r/SingleParents

I’ve been a single mom to my son since he was 6 months old. He’s almost 18 months old now. The thought about dating again seems nice but also petrifying. So many men (and women) are vile. Someone can seem so sweet, and things can go sour at any given moment. Im at the point if im dating, im thinking long term. Is this person safe for me to leave my son with? Can they handle a kid screaming and crying for hours with no given explanation? Are they stable? Will they treat my son the way he deserves to be treated?

My son’s father met someone and moved on same month - engaged moved in with and married some girl all within 6 months of us splitting. I cannot fathom, but not the point.

My son’s safety will always be #1. I’ve come to peace with if I never end up with someone again if it meant he will be okay. But he deserves a family just as much as I do. I’d love to have another kid one day. However the thought of going through this again is terrifying.

I know “everyone isn’t a villain” but you TRULY never know someone or their intentions.

I guess I’m just looking for insights and experiences from other single parents.

I was sitting here reflecting on this amazing connection I share with someone. We met in such a beautiful way, we live on the same street, both divorced and we have children the exact same ages. We make each other laugh, we can be so at peace with one another, he truly felt like the best person I ever met. Our kids get along great and all of us hanging out felt like bliss. But, after 5 months or so he started to pull away a bit after we went on a trip with my kids to visit my parents out of state.

He was an amazing boyfriend on the trip, as he had been the entire 5 months. Thoughtful, considerate, complimentary, encouraging, everything I had wanted in a partner. When we got back from the trip, he began to pull away for about a week. It was a shock to my system since our love had seemed to deepen so much on the trip and he understood me in a new way. He also said he enjoyed the trip, seemed to be having a good time talking to all my family members, showing up for me, etc. This activated my nervous system, made me want to chase him, find out what was going on, he pulled away more.

One thing he said stood out though - he said he felt guilty for being there without his kids. I thought this made sense sort of, but in my mind he wouldn’t have been with them anyways since they would be with their mom. Did he feel guilt for leaving his perceived family unit?

Well, fast forward to the past 3 months of circular arguments and our most recent separation. He feels like I’m bringing a heavy energy, emotionally weighing him down by needing reassurance all the time or just wanting more closeness. I feel emotionally starved, but he tells me he can’t spend as much time or energy on our relationship because of his kids, yet he sees his ex wife nearly every day. I feel underlying resentment because of his poor boundaries with his ex. I want some sign that he sees a future with us and he says that all the arguing has given him pause. In the past he talked about us getting a car big enough for all our kids, we spent as much time together as we could.

His ex wife is an alcoholic who is now in recovery. They lived for a couple of years as roommates and slept in separate bedrooms - one for the boys and one for the girls.

He previously filed in 2023, then they decided to try and work on things, put a lot of money into renovating their home, she met a guy during rehab and filed for divorce after the renovation was done.

They see each other daily to exchange the kids. She watches them after school. But, even on her nights with them - he’s often bringing stuffed animals, clothes, etc back and forth between houses for the kids. They did Christmas morning together although it was brief. Tonight I drove by on the way to my house and her car was there and she was inside. They carpool and tag team activities together Monday nights. She watches the kids in the summer. He buys the kids whatever they need and all her membership passes. There’s a lot of fluidity in the arrangement.

This could feel healthy but they frequently talk on the phone, once he walked away from me in target to take a call from her, for example. Idk it’s a lot of togetherness for people who say they want to be divorced. He also has shared personal details about my life with her, like intimate things about my custody drama, and he told her it was my daughter’s birthday so they could make her cards. Idk… I mean if I feel this insecure about it, it’s not working for me. My ex and I parallel parent so there’s very little interaction.

But, curious what other people think?