u/itz_vampy

I have my personal reasons for not wanting kids and i won’t dump them on here. I just don’t want to be a dad and i’m okay with not having kids. The thing is i’m not sure about my girlfriend. we’re still pretty young but when i brought up the topic (and she knows why i don’t want kids) she says she is unsure and will think about it later.

this was like a year ago and the topic never came up again. the thing is i really really love her and i am hoping she doesn’t want them. so now im like if she ends up wanting one or two i wouldn't mind. i feel like if it really comes down to it we will figure it out in the future.

I’ve always kinda found it weird how a lot of people attach certain importance to hair based on gender. For girls it’s like their hair should be sacred and if a girl cuts off her hair she is seen as gay (which isn’t a bad thing, but assuming sexuality based on haircut is silly) or she’s “going through something“. I’ve seen people say women who cut their hair or dye it unnatural colors are “red flags” or unstable.

Then for guys if you have long hair we are suddenly gay or want to be women. like can people not just keep their hair the way they want without people making it seem like some statement?

I don’t mean sexually but there’s some times I see a guy who is super pretty or good looking and i have to remind myself that i’m straight and got a girlfriend 😣 i also hesitate before telling a guy he looks pretty because some think i’m hitting on them and unfortunately act very weird about it lol. others were more receptive to it though and sometimes i find it kinda cute when i call a guy pretty/beautiful/etc and they blush. i think this is one of those things where gender is an unnecessary barrier because if i was a girl/fem presenting this would be a non-issue. i just don’t think it should be a big deal to acknowledge that other guys look good.

I wouldn’t date another guy or anything but wow some guys just got it idk. Like I’m tired of being made to pretend like they don’t look fine.

I don’t mean sexually but there’s some times I see a guy who is super pretty or good looking and i have to remind myself that i’m straight and got a girlfriend 😣 i also hesitate before telling a guy he looks pretty because some think i’m hitting on them and unfortunately act very weird about it lol. others were more receptive to it though and sometimes i find it kinda cute when i call a guy pretty/beautiful/etc and they blush. i think this is one of those things where gender is an unnecessary barrier because if i was a girl/fem presenting this would be a non-issue. i just don’t think it should be a big deal to acknowledge that other guys look good.

I wouldn’t date another guy or anything but wow some guys just got it idk. Like I’m tired of being made to pretend like they don’t look fine.

I don’t mean sexually but there’s some times I see a guy who is super pretty or attractive and i have to remind myself that i’m straight and got a girlfriend 😣 i also hesitate before telling a guy he looks pretty because some think i’m hitting on them and unfortunately act very weird about it LOL

like no homo or anything but wow some guys just got it 😭 girls are lowkey so lucky.

I remember growing up I would always hear other guys talk about how women are hard to understand and how they can’t “figure them out”. Or the reason they are single is because girls confuse them. Then when I would press further it’s not that the woman is speaking some foreign language men aren’t privy to, it’s just that some guys don’t actually *listen* to women.

A lot of times they will go to other men to figure out what women want instead of directly asking the women in question. And when women say what they want they think they mean something else. I have a girlfriend and i never found it hard to understand her (or my ex gf). I think some people aren’t active listeners. you can speak to someone for an hour and it would go in one ear and leave the other. some guys (intentionally or unintentionally) don’t take the time to care what you want despite you repeating yourself several times. Before being in a relationship I hung out with both guys and girls and even as an adult I’ve realised that men and women aren’t really that different. We all want the same thing, some just don’t want to step out of their own shoes to understand the other person.

eta: this was meant to be a neutral observation and not a call out to guys in general. i specifically wrote “some guys”, but hit dogs will always holler.

I never, ever tell anyone what my AGAB is because I know I will be treated differently if I do. I prefer to leave it ambiguous. I hate it sometimes especially when I get asked that annoying “so are you a girl or a boy?” question from cishet people. I remember one time, and this pissed me off so bad, someone asked me this question and another person decided to jump into the conversation and answered with “they look A()AB”. What does the sex I was born as have to do with whatever my current gender identity is? And there’s many ways to look like a man/woman/etc. so it’s very obtuse to say someone is xyz just because they look a certain way. They use stereotypical gender markers from how you look and box you into the binaries. and no one talks about how problematic that is because even cis women get called men because they don’t fit european beauty standards for women. some cis women naturally look masculine but transphobes will treat them like men because they “look like a man”.

If someone is a trans man and they get asked if they are a man or a woman it’s extremely weird to say they are afab as an answer (and vice versa if they were a trans woman).

some think they are smart and directly ask if I am AFAB/FTM as if they aren’t basically just asking if I am a girl. when they find that out about a nonbinary person they see you as your AGAB and nothing else. like why do they care so much about your gender in the most irrelevant of conversations?? i hate how cishets found out about agab and use it as a woke way to treat you like a man or a woman regardless of if you are nonbinary or binary trans.

don’t know why some guys say things like this but my taste in women leans towards the masculine side. i’m fem leaning/androgynous and i appreciate gender nonconformity in women. but because of gender norms if a woman isn’t feminine people think she’s “trying to be a man”. even worse when you say it’s your type they think you’re secretly gay or something. it doesn’t help that people thought i was gay growing up and my partner was a lesbian. it‘s odd how a lot of people think in the binary sense, that looks feminine = woman and looks masculine = man.

i can’t understand the logic here.

does any other infp find it kinda weird how people think our type is the softest and basically we can’t harm a fly or else we will burst into tears? i mean yes as a guy i admit i am sensitive when it comes to my emotions and that of others and i do relate to the alternative obscure stuff but the “sweet cinnamon rolls who paint all day and chase butterflies“ doesn’t resonate with me lol.

yeah i can be silly but i can be very mean and callous especially when i get defensive or triggered. the thing is i don’t get mad easily so when i do i go all out and have 0 filter which surprises people. i’ve done and said things when i was in my feelings that i’m not proud of. i have flaws like everyone else and it’s like i am getting imposter syndrome from my own type.

i know normally it’s usually the women who date older/older men chase after younger women but is it rare for older women to find interest in a younger guy? i feel like this dynamic isn't really talked about. i know the gap between me and my gf isn’t much but is older and i find it like really hot for some reason lol.

Idk if this sounds irrational but i have this fear about being a terrible parent in the future. like i grew up basically being afraid of my dad because of his hyper critical, judgmental, and overall toxic behaviour. i never really could express myself around him and couldn’t show negative or “weak” emotions without him being dismissive or getting mad. there’s also other things he did that i don’t feel comfortable mentioning but overall he was not a safe person to confide in (or be around).

despite my upbringing i’ve managed to maintain that soft and sensitive side of me that i held onto growing up despite him trying his best to drain it out of me. but the thing is i see myself in him sometimes. there are times i see myself doing things that he would do, even if they’re the most mundane or harmless things and it kinda terrifies me. because he wasn’t always a bad person but he got unhealthy after he and my mom began having kids. we both get sensitive when we’re offended/hurt. although when i get hurt i don’t take it out on others.

my mom told me one day that i remind her of dad when he was younger and i kid you not that was one of the worst things i’ve ever heard, and this is coming from a nonconformist who dealt/heard a lot of sht from other kids growing up. the thought of being compared to him is…idk

again i know this is irrational but yeah whenever i think about my gf and the possibility of being a dad i can’t imagine putting another kid through the same trauma i went through with my dad. i don’t want to have kids in the future and this is a big reason why.

part of me wants to take care of another human and teach them it’s okay to be themselves, to feel safe around their dad, and to follow their hearts. but the side that’s afraid of accidentally traumatizing a kid is stronger. like even the slightest *chance* of me doing that is a driving force to not open that possibility up with having kids of my own.