r/AITARelationship

My (F30) ended the relationship with my boyfriend(M46) of 10 years because he admitted to loving his therapist.

He had a very rough childhood with his single mom. As a result he has very significant identity level trauma, C-PTSD, disorganized attachment and a bunch of other issues.

He has managed to suppress these for years and outwardly he is very successful, six figure income, owns his own house, single father with full custody of his son.

But internally he is a mess, i never really knew until about 12 months ago, i always felt he was a bit distant and guarded, confused if he liked me. He always told me he loved me and treated me really well but i always felt there was a distance between us.

About a year ago he would just disappear into his home office and lock the door and stay in there for hours. he would do it several times a week and it got to be almost a daily occurrence.

We argued a lot about it, i thought he was watching porn or phoning another woman or something, but after i threatened to leave he told me he was having, what we now know, were emotional flashback/C-PTSD attacks and they were leaving him sobbing uncontrollably, he didn't know why, he wasn't able to suppress them no matter how hard he tried and he didn't want me to see him like that.

So i got it all out of him about his childhood and i forced him to go to therapy. I found him the therapist and made him the first appointment and told him he needed to go it we were to stay together.

Lately he has been a bit too happy to go to his weekly appointment and he has been dressing better to go to them and he always comes back in a good mood, which is surprising given he is supposed to be doing hard work there.

I confronted him about it and we got into a fight and I asked him point blank, do you love your therapist. He said he did. He tried to explain that it wasn't romantic or sexual. He said he just feels excited to see her and is happy when he is around her or when he thinks about going to see her. That it was like feeling like a kid again, when his favorite aunt used to come visit him occasionally.

I felt betrayed and I ended things. He called me an asshole because the only reason he was there was because I made him go. But i don't think i could forgive him.

Am I the asshole ?

I, (26 F) just accepted a new job in an entirely new field of work. I previously worked 8 years in retail and have recently transitioned to a full-time position to a veterinary clinic. It was a very refreshing change and I’ve enjoyed everything about it. My new coworkers have been welcoming, and I’m learning so much about not only the new field I’m working in, but also about myself. I feel like I’m finally getting a fresh start after a nearly 2 year slump of living in fear and a consistent ongoing legal battle with my ex that limited my working ability. He used to show up at my workplace so often that I had to transfer locations for some sense of peace.

However my STBX husband (25 M) and I are coming to a close in our divorce, and things have been amicable these past couple of months. He is in another relationship (with his affair partner (27 F), so the focus hasn’t been directed towards litigation and we solely communicate only about our children. But recently our eldest child (8) told his dad that I have a new job.

This sent my ex into a spiral, and now at every custody exchange or doctor’s appointment since finding out he asks me what I do for work now, where I work and even states that I’m being paranoid, because “it’s not like he’s going to stalk me”. I told him I’m not comfortable sharing that information and nowhere in our legal agreements do I have to inform him of this.

Part of me wants to reach out to my attorney to see what I can do about this, but another part of me is scared he will actually end up stalking me over this as he has done so in the past.

So AITAH or should I tell him?

asking this because multiple of my friends have told me that it was a great overreaction.

My boyfriend is not very "up with the times" he does not have tiktok and doesn't really know much about internet stuff. However he attended some work summit related to AI recently and now he won't stop using it for every microscopic thing which can be easily searched. I have told him multiple times how horrible ai is especially the environment it is destroying, the water pollution etc etc. This was about three months ago. Now it has gotten to the limit that he talks to chat gpt about things which we can easily talk about together. Nothing relationship related (more in general friend stuff). Yesterday we had decided to watch a movie and he was pretty much on his phone half the movie. I thought it was something work related but later found out that he was telling the ai how the movie was. This pissed me off and I said something along the lines of stop this shit or we are seriously breaking up. My boyfriend along with some of my friends think it isn't really that big of a deal. We are not talking right now and we had a date planned for today. Should i apologise

edit: thanks for all the answers I did apologise and we are okay now. Also told him in detail why ai is horrible in general and he told me he was a bit avoidant about it and apologised too, Not using it will take time but hopefully we get there. Thankyou everyone

Me and my girlfriend are in a relationship for 8 month now, but we are not living together yet, so I only see her at the weekends. It takes me 3h to get to her place. This time we agreed that i can come to her place at 8 pm. I had a long day in uni beforehand and she had a photoshoot with friends.

10min before I arrived at her place, she messaged me and asked me if i can come somewhere to pick up the keys, because she wanted to spend more time with her friends.

At this point I already felt sad and I also messaged her that. She apologized and said that she fucked up timewise. I told her that it would have been fair if she would have let me know before and that it feels like I cant rely on her.

Whatever, I picked up the keys, where I also saw her friends. I couldnt hide my dissapointment so they have prolly seen it in my face, but I was not rude or angry (it would have been fine for me to join them, but she didnt invite me and asking felt weird bc withe the message: "can you come and pick up the keys I wanna spend time with my friends" sounded clear enough to me that she doesnt want me to be part of it)

After I picked up the keys and arrived at her place I messaged her that this situation hurt me especially bc we agreed on this time and bc of the time i need to go to her place every weekend

Next fucked up thing is that she doesnt have data outside so she cant send messages when she is outside and she can also not receive them but i really felt like telling her my thoughts and feelings about it

After 4h I stayed at her home alone i called her (she can pick up calls but cant call back) i just wanted to ask when she is coming back bc i already got tired and i had to stay awake to open her the door but the doorbell is really quite so i was afraid that i wouldnt here that and if i said she cant message or call me

She picked up and we talked for 10min where she said that she doesnt understand my reaction and that I destroyed her mood, that she doesnt promise me anything. She asked me if she is not allowed to have fun with her friends or be spontaneous

I said that i would never disallow her that but i feel disrespected and that she doesnt care much about me and that it would have been nice if she at least asked me to join

She got very angry on that and said that she already saw in my face when i picked up the keys that my mood was off and that i would prolly have destroyed it

In fact i was just tired and disapointed

At some point she also said that if i have a problem with that i can pack my stuff again and leave

I also think that her friends have an influence on her reaction bc shw mentioned that they noticed that i didnt kiss her back when i picked up the keys and they felt like i was not happy to see her which is not true

Anyways after i said that i was just tired and upset and overwhelmed with my feelings and the situation she hang up

Around 2h later she said that she will stay at her friends place

I thanked her for letting me know and told her that maybe she would understand me a bit if she would put herself in my situation and think about how shw would feel if i would let her come to my place on a agreed time and tell her 10min before that i switched plans but she can come pick up the keys

I also wished her a good night but she didnt reply

AITAH?

AITA for telling my partner to 'shove' my mother's day gift up his when he failed to help around the house

My partner and I share a child together and I am a stay at home mum and contribute financially for about 30% of our bills. My partner doesn't take the initiative around the house at all, does bare minimum and has time for naps etc while I do lion's share of housework, childcare and mental work. When discussed he results to a "nothing i do is good enough for you". Literally this week he has emptied half of grocery bags and that's it, this is the level.

Today I asked him to help around the house after our toddler was sleeping cuz we have guests coming over tomorrow. My partner agreed but by the time he actually came to help from playing his video games. I had managed to clean 99% of the home. I told him not to bother anymore and we got to an argument about housework. He said that I'm so unappreciative cuz he pays majority of our bills. I got mad and told him to shove my mother's day brunch gift up his as I dont want it cuz I dont want one day a year appreciation when clearly im not really appreciated. He got upset, we cancelled the brunch and expects me to apologise for me comment or he'll never get me anything again. I have zero regrets on the comment I made, I meant it. AITA for the comment and refusing to apologise/take it back

When we were a month into seeing each other we were having some very deep intimate conversations about our pasts and our previous relationships. During these conversations it was brought up about contact with previous partners. We both said we removed people we’d been involved with as that’s “just how we were”. We are now 9 months in (6 months together) and it has come to light that she has lied about a few things but also had multiple people that she’d been involved with in her recent chats on multiple social media platforms. I said that it’s not the action itself but lying about it that’s the problem. That when we were talking about these things there was no wrong answer but now that she’s been hiding it for months and months it seems suspicious and hurtful because I can’t understand why that would need to be hidden or lied about unless there was somewhat malicious intent? I need advice.

EDIT: I should also make comment that the conversation also involved us both stating that we’d been hurt and lied to in the past and preferred to remove partners to remove complications and we agreed we liked the idea of our potential partners being the same.