u/Far_Library_2734

Going through a lot of horrendously painful stuff in my marriage right now. My husband recently told me it was basically my fault we dont have kids yet and that i probably never wanted them anyways. It has completely broken my heart and my self esteem as a woman. I’ve been so insecure and said that’s the reason i dont feel “sexy” enough to initiate sometimes, but he told me thats a bullshit excuse to not initiate. We’ve been trying for about 3 years. I became a patient at an IVF clinic about a month ago and he has been very unsupportive. I don’t know how to move forward.

tl;dr I know fertility struggles are hard for the husband too. Am i being sensitive or was he cruel to say that?

Who’s going? I want to, it’ll be my 3rd greyday 🤘🖤

My husband is on a year long deployment 4 hours away from me. We are at the half way mark. I see him every 2-4 weeks depending on our schedules, and we do not have kids yet. I actually just became an IVF patient. We moved states for this deployment so we could be in a bigger area, closer to family, and have lots of access to fertility an IVF clinics.
6 weeks ago, the day after our 8 year wedding anniversary, we were on the phone. Not fighting or anything. He got really short with me and got off the phone abruptly. These are both out of character for him. I sent him a text apologizing for whatever i had unknowingly done to upset him.

That night he sent me a mile long text listing all the ways I suck and have ruined his life. Terribly painful hurtful things. Mind you- i take great care of myself. The last 8 years i owned my own business and was financially stable. We’ve never cheated in r anything like that, and up until this happened, i thought we were best friends and soul mates. I stick to our budget and never go over. He has my location and i live with my parents. I’m back in school full time at community college for nursing.

In the past 6 weeks, he hasn’t reached out to me one time. It’s like he completely walked away from our marriage overnight. Every 2-3 days i text him and say i love and miss him and that im sorry for whatever i’ve done. 90% of the time he didn’t respond and never says i love you back. This has been the most gut wrenching painful experience of my life. He literally acts like i don’t exit. I had to get on anti depressants and anxiety meds.

The weird thing is that 3 weeks ago i said hey, im coming down to see you and that’s that. He didn’t fight back. We had a great evening together like old times. Great sex, great conversation. Since then, it’s like i don’t exist.

Next week is my last week of the school semester and then i plan on driving down to see him and get to the bottom of this.

This is the hardest thing i’ve ever gone through. He just changed overnight. Before this we weren’t fighting or anything. The whole point of me moving with him too was so that we could see each other every few weeks.

I can’t decide if he found someone else, is having a mental breakdown from the intense work load he has, or just doesn’t love me anymore. We are Christians and i never thought divorce was an option.

Any advice?

tl;dr Why would someone do this? MEN- Why would you go 6 weeks instead of just having a conversation? Do men need to literally check out of a marriage sometimes? How often are men willing to try counseling first? I don’t want to fight about this with him I just want things to be better and not to be ignored. Being ignored by your partner and protector is such a painful experience

My husband is on a year long deployment 4 hours away from me. We are at the half way mark. I see him every 2-4 weeks depending on our schedules, and we do not have kids yet. I actually just became an IVF patient. We moved states for this deployment so we could be in a bigger area, closer to family, and have lots of access to fertility an IVF clinics.
6 weeks ago, the day after our 8 year wedding anniversary, we were on the phone. Not fighting or anything. He got really short with me and got off the phone abruptly. These are both out of character for him. I sent him a text apologizing for whatever i had unknowingly done to upset him.

That night he sent me a mile long text listing all the ways I suck and have ruined his life. Terribly painful hurtful things. Mind you- i take great care of myself. The last 8 years i owned my own business and was financially stable. We’ve never cheated in r anything like that, and up until this happened, i thought we were best friends and soul mates. I stick to our budget and never go over. He has my location and i live with my parents. I’m back in school full time at community college for nursing.

In the past 6 weeks, he hasn’t reached out to me one time. It’s like he completely walked away from our marriage overnight. Every 2-3 days i text him and say i love and miss him and that im sorry for whatever i’ve done. 90% of the time he didn’t respond and never says i love you back. This has been the most gut wrenching painful experience of my life. He literally acts like i don’t exit. I had to get on anti depressants and anxiety meds.

The weird thing is that 3 weeks ago i said hey, im coming down to see you and that’s that. He didn’t fight back. We had a great evening together like old times. Great sex, great conversation. Since then, it’s like i don’t exist.

Next week is my last week of the school semester and then i plan on driving down to see him and get to the bottom of this.

This is the hardest thing i’ve ever gone through. He just changed overnight. Before this we weren’t fighting or anything. The whole point of me moving with him too was so that we could see each other every few weeks.

I know, he’s likely having an affair. What’s weird is that he’s been holding an investigation on other soldiers having an affair and he was always speaking about how disgusting people who have affairs are.

I can’t decide if he found someone else, is having a mental breakdown from the intense work load he has, or just doesn’t love me anymore. We are Christians and i never thought divorce was an option.

Any advice?