u/AtmosphereOk8384

I feel so broken and so lost today. My boyfriend and I had dated for 2 years. I truly felt as though he was the love of my life. We had really amazing compatibility in almost every aspect of our relationship. I thought I was going to marry this man and spend the rest of my life with him.

However, when we met I was young obviously. I was freshly 21 at the time. I was also somewhat of a drug addict and alcoholic at the time. I had a very hard childhood and had a lot of unhealed wounds at the time of meeting my boyfriend. I was also just immature and naive to a lot of things, and quite frankly i had never been in a healthy relationship before. My past relationships were also abusive and toxic.

When we started seeing each other, I lied about a lot of things in my life and my past because I was quite ashamed of things I had experienced. I was not honest with him about my family history, my past partners, or things that had happened to me. I also was not honest about my drug use and hid a lot of it from him. A few months into our relationship, he found out everything. I did ultimately break his trust, but he told me that if I was able to work through these things with him that he would likely be able to forgive me but it needed time.

I started going to intensive therapy, got sober, and worked really hard to get better and heal. I started to realize a lot of things about myself. I was getting better slowly. I cut off all of the friends that were not conducive to my sobriety. However, i was still struggling for many months about being 100% honest with my partner. Not intentionally, but I just really didn’t know how to talk about or explain things from my past that really harmed me, and i didn’t understand those things either. I downplayed a lot of things to not seem as bad as they really were. Also, I have anxiety and depression, and was recently diagnosed with CTPSD and Borderline Personality Disorder.

My boyfriend and I had really great days together and moments where we connected really well. Things seemed to be getting better once I started getting real help. He and I also started going to couples therapy where we were working on rebuilding trust and communication efforts. I was very hopeful.

A couple weeks ago, we got in a pretty big fight. I started using nicotine shortly after I got sober last year, and did not tell him. I was somewhat afraid of telling him because in the past he had told me if I ever touched drugs again he would leave me. I was struggling with my sobriety and many of the therapists I spoke to told me that using nicotine was a good harm reduction strategy, and that it was a good way to transition to sobriety. Looking back at this today, I wished I had just told him because in the end he told me he would’ve been open to discussing my nicotine use had I said I was struggling with sobriety.

I learned through this relationship how important complete honesty is, and it is a mistake I will never make again. But, my boyfriend told me that after finding out about the nicotine, he believes that I am not capable of being the woman he needs me to be, and fears that if I can’t even be honest about nicotine then I likely wouldn’t be honest about cheating on him- if I ever had. (For the record, I have never cheated on him).

So, he broke up with me. This crushed my soul. I tried so hard over the last year and a half to get better and work towards being the woman i’d like to be. I put all of my love and care into this relationship, though I struggle with things. I unfortunately realized that maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to be in a relationship because there is so much stuff i’ve been learning about myself and trying to work through.

But- the whole reason i’m making this post is to ask sincere advice or thoughts on this last part..

My boyfriend kind of left the door open in a strange way and I don’t know what it means. He told me he loves me very much and wants me, but right now he is just tired of being hurt and lied to. He has been messaging me even after our breakup, supporting me and talking to me about things i’ve opened up about in the past. He tells me he loves me and that i’m beautiful and that he knows I will get through this. I’ve asked him if we could have another chance someday and he almost entirely avoided a response to it, and it confuses me. He never said he wanted it to be done for good or that he never wants to talk to me again. He gave me many mixed signals about whether or not i’d ever be part of his life again.

Right now i’d like to focus on healing and growing and changing and getting better. Fixing my bad habits. Maintaining sobriety. Maturing. Doing better for myself, etc; but I am also having a hard time separating myself from him. I want him so badly and we are two humans who clearly still love each other but are apart right now.

When will I know if i’m ready to try again? Do you think it is completely ruined and I should give up on us? Is it possible to love someone again the way you loved a person who was your whole heart, soul, and world if it doesn’t work out with him? Am i too fucked up of a person to even be in a relationship? What am i supposed to do? Where do I go? I love him so much and i’m hurting so badly. I don’t know what to do. :(

I feel so broken and so lost today. My boyfriend and I had dated for 2 years. I truly felt as though he was the love of my life. We had really amazing compatibility in almost every aspect of our relationship. I thought I was going to marry this man and spend the rest of my life with him.

However, when we met I was young obviously. I was freshly 21 at the time. I was also somewhat of a drug addict and alcoholic at the time. I had a very hard childhood and had a lot of unhealed wounds at the time of meeting my boyfriend. I was also just immature and naive to a lot of things, and quite frankly i had never been in a healthy relationship before. My past relationships were also abusive and toxic.

When we started seeing each other, I lied about a lot of things in my life and my past because I was quite ashamed of things I had experienced. I was not honest with him about my family history, my past partners, or things that had happened to me. I also was not honest about my drug use and hid a lot of it from him. A few months into our relationship, he found out everything. I did ultimately break his trust, but he told me that if I was able to work through these things with him that he would likely be able to forgive me but it needed time.

I started going to intensive therapy, got sober, and worked really hard to get better and heal. I started to realize a lot of things about myself. I was getting better slowly. I cut off all of the friends that were not conducive to my sobriety. However, i was still struggling for many months about being 100% honest with my partner. Not intentionally, but I just really didn’t know how to talk about or explain things from my past that really harmed me, and i didn’t understand those things either. I downplayed a lot of things to not seem as bad as they really were. Also, I have anxiety and depression, and was recently diagnosed with CTPSD and Borderline Personality Disorder.

My boyfriend and I had really great days together and moments where we connected really well. Things seemed to be getting better once I started getting real help. He and I also started going to couples therapy where we were working on rebuilding trust and communication efforts. I was very hopeful.

A couple weeks ago, we got in a pretty big fight. I started using nicotine shortly after I got sober last year, and did not tell him. I was somewhat afraid of telling him because in the past he had told me if I ever touched drugs again he would leave me. I was struggling with my sobriety and many of the therapists I spoke to told me that using nicotine was a good harm reduction strategy, and that it was a good way to transition to sobriety. Looking back at this today, I wished I had just told him because in the end he told me he would’ve been open to discussing my nicotine use had I said I was struggling with sobriety.

I learned through this relationship how important complete honesty is, and it is a mistake I will never make again. But, my boyfriend told me that after finding out about the nicotine, he believes that I am not capable of being the woman he needs me to be, and fears that if I can’t even be honest about nicotine then I likely wouldn’t be honest about cheating on him- if I ever had. (For the record, I have never cheated on him).

So, he broke up with me. This crushed my soul. I tried so hard over the last year and a half to get better and work towards being the woman i’d like to be. I put all of my love and care into this relationship, though I struggle with things. I unfortunately realized that maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to be in a relationship because there is so much stuff i’ve been learning about myself and trying to work through.

But- the whole reason i’m making this post is to ask sincere advice or thoughts on this last part..

My boyfriend kind of left the door open in a strange way and I don’t know what it means. He told me he loves me very much and wants me, but right now he is just tired of being hurt and lied to. He has been messaging me even after our breakup, supporting me and talking to me about things i’ve opened up about in the past. He tells me he loves me and that i’m beautiful and that he knows I will get through this. I’ve asked him if we could have another chance someday and he almost entirely avoided a response to it, and it confuses me. He never said he wanted it to be done for good or that he never wants to talk to me again. He gave me many mixed signals about whether or not i’d ever be part of his life again.

Right now i’d like to focus on healing and growing and changing and getting better. Fixing my bad habits. Maintaining sobriety. Maturing. Doing better for myself, etc; but I am also having a hard time separating myself from him. I want him so badly and we are two humans who clearly still love each other but are apart right now.

When will I know if i’m ready to try again? Do you think it is completely ruined and I should give up on us? Is it possible to love someone again the way you loved a person who was your whole heart, soul, and world if it doesn’t work out with him? Am i too fucked up of a person to even be in a relationship? What am i supposed to do? Where do I go? I love him so much and i’m hurting so badly. I don’t know what to do. :(

I feel so broken and so lost today. My boyfriend and I had dated for 2 years. I truly felt as though he was the love of my life. We had really amazing compatibility in almost every aspect of our relationship. I thought I was going to marry this man and spend the rest of my life with him.

However, when we met I was young obviously. I was freshly 21 at the time. I was also somewhat of a drug addict and alcoholic at the time. I had a very hard childhood and had a lot of unhealed wounds at the time of meeting my boyfriend. I was also just immature and naive to a lot of things, and quite frankly i had never been in a healthy relationship before. My past relationships were also abusive and toxic.

When we started seeing each other, I lied about a lot of things in my life and my past because I was quite ashamed of things I had experienced. I was not honest with him about my family history, my past partners, or things that had happened to me. I also was not honest about my drug use and hid a lot of it from him. A few months into our relationship, he found out everything. I did ultimately break his trust, but he told me that if I was able to work through these things with him that he would likely be able to forgive me but it needed time.

I started going to intensive therapy, got sober, and worked really hard to get better and heal. I started to realize a lot of things about myself. I was getting better slowly. I cut off all of the friends that were not conducive to my sobriety. However, i was still struggling for many months about being 100% honest with my partner. Not intentionally, but I just really didn’t know how to talk about or explain things from my past that really harmed me, and i didn’t understand those things either. I downplayed a lot of things to not seem as bad as they really were. Also, I have anxiety and depression, and was recently diagnosed with CTPSD and Borderline Personality Disorder.

My boyfriend and I had really great days together and moments where we connected really well. Things seemed to be getting better once I started getting real help. He and I also started going to couples therapy where we were working on rebuilding trust and communication efforts. I was very hopeful.

A couple weeks ago, we got in a pretty big fight. I started using nicotine shortly after I got sober last year, and did not tell him. I was somewhat afraid of telling him because in the past he had told me if I ever touched drugs again he would leave me. I was struggling with my sobriety and many of the therapists I spoke to told me that using nicotine was a good harm reduction strategy, and that it was a good way to transition to sobriety. Looking back at this today, I wished I had just told him because in the end he told me he would’ve been open to discussing my nicotine use had I said I was struggling with sobriety.

I learned through this relationship how important complete honesty is, and it is a mistake I will never make again. But, my boyfriend told me that after finding out about the nicotine, he believes that I am not capable of being the woman he needs me to be, and fears that if I can’t even be honest about nicotine then I likely wouldn’t be honest about cheating on him- if I ever had. (For the record, I have never cheated on him).

So, he broke up with me. This crushed my soul. I tried so hard over the last year and a half to get better and work towards being the woman i’d like to be. I put all of my love and care into this relationship, though I struggle with things. I unfortunately realized that maybe it wasn’t the right time for me to be in a relationship because there is so much stuff i’ve been learning about myself and trying to work through.

But- the whole reason i’m making this post is to ask sincere advice or thoughts on this last part..

My boyfriend kind of left the door open in a strange way and I don’t know what it means. He told me he loves me very much and wants me, but right now he is just tired of being hurt and lied to. He has been messaging me even after our breakup, supporting me and talking to me about things i’ve opened up about in the past. He tells me he loves me and that i’m beautiful and that he knows I will get through this. I’ve asked him if we could have another chance someday and he almost entirely avoided a response to it, and it confuses me. He never said he wanted it to be done for good or that he never wants to talk to me again. He gave me many mixed signals about whether or not i’d ever be part of his life again.

Right now i’d like to focus on healing and growing and changing and getting better. Fixing my bad habits. Maintaining sobriety. Maturing. Doing better for myself, etc; but I am also having a hard time separating myself from him. I want him so badly and we are two humans who clearly still love each other but are apart right now.

When will I know if i’m ready to try again? Do you think it is completely ruined and I should give up on us? Is it possible to love someone again the way you loved a person who was your whole heart, soul, and world if it doesn’t work out with him? Am i too fucked up of a person to even be in a relationship? What am i supposed to do? Where do I go? I love him so much and i’m hurting so badly. I don’t know what to do. :(

I know not everyone comes back or returns to the relationship after it is done, but for those of you who are either the dumper or the dumpee, when did you or your partner end up going back?

I’m just asking for a rough timeline or estimate, how long is enough time apart before reaching back out, or when did it hit you that you regret leaving the relationship and want it back?

I know not everyone comes back or returns to the relationship after it is done, but for those of you who are either the dumper or the dumpee, when did you or your partner end up going back?

I’m just asking for a rough timeline or estimate, how long is enough time apart before reaching back out, or when did it hit you that you regret leaving the relationship and want it back?

Im aware not every relationship is meant to be. But if things ended in a way where there was still hope, im wondering how long I should wait until reaching back out, or im wondering how long it may take my partner to reach out? I know it may seem desperate, but honestly I just love this human and would love a chance to try again.

tl;dr : When should I reach back out to my ex? How long should I wait?

I am wondering if losing love is more painful when you are in your early 20s or when you’re further down the line in adulthood, maybe 30s,40s,50s,etc?

I know the answer probably wont be the same for everyone but i’m curious of the general consensus.