u/lovewithasterisks

You left me there. Sitting at that outdoor table. Sobbing. You just left me there…I couldn’t find words while you walked away. Was it easy? You didn’t even check to make sure I made it back home okay. I was breaking down and you asked “do you want me to stay or go?” I know my eyes held venom. And yeah I wanted you to stay, but why should I have to ask it? Could you not feel me crumbling? You’d never seen me cry and while I don’t want to believe you meant to be cold, you’re avoidant ass did not know how to handle it..I guess. Or idk. Maybe you’re just a fucking coward. You couldn’t finish what you started. What YOU brought back from the dead. The feelings that you dug up and wouldn’t let lie. You dragged me back down the rabbit hole and then burned our dream world to the ground. You struck the fucking match and then blew it out. But mostly, you left me there. Sobbing. And never came back.

How do I get over the idea of you? I never had you fully. You weren’t ever mine to build a full life with but we both created this dream world where we got to do everything together. I told you I had room in my life for you but you were never willing to do the hard work to make it a reality on your end. So I’m obsessed and ruminating over all the what ifs and maybes. I create false narratives in my head of what our life could have been like. Fake moments that will never play out anywhere except in a montage in my own brain. It’s not really you. It’s only ever the idea of you. So how the fuck do I get over you?? How are you getting over me?? Are you even?? Or will we forever live out our lives forever pining over this idea of what we could have been??