u/Dependent_Roll_9791

i have been OBSESSED ever since i started listening - need more music like this!!!!

i’m bi and i’ve only ever rlly had experiences with men, i mean i’ve kissed a few girls butttt that’s about it. how can i find out what other girls my age r also into girls, and.. what do i do after that!?! boys are so easy but i genuinely feel like i would have so much more fun being with a girl. (im 17 so dating apps aren’t an option for me atm)

came home from my first ever su1c1d3 attempt today and once i started to open up to my parents, my dad started to grab and hit me, before pinning me down and punching me over and over across the face. i fought back which made it worse - he pinned me and chocked me against the wall and chased me around the house and my garden. my mum took me to hospital but they js sent me home and i have a fucking exam tomorrow. i wish i had js gone through with it - i would’ve if my parents came home just literally like 10 minutes later and then i wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore.

lost my bf and it’s all my fault

yesterday my bf broke up with me because of the things i said to him while i was splitting (i have bpd). i’m not going to relay what i said because it honestly makes me sick to think about it and i don’t want people to just degrade me in the comments, there’s nothing anyone can say that i haven’t said to myself already. of course i understand that my bpd doesn’t justify my actions, i still hurt him really deeply and said some really fucked up shit and there’s no excuse for that whatsoever. i just feel like a really horrible person. my whole life i have just taken these really sweet and loving guys and totally torn them to shreds, like literally destroying all their good qualities making them just as much of a vile and disgusting person that i am. my first ex ended up becoming a serial cheater, the second ended up hitting me, and now the boy i love the most has left me - and he’s the sweetest person i know. i can’t believe how i was able to hurt someone so pure that i love so much. i feel fucking awful.

i’ve been trying to access mental health services for a while now, hopefully to get medicated or try therapy or whatever but i’ve been to therapy before and it never seems to help. i feel hopeless, like my existence on this planet will only ever cause pain to the people i love. i sabotage every good thing in my life and i just want it to be over. i want to be normal. one of the worst parts is that two of our (mainly his) friends were in the house when i was losing it - and after apologising to them the response just made it so much worse. while one of them was decently supportive, saying that while i said some fucked up things that i can’t take back - he knows im not evil and thinks i should get help. the other really ripped into me, which is a fair reaction - my actions were totally wrong and cannot under any circumstances be justified, but it just made me feel so much worse. he even told me not to play the “mental health card” which cut so deep because i did just end up thinking that maybe i am just a stone cold, nasty individual and my mental health has nothing to do with it. i just feel so sad and alone.

i honestly am contemplating ending it over this. i feel like a truly horrible person with absolutely no chance at redemption. it’s like no matter how well somebody treats me - i will always just ruin them. i’m so sick of hurting people i just want to ensure that it never happens again, because i seriously feel like i cannot fix this thing that is wrong with me. i’ve tried so so hard and i always just end up going back to being so mean. i feel awful and i just want everything to be over. on top of that, two people that im not even that close with have seen me at my very worst state, and now they too know what a disgusting individual i am.

i lost my bf and it’s all my fault

yesterday my bf broke up with me because of the things i said to him while i was splitting. i’m not going to relay what i said because it honestly makes me sick to think about it and i don’t want people to just degrade me in the comments, there’s nothing anyone can say that i haven’t said to myself already. of course i understand that my bpd doesn’t justify my actions, i still hurt him really deeply and said some really fucked up shit and there’s no excuse for that whatsoever. i just feel like a really horrible person. my whole life i have just taken these really sweet and loving guys and totally torn them to shreds, like literally destroying all their good qualities making them just as much of a vile and disgusting person that i am. my first ex ended up becoming a serial cheater, the second ended up hitting me, and now the boy i love the most has left me - and he’s the sweetest person i know. i can’t believe how i was able to hurt someone so pure that i love so much. i feel fucking awful.

i’ve been trying to access mental health services for a while now, hopefully to get medicated or try therapy or whatever but i’ve been to therapy before and it never seems to help. i feel hopeless, like my existence on this planet will only ever cause pain to the people i love. i sabotage every good thing in my life and i just want it to be over. i want to be normal. one of the worst parts is that two of our (mainly his) friends were in the house when i was losing it - and after apologising to them the response just made it so much worse. while one of them was decently supportive, saying that while i said some fucked up things that i can’t take back - he knows im not evil and thinks i should get help. the other really ripped into me, which is a fair reaction - my actions were totally wrong and cannot under any circumstances be justified, but it just made me feel so much worse. he even told me not to play the “mental health card” which cut so deep because i did just end up thinking that maybe i am just a stone cold, nasty individual and my mental health has nothing to do with it. i just feel so sad and alone.

i honestly am contemplating ending it over this. i feel like a truly horrible person with absolutely no chance at redemption. it’s like no matter how well somebody treats me - i will always just ruin them. i’m so sick of hurting people i just want to ensure that it never happens again, because i seriously feel like i cannot fix this thing that is wrong with me. i’ve tried so so hard and i always just end up going back to being so mean. i feel awful and i just want everything to be over. on top of that, two people that im not even that close with have seen me at my very worst state, and now they too know what a disgusting individual i am.

lost my bf and it’s all my fault

yesterday my bf broke up with me because of the things i said to him while i was splitting. i’m not going to relay what i said because it honestly makes me sick to think about it and i don’t want people to just degrade me in the comments, there’s nothing anyone can say that i haven’t said to myself already. of course i understand that my bpd doesn’t justify my actions, i still hurt him really deeply and said some really fucked up shit and there’s no excuse for that whatsoever. i just feel like a really horrible person. my whole life i have just taken these really sweet and loving guys and totally torn them to shreds, like literally destroying all their good qualities making them just as much of a vile and disgusting person that i am. my first ex ended up becoming a serial cheater, the second ended up hitting me, and now the boy i love the most has left me - and he’s the sweetest person i know. i can’t believe how i was able to hurt someone so pure that i love so much. i feel fucking awful.

i’ve been trying to access mental health services for a while now, hopefully to get medicated or try therapy or whatever but i’ve been to therapy before and it never seems to help. i feel hopeless, like my existence on this planet will only ever cause pain to the people i love. i sabotage every good thing in my life and i just want it to be over. i want to be normal. one of the worst parts is that two of our (mainly his) friends were in the house when i was losing it - and after apologising to them the response just made it so much worse. while one of them was decently supportive, saying that while i said some fucked up things that i can’t take back - he knows im not evil and thinks i should get help. the other really ripped into me, which is a fair reaction - my actions were totally wrong and cannot under any circumstances be justified, but it just made me feel so much worse. he even told me not to play the “mental health card” which cut so deep because i did just end up thinking that maybe i am just a stone cold, nasty individual and my mental health has nothing to do with it. i just feel so sad and alone.

i honestly am contemplating ending it over this. i feel like a truly horrible person with absolutely no chance at redemption. it’s like no matter how well somebody treats me - i will always just ruin them. i’m so sick of hurting people i just want to ensure that it never happens again, because i seriously feel like i cannot fix this thing that is wrong with me. i’ve tried so so hard and i always just end up going back to being so mean. i feel awful and i just want everything to be over. on top of that, two people that im not even that close with have seen me at my very worst state, and now they too know what a disgusting individual i am.

me and my boyfriend just broke up because i split on him really bad yesterday. i of course said a lot of fucked up shit to him which is obviously common but the worst thing i said was when he asked me to go home and give him some space, to which i responded that he was sending me home to cut myself. two of our (mostly his) friends were in the house when we were arguing, so i messaged them to apologise and received this back from one of them;

Yh but u did all those things? I acc felt sick when u told him he was sending u home to do it thats so vile trying to make him feel responsible for smth like that plus if ur going to play the mental health card u should at least recognise that half the shit u were mad at (bfs name) for is literally js him being autistic and having less social skills

i feel like the worst person in the world and i fucking hate myself so much. i don’t understand why i have to be this way and destroy everyone i love - i genuinely just want to end it.

the worst part is that im 17 with no diagnosis, so no one even takes me seriously. and what if i dont even have bpd and im just a really horrible person. i fucking hate myself so so much and i just don’t know what to do.

please if anyone has advice on how i can change it’d be appreciated.