I refuse to be “the problem” in your eyes anymore
It doesn’t matter what I do (good or bad) you see me as this terrible person and I don’t know why. I don’t know if it’s projection or what but I refuse to let someone I once considered close to me see me as someone that I’m not. I’m loving, patient, kind, caring, fun, and level-headed. But the fact that you see me as the complete opposite of ALL of those is extremely hurtful to me and dismissive of my true nature. However…no matter what…even when you do the things you THINK I’m doing, you’re still somehow in the right? Everything with you is justified “is different”, so how come you get a pass but I’m ALWAYS the villain in our arguments? How do you think that makes me feel?? Every time I’m trying to fix things with you, still…you’re dismissive. Saying “I don’t care”, “I don’t believe you”, and saying that the steps I took for reaching middle ground aren’t good enough/don’t count…like what??
We don’t disagree on everything actually, the ONLY thing we disagree on is why we keep arguing about communication. Literally…THAT is the only thing we argue about and the only thing we disagree on. I told you when we first became friends and after our first argument “me and you are exactly alike, but where we differ is where we butt heads”. And where we differ is our perspectives on communicating (communicating how something made us feel out what concerns us to be specific). We agree on how we find it necessary to set boundaries, we agree on what we want out of the people in our lives and our expectations of them, we agree on stupid people lol, we agree on what we want in our futures (career, love, kids), we agree on how people shouldn’t be judged for who they are and what brings them joy…the list goes on.
But again…you sum everything up with me to be something bad to paint me as the problem and you minimize your actions to put yourself as the “better person”. I can’t change how you continue to view me no matter how much work I put in, and I can’t make you care when you blatantly tell me you don’t. I love you dearly and I wish it didn’t come to this…but I can’t subject myself to being hurt by the way you always paint me out to be the villain. 💔💔💔💔💔💔