u/Individual-Business9

Saying this as a married woman, the amount of times single women have tried to fill my ears and make me paranoid of my husband is actually crazy, regardless of my husband being the perfect man any woman could ever find.

And I feel like that's the problem, he's actually a good, loving and caring husband, yet most single women would pick on little issues and make a big deal about it, making me slowly ungrateful.

I hate the "as he should" culture, no one in this world is obligated to fulfill all your whims and desires beyond the bare minimum, be it a man or a woman, if they're going out of their way (which my husband is) you should be grateful.

The sheer amount of times I've seen a married woman destroy her marriage because of what her single friends said, and lost a 10/10 man is actually crazy.

Sometimes these women are doing it unknowingly, sometimes they're just jealous, but overall, a person who has never tasted the sweetness of marriage will always see small issues like it's the end of the world.

Maritial* woman* my bad gngy stop trolling me in the comments 🥀

Why can't there be 2 necessary beings for example?

Or why can't the necessary being enter the creation?

I know we all have been ingrained with this thought that family approval means everything, to a point most of us lost our self esteem to ungrateful families. The truth is, if your family is ungrateful over one thing, they will always be ungrateful over everything.

Especially when it comes to choosing spouses, please choose who you love or are comfortable with. Don't choose your spouse to please your family. Your family won't be there after a while, it will be you, your spouse and kids.

If you stay in a dysfunctional marriage just to please your parents you will end up psychologically ruining yourself completely, sometimes to an extreme point after which you might start abusing your children mentally if not physically.

This is the reality of multiple mothers who stayed in dysfunctional marriages, eventually they started taking it out on their kids.

Most importantly, you wouldn't be able to tolerate it if your husband put his family's whims and desires over everything either, so you shouldn't do it too!!

Wake up ladies!!! Take your autonomy back!! Choosing your partner is a freedom that no one should be able to take away not even your family!!

Ps: There is nothing wrong with consulting your parents or taking their advice, however don't get forced into marriages just to please them 🫶🏼

Guys I also wanted to add that, no human is perfect and no decision is perfect, you could make an extremely calculative decision and it might not still work, so if the marriage you chose didn't work, it's not a failure, so don't beat yourself to it, and don't let people say "told you so". That's just life, you can never predict the future, but you can do your best to have a good present and potential future.

Especially on birthdays, now I'm getting accused of being distant and nonchalant 🥲🥀

Edit: guys I don't wish because it's haram, everything except eid is haram.

I remember my mum telling me that her friend would be treated like a slave maid by her mother, not given proper food to eat or place to sleep, but her brothers got everything, at the same time, she would use that as an excuse to abuse me "my friend went through this I've given you good food and a bed" after doing the most misogynistic thing known to mankind. This thing is pretty common among the girls I know, with their mothers.

Because y'all kept asking under every comment and post, there you go.

I'm a 21 year old woman who reverted to islam about 2.5 years ago. I used to be a cultural atheist and an Islamophobe, because that's how I was raised.

My mother would make really atrocious claims about islam and muslims, to a point if I ever accidentally saw arabic on the screen I would get really scared. I don't want to upset people so I won't mention the claims she used to make.

Then, Covid came, everything went on lockdown, life became online. I started being really active on discord around that time. I made online friends, mostly muslims, and the claims weren't adding up.

Muslims were very sweet, and just like any other normal human being. My mother kept me away from muslims irl systematically, before I moved to the south I never met a muslim irl. Most of my muslim friends were online. I learnt a lot of islam related stuff from them.

By that point, I was lukewarm, still kinda Islamophobic, I would only be nice to my muslim friends and be Islamophobic to others. But I became a bit more tamed as I learnt more about islam, it was just like any other religion for me at that point and I didn't have a lot of hatred towards it anymore.

By this point, I knew what salah was, what was wudu, how to fast, when to fast etc, and some philosophical stuff about islam, but I was still an atheist.

Then I came to the south, my entire family shifted here, and I started college. On my first day, I met this girl in abaya and hijab, basically we were having an inauguration and had a sports period in it just for fun, and we were playing some sport games and she was standing just behind me in a line, her abaya zip broke because of the game we were playing. Until this point I didn't even talk to her I was just standing in front of her, she suddenly grabbed me and pulled me away and basically used me as a curtain while she fixed her zip (😭). We became friends after, we're friends till this day.

That was my first impression of muslims irl and it wasn't disappointing, I was somewhat flattered because she thought I was trustworthy.

My major is BSc genetics, basically all that in depth science stuff. So I started having doubts in the current philosophy I was following (atheism), because everything that I learnt, felt too good to be just a coincidence.

There was this particular guy I met, he was a senior, he was so well spoken, just like a gentleman, but he wasn't doing so well. At that point I wasn't doing so well either. I was pretty depressed, because of the sudden shift in dynamic and everything else, transitioning and some family issues. We both mainly bonded over PTSD from family abuse, like we just understood each other.

We both helped each other come out of our depressive phase over the months, and we became best friends. My best friend would sometimes be shocked, how I knew so much about islam as a Hindu, because sometimes id correct him some stuff, and always push him to pray on time, he always prayed x5 a day.

Between this I heard the news of what was happening in gaza. At first I didn't pay much mind because all these always happen right? But then the videos started popping up, it truly broke me, but I also realised something, these people who were being brutally murdered, their families being tortured etc. They weren't so depressed, they had hope, and none of them ever committed suicide.

That made me think a lot, I had a depressive phase, but I had everything in life. They had nothing so how come they were so hopeful? That was basically the first time my heart was drawn towards islam.

My best friend, went home the next month, he was gone for a month, during this time I was getting drawn more and more towards islam, I decided to read the Qur'an in english, it just made sense. I was kind of convinced I wanted to follow this religion and I was already agnostic before that, and eventually started believing in God before I read the Qur'an.

It was just so beautiful, a month later when my best friend came back, I told him that I really wanted to be muslim maybe some day. When he came back he changed a lot as well, he wanted to mend his ways and return to Allah and get closer to him. So he stopped talking to me much, and distanced himself, we'd only speak occasionally after that point.

One time I mentioned again, how I wish to be muslim hopefully one day when I'm independent and out of my house, he said something that was truly motivating to me, "if you have made a good intention you act on it, because you don't know if you're gonna be there on the day you're planning to do this". That motivated me a lot, and he helped me take my shahada that day. I felt marvelous, I could literally fly away, it felt like a heavy weight was lifted off me. I felt so overwhelmingly happy.

Sadly after that, he completely cut me off, he blocked me everywhere, but he didn't block my number, and if Id call him to speak casually hed hang up.

I had a muslim female friend, not the one I met on the first day, for some reason now that I think of it, I don't know what I reached out to her instead, but I reached out to the other muslim girl I knew, and said that I had become muslim and if she'd help me, she looked shocked and didn't believe me, and said she couldn't help me. I guess that's why I didn't approach the other girl.

Because of this, I felt pretty helpless and wanted to apostate, mainly because the condition at my home was getting worse, and I thought that I will be practicing later, right now I can't afford to make my mother angry.

I told my best friend that, and he got upset, he said that I was a hypocrite, I didn't understand at that time that he basically meant munafiq that I didn't accept islam with sincerity. But that wasn't true. He completely blocked me and cut me out.

On the same day my parents, got so upset, for some different reason, I don't remember, my phone got taken away at my ripe age of 18, and I was basically grounded, and no one including my parents was talking to me.

I was overwhelmingly sad, that night I felt like my heart would explode, I just didn't know what to do, I wasn't sure if I was muslim either, I did believe in God with conviction, so I was basically thinking what am I supposed to do now, but I didn't have the thought of going and worshipping idols, because that's idiotic, it was to me at that time.

So I got on my knees with eyes full of tears and went into prostration repeating the name of Allah over and over again, I didn't know anything else.

Then I used my laptop to Google the shahada and started saying it again and again, and then I begged Allah to not abandon me, to take me back, I cried a lot that day, but mostly to Allah.

Since that day, I used youtube videos and copied the movements and saying and started praying, I'd pray 5 times a day, just like that, in the bathroom, because I was scared as hell.

Eventually everything got so much better, my duas would get accepted instantly, everything started getting better.

My ex bestfriend noticed the change in me. He thought I had left islam, but I guess he could see the noor, and I started covering overly, even though I didn't wear the hijab yet, i covered my entire neck and chest with my dupatta and only wore salwar, back then I'd wear short skirts and crop tops, so that was definitely a big change, and everyone noticed.

He eventually spoke to me occasionally, asked if I needed help or anything, I said I didn't. I had sources online mainly on discord I met many people, I knew students of knowledge, I watched lectures of yt, etc.

Whenever we'd talk, he would be shocked, because of everything I learnt (not self praising btw I think most people were exaggerating). Eventually a few months later, he proposed to me.

We're happily married since 2 years now. I wear niqab and abaya when I go out now, and am a student of knowledge myself الحمد لله.

I am a revert woman who observes the the complete islamic hijab (abaya + niqab) whenever in public, except when I'm out with my parents. Now sometimes I have to be in places where my parent's colleagues or other people are, a lot of times they approach me or just judge me from far away (look up and down). Now I don't care what they think about me but sometimes, I think about what they might gossip and backbite about my parents elsewhere. I get bullied in college anyway, but I feel bad that my parents might get bullied in their workplace, even then I would never sacrifice my hijab. Any advice on how to deal with this?

Save yourself

I feel so demotivated to do anything, even though I actually have a pile of things to do, I am free all day, and don't do any productive work, not even college work. I want to start preparing to take this big exam but, again I'm so scared that midway I will lose motivation and waste a year. I have had so many ideas about doing something with my life, but haven't been able to. Motivation might not even be the factor. I might have trauma induced ADHD and OCD but unfortunately I can't get diagnosed due to a close minded family. If someone could actually mentor me on how to take my life back on track I would be very helpful. Helpful tips and tricks don't work for me because I eventually forget about them and go back to old habits. The longest I've been able to stay on track is 2 weeks. When I try I can do it but it doesn't work long term for me.

I feel so demotivated to do anything, even though I actually have a pile of things to do, I am free all day, and don't do any productive work, not even college work. I want to start preparing to take this big exam but, again I'm so scared that midway I will lose motivation and waste a year. I have had so many ideas about doing something with my life, but haven't been able to. Motivation might not even be the factor. I might have trauma induced ADHD and OCD but unfortunately I can't get diagnosed due to a close minded family. If someone could actually mentor me on how to take my life back on track I would be very helpful. Helpful tips and tricks don't work for me because I eventually forget about them and go back to old habits. The longest I've been able to stay on track is 2 weeks. When I try I can do it but it doesn't work long term for me.

Eugenics is the idea that society should control who is allowed to reproduce in order to “improve” the population.
Historically, that meant:

• Forcing sterilisations
• Preventing certain groups (poor, disabled, certain races) from having children
• Deciding some lives are “more worthy” than others

About the posts you saw about people begging to be able to feed their kids, you have no idea about their living situation. Maybe they had money but went bankrupt or went through a traumatic accident? Just look at the people in Gaza.

You're treating poverty as a personal failure rather than a system issue; the government is responsible for making sure everyone at least has food. If there are kids who are starving due to poverty, it's not the fault of their parents; it's the fault of the government. Your judgment and anger are directed in the wrong direction.

Governance is a social contract—people give authority to a government in exchange for protection and basic living conditions. If some people are struggling, it's the moral duty of the government to provide them with the basics of a decent life, either a ration or a minimum wage job. That is why we vote out those who fail their moral obligation.

There are free schools
There are free hospitals
There are unemployment supports
In some places, there are free housing supports too.

There is nothing as "not being able to afford a kid"; there is only a failed government. Being hostile towards poor people with kids or someone wanting to experience the happiness and joy of having a kid makes you no different from white supremacists.

The most valuable asset you own isn't money. It's the ability to think clearly in a world designed to confuse you.

A lot of women make this claim that the abusive man she dated had faked his personality when asked to find better men. Like, how is that even possible? Men don't have the patience to flush the toilet properly, so how do they suddenly gather the patience to uphold a fake personality for months or years? If it is solely online, then it is understandable, but the signs were always there; those women just ignored them

The reason this post has such a country general tone is that I posted these on other international subs

I really need closure on this topic, and I genuinely sat and typed this for 2 hours straight, so sorry for the long read, but I will really appreciate it if you could read and give your input thanks!

!!TW!!: Rape

When I(21F) was about 14 years old, I had a crush on this guy at school who was about 18 years old. Now it's not considered a big age gap in our country, and most people couldn't give a damn about it. Now, most 14-year-olds are pretty sly in this generation, but I wasn't, or at least I think I wasn't. Most of us grew up in an extremely strict and conservative household in an extremely liberal environment. So it just makes you a confused kid in the first place because everything forbidden to you is supposedly "cool". That you can't even tell anymore which ones are NOT supposed to be "cool".

Those are some contexts I wanted to get out there. Now, about school, whenever this guy would acknowledge me, I would get really excited, always tryna "accidentally" get into situations where the guy would be present, basic teenager stuff. But this guy, whenever we would talk, he would say, "Sophie (not my real name, using this name for story sake), why don't you invite me over to your house? We'd have so much fun"

Yes. I know. I know what you're thinking. But I swear to God, I used to think he meant like a tea party, or movies with snacks, kind of fun. Like, genuinely, it never struck me, and as I mentioned, conservative upbringing in a liberal environment, I actually started considering it, thinking "I'd be so cool", "maybe he'll think I'm really cool and not just a boring girl with strict parents."

I wasn't allowed to go anywhere at that age without parental supervision, not even to cafes or restaurants near my school. Well, I wasn't even given that much money to afford to buy something in there either. But I made sneaky plans of how I might be able to go to a cafe for about 10 minutes, before our pool van decided to leave and whatnot. Then I would bring those ideas to him, and he'd say, "No, I don't like cafes or restaurants, I'm not comfortable". "I have a room near my house where all the cool people spend time. Why don't you visit? It'd be fun." Some girls in my school were allowed to hang out like high school kids (I wasn't even allowed to hang out in high school, but that's beyond the point). So I started to think of myself as a boring douche who could never hang out with her crush like other girls.

By the way, sex never once crossed my mind; you probably don't even believe me, but it's true. The entire time I was thinking, how can I be cool, and show that I'm also a cool girl to my crush?

I also didn't have a smartphone until I was like 17, I had a Nokia. Sometimes when I'd get bored, I'd connect a wired keyboard and mouse to my Android TV and use a browser on it, but in the absence of my parents, obviously. We had a computer, but it was password-protected, and the TV was also password-protected. I was really smart as hell and would figure out a way to go around it. But at the same time, I was dumb as hell because I couldn't see the signs.

Both my parents are working; my mum would leave by 9 am and come back at 6 pm, and my dad would leave by 1 pm and come back at 8 pm. So I was alone for about 5 hours on my off-school days.

One day, I was alone because my parents had made me skip school to study for the upcoming exams. School ends at 3:30 pm, so around that time I texted my crush (using my TV, obviously) on Instagram. My parents didn't even know I had Instagram. I was forbidden from using social media at that age.

By the way, I am giving all this information so that you all can understand what kind of person I really was and make an accurate judgment. My parents basically did everything to keep me out of such situations, but I got around it and dumped myself right into it.

I had a very bold idea, but I don't even know how I went on with it, given that I was absolutely terrified of my parents. I texted him, knowing he was out of school.

>Me: Hey, you wanna come over?
Him: To your house?
Me: Yeah.
Him: Are you serious?
Me: Yeah.
Him: Okay, send me the address.
Me: *Sends address*
Him: Okay, I will be there in 15 mins. Give me your number too.
Me: *Gives number.*

After 15 mins, he pulls up and calls me on my nokia, so I go out of my apartment building to escort him into my apartment. My parents wouldn't let me have my own room. There were 2 rooms in the house, and my grandma passed away in the other room recently, so my superstitious mum wouldn't let me move into it, and it didn't have a bed for the time being, as it was being renovated. So we sit on the queen-size bed in our shared room.

The first few minutes go by, nothing too unusual, we play with our cat, talk about life, and he gives me some advice here and there about school. Then I suggest we watch a movie, and he says no, and starts pulling in closer to me. I genuinely thought he just wanted to sit closer to me, so I didn't do anything, yeah, I'm a complete dumbass. Then he suddenly kissed my lips, without any warning, and anyone could see the discomfort on my face, but I didn't push away. He was really aggressive, too and was hurting me.

Then you can guess what happened after, everything was really aggressive, he took his shirt off, then mine. I didn't get a single moment to think in between everything. I was really uncomfortable, but a part of my brain was like "suck it up, he's not actually gonna hurt you." But he was. I didn't know what a condom was or how it worked, but I just knew you used it during sex for protection. So I timidly asked him if he at least had a condom, that's the only thing I was able to say the entire time. He said he didn't need it. The entire time, I was having severe chest burns, and I was so anxious I felt like my heart would literally fall out of its place. The entire thing was giving me a headache. I was so distressed with my own chemical reactions that I didn't actually feel the intercourse, and I didn't remember any of its feelings right after or even days after.

I didn't remember feeling any of the pains except on my lips; he was aggressively biting on them the entire time to the point it started bleeding. I was whimpering the entire time, but he didn't stop.

After that, it's a blackout for me. I wasn't unconscious, but I genuinely don't remember anything right after that. Then I remember sending him off through my door, I didn't go out.

I called my then best, about 30 mins later, who was a bigger dumbass than me, half excited, like I was meant to be excited about what happened. I told her I had sex with A(lets name him that), and she seemed shocked at first, then excited and proud, and she was like "telling me everything", basically narrating it like a smut.

Okay, now, I had hickeys all over in all the wrong places, which I didn't even realize he was doing that, that and my swollen lips gave it away when my mum came back, the nosy aunty who always peeps out of the second floor window told her about me bringing in a boy. I told her no, we just watched a movie, and nothing happened. Obviously, she isn't dumb, but she didn't pressure me either. Later at night, she brought me in private for a talk and basically called out all my BS. I started crying and said, " Mom, I didn't mean for that to happen." She straight-up shamed me and even used the recent passing of my grandma as a cherry on top of it.

I can write this today with such details, but I couldn't explain myself with such details back then. My mum asked me to give her his number, and I did.

She called him and threatened him, saying he would sue him for rape. I didn't believe I was raped at that time. I still liked him and didn't want his life to be ruined. So I cried and begged my mum not to do it. To be fair, I know my mum better now, she wouldn't have done it either shed rather d1e than go to court. But yeah, I then tried texting him on Instagram on my computer later the next day, just to find that he blocked me. That was the nail in the coffin for me. I was so heartbroken.

For the past year, I went through severe psychological abuse from my mum. I wasn't allowed to go to school anymore, only for exams. I wasn't allowed to have anything private, not even a journal. CCTVS in every corner of the house. She is like that even to this day, even to this day she calls me a slut daily whenever I mess up on something, even to this day, I am not allowed to have any privacy. My mother goes through all my belongings sneakily all the time, even though I'm 21 now. Even though I never tried to hide anything from her, she knows my phone pass too, but I never get a break.

From then on, there were several instances of SA that I went through, like a really old guy touching my breasts and hugging me sexually, in a resort trip I went with my family, because I went out of the room for a while at night while all my family were in. I deemed it my fault for being stupid. I was terrified my parents would find out, and I would be in trouble, and more instances each time I was terrified of getting caught, even though I didn't do anything.

I realised A's malicious intent 2-3 years after the incident; he had me blocked throughout, and since he graduated a few days later, I never saw him ever again. I was talking to this guy on Instagram (by this time I had been given my own smartphone because I did well in my GCSEs) and we both fancied each other. Then, I once mentioned A's name for whatever reason, I think, I don't remember well, but I realised he was friends with him. Best friends even, but this guy was older, even than him, and he didn't go to our school, so I didn't know. But I basically begged him to never mention my name to him. But this guy went and had a nice meetup boy-date with him just to talk about me. I was actually so hurt and furious, but that wasn't the worst part.

I started receiving messages from A. He had unblocked me, and he sent really weird and nasty messages. He was showing extreme possessiveness on top, like "what makes you think I would want to share you?" "I would love to enjoy you like I did last time again" and he was basically also explaining himself, saying I blocked you because I didn't want my life ruined, and trying to emotionally coerce me. I felt so disgusted, I wanted to throw up, I blocked both of them.

Ive been thinking about this entire situation for a long time and thinking if I should suck it up for being dumb and making a mistake or was I actually raped? If what happened were considered rape?

It is so hard to explain to other people. When I told my fiancé about it because I wanted absolute transparency, he seemed very disappointed and essentially had this impression that "fine, she made a mistake" because he was having a hard time believing that I invited a guy over all alone and didn't see that coming, but then as we got to know each other my fiancé told me that he believes that I was raped, because of how clueless and naive I truly am, he said that I believe anyone who has a smile on their face and go out of my way to help literally anyone even if I might just be at a risk to be scammed or get hurt. Even though he tells me that I need to stop being like that because it can get me in trouble, he also believes that I was truly clueless and didn't see that coming.

But it feels odd to suddenly say "hey, I was raped when I was 14", so I need some input, do you think I really am entitled to say that? Because at the end of the day I didn't say a clear "no" either.

Edit: My statement "do you at least have a condom" might come off as consent, hence my confusion.

Edit 2: Guys I know it's Statutory rape but I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about if let's say age of consent were to be 14 then was I stil raped?

Edit 3: I never flirted with him or sent him sexual messages ever, I never even told him that I had a crush on him. I treated him like a friend and really thought we were good friends.

Edit 4: I think it's worth mentioning that after a while later I got to know, almost every girl in and outside our school I befriended had sex with him or at least knew him close enough. So this guy wasn't a clueless horny teenager who thought he was finally getting laid.