r/BiWomen

I kinda feel like this is a silly question but what can I do to make myself appear more queer. Wearing a pin or something like that might help but I haven’t come out to my mother yet so that would be a little awkward lol.

I mean in terms of like clothing and jewellery or maybe even a haircut? Is there some kind of subtle way to indicate to the public/people in the know that I’m bisexual?

I feel kinda silly asking this but I’m curious lol.

Has anyone strongly suspected they have a preference for women even though they haven't physically experienced that yet? I'm a late bloomer. I'm in my mid thirties and realized my attraction to women in twenties but never physically acted on it yet due living with family that isn't religious and not open minded and finishing education late and now helping a elderly relative. I date and had relationships with men and talked to women online dating. I've even video chatted a woman in another country for several weeks daily who was a lesbian online dating but never dated in person or kissed a woman.

But I have a strong suspicion I have a preference for women. Since I was a preteen when attractive woman, or back when a preteen or teen it would be an attractive girl also, walks into a room I've always found it more natural me to notice her than guys. I notice attractive guy but far less. Also I enjoy sex and closeness with the men I've been with but I've always felt closer to women, especially women I had crushes on and a close connection such as queer female friends from the past.

I'm working on getting my finances together to move and finally be free experience dating women with a freedom I've never been able to without worrying if my family ever find out my living situation turn into a nightmare.

So the question is has anyone ever had a strong suspicion of preferring women and later on found out they were right when had the chance to explore that physically before they explore that physically?

Im 43 and going to be 44 year’s old very soon.

Im my whole life I had only date

2 people. A man when I was 38 and a woman at

41. I haven’t dated anyone since. I’m in dating app but I click left more the I click right. I feel like I’m

Very picky when it comes to dating. I think that I’m

Demisexual and bisexual at the same time. I feel like I need some kind of connection before dating someone. I date my ex-girlfriend because we were roommates and friends first. With my first boyfriend I got to know him and we started dating. As I think about my past crush they all where with friends. I feel like I’m the only one person that feel this way.

I live in a big city and I still haven’t met anyone like, it makes me feel lonely. Any advice would help thanks for reading my post.

And I saw a bisexual woman that

wrote that she likes Pink Lady. Does she mean that drink or something else?

You know the ones.

They bask in the attention when you hit on them. They mention previous romantic histories with at least one woman when you try to reassure them that they're plenty queer enough to be flirting with you. They give you mixed signals EVEN THOUGH you specifically asked them to clarify and be direct if they're not interested.

Next thing you know they've thrown you under a bus and painted you as a sex pest just so that they can stay in the closet to any bystanders who still believe they're "straight".

These bystanders of course walk away pegging whoever made the first move as the "depraved bisexual/psycho lesbian" trope.

So all you can do is apologise vicariously for the "misunderstanding" (unless you want to out said flirtee to such people) and say "I can now see that she's not into me" EVEN IF she clearly wasn't complaining at the time (at least not directly to you anyway.)

At first I actually thought this was all my fault. It's really made me reconsider ever putting myself out there again. Just not worth the risk.

Hi all—just a discussion post about dealing with situations where women sometimes expect that wlw relationships are going to work the same as the relationships they’ve been in with men.

I recently went on a few dates with a woman who was married to a man and in an open relationship (I’m in the same situation). After the first date, she said that while she had a good time and the convo was good, she didn’t feel a strong spark. However, we gave it a second chance because she said thought maybe it was because she’s more introverted and nervous with new people (I’m not nervous with new people per se, but I am introverted/a little reserved before I get to know someone). When talking with her in between dates, she said things that made me suspect she was more used to the stereotypical dynamics of a heterosexual relationship, like the man being forward and making all the moves—things like that. I know that the ways women and men are socialized to conform to societal expectations for gender roles while growing up is hard to break away from. However, it is possible—and especially when it comes to wlw relationships, women need to set those societal norms and expectations aside because otherwise, it just further shrinks a dating pool that’s already pretty narrow.

Anyway, I did like her and despite the fact that I’m more reserved, I pushed myself to make a move and I kissed her. She kissed me back and was into it. After we parted ways and were both home, we talked about enjoying the kiss and how we both wanted more than that. While that was true, I didn’t want to be too pushy and press her for that on the second date—I wanted to be respectful and not make her uncomfortable, and I told her that. She said she appreciated that, but also added that she’s seen and heard it all from men, so she has a pretty high threshold for what she considers to be too forward.

So, we had plans for a third date. We had a flirty back and forth leading up to when we were supposed to hang out, and I had plans to push myself to take the lead, as she told me she was generally more submissive. I’m a big proponent of open and honest communication when it comes to ENM/poly relationship dynamics (it’s essential, really)—I like to know what people are looking for and what they want in a relationship. So we had some back and forth about things like that, too. Well, she got quiet a few days before we were supposed to have our third date and took a whole day to respond to texts I sent her (she normally was really quick to reply, and she kind of did the same thing after the first date when she wasn’t sure about hanging out again, so I picked up on the pattern). When she responded, she cancelled on me and said that while the convo was good and she liked hanging out, she didn’t feel a spark and it just felt to her like she was catching up with a friend. In short, she didn’t want to continue pursuing things—that’s totally valid and I obviously respected her decision.

I know I just did a ton of rambling, but I just wanted to share my experience to provide context for my thoughts on the situation and others like it. When all was said and done, I kind of got the impression that maybe she had the expectation for me to be the ‘man’ in the situation—to just be forward/more aggressive and make moves in the way that men are generally socialized and expected to when pursuing someone romantically and/or sexually. I feel like maybe because I didn’t meet her heteronormative expectations, she just wrote it off and didn’t feel like giving it a chance. I could be wrong, but this is just the vibe I got. Just curious about the experiences of others with this phenomenon—essentially, finding that societal expectations for heterosexual relationships may affect the expectations of some bi women when they pursue wlw relationships. Thoughts?

am okay with throuple fic as well.

just want to read more HEA stories.

smut is good!

So I’m a bi girl and I was wondering if any other bi girls feel ar0usal differently towards the different genders? Like physically.

For me it feels more urgent and surface/external based when its a feminine woman. But when it’s a man or a masc presenting woman it feels different. It comes more from within and might take longer but it feels more explosive.

It’s so confusing being bi lol :P

Welcome to r/BiWomen's weekly discussion megathread. Talk about anything and everything!

While conversation topics can deviate from bisexuality, make sure to familiarise yourself with and follow the rules.

Enjoy chatting!

I love her research! Especially because her methodology is literally to just ask queer women questions and believe what they say about their own sexuality. She tracked like 100 women over 10 years and completed detailed in depth interviews with them every 2 years or so, and found that (a) most women have a directional orientation towards women, or towards women and men (this was before non-binary was a common identity label) or towards just men, and this is stable over time. People rarely go from 100% into women to only 10% interested in women for example.

But in addition to this general tendency, most queer women tend to have a big or small "error bar" around their directional orientation. Like a person can be mostly bisexual, but their attraction can kind of sway towards women or towards men over time, depending on circumstances. Or someone can be attracted mostly to women (or men) but in the right environment, they find exceptions.

Her research did also find that approximately 5% of queeer women experienced zero fluidity over time, being 100% attracted to women only over the whole 10 year study period (Dr Diamond actually puts herself in this group! She said in an interview that ironically she experiences zero fluidity although it's the subject of her research 😂) But for many queer women the pattern was much more fluid.

Anyway, I'm curious if anyone has read her book and if so, does it resonate with you? It definitely resonated for me.

Realizing in my mid 40s that I'm both bisexual and gender-fluid is a trip. I remember back in the 90s, it was "pick a side!" Bisexuals can't be trusted because they're not loyal to one team. The bi women are straight and performing for men and the bi men are gay and spreading disease. (This was a particularly horrible and destructive stereotype)

But like ... why did monosexuality get to be the default? It's so weird to me. It's like people are just obsessed with categories. They want to put you neatly into a box and if they can't, they get scared.

I feel like so many bisexuals don't quite fit in anywhere. There's so damn many of us, and yet we're invisible wherever we go. It's very weird because I'm like, ok I have this information about myself that changes everything for me, and yet from other people's perspectives, there's nothing to tell because who cares about who you are on the inside or what your truth is? All they care about is who you're sleeping with. If it's just one gender at the moment, then that's your team.

It's extra weird considering how many bi/pan people exist and are quietly living their lives without being seen. Why not normalize multi gender attraction a bit more? Why is lesbian considered "more queer" than bisexual? I swear to God a lot of people identify as gay/lesbian even though they sometimes experience bisexual feelings because it's so lame to be stuck in the middle of two labels that don't apply to you. I don't even blame them for it.

Bare with me. I have a lot, but will keep it as short and sweet as possible.

I feel I've always had an attraction to women, specifically mascs. But it was always me brushing it off going "eh I'm pretty sure every woman probably feels this way." I had a few encounters with friends when I was younger, but have never actually had a relationship or sex with a woman. Because I come from a very christian background, I think I just always naturally suppressed this side of me. I've been going through a deconstruction phase the past couple years and frankly just don't give a damn anymore, but of course it's still a part of my life as far as family dynamics go.

Fast forward to a trip I took very recently. I met a girl on that trip and we instantly hit it off and I felt a strong connection and heavy attraction towards her. She talked to me about how she typically, for some reason, ended up with more feminine women who it was their first experience with another woman. That was kind of red flaggy to me, but I feel like I was already so infatuated with her that I didn't think twice about it.

So we've been talking and actually still didn't have sex. It has just been make outs and some heavy petting so far. But now we're back home in our respective parts of the country (which are SO far apart) and it's weird trying to make long distance work since it's so fresh and we actually never laid out any expectations. But I feel like the conversations are dying down and she's pulling away.

Basically, I'm spiraling and can't get her out of my head even though I'm trying to rationalize and detach. She's genuinely consuming all of my thoughts because the dopamine from the vacation coupled with her being my first true experience with a woman has me messed up. Now the sudden drop in dopamine has me in my feels.

I guess I need advice in general. Any tips for late bloomers/baby gays from super conservative upbringings? Was the comment she made a red flag? We specifically talked about how she felt a lot of women use lesbians as just an experiment and I told her that wasn't what I wanted and that I genuinely wanted to get to know her and not just have sex. However, now in hindsight it's kind of feeling like she did the same thing to me? idk how to feel but on top of the questioning my own sexuality at this age, I'm now just stressed about losing her.

I ended up down a tiktok rabbit hole about mascs going for straight/bi curious women being a "canon event" and now I'm like well shit. I just don't understand how in less than a month I'm so obsessed with her. Can someone please explain/talk sense into me?

i personally will NEVER ever date another straight man, the amount of comfort that comes from dating queer men is truly unmatched. but i consistently see bi guys saying that women don't want to date them and i'm thinking...SURELY they mean heterosexual women...right??

I just want to share my success story with fellow bi women, since I feel like we have a lot of struggles (myself included) and sometimes it feels like the sub needs some sunshine.

I’m a married (to a man) bi woman who recently started hooking up with a female friend and it’s been great! Her partner is on board, as is mine, all 4 of us are friends. She and I just spent the day together at a dreamy outdoor hookup- it was so good! It had been so long since I was with a woman I was worried I wouldn’t be into it, doubts about being “not gay enough”, insecurities we’ve maybe all experienced. But turns out I LOVED giving, even more than receiving. It was so hot and also so affirming. Then I came home and rode my partners face while telling in him all about it. Weirdly, I credit Heated Rivalry for making me horny enough to ask to kiss her at a dance party and everything that followed. Cheers to a hot, bi spring everyone!

As a person who has always thought themselves out to be straight I’ve recently noticed my attraction towards women, I really am excited to start exploring new connections and this new side of myself!