r/NeverSentLetters

​

I don't hate you

No, I couldn't if I wanted to

I just hate all the hurt that you put me through

And that I blame myself for letting you

Did you know I already knew?

Couldn't even see you through the smoke

Looking back, I probably should have known

But I just wanted to believe that you were out sleeping alone

Loved me with your worst intentions

Didn't even stop to question

Every time you burned me down

Don't know how; for a moment it felt like heaven

Loved me with your worst intentions

Painted us a happy ending

Every time you burned me down

Don't know how; for a moment it felt like heaven

On my tip-toes

But I still couldn't reach your ego

Guess I was crazy to give you my body, my mind

Don't know what I was thinkin' 'til now

Everyone thinks that your somebody else

You even convinced yourself

And it's so gut-wrenching

Fallin' in the wrong direction.

How did you sweep me right off my feet?

Your life is just made up of deciet.

I see you when you're down

And depressed, just a mess

I see you when you cry

When you're shy

When you want to die

I see you when you smile-

It takes a while

At least you're here

I see you

Yes, I see you

I'm alone with you

You're alone with me

I see you when you hide

And when you lie, it's no surprise

I see you when run from the light-

Within your eyes

I see you when you think-

That I don't notice all those scars

I see you

Yes, I see you

I'm alone with you

You're alone with me

What a mess you've made of everything

I'm alone with you-

You're alone with me

And I'm hoping that you will see yourself-

Like I see you

Yes, I see you

I see you

Yes, I see you

I'm alone with you

You're alone with me

I see you when you chase

All the dreams inside your head

I see you when you laugh

And when you love until the bitter end

I see you in the dark

At the dawn of something new

Yes, I see you

Even when you cry

And even when you're shy

You mean everything to me

Even when you lie

And even when you hide

You mean everything to me

I just needed to put this out somewhere as I'm trying to grieve my feelings.

I miss you. I can't stop thinking of the memories we made, how we met and all our long ass messages. I miss holding your hand, kissing you and cuddling you, it was all I ever wanted. Every morning I woke up, you were the first thing in my mind and still are. I thought about you throughout the day and it feels like that will never stop. Good morning texts or any texts for that matter were something that helped me get through my day. I was always excited to make plans with you or when you asked to go out. Even as things were getting worse I still hold those times very preciously. I hope you saw and felt that I did my best for you because I cherish you. I wish I could help you get through your mental blockage as I have dreamed since the beginning of getting married to you and having a little "M" of our own. Your smile, your voice, your smell are all ingrained into me. I miss giving you back rubs combing my hands through your hair and just watching your face. The little forehead wrinkles your smile lines and that perfect little nose of yours. Even if you feel self conscious about your smile, I thought it was one of the most lovely things about you. And don't get me started on the insecurity with your hair. Even if you lose all your hair, I would love you forever, you are beyond handsome in my eyes. Your eyes and how much attraction they held for me. I hate that I want to be selfish and keep you to myself. I hate thinking that if one day you find someone else that you'll leave me completely, but I'll always respect your boundaries. I can honestly and confidently say that I love you M.B. You were the first boyfriend I had to ever actually want to get married and have kids. You were my everything and the future I wanted. There's so much more to be said but not enough words to even express how much I love you. It hurts me more than you know to see you go and watch our dreams fade. The ache in my heart the sleepless days, shortness of breath, anxiety, depression. It all hits at once and feels like I'm losing myself in an endless nightmare. I know I'll eventually find peace but just know that if one day you somehow decide in your heart that you can work things out. That you can find yourself falling for me again. Please come back to me.

You will always have a spot in my heart.

I’ll leave the domestic violence for you though since you still haven’t learned from what you did.
I loath you for using and manipulating me while I was vulnerable. Enough about me….what you did to my family is inexcusable.
Words can’t describe how much I HATE you for stealing my time from my kids. They needed me. You’re sick but you know that already.
I’m moving on. You aren’t going anywhere.
Remember what I always told you… karma is coming. It always comes eventually.

It doesn’t matter what I do (good or bad) you see me as this terrible person and I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s projection or what but I refuse to let someone I once considered close to me see me as someone that I’m not. I’m loving, patient, kind, caring, fun, and level-headed. But the fact that you see me as the complete opposite of ALL of those is extremely hurtful to me and dismissive of my true nature. However…no matter what…even when you do the things you THINK I’m doing, you’re still somehow in the right? Everything with you is justified “is different”, so how come you get a pass but I’m ALWAYS the villain in our arguments? How do you think that makes me feel?? Every time I’m trying to fix things with you, still…you’re dismissive. Saying “I don’t care”, “I don’t believe you”, and saying that the steps I took for reaching middle ground aren’t good enough/don’t count…like what??

We don’t disagree on everything actually, the ONLY thing we disagree on is why we keep arguing about communication. Literally…THAT is the only thing we argue about and the only thing we disagree on. I told you when we first became friends and after our first argument “me and you are exactly alike, but where we differ is where we butt heads”. And where we differ is our perspectives on communicating (communicating how something made us feel out what concerns us to be specific). We agree on how we find it necessary to set boundaries, we agree on what we want out of the people in our lives and our expectations of them, we agree on stupid people lol, we agree on what we want in our futures (career, love, kids), we agree on how people shouldn’t be judged for who they are and what brings them joy…the list goes on.

But again…you sum everything up with me to be something bad to paint me as the problem and you minimize your actions to put yourself as the “better person”. I can’t change how you continue to view me no matter how much work I put in, and I can’t make you care when you blatantly tell me you don’t. I love you dearly and I wish it didn’t come to this…but I can’t subject myself to being hurt by the way you always paint me out to be the villain. 💔💔💔💔💔💔

I think what hurts the most is that I wasn’t imagining something small with you. In my head, loving you meant building something real. I saw a future with you in ways I never really allowed myself to imagine with anyone else before. I pictured comfort, stability, a home that felt warm and safe because you were in it. I pictured growing together through life, through hard moments and good ones, learning each other deeper with time instead of running when things became uncertain. I wanted a family one day, quiet mornings, shared routines, laughter in a kitchen, building a life that felt like ours. I wasn’t looking for perfection—I just wanted partnership, honesty, and someone willing to stay and try with me.

That’s why this hurts so deeply. Because while I was slowly building those dreams in my heart, you were standing in a completely different place emotionally. I thought we were moving toward something together, even slowly, and then one day it felt like the ground disappeared underneath me. I was blindsided by the realization that the future I was emotionally preparing for was never something you were certain about at all.

And what breaks me is that I would’ve fought for us. I would’ve communicated, worked through things, tried to understand you, tried to grow with you. I never needed you to be perfect. I just needed you to choose to stay and try beside me. But instead, I was left carrying the weight of dreams that suddenly had nowhere to go.

Sometimes I still mourn the life I thought we could’ve had more than the relationship itself. Not because I’m delusional or stuck, but because I loved you sincerely enough to imagine forever in places where I had once been careful and guarded. I let myself believe in something bigger with you. And losing that felt like losing a version of my future too.

But even through all this pain, I know now that I cannot build a future alone. Love cannot survive on hope, patience, and understanding from one person only. A home, a family, a lasting relationship—those things require two people choosing each other fully. And no matter how much I loved you, I could not make you meet me there.

What is the use of learning how to say what you feel in different languages when you cannot say it to the one you love?

Mahal kita. Wo ai ni. Ninakupenda sana.Ich liebe dich.Jag ӓlskar dig.I love you.

I love you so much - more than words in any language could ever fully express. I keep asking myself what I could have done differently, even though a part of me knows that love cannot be forced, no matter how sincere it is. Still, it hurts carrying feelings this deep and not being able to place them in your hands the way I hoped to. Now I scream your name in silence while tears fall endlessly and my heart aches with sadness. Dearest, let me love you tenderly. Let me hold all the love I have for you without feeling like it has nowhere to go. Every part of me still reaches for you, even in the quiet, even in the pain.

You left me there. Sitting at that outdoor table. Sobbing. You just left me there…I couldn’t find words while you walked away. Was it easy? You didn’t even check to make sure I made it back home okay. I was breaking down and you asked “do you want me to stay or go?” I know my eyes held venom. And yeah I wanted you to stay, but why should I have to ask it? Could you not feel me crumbling? You’d never seen me cry and while I don’t want to believe you meant to be cold, you’re avoidant ass did not know how to handle it..I guess. Or idk. Maybe you’re just a fucking coward. You couldn’t finish what you started. What YOU brought back from the dead. The feelings that you dug up and wouldn’t let lie. You dragged me back down the rabbit hole and then burned our dream world to the ground. You struck the fucking match and then blew it out. But mostly, you left me there. Sobbing. And never came back.

I read an apology yesterday that made me cry. I haven't cried in like two years. I don't know for sure if you wrote it, but the language and pattern sure seemed like you. It was beautiful, I literally felt a damn break. I finally felt like you figured out what I've been asking for this whole time. I also cried because I couldn't feel you anymore. I guess our special bond is now gone. It's my fault. I am awful at communication, I could have told you years ago what I needed to trust you again. But you know me, I always fuck up a good thing. I'm sorry I hurt you, that I wrote about you here, that I didn't trust you or your love. I'm sorry for everything. I know that doesn't matter to you now. That my apologies, in your eyes at least, mean about as much as used toilet paper. I guess I'm being selfish by even adding them in this. I do want to tell you while I'm still on here that I love you. That I think you are amazing. That you make me laugh and cry. You gave me piece when my own mind was trying to kill me, and for that I can never express how much I appreciated it. I know I've fucked this all up. I know how you are, you take pride in the fact that you can just shut off all your feelings for someone and walk away. I guess that's your superpower. I deserve it, I guess I am the monster you think I am. But before you walk away let me just say that I love you and will always love you. And will never stop thinking about you even when I should. Because let's face it when it comes to love I do everything wrong. I'm going to get off Reddit now. It's been the only place to contact you as you seem to hate it when I directly contact you. It's also been the scene of my worst crimes, where I have hurt you the most. I don't want to come back here. Just know that if you ever want to talk to me agian I will pickup, but all I ask is that it be direct. If I never hear or see you again just know. You make me happy C.

B.

I failed you. I wasn't ready for your storm. You werent ready for my endless rainy days. A co-dependant fuck fest at best .

I know you did all you could.. I know I gave you all that was left of me. It was all built with rotted wood... Anyway

​

I was scrolling thru movies and I came across one, it made me think of you. I dont know why, all I could think about was if I was still around I would be showing it to you and saying "hey look \[name redacted\] right up your alley". Its about about two people who were friends a long time ago, and then become lifelong romantic rivals.. Makes me wonder if that'll happen with us later on. But most likely not. I could only imagine what it'll be like running into you much later on.

Could you imagine hearing from me? I still have your number, you dont know mine but I know yours. How would you react if I texted you out of nowhere, saying who it is and asking how youre doing? Would you be ecstatic? Or appalled? Not sure if its a good idea considering what had happened between us. There's a lot I want to share with you. And more I wish I could share with you. There's even something I totally want to get you for your toys. You know because I enjoy seeing you happy with what you enjoy. Like I said before \[name redacted\] I miss you, but at the same time I dont. What would things be like if we reconnected later on in life. If I did would you tell your current lover(s) that I'm just another former friend.. or an "Old Acquaintance"