6 months of hell... why am I still so scared?
Today marks the 6 month date of the separation. Divorce papers were served to me 2 months ago. First court date for support/custody is in a few weeks. Why am I so scared. I feel like I should be a pro at these feelings by now. No cheating/abuse/debts. Lied about looking at porn through 17 years of marriage and it's all over. I own my mistakes. Do I think it's worth blowing up a marriage over, let alone separating? No, but as my counselor says, reconciliation requires 2 "yes" votes, and I only have 1.
I miss my two teenage sons who have gravitated toward my wife and also I'm sure are being fed information to help prop up them taking sides. Haven't seen my oldest in 6 months and my youngest in the past 2. That's the part that really hurts.
Yes I have an attorney, and yes we've already started down the game of discoveries, timelines, etc etc. I'm trying to stay connected to as many friends as possible. Trying to stay afloat at work. Trying to use my newly adopted foster dog to help me through this pain. But damn, it's dark and hard. I don't know the line between feeling my feelings and ruminating endlessly. Distracting myself vs ignoring the pain.
Don't know if any other dads can relate. No point to this other than...it hurts. I hate it.