r/FTMOver30

My body type (pear) and height (5ft3) makes stealth passing unattainable and I don't feel safe being visibly trans.

I was on HRT and was developing more negative than positive effects, so I stopped treatment. I am post top surgery and while love the results of that, feel disheartened at how extreme my lower body proportions have become since.

I am tired. I don't feel like there is a future for me and have been feeling this way for a long time. Couple that with autism, and I feel like a fail state of a human. I'm too despised as an autistic woman, and can't live safely as a man. Both recieve negative attention, public harrassment and hinder my ability to form professional and social relationships. If I do detransition, then it is the 'safer' option for me. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am just too tired.

I’ve had such fatigue from doing shots every week for the last 7 years, I keep putting off my dose and going too long between doses. I’ve thought about switching to gel but I don’t like that idea either. I wish my body could produce testosterone so badly

Hey, guys! I'm set to start T this Friday (🥳), and just had a question occur to me, so thought I'd ask y'all:

Did going on T change your relationship with your pets at all?

Like, I know cats and dogs can be sensitive to smells and changes in health and whatnot, so did altering your hormones have an impact on how your pets interact with you in any way? Or did your appearance changes have any effects on your relationship with them?

One of my cats in particular (Jack) is such a sweet, sensitive baby, and he only ever fully relaxes and feels safe when it's just the two of us, so I'm just nervous about possibly confusing or upsetting him with the upcoming changes.

ETA: Thank you guys so much for sharing your experiences, I appreciate you! It's so reassuring that the general consensus seems to be that it usually has a neutral to positive impact if any; so glad to know my little nuggets shouldn't be bothered and also won't hate me or think I'm a stranger 🥹 bc of the tism, I also struggle with keeping in mind that it's gonna be a process and not an immediate, black and white transformation upon injection, so I genuinely appreciate those reminders! Lol Y'all are awesome!

I just spent some time on r/lesbianorlittleboy and it dawned on me that THIS is why I never really felt dysphoria until middle age. Until now, I’d always looked very youthful when presenting androgynously, like a young boy. It suited me. Now I really WANT to look like a grown up, like someone who has lived half a life, but aging has me just looking strange and saggy. In the span of a few years I went from Peter Pan to… Peter Pan played off broadway by a middle aged woman. I am so ready to look like a grown up now and I think that includes biceps and a mustache.

A lot of trans men and trans masc people (regardless of agab as there are intersex trans masc people too) suffer from very bad levels of mental health issues.

Myself included. As we have a strong list of diagnosis. And this goes well into the overall trans community.

After various suicidal attempts myself. wanted to ask this group if there is a virtual space to speak to one another about this?

Even a zoom meeting works. Cis men do have a high suicide rate but trans masc people have 8X that amount.

In dating other trans guys I’ve noticed that a lot. And honestly it has prompted me to heal myself. As I see a lot of myself in all of you. And have deep love and care for you all. But won’t deny that I have failed some of you when I have been SHing and Im situations where I give and give and give without thinking about my own cup.

Just ended up harming other people. This includes other trans people. It was 🚫 healthy. And just taught me a lot about being a human being. And being responsible to value my own life. With the guy Im seeing, there is a lot of people pleasing too.

Im really into him. But he has his own string of diagnosis which we know and CANT blame him for. But also I want him alive. Even if they don’t want to be. And it hurts and I really want to talk about mental health issues amongst trans masc. we have a very high suicide rate. And I need us alive and here. He’s really hot and sweet and I want him here too.

He’s also one of the few people that gets our dissociative identity disorder and autism. And hospitalizations. As he has a LOT of disabilities. I hope God/Spirit sees how valuable every life is. I thinks my life is valuable now. And I KNOW their life is too. Especially because theyre an educator. And seeing the good in people as a teacher is an essential trait ro teach babies and all of us to hone in on that. To grow. I want them here bur I know it’s not up to me and I can’t save them. This is the second trans guy I like with similar issues like this and we just wanna give yall so much hugs. You’re beautiful to me

And she said that she still loves me and isn't disappointed but that as a parent it's hard and she feels like she's losing a child? I guess overall it was a positive response but not as supportive as I'd hoped.

This is kind of a mix of venting and advice seeking. My thoughts are all over the place, so I'm struggling to even formulate a clear question. I think the underlying feeling is "Why can't you just be happy for me? A genuine smile would be enough, not a smirk."

I'm 32 and have been on T for almost 8 years. I was no contact with my father for 5 of those years, around 2019 - 2024. We also live in separate countries, so he more or less missed my whole medical transition. Before that, he's only been in my life sporadically since I was 16 and has confessed he sometimes forgets he has children.

We have always had a difficult relationship, my coming out is by far not the worst issue that's come up. He's egotistical, argumentative, overbearing and hyper-critical. He also lacks empathy or at the very least the ability to understand/tolerate other people's perspectives. He's very much a "dish it out but can't take it" kind of person. He feels that if other people can't take his (hurtful) jokes, that's their problem and immediately gets defensive/attacks when (even gently) told he's hurting someone.

I learned a long time ago that I can't trust him with my vulnerabilities, as he either makes fun of them or will use them to try and control my life. I don't expect affection or supportive behaviour from him which keeps me safe from pain/disappointment and feel genuinely happy when it is offered.

Right now, I'm visiting and learning about sides of him I don't know and never will, as they come from relationships who aren't his kids; so the power dynamic is very different. Through this, I'm learning he actually does care about me, even though I can count the times he's shown it on less than one hand. It also makes it easier to see that his dismissal of my transition isn't just his regular behaviour. He doesn't ever talk about his feelings unless very drunk, so I have no idea where he stands on this. He uses my correct name and pronouns, but seems to struggle acknowledging that I'm not/don't look like a little girl anymore. "Little girl" instead of "woman" as I don't think he sees me as adult either, but that's a different story.

There are two overlapping issues I struggle to identify how to deal with. One is old, his general dismissal/disrespect of me as a person. The other is new-ish, his struggle to see me as male. I think the first reinforces the second, so I don't know if that's something I can try to address separately. Anyone dealing/have dealt with similar?

Additional: I'm diagnosed with autism which he knows. I also suspect he MAY be on the spectrum too.

At the moment, I'm very much interested and hopeful in building our relationship to something healthier. I'm aware that going no contact again may be necessary, but I'm a little older and more self-assured now, and feel more capable of protecting myself than I used to.

I’m almost 1.5 years on T, and I’ve never had a problem getting hard. It’s honestly one of my favorite things about being on t.

But within the past couple of weeks or so, my libido has been completely shot, and I can’t get hard no matter what I do (touching, porn, fantasizing, toys, anything)

Usually I’m constantly horny, and this was more or less true even before T. now, a whole day or two will go by and I don’t even have the urge to masturbate. And when I do, it’s so muted and the orgasms are also muted.

When I’m with my partner, that’s when I get the hardest and orgasm the hardest, but even with them I’m finding it difficult.

I’m trying not to freak out, but im lowkey freaking out. I touch myself and nothing happens. I don’t feel anything like being turned on (or very little) internally or externally.

I thought maybe it was the finasteride I’m on for hair loss, but when I researched I’m way past the timeframe where low libido sets in.

I’ve been super stressed lately, and It’s most likely because of that. But the physical manifestation of low libido now makes me feel like something is really wrong and I’ll never get my boners back or even feel horny. I know I’m probably spiraling, but this is just not normal for me.

Anyone else have this happen? How has stress affected your sex life? Were you able to feel normal again?

EDIT: took some time to reflect and I’ve had multiple life things happen in the last two weeks or so that have been super stressful (including noticing my hair thinning more 😒). I even forgot for a week or so I was clenching my jaw so hard that I was having trouble opening my mouth a little. So it’s probably stress. Thank you tho to everyone commenting it is making me feel better/more grounded 💖