r/Mommit

I just need some support, lol. My son is 34 lbs and 40 inches tall, he’s turning 4 next week, and I have no intention of switching him to forward facing any time soon. His car seat maxes out rear facing at 50 lbs or 49”. My husband thinks I’m nuts but luckily backs down whenever the conversation comes up. All our friends with kids around his age are already facing forwards, most started at 2. Recently my husband said my son is uncomfortable, I straight up asked him “did he say he’s uncomfortable?” He responded with No but you can tell. I said well let’s talk once he actually verbalizes it (the kid never shuts up). He hasn’t said a word since.

Edit/Update: I probably should not have included the sibling dynamic stuff. I wouldn't even rank that in the top 20 reasons why I regret not having a bigger family. At the end of the day I wanted a 3rd (and maybe a 4th??) because I just want MORE - more noise, more laughter, more activity, more love.

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I made a huge mistake six years ago that I can’t undo. I am devastated to the deepest core of my being. In my forty-five years on this planet I have never felt as emotionally unmoored as I have for the last two +  years. I’m utterly gutted that I did not have a third child when I had the chance.

Before we had kids I always said that I wanted 3. My husband said 2 minimum, and was open to 3. We had our first and our second - 2.5 years apart. I should have gotten pregnant with the 3rd in 2019/2020, but at the time I was so overwhelmed - both physically and emotionally with caring for two small children and working full-time. Then covid hit and it felt like shit hit the fan. I would ask my husband about a third, and he was ambivalent/negative about the idea. He would make vague statements about how he didn’t like being 1 of 3 children and how it was hard to get a restaurant table for 5. He would also respond to my inquiries about a third with ‘if you want this I’ll do it, but I’m tapped out.’ My thinking at the time was: 

• I have to prioritize my marriage and a third might add too much stress 
• I can’t take on the emotional responsibility of pushing my husband to have a third and then having something go wrong (disabled child). I would have been 38 when I had the third and at the time that felt too old 
• Will I have enough energy/emotional space to give to a third child? 
• Will making my daughter a middle child somehow cheat her of something? 
• I would have a third if I could guarantee it was a girl

 

I now sit here, feeling like there is a hole in my heart and am so regretful and filled with rage. The early years with kids are so hard - but they are finite and now I have two kids who are the absolute best things in my life. They are such cool little people and I can’t get enough of them - and I wish there were more.  I could have absolutely guaranteed that the third was a girl by doing IVF (which also would have taken some (not all) of the disability issues off the table). Why did I not make my husband have a serious conversation about the third? I think if we had, then we would have decided to go for it. But these were always conversations in passing and for reasons I am trying to sift through with a therapist - I took it upon myself to simply internalize his comments and come to my own conclusion, rather than working it out together. 

My children are now 9 and 12 and for the last two plus years I’ve been dealing daily with intense grief over not having a third. It is now clear that a third would have really improved our family dynamics. My daughter really loves younger children and would have thrived as an older sister. My oldest would have also benefited by having a sibling that was farther apart in age and less of a source of competition. 

My pain feels compounded by my recognition that the purpose and meaning I find in life comes from being a mother. I stand here today in my pool of tears wondering how I let myself become too distracted and scared to craft the life that I wanted. While my job (attorney) can be intellectually stimulating, it does not provide me with any purpose or meaning. Given this,  having only two children feels like I have failed spectacularly. 

I’m not sure what I’m looking for with this post - thank you for reading if you have gotten this far.. I am seeing a therapist that specializes in issues re: parenting choices, and my husband and I are in couples counseling. Even with all of this support my grief is not lessening and the hole in my heart feels permanent.

I'm going to start this post by stating that yes, my husband is being a jackass about this.

We bicker almost on a daily basis during small moments where I decide to do some chores while the kids are around and he'll complain that I should be spending time with the kids and do the chores later.

I take care of the morning routine because I don't start work until 9:30, he has to start work a lot earlier. I drop the kids off at school around 8:30 so I can take some time to do things like grocery shop, prep dinner, do some laundry.

I do this because I don't end work until 5:30 and by that time dinner needs to be ready and I don't want to spend another 30 to 45 minutes making dinner because he complains that dinner takes too long to make.

So I try my best to get a lot of the prep work done in the morning. then he complains when the dishes pile up and I take the time in the morning to either clear the dishes otherwise I have to do it later.

I have to spend my lunch break taking the dog out because he doesn't like when I let her out in the back so I barely have enough time to eat lunch and then take the dog out. If I do take the dog out in the back that's when I can get things like dishes done!

I feel like he puts me in an impossible situation. he either makes me feel guilty for not being with the kids or complains when chores are not getting done. sometimes I feel like being petty and just not doing chores at all so I can spend time with the kids. let the dishes pile up. get take out every day. don't do laundry.

But I know being petty is not the mature way of approaching this. So I just ignore when he complains when I'm not doing this or that.

We're having our first marriage counselor session next week so that's just another thing to add to the list!

There's a tiktok trend going around lately, where teens do water gun drive bys on strangers.

I know it sounds harmless, it's just water, but these kids are putting themselves in danger.

I was getting off work the other day when some teens got me with this in the parking lot. For the most part, I was just annoyed, though I was genuinely concerned about how fast they were driving *in the mall parking lot.*

I also couldn't help but think of how much more upset I would've been if my toddler had been with me.

But what's more concerning is the response from family and some acquaintances that I've mentioned this to.

Granted, I live in the south, but I've had multiple people (including one cop) say that if this happened to them, they would've sh*t the teens. The cop literally said, "Oh, I would've put 3 through their windows and been totally justified."

So please, if you have teens, talk to them about this. Teens think they're invincible. But antagonizing strangers is so dangerous. You just don't know what people are capable of, or who's at the end of their rope with nothing to lose. It's just not worth it.

I’m 22 and 25 weeks pregnant today. I’m so depressed and disappointed in who I’m having a baby with and what I have to look forward to. I met him at 20 he was 28, he’s 30 now and already had two children. I’ve done everything alone so far. Shopping, appointments, baby shower prep, honestly any preparation at all. I’ll be alone postpartum as well as he will be in another state. So while my body and mind are going through some of the biggest changes of my life I’ll be alone.

He constantly gets caught cheating, either texting or planning to meet up with other women while I’m carrying our baby. He says he’s “there” but can’t even wake up to be at or even on the phone for appointments. We’ve had arguments where he’s told me he hopes I miscarry, I need to put her up for adoption or he hopes I enjoy being a single mother which I technically already am. He constantly accuses me of cheating and blocked me from his social media while he follows strippers who post half naked or naked and women he used to be physical with. Today he was asked my due date and he couldn’t even remember. When I got upset he said “don’t be one of them you’re asking for too much”. I know I’m not because there’s men who show up in every way.. financially, mentally, and physically. He’s shown up in none and can’t even remember when I’m due. But I’m supposed to be grateful because he’s “ there and not disowning our child”.

I never expected my first pregnancy to go this way. I’ve disappointed the little girl in me who said I would never allow this to happen. I’m upset I feel like I’m losing myself, I feel like my freedom is gone forever and I honestly know it will be hard and I’m not looking forward to it. I know postpartum and labor will be painful and I’ll be alone. I’m so depressed and I can’t even be excited because everything sucks so much. I love my baby but I wish I wasn’t pregnant I wish I could go back. I feel so guilty saying it but I don’t want this anymore.

I sometimes see women saying they feel like they were “born to be a mom” and I just….dont feel like that. I love my ‘baby’ but I’m so drained and tired. I don’t like my life anymore. Does this feeling ever go away? Does this ever get easier?

ETA: thank you to everyone who has taken time to share their stories and experiences so far - I appreciate you

I don’t even know how to start this. Me (female) and my wife (also female) are struggling on being on the same page with our son’s behavior. He is 6.

Incident that happened today: after he got off school we got home and I had to go potty im trying to go when my son comes in and says he has to go poop so bad he can’t hold it, so I cutt mine short and get up tell him he can go then he “changed his mind” so I go back in there to finish (I’m 6 months pregnant and have been super constipated tmi) then he changed his mind again and he did have to go so I cutt mine short again for him to once again change his mind and it just pee, at this point I’m not gonna try again so I hold it until after dinner right after dinner I put him in the bath and I told my wife I’m gonna try and sit and go again right as I sit down guess who has to go again.. my son at this point I was actually having an urge to go so I told him I’m sorry but he has to hold it for a minute my wife says “if he has to go let him go” I explained he’s done this to me multiple times and I was almost done. Then all of a sudden he said “I went” except he didn’t go he just put his fingers up his rear and had poop on his hand. So i stopped going out him on the potty very frustrated cleaned his hand just for him to not even go potty!!!! So I told him that behavior is disgusting and got a little loud with him about it. My wife thinks there’s no problem and he’s just being a kid and I was wrong for telling him it was disgusting. I need to know if I’m in the wrong or not. This has been a pattern too every time someone has to potty he all of sudden had to go which is fine when he actually has to go but most of the time he’s just making us stop for him to change his mind.

I’ve always been my mom’s least favorite child. I’m the oldest and she had me with my father who was her first marriage and it ended when I was 2. Shortly after her divorce she got pregnant and then remarried to my now step dad. After their wedding they had my second little brother and it soon felt like I was the odd one out. She clearly cared more about them than me. She would go to all of their little t-ball games, even coaching a few years. When I made cheer, she was irritated that it was going to mess with her schedule with my brothers and not once ever came to watch me cheer. She didn’t order my school photos growing up and “accidentally” left me at my high school graduation. I was in charge of keeping my brothers rooms clean, and our shared bathroom along with kitchen and living room. I had to find rides to school every day because she had to take them to another school across town for elementary. I would get left at home while they all went out to eat, and when I got my drivers license it was now my turn to drive my brothers everywhere that was conflicting with my mom’s schedule. Once I turned 18 I moved out, bought my own house and got married and had a baby. My daughter is absolutely obsessed with her Nana but my mom totally treats us (me and my daughter) like we are a nuisance. When she comes to town to visit, it’s all about her and her schedule and what’s she wants to do and where she wants to go. My child got a play kitchen recently and wanted Nana to come over and play with her and my mom is “too tired” and I actually lost it. I haven’t been able to stop crying. I feel horrible. My whole life I’ve tried to not be like her or let her affect my feelings but this one, really broke me. And I can’t seem to shake it.

Trash Truck announced season three. That is all. HONK HONK!

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What's the best season to have your baby in? Looking for pros/cons. My first was an early summer baby, and I don't recommend it, haha !!

How did you do it? How long did it take you and how has your body permanently changed? What type of exercise did you do and how was your nutrition?

To share my experience, after having my first child, it took me about 1 year to get back to the weight I was pre-baby. My body went back to normal for the most part (meaning no significant loose skin or stretch marks). After my second though, it was a different story 😅. Interested to know other mom’s journeys.

My (34F) husband (35M) has started calling me a bad mother. For context, we have a 2.5 year old and we live in an Asian country and we do have a live in nanny/helper for the last 4 months. Before that, my husband and I used to split chores and baby duties. Everything was fine then, I had a traumatic birth experience that led to walking difficulties for at least 6 months and now constant backaches. My husband understood and was always hands on with baby care. Now we got a nanny and i have been letting the nanny handle my child’s meals and playtime. I have finally gotten some relief. The last couple of weeks, my husband has been berating me for letting the nanny feed and play with my child and constantly calls me a bad mother. I’ve tried to explain to him that I need to recover mentally and emotionally from this whole child raising situation, I feel emotionally distant from child and I’m constantly tired. Some days I can’t even get out of bed. But he keeps calling me a bad mother. So much has happened since my child was born, from the loss of my job, death of my parent and raising my child who as a child refused to eat and sleep. I know I’m not doing the best as a mother but I’m feel so mentally and physically checked out. Is there any way to resolve this or should I just file for separation? I cannot deal with this daily berating.

I stumbled on my mom’s Reddit account about a year ago. She’s 70 and posts frequently. It’s even more revealing than a diary in some ways; the cloak of anonymity and interactivity give away a lot more about posters than a private notepad. We’re very low contact and have a complicated relationship and history, so it’s really interesting to have this backdoor into her mind.

Makes me think often about how I would feel if my kids found my digital footprint 😳

My kids are barefoot literally all the time, and I’ve realized this is what’s driving my robot vacuum search more than anything else. Not “smart home” stuff. Not fancy features. Just… can I walk around my house and feel like the floor is actually clean.

I keep going back to How do I choose between a $600 and $1,600 robot vacuum in 2026? because I genuinely can’t tell where “better cleaning” ends and “more expensive for no reason” starts.

I don’t mind paying more if it really means cleaner floors, less hair, less dust, less second-guessing. But if the $1,600 one still leaves me doing a quick cleanup before bedtime, I’d rather know that now.

For moms who’ve bought either one — did the more expensive robot vacuum actually make a real difference in everyday cleaning?

It's been a long winter and just starting to get warm where I live so I just saw my son shirtless for the first time in a few months.

And at one point he lifted up his arm a bit and I noticed he had underarm hair. Not even a few hairs. A full on tuft of it.

It kinda made me sad? I know that's probably bad to say. He's just my sweet little boy but every day he's starting to look more and more like a full grown man. Any other mom's struggle seeing their sons grow up?

I mentioned it to my husband. He said he can understand why I might feel that way but please don't be awkward around him because puberty is hard enough without him thinking his parents are weirded out by his changing body.

I totally agree and will try to remain as calm as I can and still treat him the same and all that. I know its normal and its just something I need to get used to. Just wondering if I'm the only one out there that feels like this.

not sure what my toddler is going to do with an adult-sized drawstring bag

I said nooo adding another will be so easy! I already did this i’ll be more confident, my toddler is amazing and i’m already accustomed to the schedule! this will be so easy!! and while honestly it is all true — i am more confident and my toddler is a great big brother, but holy cow how do you split the time effectively!! every day i feel like im failing one of them. i forget tummy time and my toddler gets way more screen time that id like. ANDDD my poor dog is at the bottom of the totem pole😩. my husband is the most helpful individual alive but he has to work and im a sahm. between breastfeeding, waking up 2 times a night and my 3yr old barging in my room at 6 am im about to lose my mind lol. the weather getting warmer is helping a lot but PLEEEASE someone tell me this gets easier😩

Sooooo I have aphantasia, which means I cannot see images in my mind (my memory is pretty entirely verbal). This combined with ADHD makes it hard for me to remember faces and ALSO hard to remember names.

I need to meet someone a few times and have some sort of interesting interaction to ensure I remember them. I can remember a conversation and random facts about a person but I might not recognize them next time I see them, unless I’ve met them 3-5 times before.

Anyway I’ve gotten by because I remember a lot of random facts about a person and can usually start up a casual conversation about anything. But lately my son has taken to pointing to people and loudly asking “MOMMY WHO IS THAT?”. Queue awkward silence when I don’t know a neighbors name I should know. 😂

Context. I am 35 and have a 5 year old son. We can afford and have space for more children. We’d like more. However we are out of the baby phase. Out of nappies and our son is in school. We have a lot of freedom with our only.

Having a second wouldn’t deprive our first of anything and would hopefully enrich his life as he’s always asking for a sibling.

I had a hard time PP but having done it once I think and hope I’d do better this time around. Helps there isn’t a global pandemic happening. We found out we were pregnant a month before lockdown. It was hard.

I am worried other families get to the independent stage, out of the young little kid stage and go back by having another and regret it. I don’t wanna regret it but I don’t feel our family is complete yet.

We’ve been considering another for a few years on and off and my friend just had a baby 12 weeks ago and holding her baby magnified my feelings that we’re not done. but her two are three years apart not 5. She’s also two years younger than me. If you went for it this year our son would be 6.5 ish when baby 2 was born.

When our child turned 4 months old, we made the decision that I would return to work part-time fully remote. During this time, I would world during nap times and entertain the baby while working. At the beginning of the year, I was asked to return full-time and in office once a week (the dream work set up), I knew I would not be about to work and care for our baby as my job is mostly on the phone. So I suggested we hire a nanny. My husband firmly believes a woman’s role should be to care for the house and children and did not want a nanny. Unfortunately for him, I like working and I love being a mom so I chose to do both. We hired someone who comes to our house 3 days a week and let me tell you. She is amazing. She has saved my sanity more times than I can count. My husband is not okay that I work but is constantly making comments that I am not a present mom or that our nanny is raising the baby. This is extremely defeating and makes me second guess myself. I have had multiple conversations with him about how this makes me feel but every time the conversation gets shut down by him and we do g talk about it more.

How should I approach this with him? Has anyone else had a similar experience?

For context: my husband’s uncle had a full-time nanny 7 days a week who raised his children and the kids turned out with issues. His ex-wife was a wild card and from my husband’s family, she chose work over family. I think my husband is scared this will happen to us.

My husband also works for a family business making good money. He could fully support us but I worked hard for my career. Maybe that makes me selfish but it makes me happy.