r/GenXWomen

A friend/coworker of mine just told me something this morning and my jaw is still on the floor at what this guy did to her.

To preface, I am an older GenX (60/born 1965) and my friend is about 63 so just the top end of BabyBoomer generation. She is the opposite of me physically, tiny, 5'1" about 115 pounds. She looks about 45 and looks great but is disabled because of a traumatic injury 10 years ago. She is ambulatory and can walk, talk, etc. but can't work because of a serious neurological thing which can cause deadly seizures.

She broke up with an emotionally abusive live-in BF in February who she had been with for about 10 years. Previously, she was in a long-term marriage with a guy and has 5 grown kids by him. Ex was also emotionally, and even physically, abusive.

So she moved into a new place sans BF and immediately started dating. I'm tempted to say some of what happened with this most recent freak is her fault but I'm not going to fall into the victim blaming trap.

She met 'Jeff' on FB Singles a few months ago. They exchanged a couple of text messages and she met someone more interesting so started going on coffee dates with the more interesting one.

Jeff persisted in texting her and she finally met him IRL for coffee. They hit it off and did a little kissing in his car. She said he was attractive and, though he is good looking, he's NOT Brad Pitt.

They spent over a week together, going on gym dates, hiking, more coffee, I guess there was one bar-n-grill meet up. He told her he can't stand pets (dogs/cats) and she has a pitbull mix.

So 12 days into this dating honeymoon, he called her one day and just dropped verbal bomb after bomb on her.

1. He is retired from the military and lives on that comfortably. He has zero interest in 'ever supporting any woman.' He asks her if she's aware that if she marries again she will lose her disability? She says she is aware and has no desire to marry again.

2. He tells her he had a background check done on her and knows how long she's been disabled and how much she gets per month. (Apparently this is the new online dating thing?!!!) He even found out how much her ex husband pays in alimony.

3. He decides her being 10 years older than him, even though she doesn't even look it, is a problem.

4. He then tells her she will probably die alone and poor as 'no guy is going to want to take on you as a financial burden.'

She listens to his soft-spoken rant for a while and then hangs up when he does. She blocked his number.

Personally, I would have hung up way, WAY before that.

My question is: aside from the 'rape academy' thing is there a Negging website I don't know about? Are there sites for men to go to discuss dating women just to mind fuck them and then try and emotionally 'own' them???

Finally, I'm so, so glad I'm done with dating. I have CPTSD and would not survive this kind of emotional abuse.

I’m 48, I have 3 kids (21, 17, 16) and a husband of 18+ years, and I am a nurse. My life is about catering to the needs of others. If I don’t do that, I’m not treated as an individual with my own needs, I’m an inconvenience. Mother’s Day was a good reminder that no one is really thinking of me and what I have sacrificed, what my day to day involves, or what brings me joy. I’m just an invisible middle-aged woman, until someone needs something of course.

There’s gotta be other women my age (56) feeling the same way. I’m long divorced, two kids finally out of the house (I was a single mom the whole time), and I work a lot. I’m just…. Blah. My job is fine, my second job is fine, I’m in grad school (again) on weekends to get better/smarter/more money, but I have no zest for anything. I don’t date (quit that crap a while ago and don’t miss it), I have a few friends and a cat, but otherwise.. meh.
I just don’t feel energized or motivated or excited about anything. Anyone else? What’s the deal?

Have you had your first unsolicited discount yet? Had my first yesterday and even though it saved me $5, I have to admit, it kinda hurt, lol.

I work from home and my husband was off work today. He has irritated the living crap out of me. My workspace is near the kitchen. He decides he’s going to make tuna salad with eggs. He’s in there FOR AN HOUR puttering around, cutting up cheese, apples, etc. I have a cute decorative bowl that will only hold about one to two cups of liquid and it is sitting out on a counter. I normally keep tomatoes in it, but it’s empty right now. I see him grab that bowl and start putting ice in it. I ask him what he’s doing and he says, “Making an ice bath for my eggs.” He had boiled SIX eggs and thought they were going to all fit in that tiny bowl with ice and water. Also, this bowl is melamine and not heat safe. Why in the heck did he not look in the cabinet and find a bigger, uglier bowl that he knows we have?

Long story short, I had to get him another bowl. Then he put the can opener in the dishwasher instead of handwashing it when I’ve told him over and over it will rust in the dishwasher.

We’ve also had this same kind of issue with “good towels” vs shop towels. Spilled ink on the floor or need to wipe grease off an engine block? Only the newest, finest, and most expensive new hand towels will work. What’s a shop towel?

I’m tired y’all. Why are they like this? This makes me want to move to a swamp and live as bog witch. I’m so tired of having to look after an adult, who is normally very intelligent. He also gets irritated when I tell him any of this stuff. Ugh.

But i still hate AA. Bunch of windbags.

https://preview.redd.it/6nvgcstlo60h1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=10a366002c5f6b457c726ef111948ec1e4a0a1d8

Just wondering what kinds of things are you doing to keep life interesting? I had been working out like crazy but recently had to stop but I’m working outside every day. Art, reading and my kids keep me busy. How about you?

Caught a one day ban in GenX. Someone was lamenting how people these days are less friendly, more isolated, etc. I replied that folks are losing wealth, have no social safety nets, government is actively working against their interests, healthcare is shit, and this is all before climate change really kicks in.

Ban - too political.

These are real issues facing our generation, not hose water and picking out movies at Blockbuster.

Told them to rename the sub “GenX Head in the Sand.”

Edit: Permabanned. Guess they didn’t like the “head in sand” comment. Lol

Edit 2: aaannnd muted. Omg, this is hilarious.

Simple question: My 75 year old mom made terrible choices that led to giving all her money to her newly ex husband and I let her move in with me after not havin a relationship for 25 plus years.

I am 1 good job interview from skipping town and making sure my family never finds me again. I hate this. How do I get out of this!?

(Bg: I am 53 neurodiverse and intelligent with a medical diagnosis. I have a treatment plan. And I'm recovering from a terrible blood condition, but in the upswing. I share many traits with people on the spectrum where I reach a threshold of frustration or fear then I am not the nicest person to people in my sphere. I hate being triggered.

I witnessed my grandma lose 30 years of her freedom and life taking care of great grandma. I do not want. I do not want a roommate. I cannot be a future medical level caregiver. I thought she'd be gone by now.

So as ThE Only stable person in my family and no personal kids I feel everyone thinks it defaults to me the dutiful daughter. Moms siblings are wealthy and I want out.)

Who were your early and mid teen year crushes? I’ll go first. 1. (Early) Shaun Cassidy. 2. Robbie Benson. 3. JP from Facts of life

Feel free to laugh because I am ridiculous tonight.

I'm 47 and I never wanted to get married or have children, so I didn't.

I have had relationships and lived with men but ultimately those relationships ended and I live alone.

Day to day, I love living alone. I love the peace, having a clean home, and not having to listen to a man complaining about whatever.

However, and this is where I think I may have fucked up, I've reached the point where I'm just tired of working. I don't want to retire, I just want to cut down my hours and if I'd been smart I would have married for financial security but I wasn't thinking about that when I was young and now it's too late.

My friend is a housewife and her life is glorious. It's slow and simple, no kids, just her and hubby, I'm jealous as can be and I hate it.

Jealousy is such an ugly emotion but I made my choices. Am I feeling regret? Possibly.

Tomorrow I'll feel better because I always do, but tonight I'm having a pity party.

Join me if you wish. 🍻

Saw old bf from 27 years ago - he is separated and living a couple of hours away. It’s still there - complicated by his busy life, divorce, kids. Several exes have turned up during their liminal times and have seemed to yearn for simpler days and sex, although I like this one enough to feel cautious. I have been to see him a couple of times. No plans other than visits again soon. No drama and all good. Anyone have experience or thoughts? I have feelings for him and trust him, but am pretty shattered from my past.

I realize this is a common problem but it's popping up for me more lately: I happen to have a lot of experience in a new project rolling out. I state my experience as the foundation for some suggestions and feedback. Everything gets ignored and then everyone (male) learns the hard way what could have been prevented by employing my few suggestions. Like I literally said those exact things you blew off.

I'm neither mousy nor obnoxious, i don't think it's my personality. I could be pushier I suppose but that's not my nature.

Anyway, I'm more struck by how resigned to it I am now than anything. Like, oh of course that just happened, it always does. I'm largely respected and treated well but I don't think they even realize they're doing it.

Where I live, we have a steady stream of Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons, and other religious people who ignore our No Soliciting signs and bang on the door, scaring our rescue dog and interrupting our WFH jobs. We have tried everything, but I finally cracked the code: “My family and I worship Satan. We are members of the Satanic church. So, we are all good on spirituality here.” They practically race off the porch. It’s been almost a year since I did this with our local JW chapter and my neighbors are still getting hit, but no knocks on our door. Thank you, SNL and Dana Carvey’s Church Lady for the inspiration when I was watching old sketches recently 😇

ETA - We have two No Soliciting Signs, one at the top of the driveway and one at the front door. When I pointed out the signs, the JWs said they are not soliciting because they are trying to GIVE me eternal life. I am quoting.

What grinds your gears? Rant away