Never felt like I belong anywhere. Low self esteem my whole life.
I’m a Black man in my early 30s. I've never felt like I belong anywhere. not with family or friends or in society. Moved around a lot as a kid. No consistent schooling. Got ridiculed instead of helped.
Now I struggle with low self esteem, depression, anger. I isolate. I push people away before they can leave. I've had chances at love and ruined them because I didn't believe I deserved it. But I crave it so badly. To be enough for someone, anyone.
I always so ugly. Dark skin. Bald. Constantly bing eating and fluctuating in weight. I know colorism is real. I've lived it. Lighter-skinned family members got treated better. The world feels hostile most days.
I'm trying. Recently started new job. Planning to move out. Taking care of my dog. Staying sober from weed. But most days I feel empty, angry, or just numb.
Anyone else feel like this? Like no matter what you do, you're never enough? Like you're always on the outside looking in?
Not looking for advice really. Just want to know I'm not the only one.