r/DivorcedDads

My wife decided to leave our marriage after 17 years (in hindsight, we weren’t a good match), but I digress.

I lost my only sibling when I was much younger, so my kids have no cousins or extended family on my side, aside from their grandparents. My X-wife however has two sisters with big families, in two different countries.

Today I learned my kids are going on vacation to visit their cousins this summer. I’d never stand in the way of them from having these wonderful life experiences. But I am feeling sad and left out. I lost more than a wife, and it stings sometimes.

I also learned today that my son is going to beach week - plans that had been made weeks ago. Again, I had to ask before I was finally informed.

My X was, and very much still is, a terrible communicator. My kids aren’t much better. But they’re also kids, so I can still work on that communication thing with them.

Yes, I intend to make vacation plans with my kids - and we will go on adventures. But currently, finances are just not there for booking any big travel. Her parents are rich and probably a helping to pay for their vacations.

The whole thing just makes me feel pushed out of my own family.

I don’t have a question, just venting.

Hello everyone. Need advice. My ex wife text me today that she is engaged and has shared the news with our children (5 and 9). She told me about him right after the divorced was finalized three years ago. I’ve been preparing for this moment and sent a text back saying “Congrats! Thanks for letting me know.” But honestly I’m hurt and jealous. She can get married to whomever she’s wants, as long as our girls are happy and safe. We’ve been divorced longer than we were married. Thought I was further a long in my healing process, but I’m still hurt. I got a new job, started making and releasing music again, went back to school. Putting myself out there and dating. Was finding my happiness. But I won’t lie, I definitely cried after the news. Any advice would be appreciated. How did you deal with your ex spouse being engaged?

41M separated 2.5 years, divorce finalized for 6 months now. Have a 4 year old son who has been through A LOT and needs lots of extra attention and care.

I’m so incredibly sad and lonely. The divorce was absolutely awful and the situation my ex put our through was unthinkable. As a result, I have basically full custody. Which is good and necessary and I love my son and every minute I get to spend with him more than anything. He’s the most important thing in my world and I’d do anything for him. Which is good because he needs a LOT.

He’s been through substantial, sustained trauma and he’s in play therapy for it. I’ve also been in both individual therapy and group therapy specifically for divorce since the onset of the separation, so 2.5 years now, and during the divorce process I was put through a tremendous amount of trauma myself, and have been diagnosed with PTSD from it, which is notable because it’s the SECOND instance in my life that I’ve gone through that’s led to a diagnosis of PTSD, MDD, and GAD. The original PTSD case—dating back to my early teens but not diagnosed or treated until my late 20’s—is so severe I’m technically disabled by it. It’s a VERY invisible disability though and I hide it extremely well. I can know people very well for years and they have no idea I’m technically disabled, or have these issues. I can do one heck of an impression of a very interesting and fun extrovert comfortable with attention (my therapists and I are aware it’s a defense/coping mechanism, but the truth is my conditions are so bad it really is necessary for me to be able to function normally in the world, so it’s a mask I’ve gotten very comfortable slipping in and out of).

I preface with all of this because my situation is extremely complicated. I’m a middle-aged man with no friends or social life, and making time for it feels impossible. I have a limited income due to my disability, so getting a babysitter isn’t an option. Even if it was, the comprehensive nature of my son’s needs and the specific details of what he was subjected to make it very unlikely he would handle having a sitter very well. He’s in a wonderful preschool and manages that okay, with help, but a lot of the worst things he experienced were at night, revolving around evening/bedtime rituals and sleep, and he’s nowhere near ready to not have me there for that. I do have my parents who he loves and can watch him somewhat, but they’re elderly, in poor health, and a major part of my life is caring for them, too. While they are the best (and only) option for someone other than me watching him and they would probably be able to keep him from having panic attacks at bedtime, it’s not something I can lean on too often, both because of my son’s needs and their own needs and limited abilities.

The point is that sometimes, to my infinite shame, I do feel trapped by my son and the situation his mom created for us, the mess she made that I will have to spend the rest of his childhood cleaning up. I’m so incredibly lonely and sad, although I have spent most of my life living with PTSD, MDD, and GAD, and so am extremely practiced at hiding it, and I know I’m good at it, that people are never aware unless I choose to let them in on my inner life. I want the chance to find someone again, to at least LOOK for someone again, or even just find friends and have both the logistical availability and confidence to do things with them things for myself. I’ve been living for absolutely nothing except my son for the last 2.5 years, and I think he would benefit a lot more if I was able to live for myself some, but I don’t know how.

I’m a decent looking guy for my age, dress really well, and I know I’m very kind and sweet and thoughtful and am a great conversationalist. Despite my various conditions, I’ve learned how to carry myself with both confidence and a likable sense of self-depreciation—I don’t take myself too seriously or anything. I know I’m interesting (being a secret introvert and having spent most of my life reading and thinking and writing essays about any and everything has given me so many advantages in finding interesting things to talk about that match the interests of whoever I’m interacting with) and a great talker and listener and can have a good conversation with anyone about anything. I’ve been told all of this by too many people to count throughout my life, and I honestly just know it and am really confident in my ability to be fun and engaging (it also helps that I’m a writer and used to do comedy writing and stand up, so I can make people laugh easily and naturally). I’m also told over and over what an incredible dad I am, and how amazing and sweet and adorable my son is, and I know all of those things can be really attractive to a lot of women. I don’t really have trouble attracting women or getting to know them and taking things at whatever speed they’re comfortable with, but moving towards dating if that’s something I’m interested in with them. Even with my disability, limited earning capacity, and mental health struggles—which I’m open about as soon as I can be without making things weird—I tend to be charming and enjoyable enough that they don’t present much of an issue.

The problem is that because of how limited the scope of my life is right now, I basically never find myself in a situation where I can actually meet people, be they women I’m interested in or just men or women as friends. My life consists of taking my son to and from preschool. I work from home on a limited basis due to the disability and really have no interaction with anyone else during that, so I don’t have co-workers or work friends or anything. I’m well aware of things like running clubs, game nights, clubs built around interests and hobbies, but the truth is it just feels like I don’t have time to remotely engage in any of that with everything else I have going on.

I’ve been on the apps, and have no problem matching and meeting women through them, but for whatever reason they’ve either tended to be too far away for it to be feasible given how limited my time away from my son would have to be, or their life looks so different from mine that it becomes clear we’re just at different places and not compatible at least right now. Those women tend not to understand how much my responsibilities as a full-time single dad with full custody requires of me, and why I’m not as constantly available as the men they’re used to dating, even though I explain everything up front and tell them there will be a lot of times that I won’t be able to talk or text or meet up, but will get back to them the moment t I can (and always do) and they say they understand and not only is it not a problem, but it’s attractive to them. Unfortunately it seems like when they’re faced with the reality, it’s still attractive, but the reality of me having to live a life where my son has a lot of needs and those needs come first is something they weren’t as prepared for as they thought. I’ve had hundreds of matches, managed to find time to go on at least one or two dates with about 8 women in the last 2 or so years, but none of them were something that was going to be able to work around my preexisting responsibilities (and even though I have gone into detail on everything that’s required of me, I am INCREDIBLY flexible and generous with my time and attention when it’s not literally required to be elsewhere).

I’ve also tried meeting women at the park when I take my son to play, and single moms at my son’s school, but the dating pool in those places is so tiny it’s not really viable, although I am slowly trying to build some non-romantic friendships there as the opportunities present themselves, but that takes a lot of time because I, like all the other parents, are just in and out to drop off and pick up except in the rare event of some sort of function, and with my son’s trauma he clings to me a the park which makes it very difficult to talk to other parents.

I’d LOVE to meet women in a similar position to me, honestly. Women who know the rigors and demands of being a single parent, who know how hard it is, who do it anyway, who don’t want to do this alone, who will be understanding when I can’t text back in 30 seconds while I’m reading to my son or eating a meal I just cooked with him or putting him to bed, that I can’t be up all night because my mornings start early and are nothing but (joyful) work until bedtime and don’t hold it against me. Maybe who have been through a difficult divorce themselves and are looking for someone who understands what that’s like the same way I am and do. Just someone to share time and laughs and joy with, who understands the idiosyncrasies of this brutal and beautiful life of raising a child on your own.

So to anyone who has been in my position, or known someone who is, any thoughts? Advice? Words of encouragement? Anything at all? This is a HARD life to live, and it’s even harder to do alone, with no companionship other than a 4 year old I’m literally responsible for. I’m desperate for contact, for adult companionship, both romantic and friendly. I’ve almost forgotten who I am outside of my identity of divorced single dad, and I know that no matter how great of a dad I am, I could be better and show up for my son even more if I was able to fulfill some of my own personal needs. It’s just so hard as to feel almost impossible. Any help or even just kind words would mean more than I can express!

I’m in California and have been on the fence when it comes to picking a lawyer for divorce. Through my work I have access to a program which has a network of lawyers I can call and get a free 30 min consultation and 25% off the hourly rate for their services. I have reached out to 4 of these lawyers but they either have mixed online reviews or little to no reviews. The other option is lawyers on Yelp who have many reviews that are mostly good but they charge more money.

So I was wondering if you were in my situation (looking to divorce my wife and we have two kids. No property involved. Mostly amicable.) Would you just go with the more affordable lawyer?

Thank you.

41m with 3 kids from my ex wife. Since the divorce, I worked on myself. Starting with my mental health. It ended with me getting formal diagnosis for ASD, ADHD, and MDD.

I never expected to remarry. This is my 3rd marraige. I got married right out of high school because of my strict religious parents. After 6 we divorced (no kids) and I rushed into dating. Met someone, had great physical chemistry and we got married after a few months. Wild and dumb. We have 3 kids together. Between 5 and 11 years old.

A few years ago after I came home from work. My ex wife told me she wanted a separation. Which turned into a divorce. I was destroyed by it, like so many of you have felt. We hadnt been fighting. I was so blinded by my tunnel vision that I missed the signs. But truthfully. I was relieved too. I had fallen out of love with her when my second child was born. Her family moved in and we lost our privacy which we never got back.

We had a friendly divorce. Agreed to 7 days on 7 days off with the kids and no child support. I really lucked out and I know it. Since then, we have had a few disagreements. But overall its great.

It was the hardest time in my life still. I ended up sleeping in my kids room for a week, then I was able to move into a small rv on some property. It was so hard going from a nice house on land with a hot shower to an rv and a garden hose. I wanted to leave the world so many times. I cried myself to sleep so many times. But I made it out alive.

I reached out to my high school best friend who was a woman and who I wasnt allowed to talk to by my ex wife.

She happened to be back in town too after a breakup. We talked for over a month before agreeing to meet in person. Then after that we slowly started to date. After a few months, she met my ex wife (theyre friends now too). 6 months she met my kids and they love her.

We dated for over 2 years, before moving in together. After 2 months of living together, I proposed to her, where we had our first date, which was a local park. Then yesterday we surprised everyone and got married at the court house.

It just feels so surreal.

I once again have a house on land

I became a home inspector and opened my own company.

And my wife is literally my high school crush. Went from friend zone to husband. Just took a couple decades. 😂🤣

THERE IS HOPE IF YOU HEAL!

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out because I’m currently in the hardest phase of my life. My wife and I are separating, and in about 30 days, she is moving back to France from Michigan (US) with our 3 and 5-year-old children.

I’ve decided not to block the move to keep the peace, but the reality is starting to hit me hard. I find myself crying in the garage, feeling like my life is falling apart. I’m terrified of the silence that will follow when they leave, and I’m scared of losing my bond with my kids.

I’m looking for a "tribe" or some brothers-in-arms who have been through international or long-distance co-parenting.

• How did you keep your head above water during the last weeks before the move?

• How do you deal with the void in the house after the kids are gone?

• Any success stories of staying a "hero" in your kids' eyes from thousands of miles away?

I’m starting therapy and looking into DivorceCare, but I need to hear from men who actually walked this path. I need to know it’s possible to survive this and still be a great dad.

Thanks for the support.

Hi brothers,

Yesterday I have talked to a neighbor, he told about his son friend which died from a heart attack which is caused because of a divorce process from a real problematic wife (she had mental issues, gave him hell).

This is not the first story I hear about mental and physical health issue caused by divorce (specially heart disease problems).

Lets raise awareness:

- Listen to your body, if something feeling strange, check it out - do not take a risk.

- Be aware that are going through something hard - be east with yourself!

- Work on your self to be calm no matter what - its hard - but you must do it.

Please share your stories and insights - maybe we will save somebody.

My daughter broke her arm over the Easter weekend.
I wasn't there.
I was informed via WhatsApp.
I sat at my desk and read the message, re-read the message and felt a lead weight drop into my stomach. And then the anger came. It swelled up and started seething out of my eyes.
I closed my eyes and felt that rage welling up.
Boiling, bubbling, frothing.
I then took a deep breath in. And a looooong slow breath out. And then another…
And then I had to do some box breathing.
In for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four. Four times through.
By the end of it I realised the rage and the anger wasn't about how I had been informed via WhatsApp.
It was never about the WhatsApp.
It was because I was scared.
My daughter was hurt and I wasn't there.
I tried calling. No answer. Eventually I got through to Ophelia via video call. She wanted me to come through, the hospital was an hour away.
I messaged her mother: "On my way. I'm an hour away."
The response: they'd be discharged in thirty minutes.
I'd miss her. I wouldn't get to be there for my daughter.
I spoke to a man this morning in one of the Facebook dad groups. He said when his son isn't with him, he gets depressed. That he just sinks.
I know that man. I was that man.
In the beginning it felt like something had been taken away. The flat was too quiet. The evenings were too long. It felt like a chunk of my life had been cut away as a cruel punishment for my failure.
The thing I didn't realise though was that I had been drifting through my life.
Grazing, not hunting.
Through my marriage. Through early fatherhood. There in body, but my mind elsewhere.
The separation didn't take something from me.
It showed me that I hadn't been giving, not in the way my family needed me to.
So I started using those empty days.
Gym. Meditation. Reflection. Building the case I needed to defend myself against allegations that should never have been made.
Building the version of me my daughter actually deserves.
The time without her didn't make me any less her father.
It made me realise how sacred the time I do get to spend with her is.
It started to make me into the father she actually deserves.
Back to the weekend.
I couldn't reach Ophelia in time. She was discharged before I got there.
So I sat down and I wrote this post. Because if I couldn't be there for her in that moment, I was going to build something that might reach every dad who ever found out about his kid's broken arm via WhatsApp.
That felt like the right use of the "empty" time.
Ophelia is seven. She'll leave home when she's eighteen.
Eleven years. Fifty-two weeks. Split down the middle.
I've got 286 Tuesdays left.
How many do you have?

I have a 5 and 8 year old, and I'm only with them 50% of the time. But I'm wondering if anyone has, or does, anything to stay connected to them.

They obviously don't have cellphones, so there isn't any texting or anything like that. I was thinking of setting up their tablets to have Facetime, so they can call me that way whenever they want. (Or their mom allows it)

I was also thinking of getting them one of those teddy bears that when you hug, it sends a signal to them. So I'm kind of always there.

Anyone else have any ideas?

Just need to vent.

Context: My wife hit me with “I want a divorce” in December. At the time I was blindsided. Now, I do see the warning signs. I had been working two jobs, was insanely burned out, and was far from my best self.

She filed in January. We have mediation in August.

She started a long distance relationship immediately.

I found a decent three bedroom for me and the kids. Spent way too much money to furnish it so I could leave the house “in tact” for her and the kids. As a former pastor and follower of Jesus, loving her sacrificially (like Jesus) is important to me. I want the kids to have that example for when life is hard. I’ve been as kind as possible through the whole thing. I move this Thursday.

I was putting some of my things in the garage and found her crying at the dining room table. She shared that she didn’t want us to end this way and expressed second thoughts on this whole thing.

What am I supposed to do with that? Part of me thinks I deserve better… she has treated me pretty poorly through this. Part of me loves her and wants to work on the relationship.

I told her I will still be moving out but might be willing to do counseling and “date” each other again to see if we can work on our differences. The new long distance relationship would have to end obviously.

I don’t even know what I want anymore. Will certainly be talking about this in therapy, but needed to vent. Is this normal?

My wife and I are cohabiting after over a year separated, mainly due to financial reasons.

But now it’s becoming unbearable, especially with an 11year old daughter who has Autism.

My main concern is our daughter.

We own a house valued at £650k, which has £105k left on the mortgage.

I put £8k deposit, she put in £165k.

So profit would be £535 (taking £10k off for fees etc).

She does not want to give me half (£267,500), as she won’t give me any of her deposit.

The most she’s offering is £170k as this is all she can afford.

However with this much I won’t be able to afford a suitable place for me to have my daughter at the planned 50/50 custody.

I’ve suggested mediation, but she won’t do it, despite me offering to pay for it.

So I’m stuck now. If I take this to court it will cost £30-40k, plus I’d have to move out and rent until it’s resolved, which would be throwing money away.

Two bedroom properties in our area are £2k/ month.

Would courts rule 50/50 in this situation, as this is what I’ve been told.

Or do I just take the £170k and be done with it?

Help! Any ideas please? 🙏🏽

Today marks the 6 month date of the separation. Divorce papers were served to me 2 months ago. First court date for support/custody is in a few weeks. Why am I so scared. I feel like I should be a pro at these feelings by now. No cheating/abuse/debts. Lied about looking at porn through 17 years of marriage and it's all over. I own my mistakes. Do I think it's worth blowing up a marriage over, let alone separating? No, but as my counselor says, reconciliation requires 2 "yes" votes, and I only have 1.

I miss my two teenage sons who have gravitated toward my wife and also I'm sure are being fed information to help prop up them taking sides. Haven't seen my oldest in 6 months and my youngest in the past 2. That's the part that really hurts.

Yes I have an attorney, and yes we've already started down the game of discoveries, timelines, etc etc. I'm trying to stay connected to as many friends as possible. Trying to stay afloat at work. Trying to use my newly adopted foster dog to help me through this pain. But damn, it's dark and hard. I don't know the line between feeling my feelings and ruminating endlessly. Distracting myself vs ignoring the pain.

Don't know if any other dads can relate. No point to this other than...it hurts. I hate it.

Hello all. New to the group. Going through my second divorce at 35. 2nd ex is trying to put me through the ringer limited time with our son and is trying to move over 12 hours away to another state. I dont have the means for legal help so I am going about all alone. So here is where I need help. I know she cheated and is with someone who is going through a divorce as well I have the knowledge and ability to reach out to her boyfriend's ex spouse I just dont know if I should. Ive been told proof of adultery would help my case but idk if the other ex spouse would be willing to help me with any proof.

I’ve done the work on myself during our six months separation. Became the best dad I can be, went to therapy, got to the gym sobered up etc. if she ever gives me the divorce, I know I’ve become great and will only get better. For all the hopeless guys out there just starting this journey, chime in with your post divorce success and what you did!

Sometimes it takes a wake-up call to remind us of our responsibilities. It's easy to sire children but something else to raise them.

• What are some changes pre & post separation that has changed your parenting style?
• What has been the hardest and what has been easier?
• If you had to give someone new to all of this a single tip what would it be?
• How have you coped with all the different ages or parenting?
• If you wanted to ask someone something about their experience what would it be?

Hello everyone, I wanted to share my story about my two children with a horrible ex partner

I split up with my partner around 8 years ago. I was very young and had no business being with her ever since I’ve had a tough time trying to see my kids and trying to coparent.

Of course I’m not perfect, but I’ve tried to be good. I’ve always paid for them and always made an effort to see them. I have disagreed with loads of ways they are being brought up but I’ve never had a chance to say anything. Anything I’ve mentioned turns into an argument.

Long story short, She has always badmouthed me to the kids and brainwash them about me and my family. She doesn’t push them, teach them good manners and general lifestyle you would for kids. I have had to accept this and I have tried for years to keep her happy just so I can see my kids but I have always had issues.

Around six months ago, she agreed to let my partner meet my kids even after she has had countless partners that I have no say in meeting the kids etc. anyhow she agreed and we took the kids out. We had an amazing weekend they loved it and then on Sunday arranging the pick up she started arguing.

She ended up turning up at my mom’s house with a baseball bat and hitting me. I caught all this on video and all the threats via text. All in front of the kids and on my front garden caught on video.

I reported this to the police but didn’t want to press charges at the time as I’m always looking for the best outcome, but since then I have not seen my kids and I have been blocked off all contact. I I eventually pressed charges. She even said to me it was self-defence and made lies. She is that naive even with me holding the camera She still said this. I pressed charges with all the overwhelming evidence and the police got her in for an interview.

The police in charge, then called me and told me she had admitted it admitted fault. Of course she still tried to make up lies that my mother came out with a weapon which is a complete lie and nowhere on the footage.

The police said that because she admitted it we can give her a caution. I felt like this was a slap in the face to me. I have clear evidence of a premeditate attack and domestic abuse of course I do not want to go to prison but I be punished with in the law properly especially after this evidence because if it was the other way round, I would 100% be in jail right now

I believe now the police is going to push the case to the CPS but then the police woman also told me that she is now saying that I hit my child and that was the reason which is another complete lie this is so stressful and a horrible situation for me I’ve always just wanted to see my kids with no drama.

I have looked at taking her to court for access, but of course it cost so much money so I’m looking at representing myself in the future with assistance from a solicitor.

I 100% know she is that much of disgusting scumbag that she would convince my child to say that I of course have nothing to worry about and I’m happy to be fully investigated because I know I have never done such thing.

She does not work she is uneducated chav who obviously has no morals.the Whole situation is horrible for me. I have not seen my kids and she has always brainwashed them about me. All I want is to see my kids and have a good relationship with with them. I have accepted that I have to wait till they’re a bit older and approach them myself.

I’m just looking for advice from people who went through a similar situation.

I am looking at representing myself for access in the future.

My kiddo hates their mom and refuses to spend time with them. I tried to give the x tips and advice on how to get along with our child but they refused and blamed me for their poor relationship. I have the kiddo in therapy but it doesn't seem like it's helping them get along with their mom. I've given up helping the x get along with our child besides still taking the kiddo to therapy. Should I put more effort into fixing their relationship or just take it as a win that my kid chose me? I feel like my negative feeling towards the x has spilled over to the kid and it's my fault they are not getting along. I don't speak bad about the x around the kiddo but I def have some nasty vibes when the x is around.

Everywhere I read online about split custody, I see men getting a lot of hate for taking anything less than 50/50. I don't fully understand why, as I feel there are valid reasons to take a 40/60 or 30/70 custody split.

I personally am currently in a 30/70 split due to my odd hour work schedule and lack of support network for childcare. My Ex works "banker hours" and is easily able to have the kids during the week and has family support to help her. Unfortunately I work afternoon shifts and occasional night shifts and simply cant logistically have my kids while I work. As a result I only get my kids 2 overnights a week on my days off. Id like to have them more, but unless Im willing to pay an absolute fortune on a nanny, its not possible for me.

As a result, until my kids are older Im going to be doing 30/70 custody time. I feel very upset by this because everywhere I read online it seems like men who take less than 50/50 are labeled as "bad".

What is your guys opinion on this?

My ex and I have been separated for 9 months and the divorce was finalized last month. We have 3 kids 14, 12 and 6. We live in a tiny town and while she has a good paying job I am struggling to even pay my bills. There aren't many high paying jobs within 30 miles and even I commute an hour each way to make $18 an hour. I live in a one room cabin and don't pay that much rent. Here's the thing, I hate it here. Other than my kids there's nothing for me here. I'm looking to move closer to the city (Athens, Ga) to have more of a life and potentially make more money. I know for certain that I will have to pay more for rent so I'm thinking about getting a roommate. At 46, I never thought I'd have to do that but it'll allow me to hopefully save for a house. How many of you all have had to move in with someone else after divorce and how did it work with visitations? Also before anyone asks, both my parents are dead and I have no other family. Thanks.

Wife left 6 months ago with our 2 little kids (infant and toddler).

Moved 45 minutes away to her parents house.

I have 50/50 with toddler right now, but nothing in writing besides texts. Been doing it no problem for about 5 months now. We meet half way 2 times per week.

I've had 15 overnights with my baby including multiple 2-night stretches. Once I hit 3 nights per week steady it's over 40% which courts here view as 50/50 and child support drops a lot.

She's a nurse, going back to work in 3 months once mat leave completes.

Toddler is in 2 daycares, one near the marital home, where they've attended over 2 years now, and one near ex's parents house, 45 minutes away, for about 2 months now. My lawyer told me not to fight her on that, as courts might've granted her it anyway "on her time".

She's recently proposed a schedule where the kids will go to school/daycare near her parents, and I can have "mostly weekends" and she'll have "mostly weekdays". However, she's piggybacking off a verbal suggestion I made months ago, which also includes a Wednesday "visit" after school where I can take the kids out for supper, play, etc.

She'll be working weekends too, so has offered me 3 weekends per month. Then, on her weekend, I'd get Thursday/Friday instead.

The more I think about the schedule, the more I'm seeing the benefits, with some alterations, but perhaps I'm missing something.

I'd obviously prefer that my kids to go to school near me, but my lawyer said the courts may side with her, since she needs her parents for child care during her odd nurse shift hours. I find this strange, as the marital home, established daycare, family doctor, my parents, and my toddler's friends (5+ kids) are all in the home neighborhood. All that exists where she is are her parents. My lawyer was quite unenthusiastic about my chances of winning school catchment.

Please give me your opinion on this schedule:

I'd pick kids up around 3pm on Friday afternoon, and keep them until Monday morning. That means I'd be involved in the school system Monday and Friday at minimum. I'd also suggest a bi-weekly Wednesday overnight instead of just always visits, whereas the other Wednesdays would be just 3-4 hour outings with the kids.

I'd get 3 weekends per month (Fri afternoon to Monday morning), plus Wednesday after school (biweekly overnights), and then Thurs/Friday overnights once per month during her weekend turn.

This puts my parenting time around 45%, which can be offset closer to 50% with more summer/holiday time.

I'd get more uninterrupted kid time during my weekends, and she'd be doing a lot of the weekly school rush/grind (or her parents would, as she's a nurse with early/late hours sometimes).

I'd request the ability to reconsider schedule every few years or something as kids age, but they're so young right now I think it may work. Kids are on the bus an hour often anyway so a 45 minute drive ~3 times per week doesn't seem too extreme.

This schedule would give me 1 weekend per month for personal time, dates, etc. I'd get quality time with my kids, and many free week nights. I'd also only go max 2 days without seeing my kids.

She's working at a hospital closer to the marital home than her parents, so I'd suggest we coordinate exchanges with kids on some of her shifts to save me some additional driving.

Thoughts? Thanks guys