r/AskFeminists

For those that don’t know Palantirs Co-founder Alex Karp has a book called “The Technological Republic” Palantir recently posted the 22 major points of the book calling it a “brief.”

Much of it seems rather irrelevant, except for the calling of mandatory “national service” with heavy emphasis on the military. They also are saying if a Marine asks for a better rifle we should build it, and that the same should be done for software. As well as the “postwar neutering of Germany and Japan must be undone.”

I feel it is heavily wanting some sort of armed conflict. As a young man, I turned 20 today, I do find this to be fearsome on top of the additional changes to the current SSS. I do/did heavily focus on SSS in the past, and with the current administration i find it becoming increasingly relevant.

My main question is what are your guys thoughts and is there anything that should/can be done about allowing mega corporations power in government, such as Palantir?

I ask this because there is obviously more feminist women than feminist men (shocker), and the gap is most pronounced among Gen Z.

So without even adjusting for any other factors that might affect compatibility, there is still a big demographic gap between men and women in this.

From the statistics, about 30% of Gen Z and Millennial men are feminist.

I have a pretty good idea on how they treat women they don’t like, but I would like more ideas / examples please. I have been looking at how media outlets phrase certain things In their articles when it comes to women, vs men (take anything that has to do with Chappel Roan). I would just like more insight.

Like in terms of people you meet is it frequent that you are judged for being feminists and is it harder to meet compatible people or navigate life with someone when you have feminist values? What are your experiences like finding those like-minded people and is it frequent? Is it a challenge on apps or in real life? I sometimes hear that for men the bar is hell, and that's understandable. I would like to have a nuanced take on what it's like?

In my head people are complicated and mix of good and bad traits, not to mention that it’s a huge spectrum between those “bad ones” and “good ones” - it’s not a binary designation. Is this just a matter of driving clicks/views or am I missing something?

How would you describe and what do you think will supplant the current wave?

I have noticed a transition from what maybe would be called neoliberal capitalist feminism into a newer more nuanced form but I struggle to define the tenents of this new form that is emerging

This is a shower thought I just had: before the 2000s it was possible for many families in the western world to have a bread winner and a home maker aka in most cases husband and wife and the typical gender rolls you'd associated with them.

Uneven rate constants in the rise of salary and cost of living forced the homemaker into the labour force in many places. Which leads to more financial independence and freedom for women and therefore benefiting feminist goals?

I'm sure I'm missing a bunch of details, of course it's not possible to capture the whole topic in this short text.

If someone has you in a situation you can’t leave and they are pressuring you for sex as you lose the ability to say no or defend yourself are you allowed to physically defend yourself before you no longer can? Assume other options will fail to be effective or are no longer available.

With “pro life” I’m referring to those who think others should not get an abortion or that women should be outshined for abortions, is there a reason why they are under the delusion that their position, which is about robbing away women and specifically woman’s bodily autonomy, isn’t even slightly sexist and even supports women? Their arguments revolve around women shouldn’t have consensual sex (even adult women) and should be punished with 9 months of horrible gestation for ever breaking this rule, or that by nature women is made to gestate and it’s glorifying to do so, or that a woman’s body is some kind of basic resource or ordinary care for the wellbeing of a ”child”. All of these are outright misogynistic, yet why do so many of them seem to be completely unaware of that and think of themselves as amazing feminists?

So I saw a woman online say that she was upset that men didn't approach her in public anymore. And all the comments were like "that's because we will be perceived as creeps" (a reputation that is obviously warranted because men act violent) but I want to know if the fact that a woman says she wants men to approach her in random public places more is a form of internalized misogyny? And if it reinforces the idea that men should disturb women who are just trying to go about their day?

I have heard a few women say that they wish more men approached them, and I was wondering what the feminist view is on that? As it's not something that would benefit a lot of women who simply want to be left alone

I recently read a New York Times Opinion piece about younger men dating older women and how this dynamic may be becoming more visible or socially accepted.

From a feminist perspective, could this trend be interpreted as a new or evolving form of patriarchy?

For example, even if it appears to reflect greater freedom for women, I am wondering whether it could still center male preferences or reshape existing power dynamics in ways that ultimately benefit men.

Or is this better understood as a genuine shift away from traditional gender norms?

I am interested in how feminists would analyze this.

Hi all,

As a man who's dealt with a lot of mental health problems throughout my life (& autism + ADHD), I've received a lot of support in the form of coaching and therapy from several different professionals. Whenever the sessions come to an end and they ask how it went, and for feedback, I try and be honest and balanced in the feedback I give, including positive and negative points.

In the positive feedback I give, I often include compliments on areas that I think the coach/therapist is particularly strong in, or that I found particularly helpful. But I've had a couple of experiences where I've told a female coach/therapist that she's 'very knowledgeable' or 'well informed' in her role, and it hasn't seemed to be well received by them (Though maybe I'm reading it wrong). This was said in a serious and genuine way and I've given the same feedback to male coaches/therapists in the past as well, so I don't think this is my unconscious biases at work.

Personally, I wouldn't think to take this feedback as anything other than a compliment. But I'm aware that a lot of women have had experiences of feeling condescended to by men in their careers, like being infantilised or put on a pedestal for literally just doing their job. I'm keen to get some women's takes on this and whether they would find me saying this to them in their professional roles complimentary or rather insulting/condescending.

Lastly, all of this raises the question for me of whether men ought to just avoid giving compliments to women in their professional roles altogether, or whether it can sometimes be appropriate depending on the kind of compliment and how it is given. I think it would be a shame to not feel able to give professional compliments, but I don't want to perpetuate something harmful, regardless of my intentions.

(P.s. Please be kind if I've said anything wrong and just correct me. I'm trying my best, I just struggle with stuff like this).

I've noticed that as an agreeable, shy and introverted man I've faced a lot of discrimination on that basis. I feel like people always tell me to be confident, and offer advice that is often geared towards being extroverted, making the first move and leading. And I wonder sometimes if I were a woman if this expectation wouldn't be so intense or come with the same amount of frustration? I feel like if anything women are shamed for being too confident and loud?

While I think confidence is important for men and women I feel like men are really shamed for being in confidence and common phrases like "women like confident men," and "just be confident" are also offered to women but they certainly have a gendered context to them. I think this kind of advice is more frequently offered to men. As a guy who is more discreet, my personality often gets punished and judged, often subconsciously, even by people I should trust.

I would like to know your thoughts and as feminists if a lot of normal people subconsciously dislike it more when men are shy and reserved and lack confidence because its the opposite of patriarchal masculinity?

I often find what people dislike the most is when a man is pushover as well

I would love to know your thoughts?

edit: If this is a recurring topic I'm sorry, I searched and couldn't find anything discussing this particular topic

My girlfriend and I were having this discussion and I want to know what others think.

My whole life I've always loved women's fashion and to wear women's clothes. Ive always thought women get cuter looks, and vastly more options. I've mostly had to keep this to myself as Ive received a lot of pushback from people my whole life telling me it's wrong. Ive lived my whole life with the notion that men should not dress like women because it would be demeaning to dress that way because being a woman is demeaning.

But I carried on because why should my genitals or how I was born determine how I can or can't dress or what my interests can or can't be. Everyone should be able to express themselves how they want right?

Well at the ripe old age of 35 I got my first girlfriend and she's always been cool about my gender expression. She's a leftist feminist I always felt like I finally had someone who I was comfortable enough to be 100% of my self around. I wore dresses with her, practiced makeup together etc. She would joke that I'm more feminine than her because she doesn't shave, doesn't wear heels or dresses, but I do.

Lately however, I guess there's been a narrative in her feminist social media that has been against crossdressers or something? She has started growing disdainful about men who dress like women, and has started saying that it's almost appropriation.

She revealed to me that me dressing up like that makes her uncomfortable because femininity is like a cage for women that they're trying to escape. Feminity is a mask that women have to put on to live in the world, and there's a certain level of femininity that women have to achieve to be respected in this society. She says that by me wearing heels and a bra, that I'm being disrespectful because women HAVE to wear things like that, and that they don't get to (metaphorically) take them off, while I can just stop presenting that way and go about my day enjoying my male privilege. Women don't get to wear a bra for "fun" like I can. (she stopped wearing a bra and here I am buying cute ones for myself)

She also brought up some other stuff like how trans women feel the same way, because I guess "crossdressers" are trying to take advantage of the work that trans women have done to get the world to take them seriously but, again, get to "take it off" at the end of the day, therefore again, enjoying the "fun" without any of the consequence. She also brought up how many crossdressers do it as a sexual fetish, like "sissies," and how some Republican ladies husband was outed as a disgusting fetishistic crossdresser, so there's been a lot of backlash on social media about that.

She says that she doesn't want me to stop wearing cute things because ideally anyone should dress how they want, but that shes struggling to not see it as disrespectful for all those reasons and that men can also achieve cute varied looks and that why can't I just lean into cute masculine looks more, that fashionable and cute and gorgeous looks doesn't have to mean dresses and heels.

So now, I'm once again told that I can't dress like a woman, except this time it's because it's disrespectful to women who have to wear things like that to survive in a patriarchal society and don't get the privilege of not having to present that way if they want to be taken seriously.

TLDR: So what do you think? Is it disrespectful for a man to dress "like a woman" and is it appropriation because men will enjoy the "fun" without the consequence?

For the women who hate men, however many or few there may be, they usually want to avoid men or wish they didn’t exist. The woman haters rarely seem to actually want women not to exist, or only be around men. It always seems to be about controlling and using violence against women. Why is it like this? I mean if you think about reproduction, an absence of men would spell the extinction of humanity just as the absence of women would, so why don’t the men who hate women, if they truly believe women have no value, still want them around?

Are they a harmless example of dark humor, or are they disrespectful? Would and do they desensitize people, especially kids, to the whole situation?

Hi guys!

I vaguely remember discussion online about the "higher rates of domestic violence in lesbian relationships" being because women are more likely to be victims of violence at the hands of men, so if both women had previously dated men there may be reports of higher domestic violence. I say lesbian relationships because I was pretty sure that the data used completely ignored if they are bisexual / pansexual / asexual etc and just classified as lesbian because it was 2 women.

Woman (victim of domestic violence) + woman (victim of domestic violence) = higher rate of domestic violence.

Ive been able to google to confirm that a huge issue with that stat is that the sampling methods were not random and had a small sample size so that needs to be considered when applying it broadly to all lesbian couples.

If anyone can point me in a direction to where those discussions were and any data that would be fab! Thank you 🩷

So a celebrity I follow posted this statement recently that we have this habit of telling women and girls "get home safe" rather than telling men and boys "don't rape or kill anyone tonight." And I was wondering if you had thoughts on how we usually just balance women having to not dress a certain way or make certain choices for their practical and immediate safety with actual complicity and accepting the world the way it is?

I am also curious about the specific framing as a quote or slogan, as women here are portrayed as mens prey and men as women's predators. I was wondering if it portrays men as these inherently dangerous individuals rather than groups who are socialized into violence or am I literally missing the point? Her statement absolutely addresses socialization, as it mentions what boys are told, but I also see rape culture as this broader societal issue not just an issue of what men and boys are like

Anyway, perhaps I am speaking from a position of ignorance and privilege and literally missing the point but I would love to know your thoughts as feminists

I'm not online enough to interact with people on platforms much but sometimes I see comments on tiktok of people calling women foid (or foids, I think. I'm not sure if its a noun or an adjective). From the context I gather it's misogynistic but what exactly does it mean? Is it like an abbreviation for something? I didn't find anything on google.

Thanks in advance! <3

I've seen a lot of self-proclaimed incels in social media who want to stick to the original definition of "incel", which described people who were just lonely and struggling with finding romantic/sexual partners. When someone claims that the term "incel" describes a misogynistic subculture they claim it's misinformation, they start playing with semantics and say that incel just means being a virgin.

But incel groups are far, far away from that original definition, since the most popular incel spaces promote blackpill, hatred and don't allow anything that they consider "bluepilled" (cultish rules, y'know), and overall the hatred in those spaces outweighs any genuine support that could've been found there.

It is some kind of facade for these groups now?