(Warning- Long post)
I am not sure what to do. I don’t want to leave my husband but recently he broke my trust (he did not sleep with someone but he was confiding in another woman about our marital issues and told her that he was going to leave me.)
I can hardly bear the thought of leaving but I’m also worried what if this happens again or what if he ends up cheating down the line and I look back on this moment and tell myself I should have left back then…?
After he was talking to this woman for a week he came to me and confessed and cried. He seemed remorseful and told me that it would never happen again. He said he had to tell me because it was eating away at him and he felt like he couldn’t keep lying to me.
Initially when he told me about it, he mentioned separation and said that I deserve a better man than him, and he said that we might need to take a break. He said that he just can’t make me happy and he feels like he’s not good enough for me. I reacted very calm and listened to everything he had to say.. then after a while he started saying we would work through this and that he is going to be the partner that I need and be a better husband. He also said at one point that the “ball is in your court” I won’t blame you if you want to leave me because of this.
Also, there have been past times where he will follow / like other woman’s social media posts online (pictures of half naked women) and friending random women online who post photos like this. He has gotten better and does not do this as frequently anymore because I expressed I was not okay with it, however it still happens sometimes. I feel like his eyes wander occasionally. However he has always been loyal in the fact that he’s never slept with another woman, this is the first time he’s ever been texting another woman / emotional affair situation.
I’m really sad, confused and I feel stuck. I don’t know what the right answer is. Should I stay or leave?
——Background info——:
My husband (26 yr old Male) and I (26yr old Female) have been married 3 years, been together for 5 years total. No kids yet (both want kids eventually)
Our sex life is great and we have never had issues with that.
My husband lately has been wanting to go out on the weekends with friends and stays out late. We have gotten into some arguments about this because money has been tight recently
My husband quit his job 6 months ago and we lost our health insurance and I’ve been paying all the bills myself, he has had to use my credit card for gas and personal stuff to get by, he has done some work for his self on he side (blue collar work/trades) and he says he doesn’t want to go back to working for somebody else and would rather work for himself.
Lately I have expressed that I am not happy about the financial situation we are in and upset because he has a lot of debt that he can hardly afford to pay. He also has expensive hobbies that he is consumed by on the weekends. I had told him if he was going to work for himself and have his own business he needs to focus on that and not his hobbies during all his free time or going to the bars / hanging out with his friends.
I am stressed out frequently because I carry the mental load of remembering/ planning for our household and staying on top of bills, writing debt collectors on his behalf, trying to figure out how to plan/save for having a baby, ect.
We have argued about bills and money, he usually always says the same things and says we could have stayed living in the cheap trailer where we used to be but I bought this house and he acts like he didn’t have a say so in it… when we remodeled the house my dad came over to help me fix it up, my husband was very distant and helped very little during the renovations.
I have always strived to be successful, I have investing goals, and I have a high work ethic.
my husband says he wants these things too and will talk about how he wants success with his own business but then I don’t see him following through by taking consistent actions (he struggles to wake up on his own in the morning, forgets to set alarms or he will pass out on the couch and forget to plug in his phone/set alarms to wake up on time, neglects tracking mileage, is bad about book keeping and I have to constantly ask him if he’s been scanning receipts or tracking mileage)
My husband has always struggled with saving money and does not follow a budget (we have had conversations about this)
We have also gotten into arguments about household chores, I typically am the sole person that stays on top of cleaning every week to keep things in order. He thinks that I am just “OCD” and when I ask him to help clean or do laundry he thinks it’s not necessary and does not really want to help unless I get angry or I have to ask multiple times. He’ll tell me to just leave his laundry for him to do, but if I do that it sits there a long time and then I just get irritated so I will do it myself because I’m tired of looking at it.