It hurts to come online and see all of the negative things people have to say about us. And most of the time Black men are the loudest about their hate for us.
I hate having to leave my house or talk to people, because I know I hold no value to anyone. No matter what I do or try to tell myself to make myself feel better, I always fall back into that self-hating routine.
I hate my existence.
controversial take i know. i don’t care what the white supremacist hegemony thinks. i would choose to be black in every lifetime. we’re beautiful. we’re incredible. and we have so much to be proud of.
I'm too depressed for too many details. All I can say is life sucks when no one finds you attractive.
Its so depression.
I feel so sad.
I’m a black woman, and I get harassed by men (and even women) basically every time I leave the house. Eventually I stopped going out, but the harassment continues even on the Internet. I frequent different spaces, and I don’t even go into political subs, but without fail, I always end up getting anti-bw content. Sometimes it’s by black men, sometimes it’s by white men, and sometimes it’s by Asian men, but every single time, it’s unprompted and feels like harassment.
I understand people don’t find me attractive because of my race. This is fine. I personally don’t find white or Asian men to be attractive either. But why are there so many non-black men ranting about how much they don’t want to date a black woman?! Are black women really asking them out en masse? I know I don’t approach men or even interact with them. They come up to me to let me know they aren’t interested, but I never asked for their opinion in the first place. I don’t think it is normal to be fixated on people you don’t like.
You will never see anyone saying white, Asian, or Hispanic women are ugly or not their type. Everyone finds them endearing. But black women are loud, fat, and ghetto. Our natural hair is gross, but wearing weaves means we have low self-esteem.
I know I shouldn’t have peeked into subs like those Asian American identity subs or the one for mixedrace people. r/Mixedrace is terrible. All they talk about is that black women are solely responsible for racism against biracial women. White people have no part in anything at all?! I have been bullied by so many mixed girls, and they always cry crocodile tears. Black women are big and mean and jealous! They never treat white women or their non-black side with half the vitriol. And so many of them will even state their non-black side pretends they don’t exist, but they only hate black women. Any place you go on the Internet there are posts made to frame black women as being “jealous” of white and biracial women.
All over TikTok there are hundreds of white men posting about how unattractive black women. They wouldn’t touch them with a ten-foot pole. And of course black men and non-black women come out of the woodworks to say their opinions are valid. Black fatigue posts are everywhere. Any video where black people or black children are being physically harmed or verbally harassed will be filled with positive comments. Instagram is by far the worst. Not all those profiles are blank. There are so many non-black people writing the vilest things about black people comment’s section.
What is really triggering me — the posts black women make about white men (and non-black men in general) is so different from how they talk about black women. I can’t write too much on this because I really am getting “triggered” just thinking about this specifically.
Just needed to get this off my chest. Even if this gets removed for racism, I needed to write this out. I’m tired of people gaslighting me over my own experiences.
TL;DR: I don’t care why people don’t want to date a black woman. Please leave me alone. I don’t like white men at all nor do I like black men either. I don’t care if you guys do or don’t find black women attractive.
Like I don’t know how people do it. I already have mental health issues that I’m working on, and I’ll make an improvement. Then I’ll see something online or on the news that sends me two steps back. Black leftists and liberals are arguing on threads, states are actively gutting black voting rights, there’s a fucking hantavirus on a cruise ship and the World Cup will be in the US! Oh, and because the US left WHO and medical research is being defunded, we may not be prepared for another pandemic!
I just want to know, how do people survive and thrive in a dystopia? I know people do it everyday all around the world, but I feel too weak to handle it. How do people go about each day and enjoy their lives when it feels like there’s so much looming over us?
A woman loses her job- they’ll make reaction videos and comments about how a useless “gender studies” degree wasn’t worth it and they should’ve stayed in the kitchen.
A black man talks about job discrimination- they’ll say DEI or black people don’t work hard enough that’s why they’re not getting hired.
Your middle aged and you get a chronic illness- maybe they should’ve went to the gym and eat better blah blah, prostate cancer is genetic dude how does the gym cure that.
Idk it feels like a lot of them are borderline psychopaths.
I have a new white female co-worker that's already adding a negative vibe to my entire day.
When we first met she acted like she was above speaking to me (she gave faces like, "okay why am I talking to you??")when where I work at everyone greets and speaks to each other regardless of race, and just greets the new people. That was my first sign.
Now she's working in the same rooms as me, and is adding stress to my days. She's prying into my personal business and feels entitled to information about me.
She undermines me on the job and acts as though I'm not there when I am.
She's making negative assumptions about my interactions at work with the children. Because we're teachers.
And I'm noticing that I'm leaving work feeling upset and frustrated now. Whereas before I wasn't.
And it's her constant attempts at character assassination. Which is something these hater ass white women I notice love to do towards me.
She's going to school to be a therapist, which makes me worry about her black (female) BIPOC clients. Because she definitely has a racist bias and will not be a fair and good therapist to them.
I'm realizing why I worked so hard to avoid working with white women in the workplace and instead went and isolated myself in the woods with a white man for a certain period of time. Because white women make the workplace an insufferable place to exist within. The attacks get to be too much.
Yeah, I could start my own business but that takes time and certain privileges too ...
TW// racism, child abuse, pedophilia, slavery
i’m 22f and i was diagnosed with adhd last year but i’ve known all along i was different. it’s like one thing to be black and have to deal with racism from non-black people and self-hating blk ppl but it’s another thing to also deal with unconscious black peers, family, friends who are extremely toxic to themselves and others and can’t even see it. they don’t believe in mental health and the psychological effects of racism + the structures/beliefs of racism they uphold that are literally harming them and those around them.
black parents wonder why all their kids hate them and don’t want to be around them after literally abusing them physically, verbally, and psychologically all their life by beating them into obedience and treating them like a burden for YOU bringing them into this ugly-rotten world.
anti-woke black siblings and peers bully you and alienate you for being conscious of this bullshit system and the fucked up behaviors you aren’t willing to sweep under the rug done by the people that were supposed to love and protect you. they call you weak for being sensitive and rightfully emotional.
a lot of the black community treats you like shit for not being okay with “that’s just the way it is” and questioning why is it that we have to suffer more than everyone else. like growing up i always felt so alone simply because from a young age i never could accept that as a good enough answer, i could and will never be okay with someone assigning me the shit end of the stick knowing it’s not what i deserve.
why is everyone so okay with being fucking miserable and so freaking horrible to the only people that actually believe you deserve to exist and be happy and thrive regardless of who you are (mainly queer, neurodivergent, black people)???
i just feel so fucking alone. if ur a neurotypical straight cisgender black person who’s okay with being a modern slave all your life, at least you can still count on being loved accepted by your black family and peers. even if you are a woman beater or a pedophile or a homophobe/transphobe. but if you aren’t….good luck🤷🏾♀️
28 years old, just coming to the realization that I’ll never be able to afford to live on my own(without roommates), can’t afford to children, bad credit, no savings, no retirement, went to college for computer science and can’t find a job.
I’m working in construction and it sucks, it’s manual labor, and I’m only making $24 an hour. Everytime I tried to apply for an office job I get rejected every time. Since I’m 6’4 I remember I had an interview with Leidos(tech company) and they referred me to an armed security role when I initially applied for a software engineering role.
I was at a family gathering today and we were all going round talking about music. I don’t really share my interests very much so I was kind of being interrogated like “do you like Micheal Jackson? Do you like Prince? What about Wu Tang?” and I was like, I don’t really listen to them like that. Everyone was badgering me to say who I *did* like then, and I told them that I liked Meatloaf. No one said anything for about ten seconds, they just kind of looked at each other strange. I said, “what’s wrong with Meatloaf?” because I do sincerely like his music, and they said, “nothing, he’s just very white.”
”Okay… what does that mean?” I asked
”He just has a very white audience.” they said, “I’ve never met anyone black that likes Meatloaf.”
So I told them I liked other artists too, Elton John, David Bowie, and as I was listing these people I kind of realised I didn’t really listen to ANY black artists. (aside from Meghan Thee Stallion but I wasn’t going to say that in front of my mum lol). And then I realised I didn’t have any favourite actors who were black, or authors, and I don’t even like hip hop that much.
I was joking with them that I was whitewashed, but now I’m actually having a crisis worried that I AM whitewashed and I have some form of internalised racism. I don’t feel connected with black culture much at all. I don’t like rap. I don’t speak with AAVE, I’ve never got along with black people before and I couldn’t figure out why, but I must be too white for them, and simultanously I’m too black for white people. I’ve literally never left the UK. I don’t handle spice. I’m something else entirely and I don’t have a culture and that’s why I don’t fit in anywhere, not even in my own family. Whenever there’s a party they’re usually dancing to very black music (and I don’t even know the genre name) and I don’t join in because I find it too loud.
I‘m worried, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to become “more black.” I really am scared that I’m whitewashed.
for additional context I’m 18 years old and I was raised by my mum. Growing up I thought she was white, and therefore considered myself mixed race, but I found out at 14 that she’s actually just really light skinned and I had no idea light skinned black people existed until then. That’s how bad it is.
Does anyone notice that whenever a black woman takes a nice photo with a non-black woman, there's always an emphasis placed on how much more the commentor has interest in the non-black woman than the black woman? Or they'll just say that both women are equally beautiful?
I notice this when looking at celebrity black women pictures of all people. And what's crazy is that most celebrity black women look the best out of all women and age the best, so it's all just crazy talk.
They'll never miss an opportunity to knock a black woman down a peg and/or deny her her flowers.
I hate whenever I'm complaining about work, and someone suggests that I just find another job. The reason I have the problem is because I'm black and we live in a racist society. All of these people within these jobs are the same. This is essentially why so many black people job hop now. It's not as simple as just finding another job because it's a systemic issue.
Not to mention wage stagnation and inflation.
If I go to another company the same attitudes will just manifest within another way. My personal solution is to at least do something I'm passionate about, that way it makes things feel a little more worthwhile. But I just get tired of the bs advice and the lack of empathy sometimes.
That's why I say slavery was the curse, and reparations is the only way we'll get out of this cyclical hellhole.
Because it's doing something to my mental having whites and white Latinos talk down to me, and treat me second class on the job. Except for when they're ready to throw me a bone.
I noticed that whenever I'm making a purchase. When it's a non-black cashier person they never wait until I put my money away before they start ringing the next person up. Heck, I bet they wish they could start ringing the other person up behind me as they simultaneously ring me up at the same time just because I'm a black woman, and for nothing else.
Im realizing that I think my family has been having more of an impact on my mental health recently and im in a place where I think I want to take space but im feeling incredibly guilty for it.
My family loves me but they don’t appreciate me. My father confirmed this recently, my birthday has always been a stressful time for me but he admitted they don’t really put a lot of effort into celebrating it. Last year was Easter and nobody planned anything because we are broke and when everything was closed I was forced to watch everyone try to throw something together last minute. They always talk about the importance of coming together but it doesn’t seem to apply to me. I noticed this but didn’t want to speak on it because I felt guilty but when my dad admitted this it made me realize there are so many things I wish could be different.
I know they love me and want to see me, but we don’t talk about things beyond surface level. I need to verbally process things, I’ve always been this way and because my family sweeps things under the rug I have deep trauma and anxiety about interacting with them. On top of that I am the baby, the only "girl" outside of my mom and grandma and the only openly queer one. I often feel like no one understands me, the few times I try to speak up it causes explosive fights so I stopped speaking up. I’ve had my dad thank me for speaking truth to scenarios that emotionally scared me but created change once people finally took me serious. My uncle is homophobic and nobody calls him out on it. It’s something I have growing resentment towards my other family members for because why nobody gonna defend me? And recently I’ve been questioning my gender identity but god forbid I bring it to them, the few times I’ve tried to hint at it they keep saying they will be supportive but I’m tired of the bare minimum effort I get from them. I decided not to spend my recent birthday with them because I was having panic attacks and crying and the thought of showing up and being the fake version of me they know was too painful. I explained to everyone beforehand why I was feeling this way and yet come the day of everyone is surprised I didn’t want to celebrate, and yet nobody asks me to talk on it. My dad let it slip that it made my mom break down and cry but then why not call me and ask to talk about it instead of asking me about work? Since then my parents have been calling in to check on me every other day and it’s something I feel like I should be grateful for but I find it overbearing because when I pickup they are just talking about surface level stuff. Or my mom is calling to ask me for money or when I do ask her how her day is it’s very negative because she hasn’t unpacked her own depression yet so of course she can’t treat mine as valid. I moved out of my parents place a few years ago because living there was so bad for my mental health it was making me suicidal, I thought the space was enough but I’m realizing now it was just a bandaid. I don’t know what to do, I know they want to see me but I’m so very avoidant right now. I’m an adult and I feel like a kid.
Now looking for my third therapist. Could not be worse timing. Been struggling with staying on this planet. Work and family life has me constantly on edge and my therapist has helped me address some of my issues but of course, today has been a day.
My first one I was seeing for a couple of years and she decided on a new job outside of social work. She was amazing.
Found another one and have been seeing her for a year and half. Also amazing. Also decided on another role.
So searching again. My current therapist sent me 5 referrals - all white people. Can't do it been down that road and they just could not understand the issues I was dealing with.
Every creator I end up liking says either the n-word or some other racists shit. It’s not like they're saying this 20 years ago ! Heck they’ll say it thursday, be forgiven Friday, and slip up and say it again. On top of that it becomes a joke. I was watching a turkey Tom video (don’t watch him anymore) and he laughed refering to it as the “magic gamer word.” I don’t know why it’s so hard to keep it out of your mouth if you’re not black ?? If it’s just a word than it should be easy to not say it. They act as if it’s some coming age ceremony that all non Black creators must finish. It’s so annoying because it’s almost every single mainstream creator. I know people say sepearate the art from the artistst. I try but every time I realize they’ve said the n-word it’s all I can think about it and I just have to drop their content. I’ve found a lot of black creators that I love but I also loved the other creators content as well. It feels like I have to do a deep dive on every non Black creators past before I get to attached.
Trigger - Mentions: Self-Harm and SI (Suicidal Ideation)
I've been battling years of on and off suicidal thoughts since I was 12. Honestly, the thoughts are getting louder everyday, and I'm hoping to die from my next attempt. I don't want to be here anymore. I know that is triggering to say, but it's true.
I tried to attempt last year, but I failed, and the thoughts only got louder. I always get worse after each attempt, but cope with different forms of self-harm. SH feels like something I deserve because I'm not good enough. I have a deep-rooted hatred for myself due to traumatic experiences. I never learned to cope with my trauma in healthy ways, so the idea of suicide became comforting to me.
I know suicide itself is stigmatized, looked down on, and some shame you for openly discussing said thoughts. I don't like that I've thought about death for so long, but that's my reality.
I might be weak. I could be looking for a "cop-out" from something I'm refusing to face. Idk anymore.
I do know that I've never felt as though I belonged in this world.
I’m a Black man in my early 30s. I've never felt like I belong anywhere. not with family or friends or in society. Moved around a lot as a kid. No consistent schooling. Got ridiculed instead of helped.
Now I struggle with low self esteem, depression, anger. I isolate. I push people away before they can leave. I've had chances at love and ruined them because I didn't believe I deserved it. But I crave it so badly. To be enough for someone, anyone.
I always so ugly. Dark skin. Bald. Constantly bing eating and fluctuating in weight. I know colorism is real. I've lived it. Lighter-skinned family members got treated better. The world feels hostile most days.
I'm trying. Recently started new job. Planning to move out. Taking care of my dog. Staying sober from weed. But most days I feel empty, angry, or just numb.
Anyone else feel like this? Like no matter what you do, you're never enough? Like you're always on the outside looking in?
Not looking for advice really. Just want to know I'm not the only one.
No one really discusses the trauma that occurs if you are the more intelligent one born into a family that struggles with critical thinking. They do not see you as a person but as a tool that The Lord dropped into a dysfunctional family to save them and as if you have no purpose in life that is not tied to them.
I’m almost 40 and my life just feels like a continuous loop. I’m currently going through a divorce in the very early stages and the things my wife would support me on she no longer does. I work nights 12 days on 2 days off. From 11pm-7:30am I’m working
7:30-8:30 I drop my kids off to school and daycare (I have 3 under 5)
8:30-1 is my bedtime
1:30-5 I pick the kids up from daycare and school-lunch, family time
5pm-7pm is dinner and bed for the kids
7pm-10pm house cleaning, laundry. And getting ready to head right back out for work at 11.
The weekends are just me and the kids all day until I have to work.
I definitely feel depressed with no one to talk to. I have a therapist but it’s hard to get sessions scheduled because my wife isn’t around long enough for me to schedule a session. I don’t know what to do. I love my kids but I need a break