r/confidence

I lost my husband two years ago. Three kids — two teenagers and an 8 year old. The first year was just white-knuckling through every single day. Grief on top of grief on top of keeping the house running and making sure they were okay. I didn't even register myself as a person who had needs.

Now it's been two years and something has shifted. I notice men. My body notices men. When someone touches my arm in passing I feel it everywhere and it scares me a little how strong that reaction is. I didn't plan for this. It just showed up.

Friends took me out last night and basically told me to make a dating profile or at least have a casual hookup. I laughed it off. But it's been sitting with me ever since.

I'm a senior executive at a finance firm. Two men I work with are clearly interested. One's early 50s, I'm pretty sure he's looking for something casual. The other is mid-40s and gives off relationship energy. I'm attracted to both of them, which is its own problem. Last time I dated I was 20 years old. I don't even know how this works anymore.

But underneath all the logistics, the thing I can't shake is this every time I let myself want this, I feel like I'm betraying my husband. I know that's not rational. I know he's gone. I know life goes on. But the guilt is real and it doesn't care about logic.

I guess I'm asking how do you get out of your own way? How do you let yourself want something again without feeling like you're erasing the person you loved?

A year ago, I think it was a month before my TOEFL exam when I felt completely lost because despite studying from an English-medium school for my whole life, I cannot speak English fluently. I could understand things; I had thoughts in my head, but when I tried to speak… it just didn’t come out right. I will just ramble out words

It was because throughout my life I never spoke English with anybody because it was never needed. In school you just had to pass the exams. At home, my parents speak in our native language, the same with my friends, so I never spoke in English, and when I had to give the TOEFL, I was feeling disgusted due to low grades because everyone told me it's a simple exam, you just need to know basic English, and you know as you studied in an English-medium school.

Then I came across this advice from Vinh Giang. (for those who don't know he is a famous magician turned speaking coach on YouTube.) In most of his videos He kept repeating this one thing:

record yourself speaking for 5 minutes every day

convert it into text

and review it

And do it "Daily"

I said, "Let's give it a try. I had a month; I will give 5 minutes daily to do this."

The first few days were really painful to watch. But then slowly I realized, Now I know what the problem is, and after doing it consistently for a while… something changed.

I started noticing my patterns.

I started correcting myself while speaking.

I felt more in control.

In just 20 days, I felt a lot more confident in speaking
Not only that, I even scored 28/30 in speaking test

I have understood one thing:

if you really want to improve your speaking, then "practice." nothing else.

BTW, I also built a tool to practice speaking in this way; if anyone wants to try it, they can try it here: Spokena

Anyways, what I wanted to say was if anyone wants to improve their speaking start with this simple advice of recording yourself and reviewing it and do it consistently

Since my teens, I have struggled with my "femininity", "sexuality", or whatever you might call it. I do not mean in a trans way tho. It is just that I feel really uncomfortable/embarrassed with my naked body, even when I simply look in the mirror before taking a shower. I guess I have never really connected with myself in that way.

It may come from a place of insecurity, as in high school I was really self-conscious, especially about my chest size, which I tried to hide beneath big t-shirts or baggy clothing. I wasn’t really feminine either. I also have never taken any nudes or considered myself attractive in a sexual way. When I tried to do so, I just felt embarrassed or cringed at myself, lol. Because of that, I feel really out of place. I would really want to feel comfortable in my own skin. Do you have any tips or advice? Have you experienced something similar?

16 and first b2b video call in a couple days with the ceo and 4 senior executives

im 16 and never done anything sales related, need some urgent help with all this sales and b2b selling stuff. recently i made this tool for businesses to track and monitor prices across their competitors at a large scale, large amounts of total products monitored and tracked. recently i did a bunch of personalised cold emails and i got a response back, from the ceo of the biggest company i sent my cold emails too, we scheduled a meeting on ms teams on friday.

the meeting consists of me and the following:

1. ceo and founder

2. chief tech officer, director/founder

3. head of category

4. head of merchandise

5. general manager

and this isn’t just some small company either, it’s probably the biggest in terms of what it sells etc. and the people in the meeting aren’t just some entry level positions, i did a brief look into their backgrounds and all 5 have some serious experiences. i really do hope to close this deal since that would give me around 2-3k monthly just from this one deal.

need some advice and ways to prep for this, a part of me is trying to make me cancel the meeting last second and just pretend it never happened but the other part wants to take the opportunity to learn even if things go down. just wondering if anyone could give some feedback i really don’t got any experience even close to this and is really nervous on calls, never been on a video call before like this.

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I really feel ugly about my whole existence.

I've felt so ugly in my life that I don't even want to see my face in the mirror sometimes.

Whenever I start talking with someone and we vibe, and then suddenly they ask for a picture, I just sabotage myself, etc. Instantly, the thought comes to my head: what if she blocks me the moment she sees my ugly face? This has happened a few times too. The tone completely changed after seeing my face.

What do I not like about my face? Big forehead. Crooked nose. I have a DNS. Weird teeth. Skin not smooth. Too thick lips. Face fat. I look older than my age. I don’t know how to fix all this. I have done skincare, I have lost weight, but my problem is not getting resolved. I am not able to get my confidence back.

Because of my insecurities that I feel because of my physical features, my career is getting disturbed. I feel very, very inferior to people. I am not able to build good connections because of it. I feel afraid talking to women. I feel afraid of showing myself. The moment they ask for a picture, I just start sabotaging.

How do I even fix myself? I'm so tired of living like this. Always hiding. Always running. Always feeling sad for myself. I don't want to live like this, but I also don't know how to help myself.

I never thought I’d be the kind of person to write something like this, but here I am, trying to make sense of emotions I didn’t expect to hit this hard.

My wife and I are both 44. We’ve been together a long time, built a solid marriage, raised kids, supported each other through careers, failures, wins, all of it. She’s an actress, and acting has always been a big part of her identity. I’ve always been proud of her work and I’ve never felt threatened by it. Until now.

She’s been cast in a web series as lead that includes a nude, intimate scene. This is the first time in her entire career that the intimacy goes this far. The scene involves kissing, breasts sucking and nipples sucking, touching, and full-frontal nudity for certain angles. There’s no real penetration involved, but the physical closeness is very real. It’s not just implied intimacy it’s bodies, skin, breath, contact.

From the very beginning, she’s been completely honest with me. No surprises, no trickle-truthing. She told me exactly what the scene involves, how it will be shot, and what the boundaries are. There will be intimacy coordinators, a closed set, choreography, camera angles, technical breaks all the professional safeguards that exist for a reason. She’s excited about the project, proud of the role, and I genuinely want to support her, just like I always have.

Logically, I understand all of this.

Emotionally… I’m struggling more than I expected.

I know she’s playing a character. I know films are illusions, carefully constructed moments stitched together in editing. I know the audience will see something that feels raw and intimate, but behind the scenes it’s technical, awkward, repetitive, and anything but romantic. My brain understands that this isn’t “sex” in the way we define it in a relationship.

But my emotions don’t fully listen to logic.

The shoot for this scene will last four to five days. And for some reason, that detail really messes with my head. It creates this strange feeling that, during those days, I’m somehow sharing my wife with another man. I know that’s not actually what’s happening, but emotionally it feels like there’s a temporary distance like something sacred between us is being opened up and shared, even if only in a simulated, professional way.

What surprises me most is that I don’t feel angry at her. I don’t feel betrayed. She hasn’t crossed any boundaries. She hasn’t done anything wrong. These feelings are mine rooted in insecurity, jealousy, and probably a fear of losing exclusivity, even if that fear isn’t rational.

I don’t want to burden her with this in a way that makes her feel guilty or unsupported. This role matters to her, and I don’t want my internal struggle to become an invisible weight she has to carry. At the same time, I can’t just switch these feelings off. Pretending I’m “above it” doesn’t work they just come back stronger when I ignore them.

I guess what I’m really trying to understand is this:

At what point does simulated intimacy stop feeling simulated to the partner watching from the outside?

How do people who’ve been in similar situations ground themselves emotionally, not just intellectually? How do you mentally separate physical acting from real intimacy when the physical contact is still happening in real life? And how do you sit with jealousy without letting it turn into resentment or control?

I love my wife deeply. Our marriage is strong. This isn’t a crisis but it is uncomfortable, unfamiliar territory. I want to show up as a supportive partner while also being honest with myself about what this brings up inside me.