u/Holiday-Election9678

It’s weird I like people i just fucking hate our society and therefore the people it creates i’m also a teenager and realized yeah i fucking hate anyone remotely near the same age as me i don’t like drama or gossip i don really enage with pop culture or main stream internet culture ethier i don’t have tiktok i delete it last year im trying to stop using youtube and reddit but been failing at it and with all the i hate society shit i feel like i’m digging my own hole cause i like to be somewhat engaged with the main stream so i’m not a complete loser but still

First off i’m an american and last year i decided to go completely hikiomori For a couple of reasons the first big one was super intense gender dysphoria which i still have the second one was trying to actually experience quarantine sense when the pandemic started i only barely quarantine from march till august of 2020 and by the time 2021 rolled around like i wanna say april of 2021 quarantine I was basically done with quarantine and august of 2021 i went back to school (like no more mask no more online my school did hybrid just normal school again) but i still had a lot of nostalgia for that time like the tiktok trends and all of that and i remember hearing a lot of story on how much freedom everyone had during that time cause they had a ton of time on their hand so yeah i wanted to experience that so i decided to completely isolate myself and i remember hating my isolation (again all of this was last year) but i want to go back to it cause it did give me freedom now i’ve slowly try to make my way back into society but i hate it i hate both opinions but i rather be in my room for hours until i literally go insane then be in society sorry i know my writing a mess i was in town today and i’m experiencing heavy disassociation like i just got slap in the face on how much i would disassociate and i feel like i’m being controled i rather be a hikimori

What I just asked above be honest with me my gender dysphoria is eating through my organs making it way too my flesh so what do i do

What i just ask above i’m 15M and this shit happens to me all the time apparently this is a common experience with people who have did/osdd but i don’t think i have that cause i don’t have any alters that i’m aware of but then again ok so like certain memories and things like that one day they can be very vidi and i can remember every last detail but the next i question if it even happen etc and people always tell me yeah you act completely different then you did like an hour ago and i have no idea what i did any hour ago