u/AlternativePlan1095

Okay, so this post will probably be on the longer side and a bit ramble-y, as my thoughts are kinda all over the place. Anyways, I’m 20f and my bf is 21m. I met my bf at work a year ago. However, we didn’t get together until 5 months ago. We immediately got along when we started working together as we have a lot in common. But- there was always a weird vibe there. We always had a thing for each other. However, he’d never hang out with me. But would hang out with all of the other ppl at work. Even the ones he had a thing for at certain points. But never me. From what I can tell, he was okay pursuing everyone else he was interested in- other than me. He would even say really hurtful things about me to my face and behind my back. He would do things like scream at me and just say really mean things. Which at the time, I wrote off as workplace drama. Either way- he EVENTUALLY decided to be around me outside of work. (After months of him sending me mixed signals by flirting with me and then being really mean to me). He now claims he was only mean to me because “it was a bad time in his life”. And we ended up getting together. I pushed all of our past shitty interactions to the back of my head because I really was happy to be with him because we connect on so many things like our childhoods, values, etc.

Anyways, as you’d probably guess, things didn’t improve when we got together. He yelled at me a handful of times in the first few months. Anytime I’d wanna do anything, he’d seem frustrated and say he “just didn’t want to be involved”. Those were normally things like me making new friends, going to the gym, going to church, etc.
There was even one situation where he violated my trust and dug through my phone to “find out why I seemed so upset all of the time”. In his defense- I do have a very traumatic past- so I have trust issues and it takes me a while to trust someone/ open up in NORMAL situations. But I just felt so suffocated so I just completely closed myself off after the first 2-3 months of the relationship.
I want to add, when him and I first got together, I had just left my abusive dad’s home and moved into my own. My nervous system was already on overload so I’m sure that DID NOT help the situation whatsoever. Anyways, the last two months, he has apologized for his past actions. And from what I can tell, he is trying to make changes. He said the reason he didn’t want me to go to church, to the gym, etc at the time was bc he “felt overwhelmed with everything”. Even though at the time of these events, he gave me a completely different answer. Like with the gym, at the time, he said he “didn’t want to be involved “ and “he didn’t like/trust the types of guys that go to the gym”. The issue is that I’m having a hard time trusting him. I really do try. But occasionally things will come up that remind me of past things he’s done, and I’ll get upset. I start thinking things like “Does he even like me? I had to prove to him I was good enough to be around in the beginning. What if he doesn’t think I’m enough now?” And “I want to do this new thing but I don’t want to overwhelm him with my hobbies again.” I feel so gross, weird, and jealous because I’m constantly comparing myself to the people he always use to hang out with instead of me. I already had self esteem issues before this, but damn this has really messed with me. I’ll try to communicate that the best I can. But he then just gets upset and cries. Then I feel guilty and drop it. I want to trust him and forgive him. But I don’t know how to . And I don’t know what the best course of action is at this point because I just feel like I’m hurting both of us now.

Okay, so this post will probably be on the longer side and a bit ramble-y, as my thoughts are kinda all over the place. Anyways, I’m 20f and my bf is 21m. I met my bf at work a year ago. However, we didn’t get together until 5 months ago. We immediately got along when we started working together as we have a lot in common. But- there was always a weird vibe there. We always had a thing for each other. However, he’d never hang out with me. But would hang out with all of the other ppl at work. Even the ones he had a thing for at certain points. But never me. From what I can tell, he was okay pursuing everyone else he was interested in- other than me. He would even say really hurtful things about me to my face and behind my back. He would do things like scream at me and just say really mean things. Which at the time, I wrote off as workplace drama. Either way- he EVENTUALLY decided to be around me outside of work. (After months of him sending me mixed signals by flirting with me and then being really mean to me). He now claims he was only mean to me because “it was a bad time in his life”. And we ended up getting together. I pushed all of our past shitty interactions to the back of my head because I really was happy to be with him because we connect on so many things like our childhoods, values, etc.

Anyways, as you’d probably guess, things didn’t improve when we got together. He yelled at me a handful of times in the first few months. Anytime I’d wanna do anything, he’d seem frustrated and say he “just didn’t want to be involved”. Those were normally things like me making new friends, going to the gym, going to church, etc.
There was even one situation where he violated my trust and dug through my phone to “find out why I seemed so upset all of the time”. In his defense- I do have a very traumatic past- so I have trust issues and it takes me a while to trust someone/ open up in NORMAL situations. But I just felt so suffocated so I just completely closed myself off after the first 2-3 months of the relationship.
I want to add, when him and I first got together, I had just left my abusive dad’s home and moved into my own. My nervous system was already on overload so I’m sure that DID NOT help the situation whatsoever. Anyways, the last two months, he has apologized for his past actions. And from what I can tell, he is trying to make changes. He said the reason he didn’t want me to go to church, to the gym, etc at the time was bc he “felt overwhelmed with everything “ which is why “he didn’t want to be involved.” Even though at the time of these events, he gave me a completely different answer. Like with the gym, at the time, he said he “didn’t want to be involved “ and “he didn’t like/trust the types of guys that go to the gym”. We were always around each other. Like 24/7. I wasn’t asking him to go with me- more the opposite. And then he’d say “I don’t wanna be involved. And i prefer you not go over x reason.” And then he’d cause a big fuss so I wouldn’t do the thing I wanted. What he meant by “involved” was that he didn’t want to hear about it or bring me to do it. He assumed he’d be bringing me because I was still learning how to drive at the time (long story. I have vision issues so it has taken me a bit longer to get the hang of driving). But even when I’d say “oh it’s just down the road, I can drive myself” he’d still come up with a reason as to why he didn’t want me going. The issue is that I’m having a hard time trusting him even though he seems to be trying to do better. I really do try. But occasionally things will come up that remind me of past things he’s done, and I’ll get upset. I start thinking things like “Does he even like me? I had to prove to him I was good enough to be around in the beginning. What if he doesn’t think I’m enough now?” And “I want to do this new thing but I don’t want to overwhelm him with my hobbies again.” I feel so gross, weird, and jealous because I’m constantly comparing myself to the people he always use to hang out with instead of me. I already had self esteem issues before this, but damn this has really messed with me. I’ll try to communicate that the best I can. But he then just gets upset and cries. Then I feel guilty and drop it. I want to trust him and forgive him. But I don’t know how to . And I don’t know what the best course of action is at this point because I just feel like I’m hurting both of us now.

Okay, so this post will probably be on the longer side and a bit ramble-y, as my thoughts are kinda all over the place. Anyways, I’m 20f and my bf is 21m. I met my bf at work a year ago. However, we didn’t get together until 5 months ago. We immediately got along when we started working together as we have a lot in common. But- there was always a weird vibe there. We always had a thing for each other. However, he’d never hang out with me. But would hang out with all of the other ppl at work. Even the ones he had a thing for at certain points. But never me. From what I can tell, he was okay pursuing everyone else he was interested in- other than me. He would even say really hurtful things about me to my face and behind my back. He would do things like scream at me and just say really mean things. Which at the time, I wrote off as workplace drama. Either way- he EVENTUALLY decided to be around me outside of work. (After months of him sending me mixed signals by flirting with me and then being really mean to me). He now claims he was only mean to me because “it was a bad time in his life”. And we ended up getting together. I pushed all of our past shitty interactions to the back of my head because I really was happy to be with him because we connect on so many things like our childhoods, values, etc.

Anyways, as you’d probably guess, things didn’t improve when we got together. He yelled at me a handful of times in the first few months. Anytime I’d wanna do anything, he’d seem frustrated and say he “just didn’t want to be involved”. Those were normally things like me making new friends, going to the gym, going to church, etc.
There was even one situation where he violated my trust and dug through my phone to “find out why I seemed so upset all of the time”. In his defense- I do have a very traumatic past- so I have trust issues and it takes me a while to trust someone/ open up in NORMAL situations. But I just felt so suffocated so I just completely closed myself off after the first 2-3 months of the relationship.
I want to add, when him and I first got together, I had just left my abusive dad’s home and moved into my own. My nervous system was already on overload so I’m sure that DID NOT help the situation whatsoever. Anyways, the last two months, he has apologized for his past actions. And from what I can tell, he is trying to make changes. He said the reason he didn’t want me to go to church, to the gym, etc at the time was bc he “felt overwhelmed with everything”. Even though at the time of these events, he gave me a completely different answer. Like with the gym, at the time, he said he “didn’t want to be involved “ and “he didn’t like/trust the types of guys that go to the gym”. The issue is that I’m having a hard time trusting him. I really do try. But occasionally things will come up that remind me of past things he’s done, and I’ll get upset. I start thinking things like “Does he even like me? I had to prove to him I was good enough to be around in the beginning. What if he doesn’t think I’m enough now?” And “I want to do this new thing but I don’t want to overwhelm him with my hobbies again.” I feel so gross, weird, and jealous because I’m constantly comparing myself to the people he always use to hang out with instead of me. I already had self esteem issues before this, but damn this has really messed with me. I’ll try to communicate that the best I can. But he then just gets upset and cries. Then I feel guilty and drop it. I want to trust him and forgive him. But I don’t know how to . And I don’t know what the best course of action is at this point because I just feel like I’m hurting both of us now.

Okay, so this post will probably be on the longer side and a bit ramble-y, as my thoughts are kinda all over the place. Anyways, I’m 20f and my bf is 21m. I met my bf at work a year ago. However, we didn’t get together until 5 months ago. We immediately got along when we started working together as we have a lot in common. But- there was always a weird vibe there. We always had a thing for each other. However, he’d never hang out with me. But would hang out with all of the other ppl at work. Even the ones he had a thing for at certain points. But never me. From what I can tell, he was okay pursuing everyone else he was interested in- other than me. He would even say really hurtful things about me to my face and behind my back. He would do things like scream at me and just say really mean things. Which at the time, I wrote off as workplace drama. Either way- he EVENTUALLY decided to be around me outside of work. (After months of him sending me mixed signals by flirting with me and then being really mean to me). He now claims he was only mean to me because “it was a bad time in his life”. And we ended up getting together. I pushed all of our past shitty interactions to the back of my head because I really was happy to be with him because we connect on so many things like our childhoods, values, etc.

Anyways, as you’d probably guess, things didn’t improve when we got together. He yelled at me a handful of times in the first few months. Anytime I’d wanna do anything, he’d seem frustrated and say he “just didn’t want to be involved”. Those were normally things like me making new friends, going to the gym, going to church, etc.
There was even one situation where he violated my trust and dug through my phone to “find out why I seemed so upset all of the time”. In his defense- I do have a very traumatic past- so I have trust issues and it takes me a while to trust someone/ open up in NORMAL situations. But I just felt so suffocated so I just completely closed myself off after the first 2-3 months of the relationship.
I want to add, when him and I first got together, I had just left my abusive dad’s home and moved into my own. My nervous system was already on overload so I’m sure that DID NOT help the situation whatsoever. Anyways, the last two months, he has apologized for his past actions. And from what I can tell, he is trying to make changes. He said the reason he didn’t want me to go to church, to the gym, etc at the time was bc he “felt overwhelmed with everything”. Even though at the time of these events, he gave me a completely different answer. Like with the gym, at the time, he said he “didn’t want to be involved “ and “he didn’t like/trust the types of guys that go to the gym”. The issue is that I’m having a hard time trusting him. I really do try. But occasionally things will come up that remind me of past things he’s done, and I’ll get upset. I start thinking things like “Does he even like me? I had to prove to him I was good enough to be around in the beginning. What if he doesn’t think I’m enough now?” And “I want to do this new thing but I don’t want to overwhelm him with my hobbies again.” I feel so gross, weird, and jealous because I’m constantly comparing myself to the people he always use to hang out with instead of me. I already had self esteem issues before this, but damn this has really messed with me. I’ll try to communicate that the best I can. But he then just gets upset and cries. Then I feel guilty and drop it. I want to trust him and forgive him. But I don’t know how to . And I don’t know what the best course of action is at this point because I just feel like I’m hurting both of us now.

Okay, so this post will probably be on the longer side and a bit ramble-y, as my thoughts are kinda all over the place. Anyways, I’m 20f and my bf is 21m. I met my bf at work a year ago. However, we didn’t get together until 5 months ago. We immediately got along when we started working together as we have a lot in common. But- there was always a weird vibe there. We always had a thing for each other. However, he’d never hang out with me. But would hang out with all of the other ppl at work. Even the ones he had a thing for at certain points. But never me. From what I can tell, he was okay pursuing everyone else he was interested in- other than me. He would even say really hurtful things about me to my face and behind my back. He would do things like scream at me and just say really mean things. Which at the time, I wrote off as workplace drama. Either way- he EVENTUALLY decided to be around me outside of work. (After months of him sending me mixed signals by flirting with me and then being really mean to me). He now claims he was only mean to me because “it was a bad time in his life”. And we ended up getting together. I pushed all of our past shitty interactions to the back of my head because I really was happy to be with him because we connect on so many things like our childhoods, values, etc.

Anyways, as you’d probably guess, things didn’t improve when we got together. He yelled at me a handful of times in the first few months. Anytime I’d wanna do anything, he’d seem frustrated and say he “just didn’t want to be involved”. Those were normally things like me making new friends, going to the gym, going to church, etc.
There was even one situation where he violated my trust and dug through my phone to “find out why I seemed so upset all of the time”. In his defense- I do have a very traumatic past- so I have trust issues and it takes me a while to trust someone/ open up in NORMAL situations. But I just felt so suffocated so I just completely closed myself off after the first 2-3 months of the relationship.
I want to add, when him and I first got together, I had just left my abusive dad’s home and moved into my own. My nervous system was already on overload so I’m sure that DID NOT help the situation whatsoever. Anyways, the last two months, he has apologized for his past actions. And from what I can tell, he is trying to make changes. He said the reason he didn’t want me to go to church, to the gym, etc at the time was bc he “felt overwhelmed with everything”. Even though at the time of these events, he gave me a completely different answer. Like with the gym, at the time, he said he “didn’t want to be involved “ and “he didn’t like/trust the types of guys that go to the gym”. The issue is that I’m having a hard time trusting him. I really do try. But occasionally things will come up that remind me of past things he’s done, and I’ll get upset. I start thinking things like “Does he even like me? I had to prove to him I was good enough to be around in the beginning. What if he doesn’t think I’m enough now?” And “I want to do this new thing but I don’t want to overwhelm him with my hobbies again.” I feel so gross, weird, and jealous because I’m constantly comparing myself to the people he always use to hang out with instead of me. I already had self esteem issues before this, but damn this has really messed with me. I’ll try to communicate that the best I can. But he then just gets upset and cries. Then I feel guilty and drop it. I want to trust him and forgive him. But I don’t know how to . And I don’t know what the best course of action is at this point because I just feel like I’m hurting both of us now.