u/808gecko808

🔥 Hot ▲ 322 r/Jokes

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

reddit.com
u/808gecko808 — 3 hours ago
A newly-formed coalition on Oʻahu is asking the public to help document immigration enforcement activity, launching a hotline to report sightings of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents.
🔥 Hot ▲ 96 r/ICE_Raids

A newly-formed coalition on Oʻahu is asking the public to help document immigration enforcement activity, launching a hotline to report sightings of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents.

kitv.com
u/808gecko808 — 15 hours ago
🔥 Hot ▲ 4.1k r/Jokes

Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”

Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”

Last guy chuckles, “I have you all beat. I fucked over all the Redditors who were expecting a punchline to this joke.”

reddit.com
u/808gecko808 — 1 day ago
A group of Oahu community volunteers is urging the public to call a new hotline to document activity from federal immigration agents. The Oahu Rapid Response Coalition, cosponsored by the ACLU of Hawaii, said its team will respond to calls as needed to monitor ICE agents statewide.
🔥 Hot ▲ 145 r/ICE_Raids

A group of Oahu community volunteers is urging the public to call a new hotline to document activity from federal immigration agents. The Oahu Rapid Response Coalition, cosponsored by the ACLU of Hawaii, said its team will respond to calls as needed to monitor ICE agents statewide.

hawaiinewsnow.com
u/808gecko808 — 1 day ago
🔥 Hot ▲ 293 r/Jokes

As my son proudly handed me my new grandchild, I asked him if he knew the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling. Puzzled, my son replied, "No, what?" I explained...

"One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler!

reddit.com
u/808gecko808 — 2 days ago
🔥 Hot ▲ 1.0k r/Jokes

My son asked me, "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. He looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds then said...

"And Tigger?"

reddit.com
u/808gecko808 — 3 days ago