u/AlternativeSound4054

I love her research! Especially because her methodology is literally to just ask queer women questions and believe what they say about their own sexuality. She tracked like 100 women over 10 years and completed detailed in depth interviews with them every 2 years or so, and found that (a) most women have a directional orientation towards women, or towards women and men (this was before non-binary was a common identity label) or towards just men, and this is stable over time. People rarely go from 100% into women to only 10% interested in women for example.

But in addition to this general tendency, most queer women tend to have a big or small "error bar" around their directional orientation. Like a person can be mostly bisexual, but their attraction can kind of sway towards women or towards men over time, depending on circumstances. Or someone can be attracted mostly to women (or men) but in the right environment, they find exceptions.

Her research did also find that approximately 5% of queeer women experienced zero fluidity over time, being 100% attracted to women only over the whole 10 year study period (Dr Diamond actually puts herself in this group! She said in an interview that ironically she experiences zero fluidity although it's the subject of her research 😂) But for many queer women the pattern was much more fluid.

Anyway, I'm curious if anyone has read her book and if so, does it resonate with you? It definitely resonated for me.

Realizing in my mid 40s that I'm both bisexual and gender-fluid is a trip. I remember back in the 90s, it was "pick a side!" Bisexuals can't be trusted because they're not loyal to one team. The bi women are straight and performing for men and the bi men are gay and spreading disease. (This was a particularly horrible and destructive stereotype)

But like ... why did monosexuality get to be the default? It's so weird to me. It's like people are just obsessed with categories. They want to put you neatly into a box and if they can't, they get scared.

I feel like so many bisexuals don't quite fit in anywhere. There's so damn many of us, and yet we're invisible wherever we go. It's very weird because I'm like, ok I have this information about myself that changes everything for me, and yet from other people's perspectives, there's nothing to tell because who cares about who you are on the inside or what your truth is? All they care about is who you're sleeping with. If it's just one gender at the moment, then that's your team.

It's extra weird considering how many bi/pan people exist and are quietly living their lives without being seen. Why not normalize multi gender attraction a bit more? Why is lesbian considered "more queer" than bisexual? I swear to God a lot of people identify as gay/lesbian even though they sometimes experience bisexual feelings because it's so lame to be stuck in the middle of two labels that don't apply to you. I don't even blame them for it.