I mistook the toilet brush for my toothbrush one dark night.
Now I have potty mouth
u/ReasonableGator — 17 hours ago
r/3amjokes
▲ 30 r/3amjokes
My friend said Iran controls an area of cow prostitutes.
Well technically he called it "whore moos".
u/JoeFas — 13 hours ago
▲ 45 r/3amjokes
Where does the Pope poop?
In the Vatican.
u/Academic-Treacle3162 — 22 hours ago
▲ 2 r/3amjokes
There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”, according to the British military. We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts” or with “Balls”.
Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS - Is arriving home 3am, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
BALLS - Is coming home 3am after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse and having the “Balls” to say: "You're next, Chubby."
Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal.
u/Make_the_music_stop — 3 hours ago
▲ 2 r/3amjokes
I asked my brain for motivation at 3am
It said “best I can do is anxiety”
u/Cold_Ring540 — 3 hours ago
▲ 4 r/3amjokes
Who lives in a pineapple under the tree?
Israeli settlers
u/Human_Crow3876 — 8 hours ago
▲ 13 r/3amjokes
A Baptist, a Catholic, and a Pentecostal were fleeing an oncoming tsunami on a beach
when the Catholic beat the other two to the highest point on the island. He turned and pushed his brothers back into the water and said, “Forgive me, Lord. There’s room only for one, and they believe in full water immersion anyway.”
u/Slight-Ad8511 — 23 hours ago
▲ 1 r/3amjokes
Whippit: Good
DEVO judging at the Westminster Dog Show
u/hacksawjim89 — 5 hours ago
▲ 0 r/3amjokes
You know what I thought would be funny?
If there was a frog in your car!
u/Turbulent-Thing3104 — 3 hours ago
Week