androgynous face but maybe that's just cause I always practiced skincare. I had a few but prominent Montgomery glands on my nipples and I'm starting to develop more, and many people describe me to have a femme or even motherly personality. I do however have some masculine features, for example I have a high muscle mass even if I don't really try. I used to take swimming classes and my upper body was quite strong looking cause of it people asked me if I hit the gym, so I stopped for a while and I did lose some muscle but still look muscular on my back, and despite having a large bottom body, plenty of my glutes and thighs are muscle too. Other than that I was mostly on the androgynous side until I had to present as male cause of my transphobic family.

I guess I'm mostly concerned cause I'm experiencing so many changes all at once that it's already tricky to hide from my family, I don't even move out til next month. I don't know if it's normal, my first blood test showed nothing out of the ordinary, my testosterone was on the lower side but still acceptable for males my age. My prog levels were quite elevated though for some reason, yet my DHT levels were below average which I find super odd, I even had the laboratory confirm my results just to make sure they didn't just input random numbers. I'm just wondering if I should freak out or not. Does my body just like E that much? Is this some sort of genetic intersex feature that I never knew about or some sort of androgen insensitivity? I guess I'm just confused

So, I want to be a man, but not in a trans way. Like, I don't want to medically transition. I just wish I was born a man. I'm forever mourning who I could've been, yk, if I was a guy. I don't know if this is like trans in denial or whatever, but I don't think I am because I'm fine with being a girl. I just wish I had the choice to have a male anatomy instead??? I don’t really know, I’m confused af

I looked up the trailer on YouTube and oh my god, I saw someone share their very resonating and heartbreaking experience/reaction after watching the movie and the replies to it were SO disgusting. People were calling them sensitive, that they need therapy, that they’re ridiculous, weird, everything, I was so APPALLED how people like THAT think they can just, invalidate and belittle someone’s experience that is LITERALLY related to the movie itself? And there were SO many, I wanted to cry because I too felt something with that movie and wanted to see other people’s LIKEMINDED experiences. Sorry just a vent ig, I’m younger so maybe that’s why I feel attacked idk, but yeah.

So, I'm a closeted trans woman. You know how it goes. I am on HRT, getting laser, I have a savings account for FFS. I'm just keeping things quiet until the big reveal.

I'm mid-30s, with a professional career, so I want to be well into transition before I use the words "trans woman" openly.

The part that's tripping me up in my preparations is my voice.

Masculinity generally fits me like an itchy jumper, but I'm alright with my voice.

I'm alright with being openly transgender as well. Not much choice when I'm taller than most men and sound the way that I do.

I just really, really want to be thought of as "someone who transitioned to be a woman," with some lingering remnants of my past.

I'm not alright with being "a man but a feminine looking one."

Realistically, what happens if I don't change my voice? Just my entire external appearance? Clothes, body, face, the works?

Can I still reach "clocky but proud trans woman", or am I always going to be seen as some guy?

hi, teenage trans boy here, i recently found out that my grandmother who is 80 years old is a trans woman and has been closeted all this time. according to her, the way ive come out to her as trans and explained my identity gave her the words to describe a feeling she didnt know she had.

however, she also has a lot of transphobia, both internal and external. she not only thinks i cannot be a man, but she also thinks she cannot be a woman because it was too late after she was born. she says she doesnt want to be seen as a woman because she doesnt think shell ever be a "real woman" because of her biology. to me it sounds like dysphoria.

if anyone has or knows any encouraging stories of elderly trans women around her age, please send me as many as youve got so i can show her that there is hope!!! i want her to know that it is not too late for her, and i need the proof to show her this. i dont know if seeing and hearing about other elder trans women will work, but i have to try. can anyone help my grandma?

The new counter-terrorism strategy the United States has proposed, basically says that if you're trans, or an ally, you are part of a terrorist group and they will track you down. I'm currently taking all my socials down and using VPNs because honestly, I don't want to be targetted. It might just be my anxiety but this is scary. Really scary. Please tell me I'm not paranoid

I’m a straight teen, but I hate the idea of having a body of a man, and idk what to do about it. I guess my question is just, should I use trans methods or accept it

Hello,

I recently started to socially transition as possibly non-binary to my friends and have been heavily considering starting estrogen (i even made the appointment recently). However, I have one nagging feeling that comes up every once in a while and it upsets me because I feel like it throws a wrench into what I already know. I do kinda like the thought of being a guy who is into other guys. I get the sense that this is more of a sexual thing than it is a romantic thing, but I still don’t know what to make of this. It feels like I really REALLY want to be trans but I can’t because of this one feeling. This thought comes and goes, but whenever it does it is so confusing and it makes me scared and doubtful.

I was thinking about start HRT someday, and start transitioning, but I have a fear of needles. I had a panic attack when I was getting blood drawn and I completely locked up. It scared the doctor. Is there a better way of doing HRT that wouldn't involve needles?

I'm an adult in my 40s, as is my best friend who I met in high school. We haven't been in consistent contact for a few years and in that time she's transitioned and started going by a different name. I'm 100% supportive and consider myself nonbinary, but I'm having a hard time thinking of her as her new name and femme identity. She doesn't seem to be too bothered when I slip up in conversation, and I always correct myself, but I'd rather just not make those mistakes.

Is there some sort of brain hack to re-conceptualize a person in your mind? We only talk every week or two so it feels like not enough exposure to reinforce her in my mind via repetition.

I’ve been on hrt for a year and i’m starting to like how I look in the mirror, but for some reason whenever I see a photo of myself I hate it so much. I think it might be because of my eye sight which is very bad making my skin look more smooth and stuff, but my long distance eye sight is bad and I’m right in-front of the mirror. Has anyone else experienced this?

Like so I am a girl

But I don't feel like a girl

Like yes I do

But I like the perspective of being a boy

I also like masculine haircuts and clothes

But like I don't wanna be a boy immnot ready to fucking gender change surgery

But I also like dresses and makeup

And like my female anatomy

But at the same time the perspective of being a boy sounds appealing

WHAT AM I

IDK WHAT I AM

I just know I like both women and men

And man idk

Ima Unicorn

ive been on HRT 5 years and don't pass or even come close.

ive rewritten this post several times. it's hard to explain what i'm feeling. even moreso to explain it in a way that doesn't illicit the cliche answers. 'not every girl experiences womanhood the same way' 'women are just as capable of being shitty as men are' 'it's what you think of yourself, not what others think' are these wrong? no! absolutely not. but they are not good enough for me. they don't leave me with peace or understanding. just makes me feel even more hopeless.

so i want to be one way. i have this idea of the woman i want to be, the experiences i want to have had, the way i look, everything all in my head. and there's also the way that i am. and the two will never be the same. i didn't know this 6 years ago when i started transition, but i know now that my hopes and expectations weren't realistic.

i don't pass. if i'm not going out of my way to shave (can't do it every day without getting a nasty red rash), do A LOT of makeup and have a coordinated outfit complete with jewelry and accessories, then i am essentially boymoding. i do not pass at all.

if i were a cis girl (nananananananananana) i could go out frumpy, without makeup, in a loose hoodie and jeans and people would still know i'm a woman. but if i do that now as myself, then i'll just be seen as a man without any doubt about it in their minds.

it's not just looks. it's socialization too. most women do not see me as one of them. i stick out in a group of them. they don't treat me as a girl at best they treat me like a make-a-wish kid or something. pity, sympathy, and a strong urge to treat me right but then they fail to do so becauss i want to be treated as one of them. men don't see me as one of them and they don't see me as a potential mate either. i know how shitty men can be to women. and cis women in the past have sort of rolled their eyes at me when i've expressed this, but i want to be on the receiving end of it. i want to know what it's like. i want to bond with other girls about it. i want to be desirable enough that they'd want me at all. obviously i do not want to be the victim of violence, that's not what i mean. but shitty pick up lines at a bar? awkward flirts where the guy stumbles over his words? i want that. but i won't.

i don't look like a woman so i'm not treated like a woman. i look transgender (at best) and am treated as such. an other. not a viable candidate for romance or friendship unless from another trans person. don't get me wrong, i love trans people. theyre the vast majority of my friends. but dammit i don't like being locked out of cis world. and i miss the rigid social structures and the clear (not really) direction they gave you.

i fell for the patriarchy. they got me. i thought all that was important was getting in a girls pants. and if you didn't then you failed and you're a loser, a virgin, unfuckable, etc. i took that shit seriously. i ruined relationships over it. i was so fucking insecure. and transitioning didn't just make that all go away. i STILL am in the process of reprogramming myself except now i'm fighting against the grain of the rest of society in order to do so.

i want to be a cis girl, but i never will be. ive been trans for 6 years, on HRT for 5, out publicly for 4 and a half. do i regret it? yeah kinda. am i willing to be a man? absolutely not. what the fuck do i do now?

please please spare me the cliche responses 'a lot of women have body hair' 'no one has the same upbringing' 'there's no one way to be a woman' 'there are kids dying in gaza fucking get over yourself and be grateful'. you are correct on all counts. 'get laser hair removal / FFS' idk if i'll EVER be able to afford that.

maybe i should post this in ask cisgender since it's hardly trans specific. what do you do when the version of yourself you WANT to be, desperately, is simply incompatible with the person you actually are? how do you make peace with who you are even when you hate it? is transition even worth it if i don't even reach HALF of who i want to be?

edit: i literally titled this post 'i wanna be cis and can't be. what now?' and genuinely getting so many replies like 'sorry to break it to you, but you can't be cis.' i'm convinced a ton of you assholes didn't actually read this post. just made an assumption about me and are engaging with that imaginary post.

I know it’s a weird question but I’m being sincere. If someone has all of the symptoms but ultimately still identifies as cis, is it still gender dysphoria?

I started this maybe a year+ ago, to stop my menstrual cycle as it was basically the biggest source of dysphoria. god im so glad its gone but im scared of what the cost of that is.

Im on a few different meds and im trying to narrow down which one is the main cause. Im ace, but I still normally enjoy sex, and want to have intercourse with my spouce lol, but ive basically felt nothing at all over the course of 6 months. Feeling really defeated and just want to figure this out.

Also, does anyone know or could point me in the direction of info about this medicine feminizing bodies? its kinda the opposite of what id like but I have to weigh the cost of wanting my period gone vs being more fem

Given that transition isn't an option for me, what am I supposed to do by how I feel? I'm nearly to a point where I can't function as a normal human being because of my gender issues. I kid you not seeing so much as a woman (especially lesbians) at just the right moment can ruin my day to the point I won't even work.

I'm breaking down crying almost every night because I hate every single masculine trait of my body. It's downright repulsive and I can't help but hurt it. I keep doing reckless things and develop an active disdain towards masculinity in any form and then also resent and envy women. I hate everyone including myself. If this doesn't end soon then I won't have many choices left for handling this. I literally cannot function like this

Im a cis lesbian and I think I may be more attracted to trans women/ any person with a pnis and is not a man (im not attracted to any men). I feel like all the trans women ive been friends with I have been able to relate to/be closer to than my other friends. maybe feeling able to relate comes from body insecurities, queer experience, less judgmental over visual differences etc. I really dont know why, also maybe I am just more attracted to that genetalia? is this trans chaser behaviour and I should work on changing this thought process? or is this normal? open to all opinions I just want to always be better. thank you everyone!

( I will always say that trans people are truely the gender they identify with regardless of HRT and surgery (or lack of it if thats what they need) and level of "passing" (which I know is based on transphobic and racist ideals that trans people are told they must embody))

Hi so I have been taking estradiol injections every two weeks ever since February 17. I just saw my lab results last week. My T has plummeted and my E is still not high enough so my dosage was increased by my doctor.

While initially I was so sure this was right for me, I'm still having a hard time. I've spent so long hoping for HRT and wanting to be a woman for pretty much the last ten years. But now, it feels like I'm standing on a precipice like I'm almost at the point of no return.

Like I'm beginning to get what i've always wanted. I feel my body changing. The breast tissue forming. The muscles aching. The skin becoming softer and more receptive. And yes I do enjoy it but at the same time I don't feel entirely happy? In fact I'm not sure what I feel. I'm mostly tired and sore everyday.

Everything is starting to feel so permanent and it is both exhilarating and a bit frightening.

Like pretending to be a guy is a lot simpler even if it is pretty unfulfilling. For reference, I am only out to my therapist. In my everyday life, I am still presenting as a guy and it's beginning to feel a bit disjointed.

Just need to vent. And to try to end with a question, I'm just wondering: Why am I still having these doubts and is there any meaning to them? Like is it a sign HRT is not right for me?