u/ChampionshipAny6761

| (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) since January. We have a great connection, we're attracted to each other, and we're still young.I never thought I'd be posting here this early in a relationship.

The issue is that every time we try to be intimate, he gets hit with a massive wave of performance anxiety right before penetration. We'll do foreplay, he's ready to go, and then he just "gets in his head" and everything stops. He's only had one long term partner before me (they were both virgins) and he doesn't do hookups.

We tried again last night and it didn't work out.
Again.

It led to a really long, emotional conversation. He ended up breaking down and crying. He told me he feels like he "can't even do the bare minimum" as a partner and that I'm too good of a girlfriend for him because of how much I'm supporting him through this. He opened up about a lot of deep seated insecurities:

Body Image: He's very insecure about his body fat.

Pressure to Perform: He's terrified he won't be able to satisfy me.

Expectations: He said his last relationship was
"easier" because they were both virgins, so there was no pressure to be good. With me, he feels like the expectations are too high.

He finally admitted he probably needs therapy to get past this mental block. We also discussed his masturbation habits. We agreed he's going to try to stop for a week before we see each other again to see if that helps the physical/mental connection.
I love our relationship and I've tried so hard to comfort him and let him know it's okay, but I'm human.

I'm starting to get incredibly frustrated and I'm terrified that this is becoming our "normal" before we've even really started.

How do I continue to support him without completely losing my own mind or building up resentment?

TLDR: 5 months in, 0 sex due to BF's extreme performance anxiety. He had a breakdown last night about his insecurities and feeling inadequate. We're trying a "no jerking off" week and maybe therapy, but I'm losing hope.

| (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) since January. We have a great connection, we're attracted to each other, and we're still young.I never thought I'd be posting here this early in a relationship.

The issue is that every time we try to be intimate, he gets hit with a massive wave of performance anxiety right before penetration. We'll do foreplay, he's ready to go, and then he just "gets in his head" and everything stops. He's only had one long term partner before me (they were both virgins) and he doesn't do hookups.

We tried again last night and it didn't work out.
Again.

It led to a really long, emotional conversation. He ended up breaking down and crying. He told me he feels like he "can't even do the bare minimum" as a partner and that I'm too good of a girlfriend for him because of how much I'm supporting him through this. He opened up about a lot of deep seated insecurities:

Body Image: He's very insecure about his body fat.

Pressure to Perform: He's terrified he won't be able to satisfy me.

Expectations: He said his last relationship was
"easier" because they were both virgins, so there was no pressure to be good. With me, he feels like the expectations are too high.

He finally admitted he probably needs therapy to get past this mental block. We also discussed his masturbation habits. We agreed he's going to try to stop for a week before we see each other again to see if that helps the physical/mental connection.
I love our relationship and I've tried so hard to comfort him and let him know it's okay, but I'm human.

I'm starting to get incredibly frustrated and I'm terrified that this is becoming our "normal" before we've even really started.

How do I continue to support him without completely losing my own mind or building up resentment? Has anyone successtully moved past
"virgin style" performance anxiety in a new relationship?

TLDR: 5 months in, 0 sex due to BF's extreme performance anxiety. He had a breakdown last night about his insecurities and feeling inadequate. We're trying a "no jerking off" week and maybe therapy, but I'm losing hope.

We'll do foreplay and he'll be totally fine/ready to go, but the second it's actually time to "do it," he gets in his head and basically stops. He always apologizes afterwards and says he's scared he won't be able to pleasure me/can't believe it's happening. For context, he's only had one partner before me (a long term ex of 3 years) and doesn't do hookups.

I always comfort him afterwards, letting him know it's completely okay and I understand. I always make sure he knows it's fine!

I've just never waited this long in a relationship and I'm honestly getting really worried. We're also pretty young so I never thought this would be a problem. I love our relationship, but I'm scared we're going to stop making sex a priority and just settle into a sexless relationship to avoid the stress of it.

It's weird, but we started of casual so we were sexting in the beginning (we still do) and I'm afraid we got so used to all that stuff over the phone that actual sex is freaking him out.

How do I help him get past this mental block without adding more pressure? I don't want this to become our "normal."

TLDR: BF gets extreme anxiety right before penetration. It's been 5 months and we haven't had sex yet. I'm worried we're heading toward a sexless relationship.

My BF and I have been dating since January. We have a great connection, but we still haven’t actually had sex.

We’ll do foreplay and he’ll be totally fine/ready to go, but the second it’s actually time to "do it," he gets in his head and basically stops. He always apologizes afterwards and says he’s scared he won't be able to pleasure me/can’t believe it’s happening. For context, he’s only had one partner before me (a long term ex of 3 years) and doesn't do hookups.

I always comfort him afterwards, letting him know it’s completely okay and I understand. I always make sure he knows it’s fine!

I’ve just never waited this long in a relationship and I’m honestly getting really worried. We’re also pretty young so I never thought this would be a problem. I love our relationship, but I’m scared we’re going to stop making sex a priority and just settle into a sexless relationship to avoid the stress of it.

It’s weird, but we started of casual so we were sexting in the beginning (we still do) and I’m afraid we got so used to all that stuff over the phone that actual sex is freaking him out.

How do I help him get past this mental block without adding more pressure? I don't want this to become our "normal."

TLDR: BF gets extreme anxiety right before penetration. It’s been 5 months and we haven't had sex yet. I’m worried we’re heading toward a sexless relationship.

My boyfriend (M22) and I (F22) were being intimate this morning. We were in my house and I have several roommates, but the house is quite large and I felt we had plenty of privacy. While he was fingering me, I was being a bit vocal, and he told me to "shut the fuck up."

It caught me off guard and immediately felt weird? I couldn't tell if he said it because he was trying to be "dominant" in the moment, or if he was genuinely annoyed/stressed about the roommates hearing us. We also just started getting sexual so I’m not sure what he meant by that.

He apologized later in the day, but we haven't really "talked" it out. I’m feeling conflicted because I don’t know if this was a slip of the tongue, a misunderstood attempt at dirty talk, or a sign of genuine disrespect.

How do I navigate the conversation to distinguish if this was a genuine attempt at being dominant or if it was an expression of frustration? I want to make sure we're on the same page about what 'dirty talk' is okay versus what feels like a shut down.