u/Professional-Eart

I was happy for a short period because I started improving my body and my mind, with gym and reading self-help books about attachments, charisma, anxiety and goals.. the famous ones at least.

Then I met this girl, things were great for a month until she told me she is not looking for anything serious and she won't promise me she won't go with other guys. I said I was okay because I liked so much, less to say we never had sex with each other since then, and she got colder and colder, we don't even text anymore. I admit it might be my fault, I could not bear the situation and I might have had weird behaviours, nothing too drammatic, but enough to annoy someone, I gues..

Talking with chat gpt as a therapist (yeah, I know...) it made me realize a couple of things. First I have an attachment style too strong, and I feel my worth totally in someone choosing me in relationship, which is true, in this case the girl was so beautiful and charismatic to me, I really like her so much. Then that I use reddit, chat gpt itself or friends to talk about this because my anxiety kicks in, so I need to relax a bit by talking, I find peace for a brief time before i start again doubting myself.. and last that I am reading books, doing therapy and else, just because I want an upgrade to have women attracted, to be chosen and not left again. And that's impossible. And it is true.. I am reading books and trying to improve in order to be a better person just so I can be considered more.

Would I still doing all this if tomorrow women will crave me? Probably not. It's just egocentrical; i need and I want to be choosen. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, I can't figure out what I missed in life to be at this point, but yet I just want that. I want to be chosen for what I am, not for what I have; that's why I won't start making more money or more status just because of women. Give me a girl that is interesting to me and she is interested in me, and 80% of the problem of my life are gone. I am another person, I am someone who wants to be better for her.. but am I doing for her or because I am afraid to be left again? Do humans work like this or something ain't right with me?

Another tip was to date more girls, to not let just one being my single only emotional base. I never hit on girls because I fear rejection, and I fear being labeled as "the thirsty one". But even there I think it's more like I am being egocentrical. "I don't hit on them so they will see I am different". If I like a girl why wouldn't I show interest? I dated one this week, a girl with who I talked for a while in instagram dms, finally I asked her out.. for now there's nothing literally and honestly I don't have my hopes up. In the while I should have dated another one but it dind't just happen and I guess she is not that interested and I let it go. Another one yesterday seems horrified to date me when someone asked her if I was her bf. I mean.. it's not even easy escaping this rabbit hole if the results are this. That girl i was dating is surely constantely hit on by dudes, probably she even brought some at her home while I struggle to get a drink with someone. I know comparison is stupid in this case, it's the thief of joy, etc.. but I have also to realize why and how behind I am in this.

Sorry, if this is a confusing thread. Take it as a 30 years-old boy whining that he lost a girl he likes so much.

30M. I am sorry, this is totally an over-spammed thread. I have been left by a girl who turned out wanting a casual thing (she told me a bit later). And now I am trying to date more women to not let my emotional base being around one person. I don't care about body count or stuff like that, I just want to do exposive therapy, in order to be more confident in dating.

I have the baseline, i have a job, a car, I go to the gym, i am doing martial arts and reading books about self-improving.. But I am doing the 90% of this stuff in order to be chosen. As for now I asked out a girl working in a bar, but we never actually dated as we rescheduled everytime. I went out with another girl, but I smell "I was doing this for friendship" in the air. I noticed a girl in my gym, but I don't want to seem too much in asking her out or asking for her contacts as I don't know her, i just think she is good looking; and I know that in gym people don't like being annoyed in talk while they are training so I don't know what to do. But this is just an example.

I was happy for a short period because I started improving my body and my mind, with gym and reading self-help books about attachments, charisma, anxiety and goals.. the famous ones at least.

Then I met this girl, things were great for a month until she told me she is not looking for anything serious and she won't promise me she won't go with other guys. I said I was okay because I liked so much, less to say we never had sex with each other since then, and she got colder and colder, we don't even text anymore. I admit it might be my fault, I could not bear the situation and I might have had weird behaviours, nothing too drammatic, but enough to annoy someone, I gues..

Talking with chat gpt as a therapist (yeah, I know...) it made me realize a couple of things. First I have an attachment style too strong, and I feel my worth totally in someone choosing me in relationship, which is true, in this case the girl was so beautiful and charismatic to me, I really like her so much. Then that I use reddit, chat gpt itself or friends to talk about this because my anxiety kicks in, so I need to relax a bit by talking, I find peace for a brief time before i start again doubting myself.. and last that I am reading books, doing therapy and else, just because I want an upgrade to have women attracted, to be chosen and not left again. And that's impossible. And it is true.. I am reading books and trying to improve in order to be a better person just so I can be considered more.

Would I still doing all this if tomorrow women will crave me? Probably not. It's just egocentrical; i need and I want to be choosen. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, I can't figure out what I missed in life to be at this point, but yet I just want that. I want to be chosen for what I am, not for what I have; that's why I won't start making more money or more status just because of women. Give me a girl that is interesting to me and she is interested in me, and 80% of the problem of my life are gone. I am another person, I am someone who wants to be better for her.. but am I doing for her or because I am afraid to be left again? Do humans work like this or something ain't right with me?

Another tip was to date more girls, to not let just one being my single only emotional base. I never hit on girls because I fear rejection, and I fear being labeled as "the thirsty one". But even there I think it's more like I am being egocentrical. "I don't hit on them so they will see I am different". If I like a girl why wouldn't I show interest? I dated one this week, a girl with who I talked for a while in instagram dms, finally I asked her out.. for now there's nothing literally and honestly I don't have my hopes up. In the while I should have dated another one but it dind't just happen and I guess she is not that interested and I let it go. Another one yesterday seems horrified to date me when someone asked her if I was her bf. I mean.. it's not even easy escaping this rabbit hole if the results are this. That girl i was dating is surely constantely hit on by dudes, probably she even brought some at her home while I struggle to get a drink with someone. I know comparison is stupid in this case, it's the thief of joy, etc.. but I have also to realize why and how behind I am in this.

Sorry, if this is a confusing thread. Take it as a 30 years-old boy whining that he lost a girl he likes so much.

I was happy for a short period because I started improving my body and my mind, with gym and reading self-help books about attachments, charisma, anxiety and goals.. the famous ones at least.

Then I met this girl, things were great for a month until she told me she is not looking for anything serious and she won't promise me she won't go with other guys. I said I was okay because I liked so much, less to say we never had sex with each other since then, and she got colder and colder, we don't even text anymore. I admit it might be my fault, I could not bear the situation and I might have had weird behaviours, nothing too drammatic, but enough to annoy someone, I gues..

Talking with chat gpt as a therapist (yeah, I know...) it made me realize a couple of things. First I have an attachment style too strong, and I feel my worth totally in someone choosing me in relationship, which is true, in this case the girl was so beautiful and charismatic to me, I really like her so much. Then that I use reddit, chat gpt itself or friends to talk about this because my anxiety kicks in, so I need to relax a bit by talking, I find peace for a brief time before i start again doubting myself.. and last that I am reading books, doing therapy and else, just because I want an upgrade to have women attracted, to be chosen and not left again. And that's impossible. And it is true.. I am reading books and trying to improve in order to be a better person just so I can be considered more.

Would I still doing all this if tomorrow women will crave me? Probably not. It's just egocentrical; i need and I want to be choosen. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, I can't figure out what I missed in life to be at this point, but yet I just want that. I want to be chosen for what I am, not for what I have; that's why I won't start making more money or more status just because of women. Give me a girl that is interesting to me and she is interested in me, and 80% of the problem of my life are gone. I am another person, I am someone who wants to be better for her.. but am I doing for her or because I am afraid to be left again? Do humans work like this or something ain't right with me?

Another tip was to date more girls, to not let just one being my single only emotional base. I never hit on girls because I fear rejection, and I fear being labeled as "the thirsty one". But even there I think it's more like I am being egocentrical. "I don't hit on them so they will see I am different". If I like a girl why wouldn't I show interest? I dated one this week, a girl with who I talked for a while in instagram dms, finally I asked her out.. for now there's nothing literally and honestly I don't have my hopes up. In the while I should have dated another one but it dind't just happen and I guess she is not that interested and I let it go. Another one yesterday seems horrified to date me when someone asked her if I was her bf. I mean.. it's not even easy escaping this rabbit hole if the results are this. That girl i was dating is surely constantely hit on by dudes, probably she even brought some at her home while I struggle to get a drink with someone. I know comparison is stupid in this case, it's the thief of joy, etc.. but I have also to realize why and how behind I am in this.

Sorry, if this is a confusing thread. Take it as a 30 years-old boy whining that he lost a girl he likes so much.

I'm speaking from a guy's perspective, but obviously, it applies to women too, since the other night some girls were having the same conversation, talking about a friend of theirs who attracts the guys they're interested in. Seeing how people are much nicer and more helpful to beautiful people... that girl known by everyone as reserved, who instead isn't reserved at all with that particular guy. Or the one you don't even try with because you know damn well she's not into you, barely acknowledges you if you ask a question, and then the cute, tall guy comes along and sweeps her off her feet.

Then obviously, we're not all models, even normal people make an impression because of their personality, which is something you can work on a bit more easily and on a larger scale than your appearance, but it's not guaranteed to pay off, and we all know the usual stories where that person is constantly chasing after someone, even though that someone is a total asshole...

It's also good to be alone, but there are so many things in this world that are beautiful to share with someone, and seeing that person you have so much chemistry with, who doesn't reciprocate because they just don't like you... gives you horrible feelings, haha.

Obviously, I'm single (I've had 2 girlfriends over the years, the longest relationship was a year during COVID lol), 30 years old, who fell into the redpill communities back then, it destroyed my self-esteem, if you don't pick up chicks, you're worthless and not "woke." Fortunately, I got out of it and I'm also working on smoothing out many other problems, but I wonder if I'm just training myself to accept it or if the change will actually pay off.

I have a hourglasses body, but due the fact i lost weight in short time when i was younger, my hips and low torso look wider as my hip which is as wide as my shoulder, then i have long legs..

I can't post anywhere pics of physique asking for advice, so i thought about opening a thread.. how do i deal with this?

I started hit the gym, therapy, reading books, hanging out more, finding hobbies.. but my self esteem is just that low. I don't think I deserve a good woman, and I was head over heels for the last one until she told me she wants more a casual things and she looking for guys even in front of me (we have friends in common). This really hit me hard, I feel replaceable and unworthy; and things changed between us of course.

The secret is to not focus on one girl for that and give a chance to more.. but who if 99% (rhetorical figure) of girls reject me? I just think of that friend of mine, blonde and tall, who has not problem and girls chase him.. I don't wanna just "drop it", I wanna know how to recover from this

30 M - I started hit the gym, therapy, reading books, hanging out more, finding hobbies.. but my self esteem is just that low. I don't think I deserve a good woman, and I was head over heels for the last one until she told me she wants more a casual things and she looking for guys even in front of me (we have friends in common). This really hit me hard, I feel replaceable and unworthy; and things changed between us of course.

The secret is to not focus on one girl for that and give a chance to more.. but who if 99% (rhetorical figure) of girls reject me ? I just think of that friend of mine, blonde and tall, who has not problem and girls chase him.. I don't wanna just "drop it", I wanna know how to recover from this

Sono uscito con una ragazza per circa un mese: uscivamo, stavamo bene insieme, siamo anche andati a letto insieme. Un campanello di allarme lo ebbi quando mi disse che non ha mai avuto un ragazzo perché non ha conosciuto nessuno che ne valesse la pena. Ad un certo punto però mi ha detto chiaramente che non vuole qualcosa di serio, sia perché non sa quanto resterà qui, sia perché la sua vita è un po’ caotica. Mi ha anche detto che sta bene con me, che sono buono, che non vuole creare tensioni visto che usciamo con la stessa comitiva. Ma che non può promettermi nulla, che non si porterà chiunque a casa sua ma che se conosce qualcuno che le piace potrebbe succedere qualcosa.

Io lì per lì l’ho presa bene, ho detto che capivo. Però dopo qualche giorno ho iniziato a starci male, soprattutto nei momenti in cui non ci sentivamo, anche se poi mi ha scritto lei.

Nel frattempo continuiamo a vederci. Sia con la comitiva che quando siamo usciti noi 2 al cinema, ci siamo tenuti per mano, sono stato a casa sua, ci siamo coccolati, baciati ecc. (Aveva il ciclo e non abbiamo fatto nulla di più) Quindi da una parte c’è intimità, dall’altra so che non c’è un vero impegno.

La cosa che non capisco è questa: razionalmente so che anche se diventasse serio probabilmente finirebbe comunque (non voglio una relazione a distanza), eppure mi sento male lo stesso. Mi dà fastidio l’idea che lei possa vedere altri, mi sento geloso, e non riesco a viverla leggero.

Allo stesso tempo non voglio chiudere, perché è comunque l’unico contatto intimo che ho al momento. E non sono così fortunato al riguardo.. poi lei mi piace.. non so se mandarle un messaggio per chiudere ma vorrei farci sesso almeno un'ultima volta. Di farlo e poi chiuderci mi sembra brutto, a proporglielo come saluto mi da timore che rifiuti. Tempo un paio di mesi e magari lei parte.. ma al momento mi sento lasciato indietro, e dovrei comunque vederla per via degli amici in comune.

Perché mi importa così tanto se sulla carta questa situazione dovrebbe bastarmi?

I’m starting to wonder if there’s even any point in wanting a serious relationship at this point. I was falling for a girl, but she started being evasive, until one day she stated that she is not into anything serious, and sha said she could have sex with other guys. I was kinda okay at first because I like her, and I guess I could see someone else too.. but deep down this is eating me alive.

If I stay like this with her, I get sex, I’m not stopping myself from seeing other people if the opportunity comes up, we still go out together and have affection, cuddles, and I also get my own space… so why would I want something serious? What actually changes?

Why do I feel this need at all? Is it just ego? How do people menage to do this? Once I was able.. i think, now i am no more, and I don't know why (30 M btw)

In the end, even in a serious relationship there’s always the risk that the other person meets someone "better" and leaves you anyway, so what’s the difference?

Am I just too obsessed on wanting a woman who only wants me? May my therapist enlight me.

Yesterday,after the cinema, holding hands for half of the movie, at her place we didn't even have sex because she is on her period, it seemed kinda rude to go away just because of that, even if she said she was okay if I wanted to go home because we won't have sex.. but I stayed anyway, we had cuddles, hugging and we joked and talked.. and she was making fake-jealously jokes about my commitments, when days ago I was secretely full of anxiety for her lack of commitment. At some point I really felt I need to go and I went home a bit resentful. In my head I say "i like the moment, but it's not more than this", yet i feel a pressure in my chest -anxiety-. The thought that she might meet someone else, might like him more than me and putting me as forgettable is terrifying to me, yet, this could occur easily even in a serious relationship

What the hell is this 500 days of summer situation? The best is end things up with her. But i can't because I don't want to. And I can't really cut with her, because we have friends in common and I will see her anyway and she is kind of a great girl anyway.

I filled reddit with threads about how anxious I was (M30), or asking how to do my best with her (F27).

We talked about it, and she said she had wanted to bring it up herself. She had already told me before that she has never had a boyfriend, because she never found one worth it, so deep down I knew it was unlikely I would be the chosen one.

If she passes her work exam, she doesn’t even know where she’ll be. She doesn’t even know if she’ll still be in this city tomorrow, and that’s why she says she doesn’t want anything exclusive or serious right now. She seemed genuinely nervous having to tell me this.

She said she likes spending time with me, she likes me and she sees that I’m a good person and doesn’t want to hurt me. She also said she isn’t talking to anyone else (this came up because I told her I hadn’t pursued other opportunities since I was seeing her), but if she meets someone she likes, she can’t tell what would happen. For the record, we’ve still slept together several times, I’ve stayed over at her place other times, we’ve gone out for dinners and lunches and all the rest, and even after that conversation we made out a bit at her place haha. We didn't break up or cut the thing, we still texting.

It’s strange. I actually feel relieved. I don’t feel tension anymore, and I don’t feel anxious anymore. We didn’t exactly end things, but I see everything differently now.

Part of me is sad because she’s genuinely a great girl, and she confirmed that again today. And in the end, I still don’t really have anything solid in my hands relationship-wise. Or maybe I could have a chance and maybe she changed my mind; but I can't know this, nor I should at this point i guess.

But overall, I feel much better. Like if i don't have to be afraid anymore to make a mistake. I feel this like the story of 500 Days of Summer, but opposite to Tom, I need to be ready to let go, I can't change things and accept that if I end up in the background because she meets someone else, it's gonna be okay