u/kiki-the-warforged

I (30) have an upstairs neighbour (49M) who tried to start a friendship with me but didn't last long because he kept flirting despite being married and monogamous. He yelled at me on the stairwell that I was overreacting when I asked him to sto asking me personal questions.

He asks me inappropriate stuff. If I am dating, who I am dating, if I have a sex life. I tried not replying but he insists.

What creeps me out is that he admitted to trying to understand when I am having sex (barely ever). He said he listens to me laughing and when I stop he understands I am having sex (verbatim). (Not even true).

Now I am very worried about bringing my new partner home.

He also got divorced.

AIO for being freaked out?

More context: Why don't I tell him to fuck off? Because he is friends with property management and also he is much older than me and I am terrified he will get me in trouble. I own the apartment, I cannot move.

Tldr: AIO for being freaked out because my older neighbour admitted to trying to listen to me having sex?

I have a complicated relationship with intimacy. I am pretty chill about enjoying bdsm and I know what I like, but it's very hard for me to express it to my partners. I have been mocked in the past and it's very difficult for me to overcome this fear.

Whenever I find a partner that I can communicate with easily, and who is compatible with me, I feel this devastating fear of undefined terrible consequences. I have just found a new partner who is really well attuned to my wishes, understand me perfectly and is the perfect match for me.

And yet when they leave (we do aftercare!) I feel like the universe will make something awful happen because I dare enjoy intimacy. So I keep obsessing about stuff that could go wrong.

I have a Catholic upbringing so I understand where part of this comes from.

How does one overcome this?

As per the title, I was friends with an older man but removed myself from the friendship. He didn't directly hit on me, he kept plausible deniability, but was still inappropriate. I called him out, he called me exaggerated on the stairwell for everyone to hear, I broke off the friendship.

When we where "friends", he did things like asking me who I was dating, if we had sex, and once he stated as follows: "do you have a partner again? Because last evening I heard you laugh, then you weren't laughing anymore so I uderstood you were having sex." This stuck with me. I became terrified. I am NOT loud. It's not an issue where I am too loud and neighbours call me out. I am not. Ask anybody.

I am now dating someone [34NB] again and had such a panic attack after sleeping with them. I cannot make myself leave my house. I am terrified I'll come confront me about it.

I also feel terrible about urging my partner to be super super quiet. I understand etiquette for living in an apt building, this goes way beyond

He lives right above me.

What can I do if he talks to me about this topic? I'm to scared to just tell him "just drop it".

Not really an issue, I am just curious.

I talk about my hyperfixations and special interest a lot, especially to my friends. My friends are all very safe people who havee known me for ages and saw me go through a lot of hyperfixations. They buy me merch from the hyperfixations as gifts and listen to my ramblings and read my fanfictions.

Still, whenever I talk about these hyperfixations, I become super anxious (like, almost on the verge of a panic attack) and need to actively calm myself down.

This happens if I talk to my friends, or to random people who know about these topics, or to other fans on Discord. The more I care about the specific topic (e.g. my favorite character from an hyperfixation) the more anxious I get.

I was actually bullied a lot in my life, but almost never about my special interests, so I don't think it's that.

Does anybody know?

Three years ago I was abouut an "average" weight. I moved to another country. I had some thyroid issues and huge stressful life events while I was away and gained about 40 pounds. I also really really like food.

Now I have come back and people act like me gaining weight is a personal offence toward them. People (not friends, like coworkers and neighbours and acquaintances) demand to know why I got fat. They make very loud remarks about me being big now. And it's not about health at all, because if I try to talk about health issues they just don't care. My boss says I should prioritize going to the gym instead of finishing to move. A lady in my apt building demanded I fixed my thyroid issues right away and went back to being thin. A neighbour said I must go on walks with him.

Point is, I do have a mirror. I have several as a matter of fact. I see absolutely nothing wrong with my body. It's a body. It's a body with a noticeable belly and I don't see why it is a problem.

Poeple say it's limiting my dating pool size, but do I really want to be thin and date somebody who would dump me if I gained weight again? Live with this terror? I don't think so

Tl;dr: Went back to my hometown after gaining 40 pounds and everybody is being a jerk about it.