r/asktransgender

First I get confused at what I call my son who is Trans to girl... but that's not my q.

She wants to take estrogen without a prescription and it scares the heck out of me. I take meds for heart, epilepsy and immunosuppressants so its different than estrogen, but I don't want something to happen and her be a 1% that something bad happens.

She has 2 yrs til she's 18, but is getting impatient for the meds. I worry, but she is sad. What are others thoughts...others responses to the meds, side effects. Anything you can tell me.

edit: we live in AR where it meds are restricted to only those 18 or older.

So I have a friend who I had suspected might be transgender. It doesn’t matter to me so I’ve never really thought twice about it or treated her any differently. She has never spoken to me about the subject and I’ve never asked. Recently, we went out dinner. I paid and she zelled me. The payment came in with a different, masculine name, essentially outing her to me. Do I let her know so she can change it (or use a different platform if it can’t be changed) so it doesn’t happen again in the future? I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable but I worry that it could happen with somebody less accepting. I was thinking about just sending a message saying ‘hey, just a heads up your Zelle payment came in with a different name. We’re all good, just wanted to let you know for the future’ or should I just leave it? Thank you.

I’m in absolute shock right now and I just need some support or kind words, because I have no one in real life I can talk to about this. I live with my conservative parents, and today, my absolute worst nightmare happened. They found my stash.

​They threw absolutely everything away. Every single thing. My skirts, dresses, crop tops, all my lingerie, my makeup, my epilator, and my personal toys. Everything is sitting in the garbage.

​For years, I struggled with the internal "purge cycle" out of shame, but I had finally stopped. I was finally accepting myself, building my wardrobe, and finding some actual emotional stability. Those weren't just objects or clothes to me; they were my lifeline. They were the only things that made me feel like the woman I actually am when the door was closed.

​Now, my entire identity has been thrown in the trash. I feel so violently violated, exposed, and completely empty. It took me so much time, money, and emotional energy to gather those things in secret.

​I feel physically sick. Has anyone else survived this kind of forced purge from their family? How do you even wake up the next day, walk out of your room, and look them in the eye? I just really need to know I'm not alone right now because I feel completely broken.

Hi all, burner account for privacy. I am in a weird situation with my girlfriend of many years. So I (32F) have a "girlfriend" (38M, AMAB) she's been on HRT for ages, has done FFS, changed her name etc.

We've been dating since before she even started HRT but like.. I'm confused by her, she says she's "male" but she's not trans, yet she's done so many of the "trans things" yet she's male from birth I'm just.. I'm lost? I guess?

Extra background: She was born male, if asked, states she is male, uses female pronouns and we've been mistaken for a lesbian couple multiple times (I mean if she says she's male then like.. I guess we're not? Again, idk, the Mashup of pronouns always throws me for a loop.)

A few months after we started dating she said she bought HRT and started taking it (with my help sometimes) I help her inject, I've picked out clothes for her, she's even done voice training and I give her feedback, my voice helps her "tune" her own. But she's always been a "femboy" and always done her makeup and cross dressed at home.

Is she trans or is this something else? I am genuinely so fucking confused, we have very little friction in our relationship, we're both bi and pretty open, so we have no problems there, but this whole "transition" but not transition thing is difficult to navigate for me.

Should I ask her if she's trans? Does she think I'll judge her negatively?? It's like, I've done a lot for her so I don't see why she wouldn't trust me enough to say she's trans but.. idk, I never like asking because she says she's male so casually.

If she were to say she's female I'd totally be fine with it, again, I love men AND women! But ahhh idk, this is killing me.

(Also posted in another subreddit, so please excuse the fact that it's up twice, but I really need help here.)

I (a 17-year-old lesbian) had a very homophobic upbringing, so when I was older I wanted my 11-year-old younger sister to have a more friendly upbringing. I always answered her questions, including those about trans people. Currently, I've noticed a change in her; she's becoming more concerned with her appearance (and it's not just because of her age), she's paying a lot of attention to trans issues, her favorite character is a non-binary character, she's always happy when there's a character like that in a series, and the main sign is that she's been watching a lot of trans-themed films and uses a non-binary flag and a neutral name on her YouTube account. I see a lot of myself in her when I discovered I was lesbian, but I know it's a much more complicated issue. I follow trans people who have had very bad experiences, I have a trans cousin who also went through bad experiences, and I want to be a safe haven for her regarding this because I'm the only person who knows about it and who would best understand, being the only LGBT person in my house. I want to help her mature enough to face what she will face in the outside world; I don't want to hide her from it. I'm keeping her in the closet because I know how awful it was when I was there, but I want her to come out and understand what it's like to be non-binary in our world. But I still don't know how to talk about it. She wants to show me a movie on this topic, and I think that would be a good way to start this conversation, but I still don't know what words to use so as not to embarrass her or anything. I'm open to advice and apologize for any disrespect or ignorance.

Hi there,

I am the full time caregiver for my partner who is a trans woman with stage 4 colorectal cancer. We live in MI and have been through 4 different treatment centers, where we have dealt with discrimination, malpractice, and transphobia.

The treatment centers we have been to were the top recommended ones in the state for our situation, and 3 of them were NCI designated centers. My partner was diagnosed a year and a half ago and was given an estimate of 2 years to live.

I am extremely overwhelmed trying to find somewhere that will treat us with respect, compassion, listen to our concerns, and won’t be transphobic. I apologize if this isn’t worded the best or if I’m leaving out important context but I am just very exhausted and overwhelmed. I am happy to answer any questions or provide more information.

Does anyone have any suggestions for where to go that I could trust won’t be transphobic, even if you suggest we leave the country? I’m willing to try anything at this point, but I just don’t want to put her through more trauma and to have to keep looking for new places.

Thank you.

I’m 18, FtM. In short, dysphoria hit an all time high (horrible debilitating depression) and I ended up coming out to my fairly conservative dad because I figured I might as well get it out of the way

He was supportive. Even when I brought up HRT. He just told me to research with my mom

Later I brought up HRT again and he completely went back on his support. His reasoning:

-I’m too young and might regret my decision

-Tesosterone will affect my fertility and what if I want kids in the future

-Identifying as male is fine but HRT is going overboard

-“Happiness is found in the soul and HRT will only make you more depressed”

-It goes against all religions

I feel hopeless. I am 18 and should be responsible for my own medical decisions. I can’t move out or cut him off. I don’t know what to do

I don’t feel joy over being perceived as a girl, moreso “yep, that is certainly what I am”. It also never really comes up in conversation so I get no opportunities to feel euphoria I guess? but I would kill myself if I woke up in a man’s body I’m pretty sure, lol (I’m a cis woman)

I often come across as argumentative or rude in my writing. I am not trying to stir drama here. Please let me know if anything i said or some language i use doesnt pass the vibe check.

I am a trans woman on her way to get a degree in gender studies. Obviously bioessentialism is bad. I think the trans community has that as common sense. And I'm so glad the meme trend of "hey see this pretty lady? WELL SHE ACTUALLY HAS A PENIS HAHAHA isnt that so funny (because women cant have a penis, that's literally impossible)" is mostly dead.

But ive been seeing mpreg memes instead everywhere, even in spaces that are mostly trans-friendly (at least, from my POV as a trans woman; adding this caveat because yeah, a lot of places that claim to be for trans people are just for transfemmes), and it's been really getting on my nerves. To me it just seems like "hey see this masculine man? WELL WHAT IF HE GOT PREGNANT HAHAHA isnt that so funny (because men cant get pregnant, it's literally impossible)." The humor relies on a bioessentialist presumption that men dont have a uterus. Which is just factually wrong.

(Note: I am talking less about mpreg in fanfic or kink or roleplay, and more about stuff like people drawing bbno$ pregnant and then going "wow so cursed hahaha")

But I heard someone say that I am being absurd because most trans men are dysphoric about the fact that they still have the risk of getting pregnant. But I dont see why this makes the jokes okay, because going back to the futa memes, most trans women aren't particularly thrilled about having a penis either. Doesnt change the fact that women have penises. Plus, some trans women are fine with their penis, and I assume this is similarly true for transmascs as well? As in, some are okay with or even willing to go through pregnancy (although this definitely isnt a dominant opinion).

I have a couple trans masc friends, but none that are close enough that I can just... ask about this. So here I am.

Am i overreacting? Is my dislike for those memes because I'm doing gender studies, rather than because it's transphobic and transmisandrist? Obviously there will be myriad opinions on this, but I wanted to hear from the perspective of trans men.

I’m on the end of a panic attack so if my writing is poor that’s probably why. I’m 17 mtf, been questioning for a while, I have diagnosed panic disorder.

I stopped “questioning” for a while, until I broke up with my then-girlfriend. Then everything came back, so did the panic attacks, (also from how I was treated in that relationship).

Anyways, I ended up coming out to my cousin like two days ago, I’ve been kind of on edge since and dissociating. He was supportive, but it’s terrifying because this isn’t just in my head anymore. I came out after my mom was spouting crazy drunk shit towards me for wearing eyeliner. Just over text and just to him.

This is just so much, and I’m so worn out just existing right now. Are panic attacks common after coming out?

If i (19mtf) started saying ive got some sort of problem with my ovaries: they don’t work at all, won’t produce estrogen/any other hormones etc. etc., could i get away with that or would it be obvious that I am trans and just lying. I am 9weeks deep into HRT, and currently have small (but real and noticeable in the right outfit) boobs. I have not yet managed to access any voice training resources but i’m working on it. Would it be realistic to say this or not believable at all

EDIT: I work at a rugby/football (soccer for the americans) stadium and my role is directly customer facing, and i have to use the same toilets as our customers on a matchday. Lying about my identity would be safer for me as disclosing my transness has left me open to harassment and assault before in my role

My partner got a call from her pharmacist that said her copay for her hrt has skyrocketed because Ambetter Health (Florida) is no longer covering anything for gender dysphoria. Does anyone else know anything about this and how to get around it?

Hey everyone,

I’ve been thinking a lot about my (DIY HRT) timeline and wanted to hear from others who might’ve had a similar experience.

I started HRT (100mg spiro + 2mg estradiol daily ) at 15/late14 though inconsistent I took that daily but on alternate months then when I was 16 I started being fully consistent but a day gap between weeks at 17 I doubled my dosage (200mg spiro + 4mg estradiol daily ) and I’m 19 now. So basically, I’ve been on it through a big chunk of what would’ve been my later puberty years.

I did notice some changes over time:

Quite breast development (not huge, but definitely there)

slightly wider hips / some fat redistribution

overall softer look compared to before

My libido only went down when I double the dosage tho at 17

My height stopped around 15-16 I am 5’4

At the same time, I had already started puberty before HRT (like I got facial hair around late 14), so I feel like I was kind of in between both processes.

I guess what I’m curious about is:

how much does starting HRT at 15 actually affect long-term development?

did it likely “pause” or alter typical male puberty in a significant way?

are there subtle skeletal or facial changes that could’ve gone differently because of starting that early?

for people who started mid-teens, how do you feel your body developed compared to starting later?

I’m not really worried, just genuinely curious about what was going on biologically during those years.

Would love to hear your experiences or any insight!

Hope this is an appropriate place to ask.

I have been thinking I’d like to get a trans flag, button tattoo on my arm – visible if I’m wearing a t-shirt.

The thing holding me back is my uncertainty that it could it be insensitive, appropriation or something else I haven’t considered?

I feel somewhat silly asking this here among all the other incredibly personal and important posts. For context I’m a cis, pan, married guy (M+F). I don’t want to offend anyone.

My motivation is just to express solidarity, and, in my head, say ‘I see you, I got you’.

It’ll sit next to my rainbow space invader, so will have some company 😊

(sorry in advance for the fuckin essay)

Hi, very new to this, I suppose I should start with context. I've just turned 18 recently and live with my very conservative family. I've been very well behaved my whole life, such that my parents do trust me greatly and believe I share their opinions. They've even (maybe?) of dropped hints that they would be fine with me being gay as long as I keep it on the down low(I have some gayish mannerisms that they don't speak out against). I am otherwise very privileged as far as things go, really.

I intend to go full femboy as soon as I'm out of college, as my parents have even agreed to pay for college completely in exchange for me waiving my HIPPA rights for all four(maybe five) years. I'm not very happy with the fat distribution of my body, shape of my face, etc. and am too much of a lazy bum to change it the "natural way"(I'm 5'8" and 130 pounds but ALL of it is in my belly and my neck...). I would very much like to get on HRT, or whatever it is that would be best for me, as soon as I can.

However, as stated before, I have waived my HIPPA rights, and while I haven't tried just asking a doctor to lie to my parents, I am extremely averse to even trying. Additionally, my mother is extremely paranoid due to an overconsumption of fearmongering alt-right media- when I had a legally-required therapy session at 17 she begged me to tell her what I talked about, and when I even suggested not signing the HIPPA form she fully wigged out, saying "You're going to get a sex change!" to my face(which, I mean, to be fair, she's kinda got me there, but it wasn't a serious accusation), and stayed mad at me for a solid week even after I acquiesced. I do not think that asking for normal therapy sessions where I could possibly bring up this subject will be a successful course of action.

Maybe it's a lost cause or too much to ask of strangers on the internet, but I'd just like any guidance on what to do, I guess. I really don't know what to do. I haven't even learned to drive yet, so lying about my whereabouts is off the table as well. As I said, I recognize that I live a very privileged life, and almost wish I was a conservative nut like the rest of family just so I could enjoy it, but that isn't the case. If anyone knows how I could get resources, DIY or otherwise, or someone to talk to about this, it would be very appreciated.

edit: thanks anyone helping out, this stuff is good to know. Mostly what I've learned is I need to look into everything connected to my parents and how to subtle avoid or escape it. Clocking out for the day.

How exactly does gender affect on how a person feels like? What is the difference between feeling like a man or a woman besides the stereotypical behaviors?

No hate, just genuine curiosity

6 months ago i found that i was nonbinary. however, now im not sure. recently ive thought that i would love to be a girl. every moment of every hour of every day i think: "i would love to be a girl". however, the whole reason i thought i was nonbinary was that i never identinfied as a male and i had never considered the fact that i may be trans mtf. i also dont know if this is just a normal thing other teens go through. please, any insight helps.

They go by he/she/they pronouns, but I've been wanting to use they as I know none of the cis friends around us are going to use it. If I was them I'd appreciate it at least. They don't care that I "fail", but I want to be better because what if I still am not as good with the next trans person that only goes by one of them?

Problem is, me being trans as well was not the magic spell of being able to gender correctly as I thought. Luckily they don't only go by they, but I'm just so embarassed of not being better and how trained my brain feels at auto-labeling people based on their looks/expression.

I'm practing in my brain and in front of the mirror to get better.

It's bugging me that so many of my cis friends have been able to get used to she/her for me, even in my early transition and boymoding days, and I can't even be as good with my first trans friend.

This is pretty lighthearted.

This came up after a conversation with a trans animation friend of mine. I was talking about how I just found out The Last Unicorn (one of my favourite movies, I basically wore out the VHS when I was a kid) is on prime, and I can watch it again. She told me how it was a “trans movie” and sort of explained that it resonated with trans people. I didn’t quite get it. I was just wondering, for millennial and gen x trans people… is this a “trans movie”? Or is this specific to my friend?

l've been transitioning for about 5 years but two of those years has been me on progesterone and I've always felt embarrassed by this feeling but instead of morning wood like pre transition. I get this like wave of | need to be close with someone and I just feel warm all over and Jesus Christ I can't believe I'm saying this but the feeling of needed to get Bred LMFAOO. It takes me like a good 30 minutes of me holding my body pillow to get that feeling over me to be like Okay bitch it passed now I can be normal. I always get nervous and embarrassed talking about it cause I don’t wanna tell a guy this and have this feeling of them taking advantage of me feeling this way