3 months of HRT and still having major doubts
Hi so I have been taking estradiol injections every two weeks ever since February 17. I just saw my lab results last week. My T has plummeted and my E is still not high enough so my dosage was increased by my doctor.
While initially I was so sure this was right for me, I'm still having a hard time. I've spent so long hoping for HRT and wanting to be a woman for pretty much the last ten years. But now, it feels like I'm standing on a precipice like I'm almost at the point of no return.
Like I'm beginning to get what i've always wanted. I feel my body changing. The breast tissue forming. The muscles aching. The skin becoming softer and more receptive. And yes I do enjoy it but at the same time I don't feel entirely happy? In fact I'm not sure what I feel. I'm mostly tired and sore everyday.
Everything is starting to feel so permanent and it is both exhilarating and a bit frightening.
Like pretending to be a guy is a lot simpler even if it is pretty unfulfilling. For reference, I am only out to my therapist. In my everyday life, I am still presenting as a guy and it's beginning to feel a bit disjointed.
Just need to vent. And to try to end with a question, I'm just wondering: Why am I still having these doubts and is there any meaning to them? Like is it a sign HRT is not right for me?