considering how the elders in our culture would probably call us a disgrace and a traitor or something if we ever called CPS on our parents, im curious to know if anyone has ever done this.
Hi all sorry if I posted this before,
I feel right now it's me against everyone in my family. I love my Mum dearly but she is stressing me out. My Aunty and Grandma won't allow me in their house. Apparently I'm "dirty" and everyone in my family wants me to cut my locs cause apparently I can't get a job. I don't normally post myself online but this is me over the past 18 months with the wedding photo the most recent.
Mum wants me to do an exam for IT that's costs £300, I ain't got that money to spend rn haha ik it's important but not necessary. I love bartending/ cooking, I have worked in high end places and got invited for interviews for places in high end restaurants to bartender/ waiter
Mum hates it and she wants me to move out. Apparently my grandma has said horrible things about me behind my back, like my history as a child and the facts she HATES long hair on guys.
What should I do, me sleeping on the floor and my mum breathalysing me I think it's insane. Technically it's literally my job. I do want to move out but I do want to impress my family members
"A woman confronts her Jamaican father about his absence. "
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Because my mother threw away my top and had the audacity to say “i’m sorry if i threw it away”
IF ??? IF ??? So who was it ??? Casper the ghost ? Satan himself ???
What a clump nugget - fps
Why don’t they know how to say “I was in the wrong”
Fps man 😂😂😂😂
The more i get older - the more I realised these man are tapped and delusional
Our westernized counterparts wouldn’t be doing this i’m just saying, the behaviour a good chunk of african parents display isn’t normal !!!!
“I’m sorry if I three it away” - what does that sound like to you lot please 🤣😴
Translation to her message: “This is a condition. In America they want black people to be like that. Then no one will take you seriously. Have you ever heard any student in Kenya have such a diagnosis? Even, the ones who are going to diagnose you are also ill. I always tell people everyone is mad but the degree of madness varies.”
It’s crazy how they want to force me to go to college and expect me to get straight As when they won’t listen to me when I’m genuinely telling them I have a learning problem. I privately told this to my mom that I have ADHD and that I’m struggling with school. The constant cycle of failure. It took a lot and years of build up to tell her this because being vulnerable in this house is hell and Africans also think anything to do with mental health is fake and “American” despite scientific evidence and countless studies done on it. I was hoping she would keep it a secret but she ended up telling the whole house and this whole day they’ve been talking shit about me, I can’t even defend myself I have to listen to them disparage me because when I try to defend myself and prove something they deafen their ears and dismiss me. I tried to talk to her again privately because I don’t trust anyone in this house, I slightly trust her more but that trust is withering. She responded “have you ever seen any CEO’s have ADHD? Have you ever heard of any big bosses having ADHD?” I didn’t know how to respond to that because why would I be looking into CEOs or bosses if business is not what I want to pursue. I just walked away crying and accepting that maybe I shouldn’t go to college anymore, but then again I’m being forced to.
So will I get diagnosed with ADHD? No I’m gonna have to watch myself fail because of traditionalism and stupidity and because I lack money. How can I convince them to take me to a doctor?
just a short story time *sighs*
Moving on
**for me personally** I already look down on the _ideology_ of siblings with a FAT AGE gap (an age gap of 6 or more years is too much for meeee )
But yeah i have an older half sister - she’s 14 years older than me (i’m 22) … sooooo when i had a mouth infection yeah (i was 19 when it happened) … she turned around to say “at least you’ll be able to loose some weight”
I-…. ?????
Mind you i’m slimmer than her (i’m 5’6 and 90kg and she’s 5’2 and 130kg)
But it just made me think …. if we was closer in age - would she have said that ? And it also made me think “why do *_some_* Africans have a age hierarchy superiority complex” (or whatever it’s called) thinking they can tell the younger lot anything they want - but if we do it back it’s bare long 😴
Like i just found it mind boggling - idc if we have blood shared between us by our mum, what makes the handul of them so comfortable saying these things ? I’ll never know
And why do some parents allow this to happen between the siblings aswell ? Oh for flips sake
Free us, honestly
A few years ago I submitted an application to Cornell University from Accra.
First class degree. Real ambition. Absolutely no idea what I was doing.
I didn't know how American admissions committees thought. I didn't know how to frame my story for people who had never set foot in Ghana and had no reference point for what it meant to come first in your class at KNUST. I didn't know that financial aid could be negotiated. I didn't know that the English proficiency test — the one the university listed as a requirement — could be waived if I made the right argument. I didn't know what made the difference between a personal statement that gets filed and one that gets remembered.
I figured it out through research, through asking questions that nobody around me could answer, and through making mistakes that cost me time and energy I didn't have.
I got in.
But I have thought about it since — how different that process might have looked with a proper guide. Not a generic Western guide written for someone in Ohio. Something written for someone in Accra, or Lagos, or Nairobi, or Harare. Someone starting from where I started.
In the years after, friends started asking me for help. Then friends of friends. I kept writing the same emails, answering the same questions. Eventually I stopped writing individual replies and wrote everything down instead.
A few things that surprised me most — and that most people never find out:
You probably don't need the English test. If your entire education — secondary school through university — was in English, many universities will waive the IELTS or TOEFL requirement if you write a clear, well-argued request. Most African applicants never try. Most who try, get the waiver.
Financial aid offers are negotiable. Particularly at US universities. If you receive an offer that doesn't meet your need, or a better offer from a comparable school, you can contact the financial aid office and make your case. This is expected. It is not presumptuous. Most African applicants don't know this is even possible.
The personal statement is not about your achievements. It is about your thinking. Admissions committees read hundreds of impressive CVs. What they remember is a specific, honest, particular voice. One that reveals how a person sees the world — not just what they have done in it. The instinct to lead with credentials and downplay the personal — which many of us were taught, for good reason, in contexts where that was exactly right — works against you in an admissions essay.
Your background is not a disadvantage. Presenting it clearly, without apology, is a learnable skill. And it is the thing that makes the difference between an application that gets filed and one that gets someone leaning forward in their chair.
I wrote all of this down properly last year. If it would be useful to anyone here, happy to share more in the comments — on any part of the process.
emotional terrorist who do everything to hold u back then punish you for the failure they caused.
Context
I just got a job in school. Being the nosy person she is, she knows my work and school schedule. I would call her every morning bc if not, she would lose her shit. She doesn’t answer I assume she is asleep and go about my day. She calls back like 10 times knowing I’m at work and I just sent a simple message asking her to stop and this was her response 🤦🏿♀️. Then continues to send messages when she knows I’m in class and these paragraphs are popping up on my screen I’m in fucking o chem losing my shit getting shaky, panicky, unregulated, distracted, hot. I can’t wait to get away from them they have discouraged me and broken me down and made themselves the most important person in my life.They have zero self control to where they are obsessed with controlling everyone and everything around them to avoid facing themselves. LEAVE ME ALONE!
Edit: These few responses have me in my feelings. ik how bad it is but something about other ppl seeing it too… I’m working everyday this summer and getting my own place. Thanks for the wake-up call.
so I failed 2 classes again this semester (anatomy 1 and microbiology). this was supposed to be my comeback semester because last semester I fell into a deep depression and I failed all my classes. Last semester I was a neuroscience major but switched to public health this semester after realizing that medicine is not something I truly want to do.
I started therapy and eventually got diagnosed with major depressive disorder and inattentive ADHD, which I suspected I had for years given my performance in school and my life overall. I just started medication and was just granted ADS accommodations, but that was approved at the end of the semester unfortunately. However, I was able to pull through a little for the final and figured out that body doubling works for me.
I have to move back home next week. My parents are Nigerian and older, and only one has been paying for my school which I’m incredibly grateful for but also have been carrying extreme guilt over since i haven’t been doing well. My home life is very depressing and keeps me very limited and lonely. I am also the eldest daughter with two much younger siblings.
My mom always asks for my grades. After my final yesterday I admitted to her that I’m failing microbiology. She gets upsets and asks why I’m failing. She thinks that I’m getting distracted and badly influenced at school, suggesting that I’m following bad friends, partying too much, working too much, or have a boyfriend that’s distracting me. I barely do any of these things. My life literally just consists of class and struggling to get through assignments and studying. Only on rare occasions do I go out with friends, but I never allow it to take over my studies.
I don’t know how to explain my struggles to them and why i’m failing. Many moments in my life have proven to me that they are not safe spaces to come to. They don’t understand. I haven’t told them about my diagnosis bc I know they don’t understand mental health, but im literally considering saying fuck it and telling them everything. I don’t have a proper excuse to give them.
I’m scared that they will force me to stay at home and transfer somewhere closer. I managed to find housing at an on campus apartment (this was extremely lucky and very last minute as all other housing options were not available). They agreed to cover the costs, which once again I am incredibly grateful for. I’ve been searching for more financial aid but haven’t received anything yet.
Im about to enter my senior year and this summer I’m planning on retaking these two classes and doing some harder classes at my nearby community college. I know it’s more financially relieving, but I also know that if I stay at home I will genuinely lose myself and my mental health will worsen.
I was planning on staying on campus over the summer and doing summer classes so I could finish in time. But this semester has been another setback and I’m afraid I won’t finish my degree on time. Staying on campus would also make me feel a little better since I wouldn’t have to be at home.
This was a bit of a rant but I just feel very heavy and stuck and don’t know how to go about all of this.
Seriously, I dont get why some people are so against dishwashers and want to do everything by hand . Seriously, how are you benefiting from putting yourself through more trouble. Is there something im missing???
Genuinely just the title, I’m tired of living in this house, having been wanting to get out since I was like 10? And the moment that really convinced me is when my dad broke my sister’s nose because she wouldn’t come down to do the dishes.
The plan I am had set up was; I would first finish highschool and get my diploma. Afterwards I can choose if I start in September or February for college so I will take the February option, I’ll work from June till December, full time, get enough money to move to the college dorms, find a part time job and keep paying my dorm ofcourse and save enough money whilst I’m studying to eventually when I graduate move into an apartment, in a province that is 2 hours away.
So is this a solid plan or not?
I was watching TV next to her when, out of nowhere, she told me I’m an animal. I asked her why she would say that, but she continued by pointing at my body and saying I’m fat—which she finds disgusting and embarrassing in front of her friends.
Then, again completely out of nowhere, she kept telling me, “Have children.” That’s actually the core issue—she’s been resentful toward me for the past five years because I don’t want kids (and also because of the weight I've gained).
I’m the daughter of immigrants, born and raised in Europe, and she hates that I didn’t turn out the way she imagined. In her ideal world, I would marry a man from our country of origin, have children, and balance a full-time job with motherhood. She’s upset that I didn’t follow her script, because now she can’t plan a big traditional wedding or talk to her friends about grandchildren (all of her friends are already grandmothers).
I completed my bachelor’s degree in the country where I was born, then moved to another European country, learned the language from scratch, completed my master’s degree, and now I work in a demanding, high-level job. I’m also happily childfree. None of that makes her proud—she sees me as a failure as a daughter.
Back to that evening: she kept insulting me, pushing my buttons, and digging deeper just to hurt me—for no reason. At some point, I exploded. I screamed back in full rage and said horrible things. I honestly don’t even remember everything I said—my brain just went into survival mode.
After that, I went to my bedroom to recover because I could barely breathe. My little sister came in to comfort me. When she left the room to get me a glass of water, my mother started beating her—just because she had supported me.
My sister tried to block her, and that’s when my brother (her golden child and my sister’s twin) came out and started attacking her as well.
My sister screamed for help, and I ran to the living room.
My brother then threw a glass object at my face. I managed to cover my face in time with my arm, which hurt badly. I grabbed something and threw it back at him, but he dodged it, and it hit the bathroom door, leaving a hole.
When everything calmed down, I went back to my room. My mother stayed in the living room. The only thing I heard her say was:
“Look what she did to the bathroom door.”
My arm was hurting. My soul was hurting. But hearing that… I was just speechless. That was the final straw. In that moment, I realized she truly didn’t care about me.
Luckily, I had a flight back to the country where I live two days later. Since then, I’ve gone no contact.
Last April, I received a voice message from her apologizing—for the first time in my life. She said:
“I’m sorry. You know sometimes I speak too quickly without thinking… I love you, I love all my children. Please return my calls—you can’t leave me like this. I won’t say anything anymore.”
My sister thinks I should let go of the resentment and forgive her because “we’re family.” But my gut feeling says otherwise.
Any advice is welcome. Love you all.
She just makes problems worse, ugh my ring finger i hurt it in pe i cant even move my hand. The pain went away at the moment but it resurfaced and my gran helped a bit but it just hurts so bad still, and she said why didnt you tell a teacher and i say it didnt hurt then and shes talking about some it probably did. Why is the blame actually being placed on me? Im sure if someone actually i don’t know stabbed me somehow she would find a way to blame this back on me. This is why me and my sister actually dont tell her anything and get our gran to help, because our gran actually helps us. I don’t know what the hell is going on in her head. Please tell me if yours do this too
I dont even know where to start, i'm so sick of this and her. She told me to mop the kitchen and context I'd never done this before and she hadn't shown me how to squeeze the mop when it gets to wet so when I was done it was still kinda wet, and so when she saw that she proceeds to start screaming about how I can't do anything, How she wishes she'd sent me to a boarding school all while i'm struggling to squeeze the mop, because shes making me do it again, and I basically find it impossible to focus on a tasks if someone is activly screaming at me but nope! She doesn't care! She goes on about how i'm lazy and how I make her feel like a failure and how she's going to send me to a boarding school. She almosts hits me because as i was moving a bucket it bounced of the side of the wall and to her that was me having an "attitude" and after all of this I just want to go to my room and avoid her for the rest of the day but no, she tells me i'm have to wash and boil chicken for tomorrow, I have no idea how to do the former but she doesn't care because the only thing that brings her joy is putting me down. I don't think i have or will ever hate someone as much as I hate her
My manager was asking for my availability and as i was sending it my dad js kept complaining 🤦🏾♀️ Talking bout “why would u be working till 8PM, that’s so late” and his reasoning is because he can’t take care of himself. He’s talking bout how i have things to do at home (cook, clean, serve him) and how i have to take care of my 14 year old brother. I’m 17 with no job, experience, and no money for uni. My dad wastes his money on some dumbass business in nigeria that isn’t even working out. I was tryna tell him that im obv not going to be working everyday and i work for a few hours, not a few days. This nga starts threatening me saying he’ll stop me from working.. MIND U he asks me for money every other day.. Even for uni, he was like “idk how that’s gonna work yada yada, idk how you’ll go to uni cuz who is gonna take care of ur brother” YOU ARE HIS PARENT!!
The clock is ticking apparently. Now that I’m almost 30 I’m supposed to have been married and have at least one child now. I’m sitting right next to an aunt telling me this, wasting my time for over an hour…
She also told me not to move out unless I’m married. Girl FUCK you and that 😒 I can’t live with my mom and provide for her financially for the rest of her life. I have a life, too!!! I have debt.
Some of you would say just don’t say anything and move out. I can’t just do that because the money I give my mom every other week helps pay her bills.
I can’t take it anymore…thoughts?
Is that all they care about? Just because I haven't graduated yet doesn't mean I'm a failure. Just because I don't have a fancy job yet doesn't mean I'm a failure. And they are so out of touch as well. No, walking in with a resume is not gonna work. It's 2026 not 1990. You don't just snap your fingers and end up with a job or degree.
I dont care about so and so's kid and what they're doing.
No, I don't want to listen to your dumbass insults and idiotic lectures.
These people and their bombastic voices are EVERYWHERE. There’s either an argument going on, a bunch of mindless yelling and screaming, three people talking in the phone at once with their loud African voices, and nonsense everywhere.
When I tell you I have tried everything to get away from these people and their stupidity I am not exaggerating. I have tried headphones to drown out their stupidity and toxic traditionalist rhetoric, I have tried ear plugs to go to sleep in this loud house. I have tried waking up early like really really early (3am) just to find some dumbass or dumbasses awake in the middle of the night eating some beef stew and talking on the phone to people back home. Ive tried being a night owl and staying up late at night and still there’s someone still awake at that time. Does nobody sleep in this house?! I’ll come from work and school and still find someone here and even worse they’re with visitors.
This irks my soul because I also have ADHD and huge sensory issues so I cannot even concentrate in this house especially when it comes to school, and the library is like 30 minutes away and I have no car. And the amount of illogical stuff I’ve heard in this house to justify idiotic acts is ridiculous and impressive. It’s impressive how religion and traditionalism can allow someone to sustain themselves across the bounds of knowledge (barely).
Anyway I’m moving out I’m too tired of these people and seeing their faces.