r/PointlessStories

Yup, you've read that right.

On one occasion, a bee crawled onto my face and then onto my lips, stubbornly trying to get inside my mouth. This happened when I was meeting someone for the first time and I played it cool.

The second time, it flew into my mouth as fast as it could, and I immediately spat it out.

One landed in my beer without noticing when I took a sip. I grabbed a chunk with wiggly legs that I had almost swallowed from inside my mouth. I felt mortified by the taste of all its legs while surprised by how light it felt in my mouth.

The most terrifying time, a bee flew onto my eyeball. It wouldn't fly away and crawled around as I tried my best not to blink to prevent it from stinging my eye. I panicked and eventually it flew out. I ran away. I learned that some bees like to drink our salty tears.

Today, I covered my entire face when one flew near. It decided to buzz near my ear, then proceeded to crawl inside my eardrum. Loud buzzing was heard inside what felt like my brain. My flailing hands and movement helped it fly out, only for it to then try to go inside my nose once I moved my hands. With closed eyes, I blindly started smacking the person I was with to get their attention to help guide the bee away from my insides.

I feel like I may need therapy now. This all happened in a the past few years. I am going to cover my entire face with my shirt now when a bee flies near, but it'll probably find its way up my other holes. I may need to wear a protective net when I go out.

This was back in the 90s. I was a very shy kid and I started my period at age 10. I had to go to the restroom at school to change my pad and I was mortified that the pad wrapping made so much noise. My friend asked me what I was doing. I ended up just telling her the truth, which embarrassed me and put me on the spot as she bombarded me with questions about what it was like.

I decided to write to Always and asked them if they could make quieter wrappers.

Nothing came of it. They just sent me a thank you for my letter.

I’ve collected and used fountain pens since high school. I got my first Waterman pen in ‘00 at high school graduation. I currently have 30+ pens which I use in regular rotation. (My favorites are Pilot Metropolitan 🙂 and Kakuno). Me and DH aren’t rolling in money, so we frequent 2nd hand stores. I was rummaging through a bin of pens at a thrift store and spotted the Montblac cap design and thought, “Knock off?” Nope. Completely legit Meister rollerball ($300+) pen sitting in a tub of ballpoints. ✒️

When I was a kid, I was at a school with a predominantly non-English speaking student population. I, being the lazy kid I was, didn’t bother to learn how to speak any other language than English. With the little fluency I had, I managed to somehow have a whole ass conversation with a kid a year below me about whether toothpaste was necessary for brushing your teeth. At least, that’s what I understood at that time.

She had asked and I said no in arabic. And that was it, that’s all I literally said. She clarified that my answer was no, it was not necessary. Then, she proceeded to call me disgusting, said my breath likely stinks and that I have poor hygiene, and all sorts of insults. And how did I know? I may not understand the exact words but the first thing you always understand in a new language are cuss words right?

For the next TWO years, I kid you not, she would hurl insults every time she saw me. She would do it even in front of her friends. I never tried to talk to her or tell her in English that I don’t understand for some reason. I just thought this was an absurd thing to be so passionate about. The fact that I had not said even a word to her every time she insulted me should make her realize that I did not even care, so you would think this energy is so not worth spending.

I did tell a friend that I managed to “offend” her when she decided to “scold” me in front of said friend and walked away. My friend proceeded to chase after her and explain to her I literally did not understand a word she said. She apologized and rightfully looked embarrassed. We did not backtrack to what the conversation even was.

So now it’s been like what, a decade later? I came across her profile on Facebook and well, what do you know, she’s a dentist.

P.S I’ve always used toothpaste and I don’t know why I said I didn’t.

My husband in bed, looking dreamy and trying to get my attention

Me with a mosquito racket: there are mosquitoes!

Him, giving me sexy eyes: there are no mosquitoes

Me, swatting: there are 3 mosquitoes!!

Him, beckoning: there are no mosquitoes

Me: there are, too!

Him, with a smile: so are there 3 or are there 2?

Me: fuck it there are no mosquitoes

(there were mosquitoes. Bites all over my backside but worth it)

My wife found some old Pokémon games in the closet and decided to list them on eBay. Within half an hour, eBay had decided that she was some sort of menace to society (which is fair) and permanently suspended her account. She’s now going around in circles with the customer service AI chatbot and presumably being placed on some kind of FBI watchlist of people who have old Pokémon games. I think I hear helicopters approaching our house.

This is a story from back in 4th grade and I just remember it every time i see a spider.

I used to get bullied back then. My bully locked me from outside the washroom, right around the time school had ended and we had to catch the school bus. So I was just there banging on the door and crying like a kid, because I guess I was a kid.

Finally the janitor came in and found me. I had missed my school bus. They helped me tell a teacher and call up my parents but they couldn't pick me up because they were both working and far away.

Then I was just waiting for the bus to come back because they said they'd help me get home. I was under a tree and i think I yawned? and a spider fell in my mouth which i spat in my hand. I wasn't cool back then so I was very scared and grossed out. Now I really like spiders although i wouldn't want them in my mouth.

The bus came and the driver asked me about what had happened and i explained to him about the bully. He said that I shouldn't worry. It was really cool that I got to ride back home on an empty bus. It was very kind of them.

Vendredi soir, après une longue journée de travail, j'étais épuisé. J'attendais le métro à la station Oxford Circus pour rentrer à Liverpool Street. Franchement, je ne pensais qu'à une chose : rentrer chez moi et dormir.

À côté de moi, une jeune femme avec un bébé dans une poussette. Elle semblait distraite, perdue dans ses pensées. Quand le métro est arrivé, nous sommes montées toutes les deux. Mais juste avant que les portes ne se ferment, elle est soudainement sortie de la rame… laissant son bébé à l'intérieur.

Pendant une seconde, le métro tout entier s'est figé. Personne n'a compris ce qui venait de se passer, et avant même que quiconque puisse réagir, le métro était déjà en marche.

Le bébé s'est immédiatement mis à pleurer. Je l'ai pris dans mes bras et j'ai essayé de le calmer en lui chantant une berceuse. Heureusement, au bout de quelques minutes, il s'est calmé.

Je suis descendu à la station Holborn et j'ai appelé la police. Ils sont arrivés assez vite, mais je n'ai pas pu rentrer chez moi avant des heures. J'ai dû répondre à de nombreuses questions et attendre pendant toute la durée de l'enquête.

Le plus étrange dans toute cette histoire, c'est que, tandis que tout le monde autour de nous était stressé et paniqué, le bébé est resté parfaitement calme dans mes bras… et a fini par s'endormir.

No sé si hice bien o mal pero fue cine total.
Publiqué una PS2 vieja que tenía juntando polvo, cae un flaco re desesperado tipo “amigo te la compro YA”. Viene en una moto sin patente, me paga TODO en monedas y billetes doblados como si hubiera robado un kiosco.

Hasta ahí raro nomás.

A las dos horas cae un patrullero preguntando por “un tipo con camiseta de Boca y mochila de Spiderman”. Yo pensé “listo, fui cómplice de algo”.

Resulta que el loco había discutido con la novia, vendió el microondas de la casa, compró la Play y se fue a lo de un amigo a jugar al Winning Eleven “para despejarse”.

La novia lo rastreó por MercadoLibre.
Nunca vi una historia tan grasa y tan triste al mismo tiempo.

During a business trip to New York, I was staying at a friend’s apartment on the Upper East Side. Every morning around 6 a.m., I’d leave the building for work and, strangely, I kept seeing the same beautiful cat sitting near the entrance.

At first, I thought it was just hungry. So I started giving it whatever I had with me — a snack, part of a sandwich, sometimes even part of my lunch. But as the days went by, I began to feel like the cat was actually trying to tell me something. It would meow, walk a little ahead, then turn around to make sure I was following.

On the fifth day, curiosity got the best of me. I decided to follow it.

The cat led me to the door of an apartment in the neighboring building. And the moment I got there, I noticed a very strong smell of decomposition. I immediately called the police.

They discovered that the owner of the apartment, an elderly woman in her eighties with no children, had been dead for several days.

I still think about that cat sometimes. Honestly, without it, nobody would have realized anything was wrong for a long time.

Back in the 1970s my grandparents decided they needed a couch that fit the two of them and their three sons all at the same time. My grandpa has always been the farm kind of handy and my grandma has always been an environmentalist. They drew up a design for the perfect couch that could fit five that would be made with reclaimed wood and organic nontoxic latex foam cushions.

Since it was the 1970s the reclaimed wood came from a fallen tree from their yard and the latex foam had to be mail ordered from South America along with the glue it needed. The fallen tree was hard rock maple, a ridiculously strong and dense wood. It's what bowling lanes are made with. Literally wood you can hurl a bowling ball at and it won't make a dent. It's also incredibly heavy.

My grandpa is great at building things but he's not a furniture designer so the couch was really a church pew. An incredibly overbuilt, heavily reinforced church pew so their perfect couch could last forever. He had sort of just eyeballed the angle for the back rest so it was nearly 90 degrees and absolutely unbearable to sit on. It was so heavy that it took all five of them to get it in the house even with my dad and his brothers all being teenagers at this point. The organic latex foam was so thin it just felt like sitting on bare wood because it was too expensive to buy more than a small amount. It also smelled like latex for months and they never used the other 95% of the special glue.

So they gave up on the perfect couch. Not before trying to use the bulletproof church pew for weeks but they did eventually go back to the combination of old chairs and couches they had before. Actually getting rid of it or buying something new was out of the question based on who they both are as people. They also got divorced and never designed anything together again, which was for the best.

When my dad went to college a year or two later, the couch was the only piece of furniture he was allowed to take with him because no one ever used it. He managed to get it to the house he would be living in, but no one was willing to help him move it again so it just stayed there. It's probably around somewhere still, that thing was built to withstand a fucking atomic bomb.

I tried to help an old woman that I saw going past my gate.

I've seen her a few times and I never like it. She is clearly not in a condition to be walking back and forth to the grocery store, because of the way she is hunched over her little cart.

This time when I saw her, it was in a place on the road where I could pull over and offer her a ride.

It turned into a complete nightmare.

I guess it's hard for other people to process that when I say I cannot sit or stand still because of the osteoarthritis in my spine, I don't mean just that I don't love it, I mean I CANNOT.

It causes extra pain for the rest of the day and night and all the next day and night.

I severely limit my driving for the things I want and need to do because of it.

I felt like I could handle taking her to the bank and the grocery store and then she wanted to eat at jasons deli and of course, she didn't believe me that there is nothing I can eat there...

When we got there I ordered chips and a coke, which is what I told her I was going to get but she didn't hear me.

She was upset and got her food to go. She said the whole point was to take me out, so where should we go?

I was like ma'am I really appreciate the thought but no I don't eat out BECAUSE I CAN'T SIT.

By this point I was almost in tears.

It's really frustrating to tell somebody something over and over and over again, and they keep ignoring you.

So we get to her apartment and she refuses to call my number from her phone, and she can't remember her phone number to give me, so now we have to wait for her to take out a pen and paper.

(She wanted to pay me twenty dollars once a week to be taken to the grocery store. I had said ma'am, i would help you for no charge if it didn't cause me pain, but with that being the case, there's no amount of money that would make it worth it to me. I'm going to ask my friend who needs the money and my want to do it...)

By this point I am completely dying and I just want to leave so badly...

But I keep forcing more and more patience and I took her groceries up her stairs while she was looking for the pen and paper.

She found it while I was gone and wrote down my number, so at this point I am ready to go!

She says are those all the groceries?

Yes ma'am those are all the groceries... I opened the trunk to show her that it was empty.

She's like it just doesn't look like $70 worth....

At this point, i'm going to start screaming if I don't leave.

It's been two hours! I have to get into my safe position on my side.

So I know it was rude, but I didn't understand how to get her to let me go.

Would I have to go get the groceries off of the porch and bring them down to pull out and compare to the receipt?

Would I have to wait for her to get up there to go through this process?

Fucking no way... I thought it was horribly, horribly rude to start doing that to a stranger under any circumstances, but after I told her I have got to go because I can't sit and I can't stand!

😢

I'm still worried about her because apparently she can't navigate finding someone to take her places or Uber or via or grocery delivery, but I cannot help people like her.

People who have an argument for everything. I don't expect someone that i'm helping to do everything the way I suggest, but if they want to say stupid things to me like I have to get my own groceries even if it kills me... I can't work with that 😀

I did put a note on next door to see if anyone would like to have this gig but it might be impossible because she hasn't called me.

I think she is mad that I just drove off, but I did not know what else to do.

In hindsight, I can see that I should have said diane, i'm sorry but I have to go RIGHT NOW.

I've never been good at getting away when someone doesn't want to let me get away.

When I was younger and went to partiesiI was famous for leaving without saying goodbye to anyone because I can't cope with the 'no don't go'

This isn't the same, but it made me think of that.

Oh, my god that was such a huge mistake on my part.

I should have absolutely left it at the bank and the store.

I felt bad for her because i know that it's hard without a car, really wishing to have some food without paying doordash $30...

I thought I can do one more 4 mile round trip but i was wrong and it really was terrible.

What she didn't understand and what no one understands is that I will also suffer all day tomorrow for this and even the next day.

😞

After a very rough day because of things out of our control and him just being a dad, my dad (59) and I (32) had a discussion about whether an ice cream machine is a freezer. I love that we can argue on and off throughout the day and still end it on a pointlessly good note.

He’s convinced that since an ice cream machine freezes the milkshake mix that it’s a freezer. I don’t agree, I think it’s just a machine that uses science to make ice cream.

We are both simultaneously right and wrong. It was a very nice way to end a stressful day.

Another morning, listening to the birds singing, I sit in my chair as usual, observing everything on my desk: books, a water bottle, my pens, my phone charger, and many other things. In the distance, I hear the soft footsteps of women walking down the street, as well as the roar of a truck engine accelerating.

I have a sharp pain in my calf that has been affecting my walking these past few days, and I think it's caused by the excessive pressure I've put on my leg in the last few months and weeks. I suspect this is a consequence of walking longer distances—about 7,000 steps to work, and another 7000 steps to home after work.

The pain has intensified more and more, so much so that I haven't been able to walk these past few days. I take the minibus (tro-tro) to work, which further reduces my already meager salary. It's a vicious cycle: low-paying job, stress causes injuries, and then I have to use part of my small salary for treatment at the hospital. Sometimes I wish I'd never been born, because what's the point of all this suffering? What am I living for? I sometimes ask myself.

So the answer that comes to mind is books; If not for anything I love books. Is it possible that, through these anguished thoughts, dedicating my entire existence to reading might bring me some kind of joy? I've been an avid reader for the past few years, and has it brought me any form of joy, fulfillment or comfort? I can't answer that either, but thinking about it, no hobby has brought me true fulfillment.

I'll end here, I'll just keep wallowing in my loneliness, sadness, constant lack of money while I drown myself in books, live music, food I enjoy and the sweet and tender love of my mother, Afia Julie.

To ask again, what is the point of reading books if they don't contribute anything to my life, don't make me any happier than others, or if it's because they might help me improve my vocabulary compared to my compatriots who don't have the habit of reading?

I was in my mid 20's staying at a hotel in Reno with my then boyfriend, for his son's pee-wee football tournament.

It was our first morning there and my bf got up early and came back with McDonalds breakfast for us. Typically I enjoy a good ol sausage and egg McMuffin, but that morning it made me violently ill, so I stayed in the hotel room while they went on to the game.

An hour or so went by and I was feeling a little better, but thought that some saltine crackers and ginger ale would help ease my stomach and I remembered seeing a liquor store just across the street a little ways. So I got up, stepped into my flip flops and headed over there, just wearing what I was wearing, which was a baggy t-shirt and some short bike shorts.

As I'm walking there, a man approaches me and asked if I was working. With a smile I said, "yep! I have a job", and went on my way. Then inside the liquor store another man asked me the same question, which I thought was kind of weird, but I answered the same way. Then on my way back as I'm about to go back into the hotel, ANOTHER man asked if I was working! I was really kind of confused but answered, "yes. I'm a dental assistant where I live. I don't live here" then headed up to my room.

Back in my room I was racking my brain why these men thought I didn't have a job, or that I needed a job, and best I could figure was that maybe they worked for a nearby hotel that was hiring. It wasn't until my bf came back and I told him what happened that I finally realized why they were REALLY asking if I was "working".

Every time I think about how I met my wife, it still makes me laugh.

A few years ago, I went on vacation to Miami and really wanted to try parasailing. Honestly, the experience was amazing… right up until the landing.

I completely messed up my descent and almost ended up in the water. Luckily — or maybe unluckily — there was a jet ski right below me… and I literally landed on it.

The funniest part is that the person driving it was a gorgeous brunette. I was incredibly embarrassed and apologized immediately. But instead of getting mad, she burst out laughing and simply said, “Nice to meet you.”

And that was the exact moment our whole story began.

am not sure why but I just watched a video of a cop investigating a baby left in a stroller in the parking lot of the hospital. Title was ,teen mom abandons baby'. Starts with the people that found the baby saying that the mom and dad, both the mom and the dad, left the baby.

Then they are interviewing the couple. Dad is off screen but audible. Mother tells cop she didn't leave the baby in the parking lot, she left it with the father. Father agrees she left the baby with him but says he is not the father so he just walked off and left the kid. It is established that he is on the birth certificate and that he was the last one with the baby. Editing to add, the mom was arrested.

One day, I was peacefully fishing by Lake Geneva near Lausanne. It was super quiet, barely anyone around.

After a while, I noticed a small airplane in the distance. At first I didn’t pay much attention, but the closer it got, the more I realized it was repeatedly flashing its lights at me.

My brain instantly went into disaster mode.

I started thinking:
“Wait… maybe the pilot is trying to signal distress? Engine failure? Emergency landing?”

The plane kept circling near my direction, so the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that he was trying to get someone’s attention on the ground.

Without hesitating, I called emergency services.

I tried explaining the situation as seriously as possible:
“Hello… there’s a plane above the lake flashing its lights at me… I think something might be wrong…”

Silence on the phone.

The operator slowly started talking to me like I was someone who had spent way too long under the sun.

Then came questions like:
“Uh… sir… are you sure the plane is signaling specifically to you?”

At that point, even I started doubting my own sanity.

About 30 minutes later, my phone rang.

It was my pilot friend.

First thing he said:
“HAHAHA did you see me? I flew over the lake, recognized you fishing, so I flashed my lights to say hi!”

That’s when I realized I had probably mobilized emergency services because my friend was saying hello to me from his airplane.

I usually buy the vanilla greek yogurt with the blue lid every single week. It’s my comfort food, and I eat it at exactly 8:00 AM while checking my emails. Yesterday, I was on autopilot at the grocery store, grabbed the container with the blue lid, and went home. This morning, I peeled back the foil and was shocked to find chunks of peach at the bottom. Turns out the brand redesigned their packaging, and peach is now the blue lid. I was originally pretty annoyed because I hate unexpected textures in the morning, but I didn't want to waste it.

I took a bite, and it was honestly amazing. It tasted like summer. I ended up sitting on my porch to enjoy it instead of staring at my work inbox like a robot. My whole morning felt just a little bit brighter, all because a graphic designer decided to mix up some colors. I'm still going back to vanilla next week, but it was a nice little plot twist for a Tuesday.

My 4 year old niece is the best, she’s so wise for her age.

She’s always telling me and her Nana she loves us, and we say we love her too and she says no no I love you like soo soooo much.

Hearts of gold these kids…

Later I ask her what should we do? She says “Popsicles for everyone!” And I’m thinking yea she’s spot on with that idea.

Couple days later, her mom (my sister) starts yelling that I let her 12 year old son climb around on the roof of the house for some fun exercise and my niece yells “STOP FIGHTING!”.

Anyway I’m starting to put it all together, and I think we should lower the running age for president. This 4 year old doesn’t say much but but also she’s not all wrapped up in the complexities of life wanting $600 dollar bottles of wine and lavish country club golf vacations. Her running platform is covered

Peace ✌️, Love 💗 and Popsicles 🥶 for President!