u/LawofKarma369

Hi everyone. I’m looking for advice from parents who may have gone through something similar.

I recently broke up with my ex fiance who was not my daughter’s biological father, but he became a father figure to her. She is 6 years old now and has known my ex since she was 3.

I had been a single parent since she was 6months old, because her father was abusive. I let him see her from time to time but decided it was best to remove him from our lives around the time my kid was 2 yrs old.

So after 3 yrs old until 6 she has only known my ex as her dad. We all lived together for almost a year in our own house in SE Asia, and they had a real bond. He was part of her daily life, her memories, and her sense of family..

Today she found a music box he gave her for her birthday when we were living in SE Asia. She told me, “mom, when I feel sad, just play the music box so I will remember the times when daddy and I played together.”

It broke my heart..

I’m trying to understand what is healthiest for her. Since coming back to my home country because of the breakup, she wasn't really looking for him. After a couple of months she would say "you should not fight with baba anymore" I ask her why she says that and she replies "because you dont call each other anymore" We don't talk anymore because Ive initiated no contact. And I just reassured her that we have some adult things we need to work on and that baba and I love her so much..

Part of me wonders if I should reach out to him for her sake, maybe to ask if he can show up in a clear and consistent way, like an occasional call or voice message. But another part of me worries that if he cannot be consistent, it may hurt or confuse her even more.

I don’t want to project my own grief or attachment onto her. I also don’t want to erase someone who genuinely mattered to her. I’m trying to find the balance between honoring her feelings and protecting her from more emotional confusion.

Me and my ex ended things amicable, it wasn't because of cheating/abuse, but irreconcilable differences... actually he was very emotional absent and would not respond to my needs and I would almost even beg for him to just give me the time of day when I really needed somebody.

Anyway, he and my daughter had a great bond.. so my plan is to reach out and ask him if he is willing to have a few final calls with my kid so she can have a gentler transition.. and I will just take care of setup/tech to keep our boundaries clean. I am doing this for my child only. I'm still grieving but more in acceptance now since I've been grieving for a long time while in the relationship..

What do you guys think? Should I reach out or should I just keep moving on?

Hi everyone. I’m looking for advice from parents who may have gone through something similar.

I recently broke up with my ex fiance who was not my daughter’s biological father, but he became a father figure to her. She is 6 years old now and has known my ex since she was 3. I had been a single parent since she was 6months old. We lived together for a season, and they had a real bond. He was part of her daily life, her memories, and her sense of family..

Today she found a music box he gave her for her birthday when we were living in SE Asia. She told me, “mom, when I feel sad, just play the music box so I will remember the times when daddy and I played together.”

It broke my heart.

I’m trying to understand what is healthiest for her. Since coming back to my home country because of the breakup, she wasn't really looking for him. After a couple of months she would say "you should not fight with baba anymore" I ask her why she says that and she replies "because you dont call each other anymore" We don't talk anymore because Ive initiated no contact. And I just reassured her that we have some adult things we need to work on and that baba and I love her so much..

Part of me wonders if I should reach out to him for her sake, maybe to ask if he can show up in a clear and consistent way, like an occasional call or voice message. But another part of me worries that if he cannot be consistent, it may hurt or confuse her even more.

I don’t want to project my own grief or attachment onto her. I also don’t want to erase someone who genuinely mattered to her. I’m trying to find the balance between honoring her feelings and protecting her from more emotional confusion.

For those who have been through this:

How did you help your child grieve a father figure after a breakup?

Did you allow continued contact?

Was it better to keep the door closed completely?

What words helped your child understand the loss without making them feel abandoned?

Any advice would be deeply appreciated. I just want to handle this as gently and wisely as possible for my daughter.

Hi everyone. I’m looking for advice from parents who may have gone through something similar.

I recently broke up with my ex fiance who was not my daughter’s biological father, but he became a father figure to her. She is 6 years old now and has known my ex since she was 3. I had been a single parent since she was 6months old. We lived together for a season, and they had a real bond. He was part of her daily life, her memories, and her sense of family..

Today she found a music box he gave her for her birthday when we were living in SE Asia. She told me, “mom, when I feel sad, just play the music box so I will remember the times when daddy and I played together.”

It broke my heart.

I’m trying to understand what is healthiest for her. Since coming back to my home country because of the breakup, she wasn't really looking for him. After a couple of months she would say "you should not fight with baba anymore" I ask her why she says that and she replies "because you dont call each other anymore" We don't talk anymore because Ive initiated no contact. And I just reassured her that we have some adult things we need to work on and that baba and I love her so much..

Part of me wonders if I should reach out to him for her sake, maybe to ask if he can show up in a clear and consistent way, like an occasional call or voice message. But another part of me worries that if he cannot be consistent, it may hurt or confuse her even more.

I don’t want to project my own grief or attachment onto her. I also don’t want to erase someone who genuinely mattered to her. I’m trying to find the balance between honoring her feelings and protecting her from more emotional confusion.

For those who have been through this:

How did you help your child grieve a father figure after a breakup?

Did you allow continued contact?

Was it better to keep the door closed completely?

What words helped your child understand the loss without making them feel abandoned?

Any advice would be deeply appreciated. I just want to handle this as gently and wisely as possible for my daughter.

I’ve been moving on and feeling happier now. But a part in me is still super loyal that moving on feels like I’m betraying them. Or more like guilt and I can almost hear my heart saying sorry..

For context, we were 3yrs together, engaged, but broke up because of incompatibility. He was emotionally absent and didn’t respond to my needs even when it was bare minimum. And he viewed my pain as emotional chaos and me drifting away was immature. There was no cheating. Just a slow death and finally we ended things.

PROBLEM: Parang ineexpect nila na ako lagi sasagot sa anak nila

May anak akong 6 years old, tawagin nating Claire. Madalas niya kalaro sina Lisa (8) at Kate (10) dito sa subdivision namin.

Isa kami sa may kaya sa neighborhood at kilala yung business ng parents ko sa area namin. Ako ay tumutulong sa parents, WFH yung office work ko sa kanila dahil single mom din ako. Part time lang naman pati pay.

Anyway ito ang ganap. Nagmessage ako sa mama ni Lisa
“Ate, gusto kasi ni Claire magswimming sa pool. Naisip ko dito sa V Resort. Pwede ba kayo ni Lisa sa Monday mga 10am–1pm? Baon na lang tayo lunchbox.”

Umoo naman siya. Since parent yung kausap ko, inassume ko na KKB kami. Walking distance lang yung resort at around ₱100 per bata.

Then si Kate nagsabi gusto rin sumama at tinanong ako kung ililibre ko raw ba silang mga bata. Sabi ko si Claire lang babayaran ko at magpaalam siya sa parents niya.

After nun, nagmessage si Lisa
“Tita di na po ako sasama, di nyo daw po babayaran entrance ko huhu.”

Nawindang lang ako kasi parang ineexpect nila na ako sasagot sa entrance.

More background with onting rant:
Halos araw-araw nandito si Lisa sa bahay namin. Kami nagbabantay, nagpapakain, minsan dito pa naliligo. Okay lang naman sakin dahil masaya ako na may kalaro anak ko.

Pero siyempre may extra gastos, extra kalat, extra mental load, at extra parenting habang nagtatrabaho rin ako bilang single mom. Sinabihan ko si Lisa one time na sa kanila muna sila maglaro, sabj bawal daw. Tinanong ko anu ginagawa ng mama nya sa kanila nagcecellphone lang daw.

Minsan nililibre ko rin si Lisa ng snacks, playground, o dinner kapag sumasama sya sa amin. Pero hindi ko naman inexpect na automatic ako sasagot kapag nagyaya lang ako magswimming.

Valid ba na inassume kong KKB yun since parent-to-parent invitation naman? Or kapag ikaw nagyaya sa gala ng mga bata, automatic ba dapat ikaw magbabayad? Iniisip ko kasi parang pag niyaya ko friend ko mag milk tea o kaya kain sa labas KKB kami e

Body doubling is a productivity strategy where a person performs tasks in the presence of another, designed to improve focus, motivation, and accountability.

Hey guys!! Im a woman 34F single mom looking to finish my self-paced courses and study consistently and start my business!

I’m looking to find a body double. Huge bonus if you are someone I can also bounce ideas with, or someone who also wants to achieve a goal!!

Im a creative and into spirituality, self development and psychology. I also have a background in graphic design, video editing, website design, and content creation if this helps in anyway.

We can do our sessions via google meet! DM me!