i also boil washed and styled their hair, and tomorrow i’ll pick up some 3D printed doll stands from a friend so i can display them properly!
i am so happy and excited, twyla is my absolute favorite! 💜💜💜
recently, i have been thinking about how i try to overcompensate the chaos in my head and my life with extreme control.
this usually comes from a place of shame. hating myself for not being enough to function in a way that fits this system. feeling like i am just lazy and suffering because i don’t have enough executive function to do things the way i am “supposed to”.
when i am fed up by this feeling i crash out and try to fix my whole life in the span of one or two days. deep cleaning, writing to-do lists and establishing routines that are a little too ambitious to put it lightly. after that i try to force myself to follow those routines in an extremely perfectionist way. “if i can’t do it right, theres no point”
naturally, i can’t do it “right” because the goal was set too high in the first place. i become frustrated and throw the whole plan overboard. i let things get bad again because i feel incapable of fixing them. things get chaotic again and i fall into a bed rotting doom scrolling hole.
this cycle is something that i’m struggling with for my entire life. even as a child. the frustration of not being able to do things the way everyone else is doing them.
recently i realized that there is no point in trying to make my brain work in a non ADD way. that i need to take things easy and that consistency beats intensity. that i need to start small and build on a foundation that can actually last. if i need to have my toothbrush in my living room thats ok. the goal is to minimize the “friction” to start a task. because i am not happy when i do nothing but i am also not happy while forcing myself to do these routines that are just not made for the way my brain works.
i do think building routines is important. but i know i am not gonna make a habit last when i have 6 other habits that i want to impliment in my life.
i have to be kind to myself if i sometimes don’t follow through, and that just because i didn’t follow through once i don’t have to stop completely. i have to take the pressure of and find things that actually work for me.
these are just some thoughts and things i personally realized.
i love the concept so much, but why is it not really giving? i feel like its unseasoned, but i cant put my finger on it. plus when are they gonna stop with the hats omg.