u/myworldallmine

i am 23, turning 24 next month. most of my media consumption is watching films or watching youtube video essays. i really like culture/society-focused topics though and i noticed that so many different youtube commentators/essayers are also often referencing tiktoks all the time. i get that it's like apart of our lives now but it genuinely feels like everyone around me is constantly in on a trend or conversation started from tiktok that i have no clue about or find out about ages later. i don't know, i do feel left out sometimes but i don't care enough and have no interest in the app. just wondering if i'm the only one like i can't even think of a friend who isn't on there...

when i was younger, i loved taking pics just with my phone, then my brother had some dslrs he'd let me use and i'd just take photos of birds in the backyard or things around the house. starting using disposables here and there when i travelled for concerts. don't know what initially drew me to film but i got my first p&s film camera from a thrift store maybe 6 years ago and used it for a while till i dropped it and the back wouldn't close causing my film to get exposed. second film camera was the ricoh kr5, then the canon elan ii and now i am using the olympus om-2n.

for some reason it feels like i've been taking photos for so long but i don't know if my knowledge about photography or my quality has really improved at all. when i'd get a new camera, i'd watch intro videos about it or read about them, i'd watch those "photography basics" and tips and tricks videos and things like that, but for some reason it seems like i am never actually able to retain the info that i learn or sharpen my skillset at all. i feel like i can't explain a lot of the actual settings on my camera aside from the iso and the f-stop and the only place i may have seen any improvement is in editing? i'm always worried about messing things up and even often rewatch a tutorial on loading my film or rewinding it because i've death with blank rolls in the past... i do have adhd which causes me to be very forgetful but i don't know. i just feel like despite the amount of time i have spent taking photos and working with cameras, i don't really know enough and don't have anything to show for it. there are some photos of mine that i feel happy with but i can't attribute it to myself as the photographer and i feel like a fraud. does anyone else have this experience or tips for me or anything?

the other day, i randomly stumbled across an instagram account with mugshots from my city and i happened to see that my 6th/7th grade best friend got arrested last week and is facing 4 felonies (3 of them are 3rd degree though). my heart is broken for her. we haven't talked since middle school and although things didn't end on positive terms, we never had a big falling out or anything, things just got a little weird and we grew apart. even then, she didn't have a typical family dynamic and i wonder what kind of place she's in now. i don't know what's been going with her and i don't know if she'd even want to hear from me or if it would bring up unpleasant or complicated emotions for her. there is also a part of me that wonders if she's a completely different person now. i am always working to be less judgmental and i will say her charges do unsettle me just a tiny bit, but what if she is just in a bad place and these things aren't indicative of her nature, they don't have to define her personhood. i don't know, i am confused and any advice is appreciated. i just keep thinking about her.

i don't know. everything is draining me to no end. i try to like myself but i can't seem to find reason for my existence. usually i can be rational about things, about how the hard times don't last and whatnot but it just feels like i've been struggling for so long. i have dealt with these feelings since i was in middle school and even though i got better at coping, i'm in a place where i feel completely exhausted of trying. i have a partner who i love but i can't help but feel like i'm not good enough, like they would be better with anyone but me. i am not beautiful enough and i am not cool enough and i have nothing going for me. they have seen horrible sides of me. there is nothing genuinely interesting or attractive about me. i just want to disappear into nothingness. i just want it all to be over.

looking for artists or fanartists that draw sapphic/gl art or any like gl anime/mangas pleaseee

i'll start! pariah (2011), love lies bleeding (2024), the watermelon woman (1996), the handmaiden (2016), but i'm a cheerleader (1999), and saving face (2004). what are yours?