u/Murky_Credit6162

Why is being turned down amazing you say! Here's why, in the past I'd always wonder, then I'd regret not asking. This time, I met someone I was interested in, took the plunge and they said no! Now I know,, I have no regrets, and I can hopefully find someone else. It was one of the most liberating moments of my life just asking. It was freaking exhilarating these are the moments life is made for. It didn't end the way I wanted it too but one day it will. And when it does I am going to post about that too. The only way to get a yes its to be able to humbly take a no! BTW she said we could be friends, and women are friends with other women which means maybe she has a friend that she thinks I will jive with one day.

Shot down! I did not realize there was a boyfriend. Here's the thing, no wasn't that bad. Now I know, I don't have to wonder. I feel like a total bad ass for once I just did what I wanted. It failed but now that I got my first no another no can't be that bad. Weeee l!

Once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person seems doomed... will find himself thinking and living in a completely new and different world". In many spiritual traditions they talk about the outside being a direct reflection of the inside.

BTW the greek word for psychic psychikos roughly translates to Soul or Mind.

In the Big Book they weren't saying the drinker stops drinking. Actually they meant something different. Through a Psychic change ( ego dissolution) the drinker simply ceases to exist.

As above so below (Hermeticism) if your mind fundamentally changes the old you is gone. In Christianity they talk about dying on your cross dying to the old self. In Buddhism they talk of Anatta the realization that the self was never a fixed thing to begin with. Not that there is no self, but that the self you were defending, protecting, and drinking for was always more fluid than you thought. If the self isn't solid, it can be shed. And something new can emerge in its place.

“Once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.” (Big Book, Page XXIX)

# Couldn't find a higher power I decided to pick all of them

"Once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person seems doomed... will find himself thinking and living in a completely new and different world". In many spiritual traditions they talk about the outside being a direct reflection of the inside.

BTW the greek word for psychic psychikos roughly translates to Soul or Mind.

In the Big Book they weren't saying the drinker stops drinking. Actually they meant something different. Through a Psychic change ( ego dissolution) the drinker simply ceases to exist.

As above so below (Hermeticism) if your mind fundamentally changes the old you is gone. In Christianity they talk about dying on your cross dying to the old self. In Buddhism they talk of Anatta the realization that the self was never a fixed thing to begin with. Not that there is no self, but that the self you were defending, protecting, and drinking for was always more fluid than you thought. If the self isn't solid, it can be shed. And something new can emerge in its place.

“Once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.” (Big Book, Page XXIX)

# Couldn't find a higher power I decided to pick all of them

6 years ago I had a massive spiritual awakening best thing that's ever happened to me. I went from thinking life is meaningless there is no nothing I am fucked when I die to having hope again. Here's the problem! I read, and read and read about spirituality it gets my blood pumping its a huge dopamine hit. For someone that had nothing six years ago and never read a word on spirituality its all became exciting. Where I really lack though is I just consume more and more material. Read about more and more system and beliefs. I am honestly becoming a walking encyclopedia of all things spiritual and esoteric, but I am really light on applying them to my life. One of my obsessions once I got into spirituality was finding ultimate Truth. No one tradition or practice called my name. So I just keep reading about all of them and never actually get into the work because I don't want to do something that doesn't work. Someone please help me to come back to reality and be more grounded. Did you have this problem?

I don't know if I'll ever be Buddhist, but honestly you guys do non-attachment the best! On Friday I worked for a fellow and in the middle of the day I accidentally broke the guys truck. He said the damage was okay. However, at the end of the day, he didn't pay me like he usually does instead he said he'd pay Monday. Monday rolled around and he said he couldn't, Tuesday he said he try nothing came of it, Wednesday comes today and it seems as though he's blowing me off. Leads me to believe it is about the truck even though he said its not about the truck.,

For peace of mind, I sent him a message basically saying, hey look I think me unintentionally breaking the truck might be an issue. I apologize for unintentionally damaging the truck, and as an act of good faith just don't mind the money you owe me. Its only around $100 but the way, it wasn't a large amount. But I knew to detach from the situation I needed to release the debt into the wild so I sent the message.

That gets rid of the uncertainty now because I am no longer owed anything. Also I think it was the wisest decision. I am still sitting with some anger though. If it was about the truck he should of said so upfront. If its not about the truck he's being a flake and I am out the money. I thought doing the right thing would make me feel better. But I also know that wanting to feel better is attachment too. I've kind of always lived this way if I could practice non attachment better this would be a non issue. Any advice? Is anger okay?

( This isn't a Christian Subreddit but I want eyes on this I already posted in more direct subs)

I am not here to interject my personal beliefs on this subreddit. I am going to give you a nice perspective to help you.

Growing up I spent 2 years in a church school non denominational Christian. I was young 8, 9 year old. I grew up with a mom that is somewhat Christian ( If your nice and good person you'll go to heaven) and a father that was very atheist. When first showed up they told me to ask questions, as many as I wanted. They said strengthen your faith through test so I kept asking and asking and asking. For a time I started believing but I kept firing questions. Finally they said look kid, we gave you all the answers the fact that don't get it or won't listen tells us this isn't the place for you. Your questions are making other kids doubt their faith. BTW on the way out the door they essentially told me you're likely going to hell like your father. My parents removed me but I internalized this I was young enough it was crystalized within me.

From there I became I hardcore atheist. I felt like if someone basically stole the one thing that I legitimately believed in but didn't understand I was going take the beliefs of others. I built a fortress of logic to basically dismantle Christians. Ironically, I had to read the bible to exhaustion to get to this point. I no longer do this its not fair to steal someone's core beliefs. I am a finite human to say I understand the infinite is actually not pragmatic. All I am saying is there might be a god, but not for me!

Fast forward in my thirst I got deeply addicted to alcohol and drugs. I lost my job, my wife of 18 years left me, my daughter no longer wanted to see me. Here's the thing I ended up homeless 6 years and had no center to myself everything was gone I couldn't believe anything. Now to my point, often and by often I mean weekly, my homeless friends and I would get every variety of " Christians". 99.999 percent were well intentioned, here's the thing, often times the lead in was horrible. Oh we see your broken, lets preach at you, feed you a little, and send you on your way. Bare in mind I was told I was broken as a kid and going to hell now someone's lead script is hey you're going to go to hell you're broken. There are a bunch of people in those situations from all religions, some have been traumatized by their " Christian church" including some pretty dark stuff catch my drift. And your lead in is hey were to save you broken person but if you don't accept you're going to hell.

I am going to give the most effective way to approach these people. Saying, were from xyz church, we have food want some. Totally cool. Offering them a Bible or material totally acceptable they can always say no. Telling them they're loved cool! Now my list of stuff that's not ok, making them listen to you to get access to your food not what what Jesus would do. Condemning their life in anyway or leading with the hell message is pretty awful. Remember some these people have actual religious trauma. Think of the opposite, someone that believed in Jesus, end up homeless by literal no fault of their own and their church abandon them. Happens to people. One last thing, there is a large group of people that are experiencing psychosis, don't tell them their possessed, don't push hell, don't feed in to their delusions. You might be feeding a thought process that could really hurt them read the room. Also asking if you can pray with them or for them awesome sauce. Saying you're going to pray for them or making them pray with you before they get thing not cool.

Anyway, you don't have to agree, I am not telling you what to believe. I am saying respect the autonomy of the people that you're trying to help.

I am not here to interject my personal beliefs on this subreddit. I am going to give you a nice perspective to help you.

Growing up I spent 2 years in a church school non denominational Christian. I was young 8, 9 year old. I grew up with a mom that is somewhat Christian ( If your nice and good person you'll go to heaven) and a father that was very atheist. When first showed up they told me to ask questions, as many as I wanted. They said strengthen your faith through test so I kept asking and asking and asking. For a time I started believing but I kept firing questions. Finally they said look kid, we gave you all the answers the fact that don't get it or won't listen tells us this isn't the place for you. Your questions are making other kids doubt their faith. BTW on the way out the door they essentially told me you're likely going to hell like your father. My parents removed me but I internalized this I was young enough it was crystalized within me.

From there I became I hardcore atheist. I felt like if someone basically stole the one thing that I legitimately believed in but didn't understand I was going take the beliefs of others. I built a fortress of logic to basically dismantle Christians. Ironically, I had to read the bible to exhaustion to get to this point. I no longer do this its not fair to steal someone's core beliefs. I am a finite human to say I understand the infinite is actually not pragmatic. All I am saying is there might be a god, but not for me!

Fast forward in my thirst I got deeply addicted to alcohol and drugs. I lost my job, my wife of 18 years left me, my daughter no longer wanted to see me. Here's the thing I ended up homeless 6 years and had no center to myself everything was gone I couldn't believe anything. Now to my point, often and by often I mean weekly, my homeless friends and I would get every variety of " Christians". 99.999 percent were well intentioned, here's the thing, often times the lead in was horrible. Oh we see your broken, lets preach at you, feed you a little, and send you on your way. Bare in mind I was told I was broken as a kid and going to hell now someone's lead script is hey you're going to go to hell you're broken. There are a bunch of people in those situations from all religions, some have been traumatized by their " Christian church" including some pretty dark stuff catch my drift. And your lead in is hey were to save you broken person but if you don't accept you're going to hell.

I am going to give the most effective way to approach these people. Saying, were from xyz church, we have food want some. Totally cool. Offering them a Bible or material totally acceptable they can always say no. Telling them they're loved cool! Now my list of stuff that's not ok, making them listen to you to get access to your food not what what Jesus would do. Condemning their life in anyway or leading with the hell message is pretty awful. Remember some these people have actual religious trauma. Think of the opposite, someone that believed in Jesus, end up homeless by literal no fault of their own and their church abandon them. Happens to people. One last thing, there is a large group of people that are experiencing psychosis, don't tell them their possessed, don't push hell, don't feed in to their delusions. You might be feeding a thought process that could really hurt them read the room. Also asking if you can pray with them or for them awesome sauce. Saying you're going to pray for them or making them pray with you before they get thing not cool.

Anyway, you don't have to agree, I am not telling you what to believe. I am saying respect the autonomy of the people that you're trying to help.

First of all, let me preface this by saying, I don't mind being a safe friend for a women. I've been single long enough I am comfortable being friend zoned and staying just a friend. I am not jealous if that's where I end up. I may want a relationship at first but once friend zoned I am okay being there. It's non transactional.

Here's the thing though, I get relegated to this spot a lot. What I know, I am tall 6ft 3 inches 260 lbs, socially awkward quiet, bald, and kind of imposing honestly probably solid 5. I am certainly not the ugliest guy, but far from the cutest and my personality is so flat that its gotta be a turnoff. I am intellectual and can't stop analyzing. I was married for 18 years to one women when I met her I was extremely fit and very attractive. When I was young never had to look for a women that were virtually throwing themselves at me. Conversely I never learned to flirt my looks got me in the door my personality grew on them. One other thing, I am so worried about being liked if I agree with you I'll double down on what you're saying, If I disagree I'll never say so I'll pivot to a different topic or become the great void.

Every single time I am friend zoned I'll even get the girls I was originally interested in saying something like wow I can't believe your single. I am doing something wrong and I know I am but its frustrating. Friends are amazing, but more would be nice. Do to this dynamic I've actually become the emotional support animal for guys and girls. Everyone wants me to give advice which they say I am good at, but I can't figure out what I am doing wrong. Now I have a wide group of friends which is awesome but I feel like I am stuck.

Right now I am working on losing weight. I am also working on setting boundaries so I don't take on too many friends that I have to be the emotional support person for. What else can I do to quit being sent to the benches and instead play the game?

Spiritually I've been all over the map and no system has held up to rigorous investigation in my mind. That doesn't mean there is no ultimate truth I just haven't found it. That said, for awhile now I've been kind of spiritually homeless. I've claimed LHP non dualism as my home base. Yeah I know its not really a thing, but I believe in personal sovereignty. I can't stand dogma, the love and light people can eat shit, I don't want to dissolve, I believe we are both the cause and effect and those eventually collapse. I don't want to meditate my days away, I am not an ascetic. Basically I feel like systems always fail and the inverse of your system can be true too. Even shadow integration sound amazing until I realized that creates another shadow so you can integrate off into infinity.

Anyway, someone said you sound like Chaos Magick is the place to be. So here I am but I am trying to get a rudimentary understand of the base logic here. My Title is my very tacit and could be completely wrong definition of my interpretation of Nothing is true, Everything is permitted. Anyway, looking for required reading here and a workable explanation of Chaos Magick.

I am in sober living and required to have a sponsor and work the program. 3 months ago I asked someone I knew was a push over. Primarily because I reject AA its not for me.

I told my sponsor look I am required to have you as a sponsor. I will message you daily but I am going to work the steps at my own pace. That was code for I am only participating to the point I have to!

Here's the thing yesterday my sponsor relapsed hard asked me to call him. It was obvious from the first second he was blasted. He kept saying the same thing " you and such and such were supposed to meet me every Saturday" then it occurred to me he was upset that I clearly didn't want to work steps and only engaged where I needed to.

Now I feel like I failed him. Now I need a new sponsor. The whole thing stresses me out and I feel bad for letting him down.

I don't think helping people can be part of your recovery. If they fall or your sponsor fall and there is no internal motivation the whole system fails. I feel bad for the guy because I was apparently also responsible for him I never really thought of it as a two way street , I can't be that for anyone.

Recovery without AA requires complete personal agency folks! Never forget that, I feel bad but I won't be blamed for someone else failure.