r/MaleRapeVictims

(Throwaway account)Long story but essentially my wife feels like I lied to her because I withheld that I was held someplace overnight and sexually tortured when I was a teen and my means of coping with it has significantly affected my life. I’m really not sure how to take it. Is she reconsidering our life? Is it really lying?

My wife (F42) and I (M42) have been married for 18.5 years. We have been through the roommates phase with kids and work affecting our lives. We finally started to open back up to each other in 2023. We essentially were like we were when we dated. We shared thoughts and opinions more openly especially in regards to our sexual wants or needs. She asked for some restraint play which I agreed to. During the act I started having a panic attack, nausea shaking hyperventilating etc. I got dressed told her I’m sorry and left the room to try to collect myself. She came to me asking what she had done wrong and I told her nothing. I was sobbing at this point along with trembling. She said it had to be something she hadn’t seen me like this before. I kept denying but she started getting upset, I am sure feeling insecure. I finally just told her I can’t do that it really bothers me. She kept asking why, it’s ok we are exploring. I told her because of what he did. She was confused asked what do you mean? And the floodgate opened of what I had never told a anyone. She listened and cried and told me she was sorry. She said honestly that explains a lot about you. She’s been supportive, actively encouraged me to go to therapy. Has been mindful that I am dealing with something that even though it happened over 25 years ago, my mind still feels like it was yesterday.

Lately when we argue she has started throwing at me that I lied to here for over a decade. I know I was wrong to dump it all in her lap and to have not been open about it in the past. I had never been able to admit it to myself really and had buried it so much that it wasn’t an active thought but its impact influenced day to day things. I can’t be in crowds. I have to be able to see exits. I am very uncomfortable when I’m alone with someone. If plans alter on the fly it really throws me off and I become very agitated due to having unknown things thrust onto me. I struggle to be happy or enjoy things. I have a very low sense of self worth as I feel like I’ll always be broken or just the wreckage of what could have been a great life.(I know I do with her but it’s just the feeling) I have always felt like I’ll never really be a man and I have to carry a shell for everyone to see. I know all of this has affected her as well and I can understand feeling like she was lied to. How am I supposed to respond to this? Or make of this? I’ve asked her flat out if she had known would it have made a difference on her marrying me and she has said no, so I don’t know if she is wanting something else from me? I have apologized sincerely. Did I break her trust?

I was 15 and so was she we would joke about being intimate but I always said it was stupid at our age. And after a while she would start touching me like grabbing my thighs or my butt at almost a daily it made me uncomfortable but I thought I was overthinking it that maybe she didn’t mean it, but after a few weeks of her doing it, me her and my friend were sat under a slide because it was raining I was sat next to her and she puts her hand on my thigh and she crept it up to my penis, she never fully touched it only through my pants, she also grabbed my hand and forced it on her chest and told me to squeeze. After that she kept making me touch her more and more. And I want to know if I’m overreacting with thinking she was sexually assaulting me

i've been struggling real bad with my ptsd since december and idk what triggered it to get so bad again. my therapist and i haven't gotten anywhere with this to help me work through it. idk what set me off and made it this bad once more. no one in my life knows how to handle this with me and i don't blame them cause shit, me too. i've been so guarded and irritated. fighting my panic attacks. i don't feel safe and it fckin scks. i still try to go out at night cause that does feel the safest. nobody be out here at 12-3am. i feel a bit safer then. i keep trying to push myself and i don't think it's helping. i feel like a shit bf too, before this we went out a lot. since december, it has become less. when we do go out and do shit. i get triggered easy and my need for escape is unbearable. that or i try to ride it out but my mood shift is so obvious and i feel like it ruins shit 🤦‍♂️ he's fine with this and supportive but that doesn't just make my guilt go away. i've expressed my frustrations with ts so many times. i feel stuck. i feel like my psyche can't handle existing. i've been drinking more cause deep down it does feel like it's helping. past week, constant drinking. my one sober, productive days today and i'm losing it again. i keep remembering someone i don't wanna after my sister joked about him to me a few days ago. had nightmares about him. i had ts in the back of my mind, and ts brought it all front and center ffs

I had an older male harass follow and stalk me. He was my superior. I've never told anyone. I wanted to know if the following scenarion is considered SA.

I was in a group shower, showering under a shower head rinsing off and to my far right all the way at the other side, he looks in at me, making eye contact, smirking, laughing. He kept looking me up and down over and over. This latedp less than 30 seconds. I was the only soldier out of 12 soldiers that he choose to "check in on me" in the shower. Why did he seem me out? Why did he look me up and down and smirk and laugh.

This was when I was in the army. He punished me and taunted me. This is so so immensely embarrassing. He would call me a pussy constantly in Spanish and got others to join in from my unit.

The image of him watching me through the door way genuinely felt like a violation against me. Like if he could intend to hurt me with looks, his would certainly suffice.

Please don't make fun of me. I have a lot of shame surrounding this.

I was never in any trouble in the army, I kept to myself, I hung out with my buddies, we went to work every day and had off weekends for the most part when not needed.

I was targeted for my demographic and given hurtful and unprofessional feedback.

This supervisor made sure that he would be the type to argue and debate who was right and who was wrong on any subject or insert himself into a situation as a subject matter expert.

The overall feeling I got was one of domination. The need to supresse or dominate another person by controlling them by shame and "orders from a non commissioned office.

Yes I am vague with some details to protect others involved.

Please be kind. This is the first time I have ever discussed this.

Woukd this be considered SA?

for reference at the time i was m15 and she was f16

it’s been a little while since it happened i was going to my ex gfs house to do some pretty normal stuff eat watch a movie her parents were gone for a weekend so we were gonna spend all day together i end up falling asleep while watching the movie in her bed and wake up to my hands tied up behind me on the bed frame and my feet tied up to the bottom with rope i asked her what was going on and to let me out multiple times she responded with i wanna make u feel good we always talked about intimate stuff and i always told her i wasn’t ready because of our age and she was fine with that she uses her hands i can’t get the images out my head i don’t know what to do it hurt so much she kept going after i came multiple times it used her tongue not head just tongue she took a hard wire and shoved it down my tip and a lot more things that hurt so much i dont know if i want to go into detail i was begging for it to end i used to think maybe im not over exaggerating but now i just think im being a little bitch.

once it did end i cut her off she keeps trying ti come back i spoke to her she said what she did was wrong but I’m over exaggerating it

i always did say i would be open to trying hand jobs and stuff but i always made it clear i wasn’t ready and it wasn’t anytime soon

ive never spoken to anyone about it im very ashamed of what happen i spend a lot of time thinking about nothing and how helpless i and stupid and scared i was i feel like a layer of masculinity has been stripped away i felt so not in control and i feel so worthless

is what happen considered rape/sa? or was the me being dumb and a bitch

keep in mind this was pretty long ago and i got a lot better but it’s almost like every time my mind and body just feel it and make sure i remember everything and i don’t know how much longer i can do this im so drained and done

Idk I’m just venting atp

So yeah starts a couple of years ago I was 11 I was out with 2 of my friends, these 3 men pop outta nowhere at sunset, we fight and they grope us and touch us while telling me they will chop me up after they’re done raping me and throw me in the creek (they were more focused on me i was the prized pony), I still remember how powerless I was and how we fought with all we had so they couldn’t take us, laughed about it after I barely escaped then it crashed on me after the adrenaline wore down and I collapsed crying about 2 hours after the fact, no police were involved and I didn’t tell my parents the full extent of it they think I just got into a fight

Fast Forward to 2024 I was accused by this random granny because I fought her granddaughter for a saddle (I just screamed and cussed her I didn’t even touch her) then she proceeded to head-but me annddd it ended there

Cherry on top my mentality unstable ex stole my blood stained knife and extracted the blood then threatened to put it into herself as DNA evidence I raped her before she kills herself and sais I raped her on a suicide note if I leave her (led to me being coerced into sending nudes I wasn’t comfortable with, I enjoyed some of them at the time now I feel her dirty hands on me when I think of it…along with the men’s hands) and spending all my money on her and even getting into a little dept, broke up last July it got so draining after she cheated on me I just said fuck it I don’t care what she does, she never followed through her plan but I was living in pure fear for a good while and she threatened to leak my nudes too 😃😃😃

My current girlfriend (my childhood friend and crush and my best friend of 2 years) is the only person who knows all about this shit I love her so much please hope with me that I spend the rest of my life with her

I hope from the deepest parts of my soul that you all get through it and remember, you’re super strong for surviving

This post was removed from r/rape what I did wrong maybe it wasn’t the place to bring awareness to false allegations

Okay so a In 2020/2021 I had been drinking with with my ex wife at the time, I showered and she looked through my phone and found some things…we argued and I went to sleep… due to the alcohol. I woke up in the middle of the night with her on top of me and me inside of her I had what’s known as “morning wood” she was crying and said things along the lines of “I want you to want me and only me” and continued with what I look back at as grape’n me…I was confused and didn’t stop her is this grape or SA? I did love my ex wife and never brought it up as it was an issue but now that I look back at it and we are divorced I’m kind of confused…saw her recently and I kind of want to tell her she never apologized for that. She didn’t hurt me in my eyes but I feel like if it was the other way around I’d be looked at different…

The thing is i recently told my mom im 20 now idk lately i stopped eating i started doing self harm again so she asked what’s going on and i just bursted out crying like a kid and told her everything (she responded with”is that why u shave ur legs… or wtv she was like r u gay? And asked my brother to check on my ass hole ) idk wtf is wrong with her and honestly i deeply regret telling her what should i do in this situation , no one knew abt it except my uncle and my big brother