Muph & Plutonic

Let's talk about what happened here

If something did happen, maybe I can help?

You wanna help me?

You look like a man that could use a friend

There's no one else, okay? It's me

It's just, I'm alone, that's it, okay? There you go

So the day begins with an overwhelming vibe that rides through my skin

Feeling dry, but I take the high sights in

I'll get by with the right kind of swing.

It's all good, the way it looks from within.

You get shook, broke down, crook, busted wings

Cause everything seems to bleed, the need to give in

It's the simple things that might invite this shit in.

And you ain't got to lock yourself away.

You got a lot to offer, you know that mate?

I been there, scared to face the music,

Feeling like shit cause all you do is do shit.

And nothing seems to match up,

And they seem too far away to ever catch up.

Bad luck comes in abundance-

Hung-over,

Picks me up from the carcass fungus spreadable-

And these mates the unforgettable-

Barely edible moments.

Feeling totally lost, a way to find focus -

The important thing in life is to know this

A better man, still kinda hopeless

Life shouldn't be so rough

It's like clockwork, and such is life

This is not work, when I'm holding the mic

And what I've got's worth, more than my pride

These things stop dirt from killing my mind

It's like Panadol, Paracetamol

These things, they clear in my brain

It's like Panadol, Paracetamol

You ain't got it yet? Well it's my friends and my fam

The gems and the fans that stem from the Dan

The blend of jam that brings balance to your toast

The effects of the feather and cloak with a missing dagger

Now what's the matter that clears it all up?

When life blatantly sucks, I know that I can trust,

In no longer giving a fuck about what's pulling me down -

Foolin around with my girl like "Look at me now"

I'm lovin it, me and my stubborn dick.

These luxuries of a beer and seat sit comfortably,

While she sips on the bubbly, lovely little cheeky grin-

Sounds soft but that's what's pullin me in.

Huh, sounds soft but that's what's pullin me in

We get along like Mork & Mindy-

She's got my thoughts caught on stiffy

Pulsating brain but that's horn in a kinky way

And I'm sure these dismal days.

Are just a pitiful phase, though the world caves in-

I turn my shoulder, switch on the ignorance

Try and convince myself to be oblivious

Panadol kickin in, movin through the system

And it ain't that bad

Muph & Plutonic

Let's talk about what happened here

If something did happen, maybe I can help?

You wanna help me?

You look like a man that could use a friend

There's no one else, okay? It's me

It's just, I'm alone, that's it, okay? There you go

[

So the day begins with an overwhelming vibe that rides through my skin

Feeling dry, but I take the high sights in

I'll get by with the right kind of swing.

It's all good, the way it looks from within.

You get shook, broke down, crook, busted wings

Cause everything seems to bleed, the need to give in

It's the simple things that might invite this shit in.

And you ain't got to lock yourself away.

You got a lot to offer, you know that mate?

I been there, scared to face the music,

Feeling like shit cause all you do is do shit.

And nothing seems to match up,

And they seem too far away to ever catch up.

Bad luck comes in abundance-

Hung-over,

Picks me up from the carcass fungus spreadable-

And these mates the unforgettable-

Barely edible moments.

Feeling totally lost, a way to find focus -

The important thing in life is to know this

A better man, still kinda hopeless

Life shouldn't be so rough

It's like clockwork, and such is life

This is not work, when I'm holding the mic

And what I've got's worth, more than my pride

These things stop dirt from killing my mind

It's like Panadol, Paracetamol

These things, they clear in my brain

It's like Panadol, Paracetamol

You ain't got it yet? Well it's my friends and my fam

The gems and the fans that stem from the Dan

The blend of jam that brings balance to your toast

The effects of the feather and cloak with a missing dagger

Now what's the matter that clears it all up?

When life blatantly sucks, I know that I can trust,

In no longer giving a fuck about what's pulling me down -

Foolin around with my girl like "Look at me now"

I'm lovin it, me and my stubborn dick.

These luxuries of a beer and seat sit comfortably,

While she sips on the bubbly, lovely little cheeky grin-

Sounds soft but that's what's pullin me in.

Huh, sounds soft but that's what's pullin me in

We get along like Mork & Mindy-

She's got my thoughts caught on stiffy

Pulsating brain but that's horn in a kinky way

And I'm sure these dismal days.

Are just a pitiful phase, though the world caves in-

I turn my shoulder, switch on the ignorance

Try and convince myself to be oblivious

Panadol kickin in, movin through the system

And it ain't that bad

Wow

This date. Coincidence.

This is really heavy to write. I can't even bring myself to do it.

Friday the 15th of May (today)

My son's 10th birthday. I missed the last one 8 years ago. Was a shit year.

May 15 2018 I learned a few weeks ago that Uranus had started seven year cycle in Taurus.

Well that was a start of a seven year cycle for me too it was a really hard one. On the 25th of April I'm Uranus moved into my sign Gemini - so I guess that was a closing of one cycle and this is going to be the beginning of a new one.

Astrology what a joke right - when you start to lose control over the most simple things in your life it's easy to turn to something like that gives you a bit of peace and hope you know.

I didn't realise it was now Friday the 15th. But I've found myself awake again going through old photos in my phone. I don't know what I was looking for, but just happened to go back to actually 2021.

I guess when I'm feeling pretty shit it's always good to go back and see when it was even more shit. Offers a bit of perspective and you know - a little bit of fear. A little bit of fear can be a good thing you know- gives you a kick up the ass.

A lot of things in my life haven't been very consistent. It has been full of constant changes though. You know what they say; the only consistent thing in life is changed.

I can definitely stand for that. But you know at some point too much change just becomes instability.

Most of those changes haven't even been willing on my behalf.
I feel like I've been forced into a lot of them. I guess another consistent thing in life is loss. I could probably talk a lot about that too. I always thought loss would scare me. but when I think back on it now - I've been pretty numb to it all. Really it's never affected me as much as I thought I would. Maybe some things I just havent addressed yet- I've just recently learnt how much I suppress things so it's possible.
And maybe other things the value in my life just shifted - so the Loss didn't really feel that significant. I realized I had been living without it, pretty much, my whole life ,anyway.

There are still some losses that take me by surprise. Really hit me hard. And I guess it's because those things felt genuine to me . Which is a rarity. So when I find something that I don't just believe but inherently feel is genuine I want to hold on to it....

And this is where I get to my second Sting...

What's going through my photos, I found some screenshots of conversations that I've never seen before. I don't know how after all these years I've missed these but tonight I'm seeing them.

And now I'm questioning .... Why did I believe this was something genuine? I mean current situations and circumstances and events would suggest that you know it would suggest certain things not favorable to myself. .. but I still believed because I.... Well now I'm confused. I can't actually identify where it went so wrong because now and I think back it was probably never ever really right.

The way you've spoken to me- the way you have lied to me - manipulated me & jeopardised my safety and my well-being for I don't even know what whilst expecting the world from me, see all that on my screen now it kind of ... Well ... I'm hurt.

I know I probably only took screenshots of it because it was really bad so I'm not getting a clear picture of everything but I do remember you hurt me a lot back then still and I don't know why I made so many concessions for you - I guess I was in a really bad place as I said those we're really hard years for me very hard I didn't know what I was walking into I didn't know the life that had become mine. I was really scared and I was really vulnerable and I look to you to keep me safe which is an unfair expectation but you wanted to play the role.

And I just don't know what to believe anymore.

Yes one lesson that I really been having to go through over the last few weeks is that two opposing truths can be true at the same time. Seems like a conundrum. And I've been talking about duality for years.. so it seems like it should be the same but this is a bit different.

So maybe two opposing truths can exist at the same time maybe two versions of you can exist at the same time maybe both things are true. Sounds like a cop out right?

Or maybe there's just a really hard harsh cold lesson to learn about you - that 7 year cycle. You're the final ending.

I really don't know what that means.

But do you know it really scares me.

And there's a lot of tears. A lot of big emotion.

And despite everything I've seen - the emotion for you - can't say Ivehad it for anyone else ever.

When this should be anger there is not. This should be resentment there is not.

I'm not going to tell you there's not pain. Because there is a deep hurt inside my chest - and I wish I could say it's because I'm done with you and I'm angry and I'm so disappointed and disgusted in myself and it's because I'm so hurt beyond the care for you... Does the furthest thing from the truth..

And I don't understand because sometimes I can actually feel you hating me. Out of absolutely no where. Just a random passing thought of feeling as if it was my own but it's not because it's a hatred from you. I'm looking back at those messages I'm guessing that hatred's been there for quite a while. I could never understand it but I know it's always hurt me. Maybe I mistook that for your own pain - because I know you've got a lot of that too.

Anyway may 15th is always a painful day. It reminds me of loss. Of regret. Poor choices. Like being trapped in a really small room trying to claw your way out of the walls. But the walls are concrete.

Every year. On this day. It's heavy.

But to have these realisations today- at the time not knowing that it was today at the very start of the day literally like 12: 30am - wow.

These are the two biggest pains in my life. My biggest losses.

My son who I don't even know anymore

And you- who did I ever really know?

Two of the three things I really love in the world... Two of three I have to love silently. It's a lot to keep inside.

Doesn't make me more loving keeping more love. Thats a weird statement.

It's not like even a normal sadness it's more like a grief. Maybe that's what grief is misplaced love I love that can't be placed.

7 years cycle ended... 7 year cycle begins...

I don't feel excited.... I feel really scared

Pretty good at letting people go and everything and changes.... But I don't think I'm prepared for the end.

Even though I don't think I ever mattered to you - you matter to me you matter to me and that was important... So I'm just going to let the truth be the truth that I've lived with and I've carried for this time - even if it's delusional it got me through so for that I love you. I choose to love the version of you the ideally felt it within my heart and soul rather than the one that is projected onto my phone screen or not existent.

To my son... I don't believe in having shame because it serves you know purpose but I don't know how to not have shame for this. It hurt me so much. Every single day I question who am I really because I can't be a good person - to have lost you in my life, I'm not as good person. I'm a shit person. A good person would have you in their life. I failed you and I'm sorry. Sorry just feels like an insult.. it's not good enough.

And I feel even worse because no one would even know. And that's why shame is a really bad thing- because it makes us bury things that dont deserve to be burried. That's not to say I didn't try because I have but there's an acknowledgement that I definitely could have tried harder but that's the other funny thing about shame it makes you feel undeserving. It's not that I don't love you - I just know you you're in good hands and you know I don't want to hurt you. And it feels so sad because I don't even know you anymore and you wouldn't even know who I am.

And I can't think about it cuz god it breaks me. I hate myself so much for it. It's not because I don't love you - and I hope you don't grow up thinking you unloved because if you do have any hangouts like that it's my fault. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I failed you. Sorry I haven't not been there for you.

I really f***** up.

I don't know if I'll ever see you again. What would I even say what would you say to me.

I just I don't know how to deal with it. I wasn't equipped to deal with this. But I kept pushing on thinking that I would make a change it I'd get you back.... I thought it would have been done by now and you know they see time heals everything but sometimes time makes things worse.

And none of this is fair on you. it's just pathetic on my behalf itselfish. Sorry is not good enough. I love you is just not good enough. I cant actually do something that's good enough, that's all I've got and it's nothing. I'm so sorry.

. And everyone's like you should write a journal and give it to him you know so he knew every single day you're thinking about him. What the f***** words. Theyre just empty t f****** words.

What's only means so much - but after so long they mean nothing if there's no action behind them. So I didn't do it NOT because I didn't love you or not that I didn't care.... It's just because They just words. I wouldn't want to read them if I were you. Id get to a point you just throw it back in my face and be like well why didn't you do something. I wouldn't have an answer. Everything was really s*** and I was drowning. You don't have to read that - that's not fair on you - that not your fault or problem .... so I didn't write you words. Just suppressed it so deep inside. And when I do bring it up it scares me how much it hurts.

I'm sure a lot of people just think I'm heartless. I don't care what they think. I do care what you think though.

And if it's an excuse because none of its good enough.

I just don't know what to say so I'm going to leave it at that.

I'll be the first person to tell you how fucked I am

Everyday I'm learning some kind of lesson

But even after being a little more aware

I go back on that lesson

and do the complete opposite - go back a square.

But I'll admit it

And I'll wear it

But it's just sometimes

I arrive at some conclusions

A place that gives me some peace

And all I want to do

Is offer that peace back

To anyone willing -

Its just insight - not fact.

And I do that hoping

That maybe they'll find some clarity

in a shared perspective

- even if just momentarily.

Not one person is perfect.

And that was basically the message I was trying to portray.

We all share the same struggles.

And when we identify with that

rather than just our own pain and suffering

And our internal narrative...

Maybe just maybe

we would start treating each other

with more Grace.

Less angry posts. More understanding. Les paranoia. More personal growth.

But hey I know that spirituality is not for everyone and that's fine because I don't think spirituality is anything without some kind of grounding self-reflection.

It's not about giving yourself to the divine... It's about going within and asking yourself why

The blind man may be blind but you know what ...

he might have more insight than

he that can see.

I'll be the first person to tell you how fucked I am

Everyday I'm learning some kind of lesson

But even after being a little more aware

I go back on that lesson

and do the complete opposite - go back a square.

But I'll admit it

And I'll wear it

But it's just sometimes

I arrive at some conclusions

A place that gives me some peace

And all I want to do

Is offer that peace back

To anyone willing -

Its just insight - not fact.

And I do that hoping

That maybe they'll find some clarity

in a shared perspective

- even if just momentarily.

Not one person is perfect.

And that was basically the message I was trying to portray.

We all share the same struggles.

And when we identify with that

rather than just our own pain and suffering

And our internal narrative...

Maybe just maybe

we would start treating each other

with more Grace.

Less angry posts. More understanding. Les paranoia. More personal growth.

But hey I know that spirituality is not for everyone and that's fine because I don't think spirituality is anything without some kind of grounding self-reflection.

It's not about giving yourself to the divine... It's about going within and asking yourself why

The blind man may be blind but you know what ...

he might have more insight than

he that can see

I'll be the first person to tell you how fucked I am

Everyday I'm learning some kind of lesson

But even after

being a little more aware

I go back on that lesson

and do the complete opposite -

Go back a square.

But I'll admit it

And I'll wear it

But it's just sometimes

I arrive at some conclusions

A place that gives me some peace

And all I want to do

Is offer that peace back

To anyone willing -

Its just insight - not fact.

And I do that hoping

That maybe they'll find some clarity

in a shared perspective

- even if just momentarily.

Not one person is perfect.

And that was basically the message I was trying to portray.

We all share the same struggles.

And when we identify with that

rather than just our own pain and suffering

And our internal narrative...

Maybe just maybe

we would start treating each other

with more Grace.

Less angry posts. More understanding. Les paranoia. More personal growth.

But hey I know that spirituality is not for everyone and that's fine because I don't think spirituality is anything without some kind of grounding self-reflection.

It's not about giving yourself to the divine... It's about going within and asking yourself why

The blind man may be blind but you know what ..

.

he might have more insight than

he that can see

*I just write sporadically, so might be lots of errors soz **** also, can we call this a community (just a side note after though)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

FREE TO READ - REDDIT

Steph W

It's no longer

Anything intimate

We did something dumb

The dumbest of things ever done

We posted it

Here on Reddit.

We created the beast -

And made the food

For it - that THEY

feed and feed

& Our beast eats

Eats

Eats....

It's not just a feast

It s where they Secretly meet

The coming together

To cultivate deceit -

And the ingredients;

The receipts -

The words that we posted

In the moments we were weak.

We gave the performance,

They took the front seats.

Things we should of handled

Privately -

Becomes a spectacle

for everyone to see.

Confidentiality ?

Distorted realities.....

Stories of infidelities -

Trauma's shared, third person parodies ?

Particular languages, words and phrases

Screaming out to me -

But how - how could that be?

Is it them - you? him? me? Her?

Confused?

because it felt so unique....

Maybe we shouldn't

Lean so heavy on individuality ....

But rather an energy

Shared and experienced ...

Collectively.

Then all of a sudden -

It starts to make sense,

The words that you read.

The focus shifts;

No more the worry

If those words

were;

His, her's or thee's..

Because now you're understanding

That more importantly

THEY are not different - they're not out to get me

Because they are all the same

And they are all we.

*I just write sporadically, so might be lots of errors soz **** also, can we call this a community (just a side note after though)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

FREE TO READ - REDDIT

Steph W

It's no longer

Anything intimate

We did something dumb

The dumbest of things ever done

We posted it

Here on Reddit.

We created the beast -

And made the food

For it - that THEY

feed and feed

& Our beast eats

Eats

Eats....

It's not just a feast

It s where they Secretly meet

The coming together

To cultivate deceit -

And the ingredients;

The receipts -

The words that we posted

In the moments we were weak.

We gave the performance,

They took the front seats.

Things we should of handled

Privately -

Becomes a spectacle

for everyone to see.

Confidentiality ?

Distorted realities.....

Stories of infidelities -

Trauma's shared, third person parodies ?

Particular languages, words and phrases

Screaming out to me -

But how - how could that be?

Is it them - you? him? me? Her?

Confused?

because it felt so unique....

Maybe we shouldn't

Lean so heavy on individuality ....

But rather an energy

Shared and experienced ...

Collectively.

Then all of a sudden -

It starts to make sense,

The words that you read.

The focus shifts;

No more the worry

If those words

were;

His, her's or thee's..

Because now you're understanding

That more importantly

THEY are not different - they're not out to get me

Because they are all the same

And they are all we.

*I just write sporadically, so might be lots of errors soz **** also, can we call this a community (just a side note after though)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

FREE TO READ - REDDIT

Steph W

It's no longer

Anything intimate

We did something dumb

The dumbest of things ever done

We posted it

Here on Reddit.

We created the beast -

And made the food

For it - that THEY

feed and feed

& Our beast eats

Eats

Eats....

It's not just a feast

It s where they Secretly meet

The coming together

To cultivate deceit -

And the ingredients;

The receipts -

The words that we posted

In the moments we were weak.

We gave the performance,

They took the front seats.

Things we should of handled

Privately -

Becomes a spectacle

for everyone to see.

Confidentiality ?

Distorted realities.....

Stories of infidelities -

Trauma's shared, third person parodies ?

Particular languages, words and phrases

Screaming out to me -

But how - how could that be?

Is it them - you? him? me? Her?

Confused?

because it felt so unique....

Maybe we shouldn't

Lean so heavy on individuality ....

But rather an energy

Shared and experienced ...

Collectively.

Then all of a sudden -

It starts to make sense,

The words that you read.

The focus shifts;

No more the worry

If those words

were;

His, her's or thee's..

Because now you're understanding

That more importantly

THEY are not different - they're not out to get me

Because they are all the same

And they are all we.

*I just write sporadically, so might be lots of errors soz **** also, can we call this a community (just a side note after though)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

FREE TO READ - REDDIT

Steph W

It's no longer

Anything intimate

We did something dumb

The dumbest of things ever done

We posted it

Here on Reddit.

We created the beast -

And made the food

For it - that THEY

feed and feed

& Our beast eats

Eats

Eats....

It's not just a feast

It s where they Secretly meet

The coming together

To cultivate deceit -

And the ingredients;

The receipts -

The words that we posted

In the moments we were weak.

We gave the performance,

They took the front seats.

Things we should of handled

Privately -

Becomes a spectacle

for everyone to see.

Confidentiality ?

Distorted realities.....

Stories of infidelities -

Trauma's shared, third person parodies ?

Particular languages, words and phrases

Screaming out to me -

But how - how could that be?

Is it them - you? him? me? Her?

Confused?

because it felt so unique....

Maybe we shouldn't

Lean so heavy on individuality ....

But rather an energy

Shared and experienced ...

Collectively.

Then all of a sudden -

It starts to make sense,

The words that you read.

The focus shifts;

No more the worry

If those words

were;

His, her's or thee's..

Because now you're understanding

That more importantly

THEY are not different - they're not out to get me

Because they are all the same

And they are all we.

*I just write sporadically, so might be lots of errors soz **** also, can we call this a community (just a side note after though)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

FREE TO READ - REDDIT

Steph W

It's no longer

Anything intimate

We did something dumb

The dumbest of things ever done

We posted it

Here on Reddit.

We created the beast -

And made the food

For it - that THEY

feed and feed

& Our beast eats

Eats

Eats....

It's not just a feast

It s where they Secretly meet

The coming together

To cultivate deceit -

And the ingredients;

The receipts -

The words that we posted

In the moments we were weak.

We gave the performance,

They took the front seats.

Things we should of handled

Privately -

Becomes a spectacle

for everyone to see.

Confidentiality ?

Distorted realities.....

Stories of infidelities -

Trauma's shared, third person parodies ?

Particular languages, words and phrases

Screaming out to me -

But how - how could that be?

Is it them - you? him? me? Her?

Confused?

because it felt so unique....

Maybe we shouldn't

Lean so heavy on individuality ....

But rather an energy

Shared and experienced ...

Collectively.

Then all of a sudden -

It starts to make sense,

The words that you read.

The focus shifts;

No more the worry

If those words

were;

His, her's or thee's..

Because now you're understanding

That more importantly

THEY are not different - they're not out to get me

Because they are all the same

And they are all we.

*I just write sporadically, so might be lots of errors soz **** also, can we call this a community (just a side note after though)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

FREE TO READ - REDDIT

Steph W

It's no longer

Anything intimate

We did something dumb

The dumbest of things ever done

We posted it

Here on Reddit.

We created the beast -

And made the food

For it - that THEY

feed and feed

& Our beast eats

Eats

Eats....

It's not just a feast

It s where they Secretly meet

The coming together

To cultivate deceit -

And the ingredients;

The receipts -

The words that we posted

In the moments we were weak.

We gave the performance,

They took the front seats.

Things we should of handled

Privately -

Becomes a spectacle

for everyone to see.

Confidentiality ?

Distorted realities.....

Stories of infidelities -

Trauma's shared, third person parodies ?

Particular languages, words and phrases

Screaming out to me -

But how - how could that be?

Is it them - you? him? me? Her?

Confused?

because it felt so unique....

Maybe we shouldn't

Lean so heavy on individuality ....

But rather an energy

Shared and experienced ...

Collectively.

Then all of a sudden -

It starts to make sense,

The words that you read.

The focus shifts;

No more the worry

If those words

were;

His, her's or thee's..

Because now you're understanding

That more importantly

THEY are not different - they're not out to get me

Because they are all the same

And they are all we.

*I just write sporadically, so might be lots of errors soz **** also, can we call this a community (just a side note after though)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

FREE TO READ - REDDIT

Steph W

It's no longer

Anything intimate

We did something dumb

The dumbest of things ever done

We posted it

Here on Reddit.

We created the beast -

And made the food

For it - that THEY

feed and feed

& Our beast eats

Eats

Eats....

It's not just a feast

It s where they Secretly meet

The coming together

To cultivate deceit -

And the ingredients;

The receipts -

The words that we posted

In the moments we were weak.

We gave the performance,

They took the front seats.

Things we should of handled

Privately -

Becomes a spectacle

for everyone to see.

Confidentiality ?

Distorted realities.....

Stories of infidelities -

Trauma's shared, third person parodies ?

Particular languages, words and phrases

Screaming out to me -

But how - how could that be?

Is it them - you? him? me? Her?

Confused?

because it felt so unique....

Maybe we shouldn't

Lean so heavy on individuality ....

But rather an energy

Shared and experienced ...

Collectively.

Then all of a sudden -

It starts to make sense,

The words that you read.

The focus shifts;

No more the worry

If those words

were;

His, her's or thee's..

Because now you're understanding

That more importantly

THEY are not different - they're not out to get me

Because they are all the same

And they are all we.

Touch my mouth

Help me sleep

Embrace my lungs

Your breath I keep

Share your warmth

Knock our teeth

My shoulder blade

You lay your cheek

Scratch my arm

Kiss your crown and hold

Your head to mine

And feel you breathe

It could have been

We could have been us

You couldn't control

You couldn't control the blue

You'd lost your trust

When you were young

But I'll hold you here

We'll be a Sun

Please kiss me

I feel empty

Without you love

I'm ready

Touch my mouth

Help me sleep

Embrace my lungs

Your breath I keep

Share your warmth

Knock our teeth

My shoulder blade

You lay your cheek

Scratch my arm

Kiss your crown and hold

Your head to mine

And feel you breathe

It could have been

We could have been us

You couldn't control

You couldn't control the blue

You'd lost your trust

When you were young

But I'll hold you here

We'll be a Sun

Please kiss me

I feel empty

Without you love

I'm ready

I'm sorry for all the weight

I get it I think..

I know its always me initiating contact- and might might always will be like that....

But.... If ever you decide it to be your turn.....

I'll be here waiting to hear from you.

I could never not care about you.

I've tried - it's doing me no good. It's hurting me more trying to convince myself you should be forgotten

So - I'm going to stop that

And 🫒 (haha it was a branch in the emoji screen - but you know what I mean ?)

If ever anyway.

You're special to me and I'm allowed to hold that feeling for you🦀

I'm sorry for all the weight

I get it I think..

I know its always me initiating contact- and might might always will be like that....

But.... If ever you decide it to be your turn.....

I'll be here waiting to hear from you.

I could never not care about you.

I've tried - it's doing me no good. It's hurting me more trying to convince myself you should be forgotten

So - I'm going to stop that

And 🫒 (haha it was a branch in the emoji screen - but you know what I mean ?)

If ever anyway.

You're special to me and I'm allowed to hold that feeling for you🦀