So, my husband is supposed to be leaving for BMT end of June and selection after that (he is the one doing SERE and I am a civilian). I just found out I am pregnant. We are excited expecting, but I am nervous about if he will be home when I give birth, etc.
If you know, please help!
* Also, yes, we will be moving to Fairchild with him, if he makes it.
My husband is on a year long deployment 4 hours away from me. We are at the half way mark. I see him every 2-4 weeks depending on our schedules, and we do not have kids yet. I actually just became an IVF patient. We moved states for this deployment so we could be in a bigger area, closer to family, and have lots of access to fertility an IVF clinics.
6 weeks ago, the day after our 8 year wedding anniversary, we were on the phone. Not fighting or anything. He got really short with me and got off the phone abruptly. These are both out of character for him. I sent him a text apologizing for whatever i had unknowingly done to upset him.
That night he sent me a mile long text listing all the ways I suck and have ruined his life. Terribly painful hurtful things. Mind you- i take great care of myself. The last 8 years i owned my own business and was financially stable. We’ve never cheated in r anything like that, and up until this happened, i thought we were best friends and soul mates. I stick to our budget and never go over. He has my location and i live with my parents. I’m back in school full time at community college for nursing.
In the past 6 weeks, he hasn’t reached out to me one time. It’s like he completely walked away from our marriage overnight. Every 2-3 days i text him and say i love and miss him and that im sorry for whatever i’ve done. 90% of the time he didn’t respond and never says i love you back. This has been the most gut wrenching painful experience of my life. He literally acts like i don’t exit. I had to get on anti depressants and anxiety meds.
The weird thing is that 3 weeks ago i said hey, im coming down to see you and that’s that. He didn’t fight back. We had a great evening together like old times. Great sex, great conversation. Since then, it’s like i don’t exist.
Next week is my last week of the school semester and then i plan on driving down to see him and get to the bottom of this.
This is the hardest thing i’ve ever gone through. He just changed overnight. Before this we weren’t fighting or anything. The whole point of me moving with him too was so that we could see each other every few weeks.
I know, he’s likely having an affair. What’s weird is that he’s been holding an investigation on other soldiers having an affair and he was always speaking about how disgusting people who have affairs are.
I can’t decide if he found someone else, is having a mental breakdown from the intense work load he has, or just doesn’t love me anymore. We are Christians and i never thought divorce was an option.
Any advice?
My boyfriend is joining the Royal Navy and I’m curious about how common cheating actually is during deployments/port visits.
I know cheating is ultimately down to the person, not the job, and if someone’s going to cheat they probably would anywhere. But I’ve seen a lot of stories online about strip clubs, hookups in ports, “what happens on deployment stays on deployment” culture etc.
I’m especially curious about whether there’s actually pressure to join in when groups go out together, even from people who normally wouldn’t. Have any partners or serving/ex-serving people experienced this? Is the internet exaggerating it or is it genuinely common?
Not looking to bash the navy or accuse my boyfriend of anything just trying to get realistic perspectives because social media makes it sound terrifying sometimes.
My boyfriend joined the Navy and I’m struggling to work out whether what I’m feeling is “normal military relationship stress” or if there are underlying relationship issues that the Navy lifestyle is just making more obvious.
I genuinely love him a lot, which is why I almost feel guilty even writing this, because I don’t want to seem unsupportive or like I’m trying to pressure/rush our relationship. We’re still young. But at the same time, I also don’t want to blindly ignore concerns and only think about these things years down the line when bigger commitments (living together/kids etc) are involved.
Before he joined, we already had some issues around communication and emotional effort. For example, he made the decision to join pretty suddenly after we’d already been together over a year, said we’d properly sit down and talk about it, but then never really did. Since then, I feel like our whole relationship revolves around the Navy and his schedule/availability.
I also struggle with trust sometimes. I’ve never caught him physically cheating, but I found Tinder in his deleted apps before and he said it was because his friend used it on his phone. I’ve also found certain things online that made me uncomfortable. What makes it harder is that when I question things or try to communicate worries, he tends to get defensive or annoyed instead of reassuring me calmly, which makes me overthink more.
Another issue is emotional effort/romance. He’s affectionate physically and compliments me etc, but he doesn’t naturally do thoughtful things unless I ask. Even on Valentine’s Day this year, he admitted he didn’t think about doing anything for me at all because it was around his passing out. I know that sounds small, but it hurt because I’ve explained before that little thoughtful gestures mean a lot to me, and I’d already had to practically beg for effort the previous year too.
I think part of my anxiety is also about the future. He wants kids eventually, and I know military families make it work all the time, but I’m also going into a demanding medical career myself. Sometimes I get scared that military life will eventually leave me carrying most of the childcare, household responsibilities and emotional labour alone while also trying to work.
He says that once training is over he should mostly be able to come home at night apart from duty/deployments etc, so in theory we’d still have a fairly “normal” relationship. But then we’ve also spoken about settling down somewhere long term, and I keep thinking about what happens if he gets moved to a completely different base somewhere else in the UK. If we had a house somewhere and he got drafted elsewhere, we could suddenly end up barely seeing each other anyway.
He’s also mentioned me moving around with him if needed, but honestly I think that would stress me out a lot. I don’t want to build my entire life around constantly following somebody else’s career. I’ll have my own career, friends, routines and life too, and I think I’d end up resenting the situation if I felt like I was expected to uproot everything whenever the Navy moved him.
I know support systems/nannies/family help exist, and part of me genuinely likes the idea of being very home/family-oriented one day, but realistically with the economy now I can’t imagine how difficult one-income households might become in the future either.
I think what I’m struggling with most is the feeling that I’m constantly adapting to his life/career while my own emotional needs end up pushed aside. I don’t know whether I’m overthinking and catastrophising because military life is intimidating, or whether these are valid compatibility concerns that I shouldn’t ignore.
I’m not looking for “just break up” comments. I’d genuinely appreciate hearing from people who’ve been in military relationships or recognise this kind of dynamic. How do you tell the difference between military life simply being difficult vs someone genuinely not meeting your emotional needs properly?
Just gauging interest for a group chat to have with wives and girlfriends only. DM if interested.
Started seeing a guy deployed abroad and just found out he has a very long term committed girlfriend back home. Ended things immediately. He has since blocked/deleted me on all platforms and either changed his handles/usernames or deleted profiles of everything I had. What should I do in this situation? It's weighing on me a lot.
My husband and I are long distance right now. Before he left, he gave me access to all of his important accounts. Today, I had to log into his email for a verification code and saw recent login emails from a dating website.
I confronted him and told him I was really disappointed. He said he only logged in to see if his old account still existed, but it was tied to an old phone number he no longer has access to. I asked him directly if he honestly went on there just to delete the old account, or if he was looking to see what else was out there because we are married.
What’s bothering me is that I later saw he had new matches. From my understanding, those sites only reactivate your profile if you can successfully access the account, so something wasn’t adding up. After I kept asking questions, he admitted he’s been feeling lonely and emotionally distant.
We talk every day. He’s never really been a FaceTime or phone call person, so we mostly text. We’re supposed to reunite in 2 weeks after being apart for 6 months, but now I feel like the whole reunion is going to feel sour.
I’ve always supported him emotionally and even adjusted my own career path to have more flexibility for our future together. He insists he never actually talked to anyone and only “looked,” but now I’m questioning everything because the story changed multiple times.
Would you consider this cheating?
Hi, I have been with my boyfriend now for nearly 3 months. We have an amazing relationship and he is truly the most amazing person I have ever been with. I could not ask for a better boyfriend. I just hate his job 🤣. He’s in the army and he warned me that it could be hard before we got together but I thought I really like him and surely it can’t be that hard. He goes away for training sometimes which is ok when we can still message and FaceTime but the times that we can go days on end speak at all breaks me. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety from a young child and honestly I’ve not experienced anxiety like this in a long time. The idea of just being away from him and not being able to speak to him makes me feel unwell.
I don’t know what to do about it. No part of me wants to break up with him over this because it feels stupid to let someone so perfect go but also I don’t know what to do with myself when he’s gone. Has anyone else experienced this? Am I actually just over dramatic 🤣? Maybe I’ll get used to it with time but it doesn’t feel like it. The idea of being with him for years and doing this regularly does not sit right with me and I don’t know if I could do it for a long period of time. Any advice would be appreciated:).
Hello! My husband is currently at Navy bootcamp right now, and I’m about to process my dependent ID. Just wanted to double check with those who already went through the process. Do I need to bring my birth certificate when getting the ID, or is the marriage certificate enough? Thank you!
Hi all. I have an EFMP… question(s). I am a spouse, and I use my outside insurance through my employer entirely when seeking medical services. Long story short, I would like to avoid popping as EFMP if possible, and I would like to know the ins and outs of doing that and / or reporting as EFMP but still being able to go on our upcoming assignment (Hickam). My husband’s out date is next month, and I am out of the country on vacation until then.
For context, I do see a therapist and a psychiatrist for my ADHD and depression, but it has pretty much been entirely managed through medication, and I could likely forgo therapy. On our previous assignment, we were told by someone who worked for EFMP in a more senior role that because I use my own insurance, we were fine to deny everything on the EFMP questionnaire and only contact EFMP if anything were to change.
As for a PCM, I haven’t seen one since before my husband and I were married, about two years ago. All of my mental health related care has been via headway as telehealth.
What are our options? As I said, we don’t have much time to get this sorted with me being out of the country, and we would like to avoid any delays in moving if possible. I would like to continue to follow the guidance of the EFMP individual we worked with at our previous base, but if we do, will we be flagged in any way? I don’t like the idea of signing a blanket medical release, considering I don’t intend on using tricare.
Thank you!
Hello all I have never done this before... I'm 25F and he's 27F, and we're doing well in the relationship 🧿 we met through a dating app which was unexpected and unconventional but found to have been the perfect match.
Because of the life he lives, it does get very difficult for us to be a "normal" couple, even in the definition of long distance. We do calls often, messages not very frequently because we rather hear each other.. and video calls are rare although they do happen when he is in a non confidential zone. I like him a lot and he has also said the same and there's nothing wrong with the relationship if I had to say so.
My problem is, and maybe I'm selfish to feel this way, but I am at a point in life where I want a normal relationship if that makes sense.. we haven't been able to meet each other for over a year now because his leaves keep getting cancelled or not granted due to my country having been at W@R.
I am very proud of him for protecting our country so selflessly, and will always be, but I have in a way lost myself.. I worry a lot on days we don't get to talk, and I hate that we haven't been able to see each other in person for so long.. I have brought it up a couple of times and he always sounds defeated because he genuinely doesn't have an option but to wait for leaves to be granted..
My mind is always thinking about when we will get to meet again..and I am losing myself, I'm not interested in any of my hobbies, I cannot focus on work, even though I meet friends often I just fall back into the sad place when I'm back home especially after seeing couples outside..
I know this man is the one for me, I know that, but I don't want to get to the point where I have completely lost myself before he even gets here to meet me again.
I need advice please,how can I bring back the spark in myself? I don't like myself right now at all..
My partner and I have been together for about 10 years and have a baby girl together.
He has told me that he was considering joining the army. I told him I am not comfortable with it. I have seen military wives and the lonely lives they live. I have seen the abuse their partners give them.
A military wife doesn’t have the freedom to leave. They don’t just walk away. We live in a 3rd world country whose government is highly militant and oppressive.
I told him I do not want him to but it seems he had made up his mind because he enlisted already. It scares me to my core. I fear for myself and my child.
Any advice?
My husband and I have been together for 10+years and he’s currently on deployment in the Middle East. He has orders to PCS to Japan afterwards but I plan to stay in US due to career/other responsibilities.
We got married at city hall but plan to have our wedding later on as we are still saving $$ for it.
Coming from an Asian family, it has been hard I guess explaining myself on why my husband is okay with moving to Japan even when I won’t be moving there with him. It’s his dream and he would like to live there once in his life which I understand and I think alot of military couples go through this.
I don’t want him to stay any longer than 1 year which is my compromise with him. But it’s hard to explain this concept to my loved ones who just view this as “why is he ok leaving you?”
Yes… it’s hard to be LDR. Yes… it’s nontraditional but I think if I’m ok with it then they shouldn’t have too strong of an opinion and say things like you should give him an ultimatum.
Just curious what others feel and how to respond to those people in a respectful manner? I don’t need responses like “it’s your life, do whatever you want”.
My husband finally left today for basics and it’s been a tough day to say the least I saw him take his last oath and we got a short 5 mins to say our last goodbyes and I’m in pieces lol I know it’ll get easier with time but right now that just feels impossible I have to wait for his call in order to get an address to send letters but I got the sandbox app and was wondering what yall think of it? Is it worth it? I still need some more of his info ofc but that’s just with time this is only the beginning I just want this to be done and start our life’s together
I don’t know why but I feel like I’m having such a hard time with my husband in the field right now. He should be home by the end of the month but I haven’t been able to talk to him in the last couple days. I think it’s because I started a new job and it’s been a lot and one of our dogs got sick this morning and I took him to the vet alone and my husband is normally the one who helps calm me and keeps me from overthinking. Whenever our dog acts differently even in the smallest way I freak out I overthink! I’m also sick now and I just don’t know what to do. He’s been through a 9 month deployment before but I got to talk to him everyday and that helped idk I just feel like I’m spiraling any advice on what to do to keep my mind occupied or help myself calm down?
Hi everyone! We are brand new to the military and moving to Langley as our fist base in July! My husband will be at ocs in AL, however during that time I want to move to our new place in VA. I have a pretty specific flight I want to take, because my siblings are planning to fly with me to help with my 2 cats and baby, and they want to purchase flights now so they can get them at a more affordable price.
How does it work with buying my flight? Will they choose it for me completely, or do I just file for reimbursement for the flight I choose/purchase?
Hello! I am no stranger to long distance, I previously dated long distance for three years during law school, but my 5.5 year relationship ended this fall after my ex cheated- and I have since found the most phenomenal man I have ever met in my life.
We have been dating only 3 months, but I have already decided that if this man asks to marry me- then I want to spend eternity with him- because he is the most beautiful person- inside and out- that I have ever met in my life. Our chemistry is insane, we don’t bicker, and he makes me happier than any man I have ever met or dated throughout my life.
He just transferred after 6 years in army reserves over to the Air-force ; he will have to enlist as active duty after he graduates in 2 years, and he will enlist active duty for 4 years minimum.
He wants me to move with him 2 years from now, but I told him that I would prefer that we date long distance during this time. Why? Because I have a very successful career, I make over 90k a year with a 10 minute commute to the best job I’ve ever had (I love my work and my boss!!) my job could definitely be done remotely- but I feel that since it was his decision to sign his freedom away with this contract- it should not be my obligation to follow him and leave behind the beautiful life I have created for myself ( for example, I just bought a house and a rental property and I spend a lot of time with my friends and family, and I have the income to fly out and visit him whenever I want to!)
Has anyone done long distance due to work? How did it work out? Like I said- I did long distance for 3 years and it was fine in the past.
Side note: I also want to say- I am this man’s first serious relationship 🥺 he had been waiting for the right girl to build a life with, he’s enamored with me- in a way that no man ever has been, the princess treatment is phenomenal 😭 he’s constantly making me home cooked meals every single weekend I stay over he cooks all my meals 💖
Hi!
My husband is about to go on his first 9 month deployment and I am wanting to know any advice from wives who have gone through this! We are both early 20s and he’s a wonderful man. Luckily I am staying busy starting my masters degree and I work so I’ll be busy. What can we do together to feel more connected? any online games or things to do? date night ideas over FaceTime? Any positive advice or ideas?
Marketplace opened today and my husband and I are thinking of where we’d like to be stationed next. So far we’re only sure about requesting the base in Italy. The question is, has anyone been stationed in Grafenwoehr?
The option in country is Fort Carson, he’s been stationed there before but we wanna try our chances with Europe as we have twins on the way and it’ll prob be our only chance to travel around Europe.
Also anything we should know about housing, safety, tips for both Italy and Germany. Pros and cons