r/Neurodivergent

If you were given a choice, that you can go 10 years back in life, with your current existing mindset with all the information that you possess, along with all the conditions you have (physical/mental), would you still go?

For me, I want to go back in life, tell me younger self to focus on career, life, health but again there’s a part of me that don’t want to live all that again.

What would you do?

Hi everyone, I'm a bit embarrassed but glad I found this group, perhaps you'll know what to do?..

I'm new and I'm trying to participate, the problem is I have severe social anxiety and I'm neurodivergent, and whenever a comment of mine gets downvoted, I get so anxious and sad, because I don't understand what I did wrong and if I offended someone by mistake, and there’s no one to explain it to me and I feel helpless and I become avoidant.

If anyone who went through something similar has tips on how to navigate and cope with downvotes, I would really appreciate your advice, because I saw some cool subreddits and I want to participate but I'm scared.

If you have any tips for me please tell me!

Thanks a lot

So my mom often complains about how I don't get out of bed, how I'm too lazy to do anything etc. I already tried to explain that to her, that I just can't get myself to do something but she doesn't understand. I heard that a lot of Neurodivergent people have the same problem so that's why I'm asking for advice here.

Hi all! I could really use some help or suggestions. My best friend is getting married on the beach and I have a large part in her wedding. One of my biggest sensory issues is sand on my feet and I don’t want to get in to a situation where I have a meltdown on a day that is all about her.
I thought about maybe some kind of scuba sock or similar that would allow me to feel “barefoot” and not have an actual shoe on but still give a good barrier that won’t let sand in. Does anyone have any suggestions?

recently, i have been thinking about how i try to overcompensate the chaos in my head and my life with extreme control.

this usually comes from a place of shame. hating myself for not being enough to function in a way that fits this system. feeling like i am just lazy and suffering because i don’t have enough executive function to do things the way i am “supposed to”.

when i am fed up by this feeling i crash out and try to fix my whole life in the span of one or two days. deep cleaning, writing to-do lists and establishing routines that are a little too ambitious to put it lightly. after that i try to force myself to follow those routines in an extremely perfectionist way. “if i can’t do it right, theres no point”

naturally, i can’t do it “right” because the goal was set too high in the first place. i become frustrated and throw the whole plan overboard. i let things get bad again because i feel incapable of fixing them. things get chaotic again and i fall into a bed rotting doom scrolling hole.

this cycle is something that i’m struggling with for my entire life. even as a child. the frustration of not being able to do things the way everyone else is doing them.

recently i realized that there is no point in trying to make my brain work in a non ADD way. that i need to take things easy and that consistency beats intensity. that i need to start small and build on a foundation that can actually last. if i need to have my toothbrush in my living room thats ok. the goal is to minimize the “friction” to start a task. because i am not happy when i do nothing but i am also not happy while forcing myself to do these routines that are just not made for the way my brain works.

i do think building routines is important. but i know i am not gonna make a habit last when i have 6 other habits that i want to impliment in my life.
i have to be kind to myself if i sometimes don’t follow through, and that just because i didn’t follow through once i don’t have to stop completely. i have to take the pressure of and find things that actually work for me.

these are just some thoughts and things i personally realized.

My favorite question to ask is "why?" I always seem to do it and for as long as I can remember, I would always get yelled at or reprimanded for "talking back." A month or two ago, my boyfriend and I were bickering more than usual and he kept saying that he felt like I was attacking him. I genuinely thought that he was over reacting to my questions, until one day my therapist was on the phone with me and overheard an interaction between my boyfriend and i. She asked me to walk through the conversation I just had, exactly how I perceived it. Afterwards, she told me "If I didn't know how you are as a person and how you talk, I would have assumed you were mad at your boyfriend."

This sentence absolutely shattered my brain. I couldn't understand how. I still can't. My therapist explained how my tone of voice can make those "why" questions come off as if I'm mad, but I don't quite understand how my tone of voice fluctuates (unless it's really obvious. like being super loud or being quite.)

So now, I'd like to ask for advice on how I could either begin to understand and hear my tone of voice, ask my "why" questions without sounding like I'm attacking someone, or both.

Thanks!

Hi my almost 7 year old twins were recently diagnosed with Dld and anxiety. They are pretty similar in that they lack social skills and never initiate speaking in school. They take longer to grasp directives and just language in general. I believe the dld makes them anxious to be social.
My question is - I have already put a nonrefundable deposit down for a summer camp. It is a great summer camp and they went last year with no issues except for being nervous to ask to use the bathroom.
My husband thinks we should keep them home this summer but I feel they need to be around a social environment but I also worry they may feel too overwhelmed or anxious. One of the boys anxiety (more so sensory) has been worse. I am unsure what to do. Maybe keeping them home all summer will help since they won’t be so anxious and maybe will help them or should I put them in the camp. It’s so hard and I’m very stressed about it. It’s hard to get anything out of them so asking them does not really work.

Hey, all. Long-time lurker here that has gotten so much from the open discussions and questions answered. I decided it's time to join in on the fun! Life has recently brought me into individual disability advocacy and discussion that is seeing real change in institutions. I am grateful to be doing work that is so closely tied to dignity and ease of access - especially in ways that I am quite familiar with. Incontinence is one of those things.

A bit of backstory: I'm a guy in my 20s. Urinary incontinence has been something I've dealt with for as long as I can remember. 3-4 wet beds a week, a constant dribble, and a few surprise voids during the day. I don't know the cause of all this medically, but I think it has to do with my (diagnosed) autism. I can't really feel my body most of the time. No hunger, thirst, tiredness, or sense of a full bladder. Combine that with a nervous system that sometimes just sorta does its own thing, and you get a recipe for leaking.

Home life was a bit of a nightmare, and part of that was specifically refusing to use any management tools to keep me dry and comfortable. Beds were left wet for days, and I was adapting my wardrobe to cover the evidence. I tried wearing multiple pairs of underwear, putting a bunch of toilet paper in the front of my underwear, and even some menstrual pads when I could find some. I would sometimes sleep with a towel and plastic grocery bags to stay dry through the night. I missed so much rest and events out of fear of being wet.

I finally took management into my own hands when I went to college. I felt (and still sorta feel) a bunch of guilt because I -could- hold it, but it took all of my attention to maintain. Conversations would fade into the background, and friends would be pushed aside. I tried a bunch of different management tools, from condom catheters to just not drinking anything. I gave myself a kidney stone at 23 after years of skipping hydration to stay dry. I finally settled on diapers because they worked. It took me a long time to discover the brands that really did the job well.

With this management routine, I find peace and comfort. I can effectively turn that worry way down knowing I'm safe if anything were to happen. I sleep better, can focus on tasks, and do more of the things I enjoy. I can even say yes to spontaneous things! All of that comes from something as simple as wearing a diaper. I started actively looking for people like me who shared this experience, and now I have a small cohort of friends to talk with. That, too, is very freeing and comforting. People who get it are so important.

Perhaps this is the autism talking, but I find the social taboo around incontinence to be a total waste of time. The often-negative, awkward reaction overwhelms the subject. I have spent money on clothes that hide leaks and diaper imprints, used protection that was far too small for the task out of discretion, and walk around with this sense of impostor syndrome. But, I wasn't doing that for others, I was doing it for myself.

Incontinence exacts a cost, literally and figuratively. Outings need planning and preparation, changing facilities may be difficult to find, and the supplies need to be carried. Spare diapers, a change of clothes, and a few go bags stashed in places I frequent. If public restrooms had incontinence in mind, I think this could be quite easy and seamless. Learning that parents or caregivers end up having to choose between the floor of a dirty bathroom or the back seat of the car for diaper changes was very upsetting. At that point, it is easy to see how leaving the house at all is a chore.

I dropped my 9-5 job a year ago to pursue disability advocacy, creating spaces of belonging, and translating to stakeholders in the community /why/ accessibility is important. Many places see accessibility as having an elevator. But access doesn't mean dignity or ease. I have been working with youth and adults and incontinence is very common. I've been able to set the tone of my space so that you don't have to hide it for others' comfort, and I really think this can be replicated in other public spaces. If we had the infrastructure to support bodies that do not work on the same schedule as others, that visibility itself would lower stigma as the supports are normalized. I've started to really push for this, and I am finding that community spaces and businesses are willing to overhaul bathrooms (if the funds are there),

I have much more on my mind, but I'll leave it here for now. I'd love to know your story and where you see opportunities to advocate. I'll be bringing these ideas forward as I do my work. I'm not ready to connect my name and public persona to this quite yet, but there really is a good amount of institutional interest at a nationwide (USA) level.

Does anyone else find it nearly impossible to work a 9-5 and still have enough energy to be yourself?
I’m neurodivergent and I feel like when I work a regular job I have to put 100% of my mental and emotional energy into it. I can’t split my focus between work and the rest of my life. If I’m working, that becomes the only thing I’m capable of doing.
By the time I get home I’m completely drained. I don’t have energy for hobbies, relationships, self care or anything that makes me feel like a real person. I start to feel like a shell of myself just going through the motions.
The social aspect of a traditional job is exhausting too. The constant interactions, small talk and masking take so much out of me.
It makes me wonder if neurodivergent people tend to do better as entrepreneurs because they have more control over their schedule, environment and how they interact with others.
I’m genuinely asking because I struggle with this a lot. When all my energy goes into surviving work, I start questioning what the point of life is if there’s nothing left over for me.

(Serious) Between talks of autism registry and banning medications.... and with that not even the half of it. I am just increasingly feeling unsafe. Only one person in my life feels the same. Everyone else says I'm paranoid and over reacting and my family gets mad at me for if I mention even a small concern. With almost everyone I know shaming me for my fears and concerns, I feel really alone. I'm glad I have the one friend I do, so I know I'm not totally alone.... But when the amount of people calling me crazy vastly outnumber the one saying my fears make sense... It still really makes me feel so alone and scared.

i feel like most of the school staff is so ableist, especially our assistant principal. she never believes i have a 504 when i go down to test in the breakout room in the office. i think it’s because i look normal but idk. it’s not even just me she treats other students horribly too because of their differences. she’s just a bitch in general but it’s so tiring because she never believes me, like why would i go all the way from upstairs to the office to take a test if i didn’t have a 504🌝 it just gets annoying

I (20M) just finished my second year of university and have moved back home for the summer. Being back in the place I grew up has really started to make me think of my life and everything I regret. Stuff I wish I'd done differently in high school, and friendships I could have had but don't because of anxiety and lack of being mentally present. Any advice on dealing with this?

So basically my ADHD used to show up as just hyperactivity, I did well in school when i was engaged in something and I played loads of sports so everyone just thought of me as an energetic kid. Now i'm a teenager and ADHD has just become me not being able to focus and my mind always raising and feeling restless and forgetful. I'm constantly in trouble for forgetting to do stuff or getting distracted or not doing stuff properly. I just feel like everyone loved the hyperactive "bubbly, energetic" kid but then the teenager who can't sit still is suddenly an issue and i so badly want to be that kid again but that's literally just not me anymore, even though it's the same condition. Just wondering how other people's symptoms changed from when they were a kid and if anyone has any advice about how to deal with it.

I already know that I’m boring. I don’t like going out. I don’t like big groups. No loudness. Etc. nothing sounds fun to me. At all. I cannot find something that excites me even a little bit. Yes, I have depression. I’m aware that this is a known problem. But it’s so severe that I can’t do anything but work and sleep. And even that’s a struggle. What are your obscure hobbies? I don’t do anything outdoors. I don’t like creating things. I don’t enjoy making things……. Advice?

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I just got really annoyed, like extremely angry just thinking about every last neurotypical in my life and how much I actually don’t like about 98% of them. They cant communicate for shit. Conversation with an end goal is an attack. They find life itself as an attack. You live and die. Just like a hi and bye. And they never say bye too. When they don’t even fucking mean it. They’ll say something stupid like, “oh let’s hang out this weekend.” Bitch you don’t mean that. It’s like saying bye is the most uncomfortable thing for them. It’s okay to say bye. Why is it so hard to get that? Is that it? You want to be distracted up until you die? You want to ignore the fact you’re living? Anything that’s not ideal in supplying the delusion of living is an attack. When I ask why? The delusion gets cracked.

At your job when you don’t engage with the culture of the neurotypical. You will be punished. When you want efficiency there is punishment. There’s no beauty in understanding and finishing something. They want to play HOUSE at their jobs. You’re ruining their created reality in the reality. There’s real easy bake oven world building going on in their shitty minds. It’s not hard to understand and it pisses me off. I can play along too (it’s not hard playing along), but then I look up and see a blue sky. I’m already living. I can’t lie. I can’t act, and they can fucking see it too. It’s scary. It’s like a horror movie.

Just like in romantic relationships. Something so simple can be destroyed with lies. I genuinely don’t understand cheating. I literally don’t get it. Sorry. If I don’t want the person. I’m gonna end it? And if you’re a neurodivergent engaging in cheating and deceiving people. It’s literal evil. You cant communicate your literal desires? It’s a lie. It’s something so strong and fragrant. Yet, they rather treat it as something SHAMEFUL than beautiful. They want to hide it and deceive rather than accept the beauty of it. You can do it and not hurt other people’s feelings you fucking turkey burgers.

The neurotypical way of life is evil. It’s capitalism. It’s in our foods. It’s in the trees. It’s in our houses. It’s in everything. It’s everywhere and the realization just consumed me with rage.

I came to a realization a couple of years ago I needed to be careful who I interact with, but just getting to this point isn’t defeat. It makes me want to live even harder, but more alone than ever.

Humans want to naturally tell the truth, but they do it in the shadows. Behind backs. Somewhere where no one’s looking. It’s so fucking depressing.

How horrible the truth has turned into a weapon rather than liberation for not only yourself, but every single person around you…. The truth isn’t only for you, it’s for all. How they treat the truth makes me believe the devil is real. I refuse to act in their play. I refuse to lie.

I just needed this off my chest LOL. Holy shit I can’t stand them. And it’s actually crazy how they clock me so fast. I just laugh now. Back then oh man I used to get so anxious from that LOOK. And it’s ALWAYS from the one person I find hard to interact with. I’ve been masking for years, but still being my self. I started to slowly unmask without even realizing why. I started getting annoyed by their antics, by their ways- by what I can call their fucking culture now. It’s a culture and way of life. Idc what anyone says.